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Healing by cpt_slog
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Healing

cpt_slog

A/N Thanks so much to everyone who is enjoying, or at least reading this. And THANKS go to my Beta, who has been so helpful through all this. I hope you have a look at his works to see something that is truly inspired - His name again IronChefOR.

SEVEN

Hermione sat at the desk in Harry's room, reading his notes. Picking up the parchment entitled `Horcrux,' she began reading until she came to the third page.

"I know what this is, it's a mind-map," she said.

"Yeah, I thought I'd give it a go. It's an idea your mum gave me."

"Some of this is hard to read, Harry. What does THIS say?" she asked, pointing to one of the more indiscernible scribbles.

"It's a `six' crossed out and `seven' written on top. I don't even know how many I'm looking for."

Hermione nodded, understanding.

"Dumbledore was only guessing. He even said it could be more or less."

At the mention of his former headmaster's name, Harry remembered back to the cave and the last night of Dumbledore's life. Hermione stopped reading and watched Harry. He tried to smile but his heart wasn't in it. Instead he gave Hermione a slight nod showing her he appreciated the effort.

"Well, let's start with six and see where we get," Hermione suggested.

Harry used his fingers as he counted out what he thought would be the possible Horcruxes. "Ring; destroyed by Dumbledore, and it nearly destroyed his hand as well. Slytherin's locket; replaced by R.A.B. Diary; destroyed by me. Hepzibah Smith's cup that belonged to Helga Hufflepuff. Something belonging to Godric Gryffindor and Rowena Ravenclaw. That's six."

Hermione considered the list and nodded again. "But Dumbledore also thought Nagini might be one. That makes seven."

"Yeah," Harry agreed, "he did say that, but whether he really believed that, or he was just thinking out loud..." Harry fell silent. Hermione looked up; seeing the expression on his face, she put a hand on his arm.

"Everything feels so different now that he is gone," Hermione said; Harry said nothing in reply. "I guess I assumed he would always be there for us."

"We all did, Hermione. I don't think I can do this without him. I don't even know where to start."

"WE, Harry. You keep saying `I' when you mean `WE.'"

Harry shrugged his shoulders and sat on the end of his bed. "Okay, then let us ask ourselves how it is WE are supposed to find the six, seven, however many Horcruxes, when we both know Riddle very much doesn't want us to."

"Riddle? You're calling him that now?" Hermione asked.

"`Voldemort' is the grandiose title he gave himself so I'm not using it anymore. Before that he was just Tom Riddle. Dumbledore called him `Tom' and you could see the hate in his eyes."

Hermione giggled as she offered, "What about Tommy? He'll really hate that."

"Tommy-boy?" and Harry smiled slightly at the momentary diversion.

They fell silent again as Hermione continued to read Harry's notes. Harry had been over them so many times he'd almost committed them to memory.

"It almost doesn't matter even if we DO locate them, all of them," Harry said.

"Why not?" Hermione asked.

"Locating them is only part of the problem. Once we find them we still have to get them. You should've seen Dumbledore in the cave, Hermione. He knew EXACTLY which stone to push, how to locate the enchantments, and how to solve each and every puzzle along the way. I can't begin to do any of that." Hermione had no answer and could think of nothing to say.

"Then, there is the problem of `R.A.B.' How am I, sorry WE, going to crack that?"

"Regulus Black?" Hermione offered.

"Yeah, my first guess too. But it doesn't fit."

"Why not?" Hermione asked, now fully committed to understanding Harry's reasoning.

"What was his middle name?"

"I'm not sure, but I could --."

"I've already looked in every book back at Hogwarts I could find. Every mention of him says nothing about a middle name. As far as I know he didn't HAVE a middle name. I asked Professor McGonagall, Moody, Remus and Kingsley. Nobody knows. Besides, there is the little matter that he is supposed to be dead."

Hermione nodded; she hadn't forgotten, and could find no way that Regulus might still be alive, unknown to all.

"Even Sirius thought Regulus was dead. If there was some plan whereby he had only faked his death, Sirius would have known."

Hermione nodded again, conceding defeat on that score. "So it has to be someone else then."

