My sincere apologizes for taking so long with the updates. I'll try and update as soon as it is reasonably possible for me to do so. Once again, merci beaucoup pour les revues and to those who asked, no, I do not think that it would be cruel to have Hermione remain in her vegetative state so that Harry and his children can bond. But just a warning, she has to wake up eventually and I want no pouts or tears when she does.
Chapter Four
Inadvertent Betrayal
People always wondered about how it came to be that Hermione Granger was indeed carrying Harry Potter's children. Whispers spread throughout the wizarding world of a heated affair between the two, which ended in offspring, thankfully, they said, when both Ron and Ginny had departed and so wouldn't live in shame.
If truth be told, even the Weasleys had their own initial doubts as to whether or not Harry and Hermione had truly loved their family members. And how could they not?
Harry had seemed so devoted to Ginny. On the mornings when she'd come down to breakfast bleary eyed and tired, it was obvious to them that he had paid her another visit, as few and far between as they were. When he'd actually been brave enough to sneak into The Burrow during family dinners (not for fear of the Weasleys, but rather of those who might be lurking nearby to harm the one person that he was so fearful of admitting that he loved), he seemed hypnotized, surviving only on the breath that Ginny was finished with, and needing to keep her in eyesight and hear her voice in order to make it from one moment to the next.
Hermione was no better herself. She went off with Harry not only because she was his best friend and felt it her duty to stand by his side, but also due to the fact that she was so fiercely in love. Love made her do strange things, including giving up being Head Girl and all dreams of a fabulous career, and go against all rules of sanity and her parents desires, just so that before she fell asleep at night, she could hear him whisper, "I love you," and wake up in his arms. She knew, as she watched Ron die that day, that it could have just easily been her. She lived it and breathed it with each passing moment, but it was the life that she accepted if only so that he would always be near.
With two people so obviously in love and devoted, it was no surprise that people didn't quite understand what was going on, or how Harry and Hermione could have ever did what they had done. If only they had known that both Harry and Hermione were just as confused as them, not quite able to comprehend how they had managed to have that first kiss, much less ended up shedding their clothes in haste so that they could find release for that ache that was burning deep within their chests. But they had no regrets.
Harry, most certainly, had absolutely none as he watched his daughters fall asleep that night, and when Hermione held them in her arms for the first time and stared into their deep green eyes, she had none either. Out of confusion and despair, they had created love, if only the love that they could manage to have for their children since the rest of their hearts were buried underground with the dead.
As Harry kissed his daughters on their foreheads and turned out the lights, he took a deep breath knowing what was to come. Attacks from the press demanding answers on behalf of the people about what happened. Why he had faked his death and how he had come to father Hermione's children? Jeers from those who didn't understand and would call him names. Possibly more icons erected in his name, invitations to important events and parties being held in his name. Explanations that would have to be made to those who he had hurt. Waking Hermione up and facing her wrath when he did. In short, he would have to account for his actions and the unwanted celebrity status would once again take claim of and rule his live.
He knew that he had to face everything though. Even if the price to pay was one that didn't sit well with him, Harry knew that he couldn't keep running forever. Summoning all of his Gryffindor courage, he knew that he was ready.
*~*
"Daddy," a little voice whispered.
Harry groaned.
"Get up!" Another voice demanded, this time more aggressive than the first one.
"Lily!" Someone scolded.
"What? I'm hungry!"
Harry opened his eyes and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw two little girls seated on his chest. They were too busy arguing to acknowledge the fact that he had woken up, and he lay there calmly as the memories of the night before came flooding back.
Pigwidgeon almost pecking him to death. Seeing Luna again. Meeting his daughters for the first time. Seeing Hermione in her comatose state. Agreeing to take the girls home. Tucking them in bed and falling asleep beside them (he never did get around to furnishing more rooms than his office and bedroom). And now, waking up to their bickering. Almost like waking up to Hermione and Ron's incessant bickering.
Ron…
He couldn't do this to himself. Not now at least. It's easy to be selfish and self-pitying when you live only for yourself, but not when you've taken on responsibilities such as your daughters. And especially not when you know that thinking abut the death of your best friend would once again have you sleeping away the days and starving yourself because of depression. In any case, he most certainly didn't have the time to think. The girls had noticed his presence.
Lily, the one with the messy ponytail and obviously the bossier of the two, noticed him first.
