[A/N: So, fifth year, here we go, once again, bold=not mine=JKR's, happy reading]
Chapter 5: Finally Getting Bolder
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One night, not long before their departure for school.
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"5 years Hermione!" one of many voices said inside Hermione's head "It's been 5 years since you first started liking Harry Potter, and where are you now? Hmm?! You're not his girlfriend, you're not his ex-, you haven't even TOLD him what you feel for him!"
"Well," another voice tried reasoning "I'm one of his best friends, before I was just a nobody and now at least I'm closer."
"Oh whoopti-fucking-do!" the first voice retorted "Your relationship is as platonic as a man and his pet. Although maybe not Filch. Except that in your situation, it's all one sided." The voice retorted, sounding remarkably like Cho.
"But you can change it! TELL HIM THAT YOU LIKE HIM!!" said another, kinder, voice.
"I'm trying!! But every time I gather up the courage it's never the right moment!"
"Yeah, every time you gather up the courage, he's either asleep and it's 3 a-clock in the morning, or he's miles away from you, and you're day-dreaming about him" the Cho-like voice taunted her.
"Oh yeah!? Well I'll go tell him now then! Ha! How do you like that?!" the third voice said, taking charge.
"Oh, please, be my guest!"
Hermione flipped off the covers and was just about to get up when the voice added:
"It's 2h30 in the morning by the way, just so you know…"
She sighed while replacing the covers. Hermione was lying in her bed, and it was indeed 2h30 in the morning, she was having another inner-debate about Harry, and about her feelings for him. They were becoming more and more frequent, and she was getting more and more frustrated that she was getting nowhere, her shy side always overpowering her daring side. She also made a mental note to read up on hearing voices, because these inside-her-head arguments were getting outrageous.
It's true it had been 5 years since she had fallen for Harry, and it had passed through crush, "evolved crush" and now she was slowly realizing that she was actually falling in love with him. True they had never gone out, but she knew him better than most did, the only exception being Ron, and they had done so many things together, that it was pretty much impossible not to fall in love with him.
"I bet even Ron loves him in a weird non-homosexual brotherly best-friend-ish kind of way" she mused "and we mustn't forget Dobby! I bet those socks Harry gave him will never be the same again after what I imagine Dobby did to them." She smiled in the dark moon-lit room.
"I guess no one is safe from falling in love with the Great Harry Potter" she sighed inwardly "Let's just hope I tell him about my feelings before Ron tells him about his" she thought, the smile lingering on her face for a moment. She could just imagine Ron trying to explain how he felt to Harry, how hilariously awkward he would be.
"If only he had been made prefect, then that would have created perfect opportunities for me!" she lamented.
"Yes yes, we know you wanted that, I think everyone in Harry's room at Grimmauld Place that day knows it too" a voice responded.
Hermione blushed at the memory, slightly ashamed and embarrassed.
She was in her and Ginny's room in Grimmauld Place, quickly opening her school letter, to see the new books they would need. She took out the two pieces of parchment, tossed the usual reminder of term starting on the first of September, and looked at the book list.
She was slightly disappointed at seeing only two additions for the year but stared at the second book on the list. "Defensive Magical Theory," she thought, putting emphasis on the last word of the title "there must be a mistake, there must be another book that we have to buy that covers the practical area of DADA…".
She decided to go see what the boys thought and was about to put the letters back into the envelope when she noticed it was heavier than usual. She looked inside it, wondering what more the school had sent, and her breath got caught.
"YES!! Yes! Yes!" she screamed in triumph, making Ginny who was lying on her bed next to her jump, though not as high as Hermione was jumping at that moment.
"What is it Hermione?" she questioned, her head bobbing slightly as she followed her best friends progress of hopping around the room.
She was lost for words, she couldn't really say anything, and she was just too excited, and just flashed the red and gold badge. Ginny's reaction was much similar and she jumped and hugged Hermione, congratulating her, and joining her in her hopping about.
When they separated Hermione rushed to the door, to go see if Harry had been made prefect. "He must have been," she assured herself "with all he did there's no way he could not have been made one! Oh it'll be perfect, we could patrol together, and could spend so much time together alone at night, oh how romantic! And maybe we could go near the astronomy tower, and go near the tall windows, where it's most illuminated, and maybe put some pillows on the floor, and then we could - "
"DAMMIT HERMIONE!" a frustrated voice said in her head and she let out a breath she wasn't aware of having held. She realized she had been standing outside the boys' door and quickly bashed open the door in excitement.
She scanned the room, her eyes dashing from Fred to George to Ron and finally Harry, who was holding the same badge as her in his hand. A few moments of hesitation and she bounded on him, crushing him under her flying mass of bushy hair while screaming.
"I knew it! Me too Harry! Me too!"
But Harry wasn't hugging her back, and gently pulled her off him, and told her that it wasn't he who had been made prefect, but Ron. Hermione's happiness took a serious slicing, and her smile fell, her night time patrol dreams were blown apart. She refused to comprehend the situation, and continued stuttering, while her mouth fell open wide.
