Author's note: No, I've not given up on the story, no, it's not finished, yes, I'm still working on it. It's just coming a little slower now, that's all. Don't expect any more nights with more than one chapter. I don't know how long this will be, I have no specific length plan, chapters will be written for as long as I feel they have something left in them to write. They might be insanely short, they might be a bit on the longer side, but for those of you who have not read my other multi-chapter stories, the chapters just don't tend to be that long. I don't write novel-length stories. Sorry if that disappoints you, but such is the way I write. At any rate, enjoy, and I've not forgotten about you.
Harry walked straight out into the rain, hearing in his head, and promptly ignoring, a voice that sounded remarkably like Hermione's telling him he shouldn't be out walking in the pouring rain. He just didn't care.
The rain seemed to welcome him, to take him in with open arms, and within minutes, he was soaked through. It made no difference, though, he just kept on walking.
"That was stupid, Harry," he muttered. "You know you can't tell her, and you almost blew it." He sighed.
I came so close, so very close to ruining everything. He thought about Hermione's face as he left the common room, and it felt as if somebody had closed a monkey wrench around his stomach and given a good sharp twist to it. If only you knew, Hermione. If only I really could tell you anything.
Harry reached up and touched his face, where Hermione's hand had been just a short time before. To feel her hand on his skin, to feel her arms around him, it was indescribable. It almost broke his resolve. He almost spilled everything. He felt horrible leaving Hermione like that, but he didn't have a choice. He couldn't let her know. He had to be the supportive friend, but she was making it nearly impossible for him. She knew he was hurting, and wanted to help. She couldn't possibly know she was making things so hard for him.
Thinking back to when their eyes met, Harry shook his head in frustration.
I never should have let her see it, he thought, kicking a stone. Now she's just going to want to help me even more. I do have a way of making things more difficult, don't I?
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Hermione sat in the common room, hugging her knees to herself, still watching the portrait hole.
I don't even know what I'm waiting for. He's not going to come back until he thinks I'm gone.
She looked over at where Harry had been sitting just minutes before, and felt a strange pull, a strange desire to sit there, to feel the warmth that he left behind. Almost on autopilot, she moved over to the end of the sofa where he had been, and felt a strange kind of comfort in the warmth that was still in the cushions. She leaned on the window and tried to think, tried to figure out what she could do to help her best friend.
I just wish he'd open up to me, and talk to me about what he's feeling. I suppose it's not going to happen, though. He probably doesn't see how I could help him. She sighed. I may not be in love with him, but I still love him. I can't stand seeing him like this, and knowing that it's my fault… She felt a tear run down her cheek. I'm so sorry, Harry. You don't deserve any of this. I wish I was a better friend, I wish I hadn't hurt you, I wish… She looked down at the grounds, and saw a lone figure walking out in the storm. She gasped.
"Harry," she whispered, knowing instinctively it was him. "Oh, Harry, no."
She bolted up off of the couch and ran up the stairs to her room, taking them two at a time.
"Oh, Harry, I thought you were going to walk around the castle," she muttered as she grabbed the cloak she had rain-proofed, ran downstairs, and back up to Harry's room. She snatched his cloak off the hook and rain-proofed it as quickly as she could, and took off like a shot for the main doors. She threw her own cloak on as she pushed the heavy door open. Holding Harry's cloak under hers, she ran in the direction she thought he was walking, her heart pounding in her chest. From the grounds, she recognized the direction in which he was heading, and she prayed she was wrong.
Not the whomping willow, please not the whomping willow. Her heart began to race even faster, and she sped up as images flashed before her mind's eye, horrible pictures of what Harry would look like after walking into the range of the branches of the lethal tree. She had seen so much death already, so many horrible things done to the human body, and each image that she saw was progressively worse than the one before it.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity running through her own private hell, Hermione saw the whomping willow through the nearly torrential rain. Her heart stopped as she saw it thrashing wildly. Did he? Nearly petrified, terrified to move any closer for what she might see, Hermione willed herself forward with all of her might.
A wave of hot relief washed over her when she saw Harry, still intact, still whole, sitting just outside of the reach of the enraged tree. It could obviously sense him there, and was trying with all of it's might to smash him to a pulp, but he was sitting mere inches out of reach.
"Harry!" Hermione sprinted the final distance and threw her arms around him, pulling him back a couple of feet. She pulled his cloak out and wrapped it around him. "Harry, what are you…why…don't you have…" She plunged into a frantic silence, knowing the answers to all of those questions, and not liking any of them, but still needing some kind of explanation.
"I wasn't going to do it," he said calmly, turning to look at the tree, still thrashing angrily. "I thought about it, but I wasn't going to do it." He turned back to her, the numb look on his face gone, replaced with the expression she had come to know far too well as of late, trying to mask pain greater than anything the whomping willow could have inflicted upon him. It was impossible to know from looking at her, wet as she was from the rain despite her cloak, but Hermione had finally seen more than she could suppress, and tears were flowing down her face freely, mixing with the cool raindrops.
"Promise me you'll never do this again," she choked out, holding his shoulders firmly. "Please, Harry, promise me." She looked into his eyes, and could see, added into all the pain from before, regret from knowing how much what he did upset her, and in that one case, she didn't care. She knew that that would keep him from doing it again. "I can't lose you, Harry. We didn't get through all of that to lose you now. I need to hear it from you, Harry. I need to hear you promise me."
"I promise," he said softly, nodding. "I'm sorry, Hermione." He turned away, but she put a hand on his chin and turned his head back to face her again.
"It's okay, you're alright." She shivered, unsure if she was cold, or just coming down from the intense adrenaline rush that had coursed through her when she first saw Harry. "Just please don't do it again. We need you." After a pause, she added "I need you."
They stood, and made their way slowly, shakily, back to the castle. Breakfast had since let out, but nobody was in the halls, much to Hermione's relief.
As they approached the common room, Harry's stride began to shrink. It was obvious to Hermione he didn't want to go in.
He probably knows Ron is in there.
Nevertheless, they reached the portrait hole, and Harry had said nothing, so Hermione gave the password and they entered.
Harry pulled away from her, not harshly, just away, and headed up the stairs to the boy's dormitories. Hermione stood in the middle of the common room, looking up the stairs, feeling more helpless than she could ever remember feeling.
"Hermione, are you okay?" Ron approached her from a nearby sofa.
"I don't know," she said softly. She had a very strong feeling she wouldn't be seeing Harry again for the rest of the day.
"Need a hug?" Ron peered into her eyes.
She nodded silently, and Ron wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close, apparently not caring that her cloak was still soaking wet. She leaned into his arms, placing her head on his shoulder, but she couldn't help but notice that she felt no comfort from his embrace.