"He's awake," she told her sister.
"We need food." Her eyes narrowed dangerously as she turned to him. "You can't starve us; I'll tell Grandma Molly."
"Lily!" Jane scolded. She reminded Harry of her mother, compliant not out of fear, but because she prepared a peaceful existence. He didn't let this fool him though because he knew that underneath that mask was a person who would snap if pushed too far.
"You need to quit!"
Seconds later, Harry was proven right and for the first time ever, Lily actually listened to someone.
"Sorry," she mumbled.
She reminded him of Ginny. Stubborn to the point of frustration, but completely loveable all the same. There is always at least one person that the most stubborn of people will listen to, and once upon a time; Harry used to be that person for Ginny.
It wasn't because he used his powers to possess her either. There was just something about her that calmed him and made him susceptible to things that he never thought that he could be, and vice versa. It was as if the love their shared was a magic unto himself. How else could he understand some of the things that took place? Things such as thinking about her smile and suddenly having no fear or reading her letters and suddenly getting out of the worst of depressions. Those had to be magic; a mere emotion couldn't do that.
"We didn't mean to wake you," Jane spoke up.
Harry smiled. "It's alright, I'm hungry as well."
"See. He would have gotten us food anyway!" Lily quipped.
"That's why your rudeness wasn't necessary!" Jane backfired.
"Whatever."
"Don't you whatever me," Jane warned.
"Or else what?" Lily gave her a Look.
Harry cleared his throat. "Girls."
They both turned to look at each other. If he hadn't had Hermione and Ron for best friends, he would have sworn that they hated each other. He knew however, that despite their bickering, there was a fierce love between them that nothing could destroy.
Holding unto them so that they wouldn't fall, Harry sat up in the bed and they made themselves comfortable in his lap.
"What would you like to eat?"
It wasn't as if he had something for them to eat either; anything that they requested would have to be bought. He usually went for days before realizing that he was hungry and after a few month of seclusion, realized that buying groceries was a waste.
"I want-" Lily began.
"Mum says that we have to take our baths before eating." Jane cut her off.
"Mum also said that we're not supposed to let strangers touch our privates." Lily retorted.
"I'm not a stranger, am I?" Harry calmly replied. "I'm your father."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jane's tiny smile.
For a girl who was pleading for him to not leave her the night before, Lily had a most unusual way of treating him. He recognized that she had her defences up and that unless he found an approach, he'd never be able to break her barriers.
"I suppose not," she said eventually.
"We haven't any clothes." Jane pointed out.
As if on cue, an owl tapped on Harry's window. Lily and Jane scrambled off his lap and squealed in delight.
"Hedwig!" Harry couldn't believe it. He hadn't seen her since his sixth year at Hogwarts. He figured that it would have been too risky to have his owl seen delivering his mail and so to avoid possible interception, he'd sent her to live with the Grangers. He thought that she'd be safe in the muggle world.
When he opened the window, the bird dropped the package at his feet and flew into his arms. To Harry, it felt as if he were reuniting with a long lost part of his soul and having her there made his being a little more complete.
As happy as Hedwig was to see her owner, was as upset as she was for being abandoned. No sooner than she flew into his arms did she deliver a sound bite to his arm. Startled, Harry yelped and her response was to rub her face against the area. No matter how angry she was with him, she still loved him.
"Sorry." Harry managed.
Hedwig flew out of his arms and perched atop his bureau, clearly not interested in a half-dead excuse.
"Aunt Luna must have sent her." Lily piped up, pending down to examine the scrawl on the brown paper.
Harry sat down on the floor beside the girls and reached for the package. He immediately recognized the handwriting to be Luna's and unrolled the parchment that had been attached to the top of the package.
Harry,
I figured that you'd be needing these. Just don't forget to stop by the hospital tomorrow. We can't have Hermione like this forever.
Luna.
P.S: Lily will come around eventually.
Harry looked up and met the gaze of his daughter. Lily raised an eyebrow, as if daring him to say something and Harry raised one in reply. She smiled.
"Bath time?" Lily asked.
Harry nodded.
However, when they got to the bathroom, a disapproving scowl from Jane told him that bath time would not be happening anytime soon.
"This place is disgusting." She exclaimed.
Harry turned red, embarrassed at the state of his tub. It was obvious that the room hadn't been cleaned in quite a while, or used much either.