"Well, THEN," Harry began again, starting to get worked up, "then you have to ask why R.A.B. would go to the trouble of leaving the note."

Hermione's expression changed into one of confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Think about it, Hermione. Someone manages to locate one of the items that Riddle himself has hidden, and we are fairly sure he hasn't told a living soul about."

"So whoever it is made some educated guesses, like Dumbledore did," Hermione theorized. "And they've managed to get the locket, maybe by trial and error."

"And left a note saying, `Hey Riddle, me old mate. I got this one before you did and I'm going to get the rest and destroy them. And then I'm going to kill you. And if you want to know who I am, my initials are R.A.B.' It's all pineapple pizza, Hermione: it doesn't make sense."

The pizza reference had the desired result and made Hermione smile, but only slightly as she considered the depth of the puzzle.

"What about if R.A.B. stands for someone AND someone else?" she asked.

"Tried that too," Harry said, reaching for his notes that Hermione still held. He ruffled through them and placed page two on the top of the pile, showing he had gone through several `R' and `B' name combinations. "Doesn't help."

"Initials of a group of people, an organisation or something?" she offered.

"Page four! Still no help. I get `Red Army is Back', `Return All Blood-money', `Really angry Bas--."

"Harry!" she said, surprised.

Harry didn't acknowledge Hermione's cry. He was now pacing back and forth between the door and the window. She watched as he stepped out small paces from one extremity to the other before he pirouetted 180 degrees, retracing his steps.

Hermione watched for a few minutes. She'd seen this routine often enough to know that the more Harry paced, the more he became withdrawn within himself. She considered leaving him alone and allowing him to think, but decided she was going to stay with him and do whatever she could to help. After neither had spoken for a long time, Hermione broke the silence.

"You're going to wear out the carpet if you keep pacing like that," she said.

"You can buy another one," Harry said absent-mindedly. As soon as the words were out, Harry must have realised what he had said, and looked up to see the puzzled look on her face. "I'm sorry, that was rude wasn't it? I didn't mean to be rude."

Hermione now looked very strange; she knew Harry had let slip something important and she was a little worried as to what it was. Whatever it was, it was something that Harry no doubt had meant to keep to himself. She answered his question by holding his gaze and noticed Harry looking sheepish.

"What did you mean?" she asked.

"Nothing."

"Harry! What did you mean? It meant something, I can tell by the look on your face."

Harry stopped and found he couldn't face Hermione. He lowered his gaze to the level of his shoes.

"Harry? I'm not leaving until you tell me," she told him.

Deciding Hermione would be true to her word, Harry knew he wouldn't be able to put her off. He went to the trunk at the foot of his bed and opened it, before rummaging around for a moment. Hermione watched with great interest, wondering what he was doing. He found what he was looking for, and she saw he had retrieved what appeared to be a sealed white envelope. She held her hand out as he handed it, reluctantly, to her.

It was indeed an envelope, and she read the words on the front. `The Last Will and Testament of Harry James Potter'. Hermione recoiled in shock as she realised what it was she was holding. She instinctively tried to thrust it back into Harry's hands, but he had already turned around and resumed his pacing.

"HARRY! You can't --," she began.

"Too late. I already have. Everything goes to you and Ron."

"HARRY!" she said again and looked as if she was going to cry.

"What, Hermione? What have I done wrong? This is just in case something happens to me. It's just --." Harry couldn't finish, and stopped in front of her. Hermione was by now standing, still holding the envelope in one hand; she looked shocked. He approached her and smiled as he placed his arms around her, hugging her warmly. Hermione accepted the embrace and returned it. Her head now rested against his shoulder as her tears began to fall against him.

"Harry, you can't --," she began again before Harry cut her off.

"I can and I have! Believe me, THAT was the only easy decision I've had to make. I'm leaving everything equally to you both: the vault, the invisibility cloak, Grimmauld Place, everything. I've also enclosed a couple of personal letters to you." Hermione held him tighter, as if he'd just announced he was leaving and she was going to make him stay. "I'm not saying anything is going to happen. It's just that if it does, you'll know what I wanted."

"We'll get through this," she said through her tears and allowing the letter to fall upon the floor.

"We'll try, Hermione. I know we will. But somehow I have to face him, we both know that. If something happens --."

