*NOTES* Wow I got this out quicker than I thought I would. I'm back in jolly old England. So do not expect regular updates. I have deadlines for very important papers due coming up wicked soon. I hope you all enjoy this chapter because I had fun writing it. There may be an upgrade to the rating for this story in the next couple of chapters, and a death or two. As always please read and review. ********
Two weeks into October found Jillian staring, once again, out the library windows. Luna was humming Weasley is Our King, Hermione was tapping her quill against her parchment, and Ginny was glaring at the back of a head full of red hair.
"You know if you concentrate a little harder you might be able to make my hair catch on fire?" I turned to find Ginny looking slightly annoyed and my mum and Luna were both holding back giggles.
"I don't know what you are talking about?"
"Whatever you say," I let out a sigh. Halloween is approaching, and for the last two weeks my parents and Uncle Ron have been searching through books on the founders. I have been spending most of my time in classroom eleven with Firenze. Turning, I looked back out the window and sighed once more.
"See you girls later," My bag was on the window ledge, and I picked it up as I spoke.
"Got a hot date?" My mother asked.
"Nope, I've just forgot I have to meet Firenze in about twenty minutes. We have lessons tonight." For that minute I forgot my mother wasn't my mother, and now she knew. She knew I was getting help from a centaur.
"You have lessons in divination?" She wrinkled her nose as she spoke.
"If you excuse me," I said in answer to her question.
Seconds later I exited the library with several books on Advance Charm Work in my book bag. I took the long way to classroom eleven arriving with just seconds to spare. My mind was full of thoughts of my parents when I was younger. Before I could sort through my memories Firenze opened the door to let me in to the classroom.
"Tonight we will not be studying the stars." He spoke and I opened my mouth to comment, "This is because, as you know, you need to have a clear mind to do so. Why don't you tell me what is troubling you, Young Potter?"
"It is them," I sighed. How can the future be so completely different? How can my parents be so indifferent? "It is always them. I miss my parents."
"But they are here," Firenze said, and I could tell he didn't grasp my meaning.
"No. I mean yes they are here, but it, they aren't my parents. They are just too different from the people that I love."
The stars glittered in the makeshift sky, and I lay down on the soft mossy grass. I could read their secrets and figure out what was going to come, but I couldn't figure out why my parents didn't love each other like they do where I'm from. I heaved a sigh once more as I found Sirius.
"My parents named me after my father's parents. Jillian is a mixture of James and Lilly with a touch of originality, my mum said. The funny thing is they never even thought to name either of my brothers Sirius. When I asked mum about this she said it was because Dad still blamed himself for his death. No, not true blame, but more of a sadness. It just seems so unreal in a way," my voice grew to a whisper as I spoke. "Here I sit and they don't even know that I exist."
"You exist," Firenze reminded me.
"Human emotions must be your Achilles heal," I couldn't help smirking at this. "I think I just need some time to sort out my mind on my own." With that I stood up and walked to the door. Turning, "Thanks, Firenze," I said.
The next day found me wandering the hollowed halls of the castle. As it was a Saturday most of the kids were taking the chance to sleep in, but I found I couldn't sleep. It would be an hour before breakfast was even served, I noted as I took the next turn I came to, and I had been wandering for an hour already.
One hour with my thoughts had left me just as confused as I already was. In fact I was beginning to think I was never going to have peace of mind ever again. I wanted to scream and yell and maybe even hit something. I wanted there to be someone who understood that life isn't suppose to be this complicated.
With a sob like laugh I edged myself down on to the stone floor. My body laid spread eagle on the ground. The rafters above my head gazed down at me in question form.
"Ron must be going mad with worry," I said simply as if that explained the whole problem. "I mean he is there and I'm here, or is it he is here and I'm there? We have plans, you know. We are going to live together after Hogwarts, and he was going to go to college and then university. I was going to take up healer training. Plans," the thought of Ron and me living together was always just a dream. We had talked about it, but neither of us knew if I was going to be able to come back.
"And what if I can't go back?" I couldn't help but laugh at that thought. It wasn't a happy laugh it was a laugh of desperation. "What if I have to live out the rest of my life stuck in this time? What if I can't go back because I've changed too much? What if I die?" The last words passed my lips in a whisper.
The sun filtered out from the clouds and beams shot to light up were I lay. I closed my eyes to let the warmth of the sun encase around my numbing senses. The rafters above seem to revel in the glory of the sun too. They looked less questioning in the new found light, and more understanding.
"Mum and Daddy never would tell me the whole truth. They always said that the truth was a fickle friend. Ask for it now and then but don't be persistent because you might find the answers to the world, and what fun would it be if you had all the answers." After a moment I spoke again, "I tried to find articles about what happened that afternoon, but none said anything important. Of course it could have been important but I won't know until it happens."