"Not showering isn't a healthy habit." Lily informed him, sounding very much like Hermione.
"I don't plan on keeping it up." Harry informed her, turning in the doorway. A few moments later, he returned with his wand, not really forgotten but rarely used.
A quick scourgify and disinfecting spell later and the room smelt of lemons, with the bathroom sparkling. He had forgotten that the house had come with different colour bathtubs and that the one in his room happened to be off-white, and not the yellow that up to a minute ago, it had seemed to be.
"Much better." Jane smiled approvingly.
Lily nodded.
For a moment or two, Harry stood there, not really knowing what to do. He'd never had to bathe two children before; in fact, he never had to interact with them in his life.
"Mum usually fills the tub first." Jane offered.
Harry nodded.
"But you've got to test the water to make sure that it's not too hot." Lily said.
"And not too cold either." Jane added.
"Yeah and the tub must be about half-filled and with lots of bubbles." Lily finished.
"Bubbles?" Harry asked confused.
"Bubbles," Lily nodded in confirmation.
"We have bubble baths." Jane said.
"Err," Harry scratched his head. Bathing two toddlers was harder than he thought. And where on earth was he going to find bubbles?
Thankfully, Hedwig chose that moment to fly into the room. Harry's long forgotten Seeker reflexes kicked in as she released a large bottle with blue liquid from her beak. Looking down, he realized what it was.
"Yeah!" The girls cheered at the sight of the bubble bath.
Thank Merlin for the women in my life, Harry thought.
Within ten minutes, he'd tested the water, poured the bubble bath and had the girls seated comfortably, yellow rubber duck to complete the equation. Watching them splash about the placed, he realized now why girls always got weepy at the thought of children. Having them really was a miraculous thing. Just a glance from the twins made him feel warm inside and his chest almost burst with the love that was pumping furiously from his heart. He couldn't wait to find out what else lay in their future.
He planned to be a part of their futures of course. He'd only known them for a few hours, but he knew that he couldn't live without them.
"Daddy, I'm hungry." Lily whined, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Less than an hour later and Harry had showered and dressed. Usually he'd fear walking in the broad daylight with two little girls that resembled him (thankfully not 100% as he couldn't imagine that he'd be a pretty girl), but he didn't live in wizarding London.
He'd chosen Kennington simply because of its location. Wizards never went in that part of the world and they most certainly wouldn't think that the famous Harry Potter would live there. Kennington was anything but famous.
He avoided the West End and Central London like the plague on the rare occasions that he left his neighbourhood and had an arrangement with the goblins at Gringotts (who were known for their client confidentiality) regarding his affairs. All his bills were paid by direct deposit every month and a money was mailed to his home every month. The money had accumulated over time since he never used much of it, which he was glad for. He didn't quite like the idea of having to face Diagon Alley in order to get some muggle money. He wasn't quite ready for the wizarding world as yet.
Kennington was the perfect place for seclusion, and so it was without fear that he and his girls stepped out into the day. And what a day it was.
They had breakfast at a charming café that was located around the corner from his house. The waitress gave the girls extra jam on their scones because of how charming they were and winked at him when she exclaimed that he must have been so proud to have such well-mannered daughters. Without hesitation, he replied, "Yes," and it seemed as if the day just kept getting better from there.
Luna had only sent a change of clothes for that day, and so they had to go shopping for more. Harry was amazed at how tiny the clothes for toddlers were and even more so at the fact that despite popular acclaim, twins were not exactly alike.
Jane preferred pretty dresses and sandals while Lily liked things called `halter tops' and skirts that were a bit on the short side. Harry wasn't so sure about how he felt regarding the fact that his three-year-old wanted to show so much skin at such a young age and allowed the salesclerk to convince him that little girls dressed like that all the time, and no, he shouldn't be concerned. To please Harry, she bought a few dresses that went just below her knee, but they were all sleeveless and without the cute designs that Jane liked. Her taste was similar to that of a teenage girl. No baby chicks or sunflowers for her. She liked t-shirts that said things like, "2 cute 4 u" and "I make little cry."
Jane wasn't so innocent though, she got a few sleeveless tops and skirts as well, but she wasn't as extreme as Lily. Her daring came out slowly, while Lily wanted it to be broadcast for the world to see. He didn't know if he'd have to keep an eye on her more or on Jane because she could easily get away with sneaking. And they both insisted on fur coats! He once saw a movie about women who loved fur coats and were dripping in diamonds.