The conversation came to a sudden halt; there was nothing either could say.

***

A slight breeze drifted through Harry's half-open window. He lay motionless, facing the wall, eyes still wide open. It had been a very long time since he wondered if sleep would come. Eventually, it usually did, but recent weeks had seen sleep hold him for only a few hours at a time. Even after being out for almost an entire day courtesy of Molly Weasley's most effective sleeping-draught, Harry knew he was still behind in sleep. At least he was past the stage where he tossed and turned for hours on end. Instead he just lay there, still, trying not to think of anything.

The slightest noise from the direction of the door told him Hermione was checking up on him. She had opened the door only just enough for her to slip through, and was standing a few meters away, watching Harry's still body. Her eyes were already adjusted to the dark, as she had been doing exactly the same thing Harry was, in her own bed. She crept closer, looking for signs that Harry was asleep. If he was she certainly didn't want to wake him up; he already was awake. Hermione remained still for a long time, watching Harry's breathing. She took another half-step until was leaning over him, her arm lightly resting on his shoulder.

Harry continued to lay still, because he didn't know what else to do, and he started to wonder how long Hermione was going to watch him. Finally, after five or ten seconds, he decided he couldn't take the silence any more.

"I'm not asleep, Hermione," he said simply, still without moving.

"I know," she sighed. "It's after two."

That sounded about right; he wondered what the time was. He couldn't see the clock from where he lay and he wasn't able to judge the time from the small amount of moonlight that filtered through the window. He fell silent for another minute.

"You can't sleep either?"

"I was worried about you," she said softly.

Harry rolled over and sat up, smiling. "That's silly. You need your sleep too, you know."

She smiled back and sat next to him. "You first."

They sat there together for a short while; Hermione put her hand on Harry's arm and Harry placed his arm around her shoulder.

"Harry, can I ask you a question?"

"Only one? Hermione, you can ask as many as you like."

She grinned at his playful response. She knew he must be tired, but had to admit he didn't look too bad... not nearly as bad as he did when she found him sitting in the kitchen asleep the previous morning. "When I said Mum and Dad would ask you not to use magic --."

"You want to know why I agreed so quickly?"

Hermione nodded; that was exactly what she wanted to know. Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Firstly, I'm used to not using magic away from Hogwarts anyway. Uncle Vernon looked like he was going to burst a major blood vessel the few times he caught me. Second, what magic do I need right now? Except for a silencing charm, which I might add you talked me out of, there isn't anything I need."

Hermione smiled warmly, seeing Harry had agreed to do it her way: the Muggle way, without silencing charms.

"Thirdly," he paused, and smiled even more. She was sitting right next to him, his arm around her shoulder, holding her against his body. Harry very much enjoyed the feeling of having her next to him.

"Thirdly?" she prompted.

"Thirdly, it's what you needed."

She leant into him and hugged him back. "Thanks, Harry. I can't tell how much it means to me."

"Means to you? I'm supposed to be here for your benefit. Instead you, your Mum, and your Dad, I guess, have been here for me. It's me who should be thanking all of you."

They sat together for a minute before Harry decided it was his turn to ask a question. "Moral support?"

She sighed, knowing the question was coming. She tried to answer, but knew she couldn't.

"Are you going back to Hogwarts?" he asked.

The flicker of amazement in her eyes told him he was right. She smiled, and hugged him again. "Dad's scared. They both are."

"I know," Harry said.

"Dad said something to you?"

"I've been around enough scared adults to recognize the signs. Hermione, what do YOU want?"

"That's easy, I want to go back."

Harry nodded, he assumed that would be the case.

"Probably the best place for you, and the safest. If the school opens, I hope they ask McGonagall to take over as headmistress. She'll put all the protection charms back in place."

"I know. I tried to tell Dad but he wouldn't listen."

"He asked me where you would be safe. He said something like where in the world could you hide?"

This stunned Hermione momentarily, and she looked directly at him. "What did you say?"

"I said there was no place any of us can hide."

"You should have said I would be safest at Hogwarts."

"I thought I did, but maybe I didn't spell it out that clearly."

She fell silent again and he could feel sadness grabbing hold of her.