The battle between Daddy and Lord Voldemort would take place at Hogwarts. When they told me that I found it to be a cliché, I mean think about. Both of them thought of Hogwarts as their first home. Both had made their first friends here, or if Voldemort had friends then he did. Both excelled at Hogwarts for the first time in their lives. That is a lot of "boths," to be considered. As for the battle itself all I knew was that my parents and Uncle Ron and several others fought off the death eaters before Voldemort showed up, and then my dad and him fought. I know I'm in there somewhere. Mum said I showed up at the right moment, and I would know it when the time came.
How's that for telling me everything, I thought with a snort. Of course they couldn't tell me everything, but I think the important detail of how I saved my father's life would have been in among the mix. Shows you what I get for thinking….absolutely nothing.
"Ron and Penny would be right here with me if I had any say in this whole travel ordeal. They would be keeping me sane. Make sure I didn't say anything too incriminating. And most importantly they would be here." Penny and Ron and I were the trio of our generation. We got into mischief, and of course solved any mystery the castle threw at us. In our first year we figured out why our parents kept coming to the castle even though none of them worked at Hogwarts. Luckily for us we unmasked who was in the Order of the Phoenix. We were all shocked it was still running in our time. It was common knowledge that the Order had disbanded after the down fall of Voldemort, but apparently that was a lie.
I wondered, vaguely, what they would be doing at this moment. Of course I already knew. Penny would be dragging me out of bed, and Ron would be waiting in the entrance hall for us. Then we would all go to breakfast together. We would either eat at the Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, or the Slytherin table. I would often eat at the Slytherin table with my brothers on Saturdays and Sundays.
My twin brothers loved to cause havoc on anyone which in a way made it okay because they didn't discriminate. One of their favourites to prank was Peeves. By pranking the unruly poltergeist it caused a prank war to start. During the time since the twins started Hogwarts five prank wars had started and twice Headmistress McGonagall had to get involved for them to end. Of course by involved it means she pulled pranks on Peeves and the twins and then gave them orders to put the war to rest.
As I watched the rafters I was startled to find how much I missed their laughter. "It always seemed like they were laughing at something or another." My eyes misted over with tears and I took a huge breath to calm myself down. "Just stop it, Jillian," I forced myself to become impassive once more.
I don't know how long I stared at the rafters, but it was long enough for someone to come upon me. "Oh my…" The voice of Aunt Tonks reached my ears. "Are you okay?" Her feet pounded on the stone corridor and I winced as she came crashing down beside me.
"I'm fine," I said simply. "I'm just watching the light playing in the rafters."
"Well, you scared me. So, please get off the ground and back to your common room," I leaned up on my arms and noticed parchment scattered about the corridor. With a flick of my wrist I had all the papers in my hand in a neat pile.
"Hogsmead weekend," I said quietly. Carefully, Aunt Tonks took back the stack of parchment. "Luna," My whisper was caught by Tonks but I didn't care. "Thanks see you in class." At that I stood up and sprinted down the corridor. I heard her shouting about running in the hallways, but could care less because I needed to get to classroom eleven.
"You'll get use to me," I said as I came crashing through to door of classroom eleven. "I just need to…" trailing off I realized the room was empty and waiting for me. "Can't get one past a centaur," the grin on my face was only wiped off when I found the stars I was looking for.
As I read their means I sunk to the ground. Changing history, I thought, and it was my entire fault. I started a chain of events that for better of for worse have to play out for everything that needs to happen to happen. Sighing, I found Sirius in the blue ink sky. "It is my entire fault," I told him as I let my eyes close to sleep off the tension in my body.
Waking after sleeping on the grass with your head propped up on a log was never comfortable. I slipped from the room and wound my way through the corridors until I reached the crowded Great Hall. Casually I took a seat next to Uncle Neville. I could tell he was wondering where I had been all day, but I could also tell he wasn't going to ask me.
"Would you," he started to say and I looked at him. His face was red and he looked slightly nervous, but when he saw my face he stopped. "Jillian, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," I said with a sniffle.
At this time his worrying had gotten the attention of the other seventh year Gryffindors. "Neville, I'm fine." I said as I fought back the tears in my eyes. When did I become such an emotional freak, I asked myself. About the same time you travelled back in time without your support system, a voice inside my head responded.
"Go to Hogsmead with me," I said to Neville whom instantly turned a shade brighter. "I've never been before and I need a tour guide." I explained to him, and after a minute he nodded to signify that he would. "Thanks Neville you are the best…" I turned back to my meal and about five minutes later I realized the whole hall had gone quiet. Turning I followed Neville's gaze to the entrance way.
************************************************** Hospital Wing******
"What is going on?"
"Who is that?"
"Let me through," I shouted and pushed my way through the crowd that had formed around the curtained off
area. Without a second thought I barrelled past everyone and dived on to the bed.
My eyes brimmed over with tears as I took in the face of my boyfriend. "Ron Longbottom," I shouted after I put up the strongest silencing charm, around the curtain off area, I knew. "What are you doing here?"
"Not happy to see me, I see," He said and I buried my face in his neck. The tears I had fought to keep at bay leaked out as he rocked me back and forth. It took me twenty minutes to pull myself together. "Your parents sent me," he said softly into my hair.
"What is the catch 22?"
"I'm only staying for 48 hours."
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