Having daughters was stressful!
After they exhausted the early part of the afternoon shopping for clothes and shoes (they had enough to dress themselves for a good few months without ever repeating an outfit), Harry took them to a nearby park where they had ice cream while watching a puppet show. During the show, the youngest puppet complained that she was too big for her bed and wanted one for a `big girl,' which made Harry realize something; if Lily and Jane were to live with him, they would need beds of their own. In fact they'd need a room and closet space for their small collection.
He still hadn't forgotten about the fur coats either. Nor did he forget the particularly pointy-toe boots that they both also insisted on getting that went a decent way up their calves and those Jackie-O sunglasses that they would have died if they hadn't gotten. In fact they were prancing about in them just now and looked quite the site. Not a funny picture, but very much like young, sophisticated girls. As they'd say in the fashion world, they were very chic.
He wondered where they got their sense of fashion as Hermione had been known to dress rather plainly. And then he remembered the Yule Ball and how she had easily ousted the most beautiful and sophisticated girls in the room. Maybe they'd gotten it from her but just weren't afraid to appreciate their love of fashion and to express themselves. The saleslady was certainly fascinated with them.
After the puppet show, he brought up the idea of going shopping for a bedroom set for them and they squealed so loudly that they frightened more than a few of the passer-bys. When asked if they wanted their own room or preferred to share, both girls immediately announced that they wanted to share. Harry smiled, knowing that it meant that they didn't hate each other as much as they sometimes seemed to. They instantly began chatting about what they wanted and by the time that they got to the furniture store, everything was settled.
Apparently the world really was a beautiful place when you had a little money. Not only was the furniture delivered that very afternoon, but calls were made to different stores for certain sheet and towel sets, curtains, bathroom wallpaper, etc. to be delivered as well. Only the best would do for clients like Harry, it seemed and carpets were waiting to be laid down in the room by the time they got home as well. By the time that dinner time rolled around (Hermione made the girls eat dinner at six every evening apparently and they were tucked into bed by nine p.m. so that they had their well-needed nine hours of sleep by the time that they had to wake up at six for school) , their room was ready.
"C'est parfait!" Jane breathed.
"Oui!" Lily clapped excitedly as they entered.
Harry didn't know that they could speak French, but he wasn't surprised given the fact that Hermione was their mother after all. He had to admit however that everything was perfect.
Everyone had left a half-hour before and Harry had made the girls write up the cards that they'd purchased for their mother, while he made the final touches to the room. There was no way that painting could have been done in time for bed and so he had owled Molly about a few spells.
The walls of the room were covered in a mural of a castle on an almost cloudless day, but that was where the similarities ended really. You could easily tell which side belonged to Lily and which side was clearly Jane's.
Lily had a four-poster bed with heavy, red velvet drapes that had gold piping. Her sheets were also red, but not as deep as the drapes and in the centre was a hand-stitched L in gold thread. On the wall above her pillows was a gold crown and her name was written in cursive on it. Clearly she was a little princess. She's insisted on a vanity table that had a large mirror so that she could sit and watch herself brush her hair and Harry had acquiesced. The customary chest of drawers completed her side of the room.
Jane also had a four poster bed, but her curtains were a colour that Harry didn't quite catch the name of (the salesclerk had used fancy talk that only the girls seemed to understand), and he decided to just call it gold as he only needed to know the name of the basic colours, he felt. Her bed sheets were something called cornsilk (Harry remembered that much) and they had gold piping. In the centre of her bed was a "J," and above her sheets, her name was spray-painted with blue shading around the letters and butterflies taking flight.
Unlike her sister, she wanted a small bookshelf, which she planned to fill with books as soon as possible and a comfortable chair for reading. Lily rolled her eyes at this request and exclaimed that it was to be kept as far from her side of the room as possible. She told Jane that while she was inside getting pasty, her father would be teaching her to fly, and Harry beamed, glad that there was something that he had passed on to his daughter, and a love of flying at that!
In the centre of their room was Persian rug and Harry bit his tongue, choosing not to comment that Hermione would die of convulsions after she'd lectured them about the child-labour that was surely involved in the making of it. He had to admit that it really was a beautiful rug. Maybe she'd look at it that way. A voice in his head told him that she wouldn't.