"But I have an idea," he said.

"What?"

"Can't tell you yet, just an idea at this stage. But if you trust me --."

"You know I do," she said quickly, smiling. She looked at him closely and tenderly ran a hand across his cheek. Without thinking, she leant in and touched her lips to his cheek affectionately. "I trust you, Harry Potter."

The darkness hid his blush, but couldn't hide the sparkle that leapt into his eyes.

"You know," he said, "now that I think about it, it's a pretty good idea. At least I hope it is."

They remained still for a few more moments. "I'm not going back."

"Why?"

"I've been having nightmares, of my mum telling me I HAVE to go back." Hermione looked puzzled. "I asked Remus about it at the wedding, and he thinks it's just Riddle's way of getting me back there. He wants me back at Hogwarts, Hermione. That's where he is planning his final triumph. He plans to kill me at Hogwarts."

She looked at him, trying to read his thoughts. "So you've decided not to go back because you don't want to put everybody at school in danger?" she asked.

Harry nodded.

"That's silly, Harry. Hogwarts is the only home you've ever really known."

"I know, but if Riddle wants me back so bad he's pushing these nightmares at me, then it isn't silly."

Hermione paused before she returned Harry's own question. "What do YOU want?"

"Probably the same as you. But I can't, and I won't go back if it means putting anyone at risk."

"Promise me you'll talk about this to Mum?"

"Only if you promise to be there when I do," he replied grinning. "You can help explain anything I say that doesn't make sense," Harry said. "And besides, I always think better when you are around."

"That's sweet, Harry. Now lie down and go to sleep."

He yawned, which surprised him, and nodded. He lay down again, this time facing away from the wall. He couldn't help but smile as Hermione watched him; she smiled back. She sat and watched for a moment before she stood and walked to the chair in the corner and sat in it. "I'll stay with you until you are asleep."

"That's --," he began to protest.

"Shhhhh! Less talk, more snores," she said playfully.

"I don't snore!" Harry objected.

"Ron says you do. So sleep."

"Yes ma'am!" he laughed, throwing a mock salute. Hermione responded by giggling but said nothing more. Harry yawned again, and without realising, his eyes had closed. He started breathing heavily and Hermione was astonished to discover he was already asleep.

***

She moved against him again, kissing him deeply, and sighing as Harry returned the kiss. He held her close now, and could feel her heart beating against him. His tongue gently moved forward and felt her teeth, before encountering her own tongue, pressing slightly back. Hermione's was gently seeking Harry's mouth and lightly touched the inside of his cheek. She felt him stiffen as he pressed her even closer. Hermione broke the kiss at the last possible moment as she gasped for air and called his name in the one breath.

"Harry!" she said in a harsh whisper. He could feel her breath on his cheek and neck before she moved her face back to his and kissed him again, even deeper than before.

Her hands were running down his sides as Harry found his were sliding down her back and towards her hips, causing Hermione to shiver slightly. Her bushy brown hair teased against his forehead as she went on kissing him, her tongue proceeding to seek out more new territory.

His own tongue was deep in her mouth now and she loved the feel of it; it caused her to shiver again and squirm, her body shaking and lifting slightly. Without thinking, Harry's hand took the opportunity her movement offered and slipped down behind her, pressing against her bum. He squeezed gently and Hermione shivered again, one of her own hands now following the contours of Harry's front, lightly brushing against his hardness before following the muscles of his stomach and stopping at his chest.

She broke the kiss again, again drawing a deep breath as she looked at him. Her eyes sparkled and her smile could not be more enticing. She moved away from Harry slightly and in a flash of movement he was not expecting, she moved her arms sharply upward, removing her top in one fast motion. She kissed him again, almost devouring him as she lay pressed against him, gently forcing him to lay down on the bed while she remained on top of him.

She was wearing only her bra and a skirt now. Harry's hands reached for the skirt and felt beneath for her underwear when he woke. bolting upright in the bed, his eyes large as plates. He was stunned and amazed, and found that it was morning and Hermione wasn't here. He looked around, slightly disoriented again, and could still feel his hardness beneath the sheets as he realised it was only a dream. But WHAT a dream!

Emma had told him dreams were important, something he'd long suspected. What did THIS dream mean?