The hardest part was the closet. Even with two chests of drawers, it was still tricky when it came to fitting all their clothes-not to mention the several pairs of shoes and boots! In the end, he used magic to enlarge it, but only on the insides. From the outside, it still looked the standard sized closet. Both Lily and Jane loved what he'd done with the closet.
"It's like a dressing room for models!" Lily exclaimed.
And it was. Both sides had built in shelves for their shoes and the girls' names were atop each shelf in case they ever forgot who bought what. He'd learned from Ginny that shoes were important and so felt that they should be the first thing once the girls entered. Further down were customized racks. Each held only dresses, skirts, pants, jeans, tops or coats. He thought it best to leave a little room because come spring, he knew that the girls would want to get more clothing even though they barely bought things with long sleeves besides their winter coats and so could easily wear their clothes during that season.
The casual, everyday wear filled their chest of drawers and so everything inside their magnificent closet was for more formal occasions. In the centre of the closet was a white chaise and further down at the end of the small room (that was exactly what it turned out to be when he finished the modifications) was a mirror that took up the entire wall. In the centre was a decent-sized dressing table that had two chairs in front of it. On either side of the wall, at the very end of the clothing racks, was a small changing room. It was more like the stalls that one would find at the beach, but a little larger and with a mirror and built in seats. Not quite the department store dressing room, and obviously modified to be small on the outside and big enough for toddlers to dress comfortably on the inside.
It really was a model's dressing room and their room was their fairytale kingdom. While the movers shuffled about their bedroom earlier, they went into the room next door and made plans for a playroom for the girls. Harry magicked a door that adjoined both rooms so that they'd have easy access.
It was agreed that there would be a computer, television (Hermione didn't encourage television watching, but the girls were allowed a certain amount of hours per week), a comfortable sofa, a mini-fridge (at Lily's insistence). They wanted a build-in shelf where they could put up their books on ballet and various figurines, below it would be an antique dollhouse that was really for display more than anything else and Lily insisted that they get a glass case put on one of the walls for Harry's legendary Firebolt and Jane wanted a small table for her tea parties and two life-sized dolls to join her at said events.
Both girls agreed that Harry needed to find space for a small closet where they could put clothes for dressing up and he instantly got a headache thinking about the shopping trip that suggestion would surely bring and the scolding that Hermione would give him for what it was that he was doing.
He wasn't trying to buy their love, but he certainly didn't know how to say "no," either. He was spoiling them and there was no other way to put it. He quickly tore up all receipts after purchases so that she couldn't force him to return them and knew that he'd better be quick on his feet when the argument came about donating some to charity.
It would all be worth it though, the smiles on their faces was enough for him and later when he tucked them into bed, he almost cried when Jane grabbed him fiercely and told him that she loved him, even though he scared her the night before and made her think that she was dead. Lily wasn't quite so open with him, but whispered that she was glad that he was her father and not someone else's. It was enough for now.
They had to go to the hospital the next morning and Harry wasn't quite sure if he was ready for that. He knew without a doubt that he was going to find a way to wake Hermione, but he wasn't sure how she'd react to the change of event. Harry had formed a bond with the girls, one that he didn't intend on breaking. He wasn't a fool either; he knew that he had changed and that Hermione had most likely as well. He didn't think so, but there was no telling that she hadn't become the kind of person who refuse his being in his children's lives and hated to think of things getting messy between them when he went about taking the steps to ensure that he could legally see them, if only for half of the time.
He wanted desperately to repair the damage that he had done to her, both by taking Ron away from her and practically running away from her after their shared night instead of sticking around to talk things through. He made things even worse when he pretended to be dead and left her pregnant with his children. That situation was a horrible one on several different levels and he didn't even want to think about all of them. If he started to contemplate how hard a life she had to have led because of him, he might just find the strength that he'd been lacking all those years to end his life. But he couldn't do that; she needed him so that she could wake up and he had his daughters to live for.
Selfish people killed themselves because no matter how much they told themselves that no one would miss them or even care, they ruined a lot of lives with their passing. He ruined quite a few lives himself and even was the cause of death for some. It was time to stop the hurt and the suffering, and try to find a way to live in the light. He just hoped that it wasn't too late to mend things.
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