"My God!" he said to himself as he realised exactly what it was he had been dreaming.

***

Emma went back to the first sheet of notes and tried again to make sense of what Harry and Hermione were trying to tell her. After only a short while she flipped back to the mind-map and then to another sheet. Smiling, she put them down in front of her on her desk. Harry and Hermione were sitting together and although they had been sitting slightly apart when Emma first started reading the notes, she now found they were closer, and Hermione was holding Harry's hand. `Looks like Dan was right', she thought.

"Sorry guys, I'm going to have to ask for the CliffsNotes version," she said.

"Horcruxes," Hermione began. "There are at least six and maybe many more.

"Simple everyday objects-although in this case not so everyday-that hold a portion of Riddle's soul," she continued. "He was able to... fracture... pieces of his soul and place them in these objects."

"So that if he was killed; although you can't REALLY kill him while these things are left around..." Harry started.

"His followers can somehow resurrect him and he starts all over again," Hermione finished.

"So THAT'S why I have to..."

"WE have to..." Hermione interrupted

Harry smiled and accepted the correction. "WE have to find them and destroy them before..." he paused again and smiled at Hermione, "WE can kill him."

Emma followed the conversation, focusing on the speaker each time they finished each other's sentence the same way one might follow the ball in a tennis match. She smiled again at the though of how well paired they were together. Dan was also right about how Hermione seemed different around Harry. She also realised how more calm and relaxed Harry was when Hermione was around, before she put away where those thoughts were leading for another time.

"So, WE," Emma started and watched as they smiled together, "don't know what they are, where they are, how they are protected, how to destroy them, or even how many there are." she summed up.

Harry grinned at Emma with that smile she had seen a few times now. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

Hermione giggled and squeezed Harry's hand.

"So where do we start?" Emma asked. Hermione and Harry each silently contemplated the question, and as they had no answer each remained silent. The study grew very quiet and Emma tried to focus on the notes again.

"Harry, exactly how is it that you `fracture' a piece of your soul."

"I don't know. We couldn't find a single book in the Hogwarts library..."

"Even the restricted section," Hermione added.

"...that even mentioned the word Horcrux. If it wasn't for Slughorn's memory, we wouldn't even know what Riddle had done."

"Dumbledore never mentioned how this might be possible?"

Harry shook his head, and for the first time though it odd that Dumbledore HADN'T told him. If he was to have all available information to defeat the Dark Lord, he should have told him.

"From a therapist's angle, I have to confess a slight interest in the fact that you tell me the soul or mind can be fractured into pieces."

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Scientists have been struggling with the mind-body dilemma for millennia. If there is a mind, where is it?"

Harry looked perplexed, surely the answer is obvious. "In the brain."

"Ah, Harry, but on the most basic level the brain is just a set of chemical and electrical impulses. Where exactly is the mind? Is it all over within the brain, pieces of it? Is it stored like data on a computer hard-drive where memories are clumped together? Or is the mind more like a hologram where fracturing a piece off from the main portion still results in the original image being available?"

"Huh?" he said.

Emma smiled and began to explain. "A hologram, Harry, is a three dimensional picture on a two dimensional surface. Break a piece away and you still see the original image, with no loss of detail. A hologram model of the brain is presently the best model we have for how the brain works. Let me ask you another question: where do dreams go when we wake up?"

At the word dream, Harry's mind immediately rewound back to his dream of this morning, and he couldn't stop himself from blushing. Hermione, noticing Harry's change, shot him a quizzical expression and waited for him to explain. When it was clear he wouldn't, she smiled back and squeezed his hand again, as if understanding what it was that embarrassed him.

Emma smiled at the exchange and had to stop herself from saying something that Hermione might find embarrassing.

"Next step?" Emma asked.

"We have no idea," Hermione told her.

A thought occurred to Emma. "What if you kill him, and THEN go after the Horcruxes?"

"I thought of that Mrs. Granger, Emma," Harry said. "That gets him out of the picture for the time being, but it leaves the way open for him to return yet again."

"That may be so, but it buys you time to track them down."

"IF we can track them down. And if we leave just one intact..."

Emma nodded. "No one you can ask?" she asked.

Harry shook his head. All three knew the answer to that one. Emma flashed a look at the clock, and then smiled at Hermione. "Well, let's leave it there for the time being. Hermione and I have shopping to do."

Harry rolled his eyes in mock indignation, but he knew it was for effect only. Hermione and her mother made a good team, they looked good together and it was clear to Harry they enjoyed each other's company.

"You'll be all right on your own for a short time, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"Yep! I've got letters to write, and if I ever get bored I'm sure I can scrounge up a book or two to read from some place."

Hermione and Emma laughed together, and Hermione playfully swatted Harry's arm.

"Help yourself, Harry," Emma said.

"There are plenty in my room, Harry," Hermione said. "Feel free to read any of mine while you're waiting." Harry started to protest before she cut him off. "Stop worrying, I have no secrets from you."

"Ditto!" he replied and they grinned as one.

"Dan should be home before we're back anyway, Harry. He only had a light schedule this morning and he should be home before three."

Harry nodded. "How long does it take anyway? To buy a dress I mean."

"No time at all," Hermione replied. "It's the shoes and the accessories."

"And the jewellery," Emma finished and they giggled again.

"All for a dinner?" he asked.

"Yep!" Hermione and Emma said as one.

"Don't worry, Harry," Emma said with a slightly odd look on her face. "I'm sure you and Hermione will think of SOMETHING to do Friday night."

"MOTHER!" Hermione said horrified, and as she shot Harry a look she saw he was blushing again. Before either could say anything Emma darted out of the study, laughing.

Hermione smiled at Harry and ran out after her mother, shaking her head.

***

Dan was on track to be home even earlier than Emma knew. He had just left the surgery for the day due to a last minute cancellation. He left his associate in charge for the remainder of the day, mostly paperwork and a couple of examinations later in the afternoon.

The car didn't spring to life until the third attempt, causing him to frown. The next service was still three weeks off, but if he had to bring it forward that shouldn't be any major drama. He made a mental note to call his mechanic when he got home as he turned the wheel and drove down the exit ramp of the parking station behind his dentist surgery. Making sure his path was clear, he indicated and turned left, taking the centre lane while turning on the radio.

***

"Why did you have to say that? About finding something to do Friday? You embarrassed him, Mum," Hermione said when they were alone.

Emma grinned like a naughty school child that had been caught and shrugged her shoulders. "Couldn't help it, sorry. Besides just watching you two together, it was adorable."

Hermione's eyes briefly flashed anger, but in truth she wasn't really angry. "Honestly, you're as bad as Tonks, and Ginny."

"Really, dear? Why? What did they say?"

"They're both trying to match me up with Harry."

"So? You're a big girl; you can stand up for yourself."

"I can until my mother goes and does the exact same thing."

"Poor dear," Emma said mockingly. "Was my suggestion so awful?"

Hermione's reply was silence, and an equally cheeky grin. "I didn't think so," Emma said.

"You're not helping, you know!" Hermione said between giggles.

"Besides, Harry didn't look so embarrassed. Not at that point. Something earlier set him blushing though."

"Didn't it, I wonder what that was about?" Hermione said.

Emma leant towards her daughter so their cheeks were touching. "When you find out, be sure to tell your terrible mother, won't you?"

"Yeah right, like that will happen," Hermione said, still laughing.

"Spoil sport!"

They had both grabbed their coats and were making for the door as Emma turned to Hermione and asked, "So what WILL you do to pass the time Friday night?"

"Maybe watch a movie. I'm sure there are plenty Harry hasn't seen."

"A movie, how romantic. Remember to turn the lights down low as you sit next to him sharing popcorn."

Hermione responded by poking her tongue out at her mother.

They walked to the car and each got in, fastening their seatbelts as Emma started the ignition. Harry was watching from the front step, Hedwig sitting on his shoulder. Emma rolled her window down and Hermione waved.

"See you soon. If Dan does get home before us, tell him we shouldn't be long."

"Okay," Harry agreed. He then smiled and added, "Bye Mum, bye sis. See you soon!" which made Emma and Hermione laugh again.

"Isn't he adorable, honey?" Emma said. "I think we're going to have to tell your father we've decided to keep him."

***

Harry was alone with Hedwig and Sam; he spent twenty minutes with them before he got tired of patting them. He placed Hedwig back in her cage and gave Sam a last rub of the head before he went inside. It was a warm day, and clouds on the horizon indicated rain was likely in the upcoming days.

Harry considered watching television, but past experience at the Dursleys' told him there was nothing worth watching this time of the day. He went to the bookshelf in his room, but found they were all Hermione's old books and didn't think he'd find anything interesting. He considered looking in Hermione's room, but even with the promise that she had no secrets from him, he found he couldn't go in there without her being present.

Walking upstairs he decided not to look in Mr. Granger's study for the same reason. The door to Emma's study was open however and he spent a few minutes browsing through the books, all of them related to psychology. The titles alone indicated he wouldn't find anything interesting, until he picked one up entitled, A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis.

The picture on the front of the book was of a bunch of dead or dying flowers in a glass vase, and something in the picture spoke to him. He picked the book up, turned it over and read the comments on the back, and decided this would do. He went back downstairs, sat in the nearest armchair, and started reading. Harry remembered he was sitting in Mr. Granger's normal seat so he stood up and sat in the other one.

An hour later Harry was still reading. He'd read about a quarter of the book before he found his eyes starting to tire. The book spoke of the author, and how he `only joined the human race' when his wife died of cancer. Most of the book outlined an internal struggle between the author and God.

Up to this point Harry had never thought much about God, though he found the book to be simple but wrenching.

Nothing will shake a man--or at any rate a man like me--out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover it himself.

In an odd way this struck a chord within Harry, as he was also trying to discover himself. Harry was fairly sure that God, if there were a God, wasn't part of the solution. Whatever it was he needed, he had to find it from within himself.

A car pulled up in front of the house. Harry wondered why Mr. Granger didn't simply park in the garage. He looked out the front window to see it was a taxi; it wasn't Mr. Granger's car at all. But it was Mr. Granger getting out of the taxi, and walking up to the front door. Dan stopped on the other side of the door, fumbling for his keys, before Harry opened the door for him. Dan looked very odd, almost sick, and Harry instantly could feel something was very wrong.

"Mr. Granger, are you all right?"

Dan walked in without answering and sat in his armchair. He suddenly looked very tired and had a strange expression on his face. "Yes, Harry, I'm fine."

"What happened Mr. Granger? Did your car break down?"

Dan let out a soft, almost laughing noise as he answered. "Yes it did. But right now, the car is the least of my problems. Where is Emma?"

"Shopping, for a dress. What happened?"

Harry looked at Dan closely and was shocked to see he was white as a sheet. He did not know what to say or do when Dan stood and faced him again. "I'm going upstairs to lie down. When Emma comes home would you send her up please?"

"Of course, Mr. Granger. Can I do anything for you?"

"No, Harry. I'm just going to have a nap."

Dan walked upstairs without a further word and closed the bedroom door behind him. Harry's first thought was to Apparate to Hermione and her mother to tell them Mr. Granger needed them. Of course, he couldn't because he didn't know where they were.

He also considered the D.A. galleon before he remembered he didn't have his, and realised Hermione probably didn't have hers with her either. He could call Mrs. Granger, only he didn't know if she had her mobile phone with her. He didn't even know the number anyway. Reluctantly, he realised he could do nothing except hope Hermione and Mrs. Granger would be home soon.

Nearly an hour and a half later, Hermione and Mrs. Granger did arrive home. Harry sprinted to Emma's door and had her attention before she'd gotten out of the car.

"Mrs. Granger, Mr. Granger is home and he needs you. He's lying down upstairs."

Seeing the alarm on Harry's face Emma asked, "What happened?"

"He wouldn't say. He got a taxi home, and he looks terrible! I think he may be sick."

Emma quickly moved past Harry and towards the back door, while Hermione looked at Harry.

"He needs you too, Hermione. Go!" he instructed her, and she agreed, nodding, before running inside.

Harry sighed, knowing that whatever else, at least Mr. Granger had his family with him. Harry saw the parcels and bags on the back seat of the car, and collected them. He grabbed the keys from the ignition before locking the car, taking the parcels inside.


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