"I...I...well..."
She quickly realized her tactless behaviour, and tried recovering, but failing desolately, as her face turned redder than the badges she, and now Ron, were holding in their hands.
"Aw crap! This ruins everything!" she thought, while still trying to fix her slip-up, and praising Ron to a certain extent, hoping they would all overlook what had just taken place.
"Anyway, got to get to sleep now, long day tomorrow" she recited in her head, for what seemed to be the billionth time, since she always ended her night-time Harry-debates with the same phrase. And she fell into a deep sleep, her dreams undoubtedly resplendent with images of Harry, and probably the moonlit pillow-covered floors of the astronomy tower.
* * * * *
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In the Forbidden Forest, Hagrid `introduces' them to his half-brother Grawp, the loveable lumpy giant.
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"GRAWPY, NO!"
A great big earthy hand was reaching towards Hermione, and she was so terrified that she just stood there, her face livid, all blood leaving her and going somewhere else in her body, so that she was as white as the clouds above. The look on her face resembled the one she had when she faced the troll in first year.
Pure terror.
With lightning fast reflexes worthy of his seeker position, Harry seized her around the waist and pulled her back, pinning her behind a tree, effectively protecting her from the huge hand, which was now grabbing at thin air, missing their tree only by inches.
They could hear Hagrid shouting and scolding Grawp from behind the tree, and decided he could handle it on his own and just stayed where they were, away from Grawp's grasp.
Hermione clung to Harry with all her strength, involuntarily shaking and whimpering, her eyes close to tears. His arms were wrapped protectively around her, and she could see he was listening closely to what was happening with Hagrid and Grawp, because he always stared blankly into space when he did that. She suddenly went all numb, all her muscles relaxed, and she fell into exactly the same state as the one she had been in that night 2 years ago. Once again she could feel his scent engulf her, like a lovely warm duvet wrapped around her, her eyes were half closed and she let out a long content breath, just to inhale an even bigger one, filling her lungs with that wonderful smell that was Harry's.
"You've got to pull yourself together!" the daring voice inside Hermione's head said "or better yet, pull YOURSELVES together!" it paused "Pull him in for a kiss! Come on, you're already so close to him it'll take practically no effort"
"WHAT! You think that if I can't even say I love him that I'll be able to just randomly kiss him!" the shy and rational side replied.
"Well that's what Cho would've done!" the voice said tauntingly.
"OOH THAT'S IT! It's ON! I will bloody snog him senseless, THAT will show little-miss-stuck-up how platonic our relationship is!"
Hermione carefully shifted in Harry's grasp, positioning her head closer to his.
"This is it…I'm gonna kiss him.
" I'm gonna kiss those lips that I've dreamt about so many times, I'm finally gonna get somewhere with him, this is it…" she thought frantically, her heart suddenly speeding up.
She could see everything so close, his scar somewhat hidden beneath his jet black coloured bangs, his eyes glinting with determination and courage, and a few beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
And just as she was leaning in, just as she was about to finally do what her heart had wanted her to do for so many years, just as she was about to snog him senseless and fulfil her heart's desire, he poked his head around the tree, and she completely missed his face, and just stuck her face in the side of his shoulder.
She frowned, gritting her teeth and tightened her fists. "OH FOR MERLIN'S SAKE!! WHAT THE HELL!!" and she continued mentally cursing as she thought of every insult that passed through her mind.
If she had had any blood left in her face she was sure it would've filled up her cheeks, she was so utterly embarrassed. Luckily Harry didn't notice her crash-and-burn attempt; he was still peering around the tree, checking if the coast was clear.
"Nice one" the Cho-like voice taunted.
"Oh don't you start!" another voice warned.
Hermione finally composed herself, her face finally regaining its normal colour, and turned to see what Harry was looking at, though still keeping her head against his chest, she at least deserved that little compensation for such an embarrassing and failed attempt at a kiss.
Hagrid was staring up at the sky, pinching the bridge of his nose, and she could see his face covered in blood. She concluded that Grawp had hit Hagrid in the face, and effectively broken his nose. Normally, she would've rushed to his aid, but the circumstances were such that she just couldn't get herself to move from her spot of comfort.
Eventually they started back towards the castle, Hermione moved out from Harry's embrace, without showing her reluctance of course. She may be getting bolder, but that doesn't mean she had to be foolish, she'll show him she loves him when she's ready, the moment must be perfect. Sadly, perfection is an elusive prey, and can easily be chased away by any wrong occurrence. It would be quite a fair few months before Hermione finally professed her love to Harry.
* * * * *
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Department of Mysteries.
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Hermione flew through the air as she was thrown into a bookcase by the Death-Eater's spell. The contents of the bookcase rained down on her head as she was pelted with a multitude of heavy books.
"Ironic that those things you love so much can hurt that much huh?" said the Cho-like voice that she never managed to get rid of.
"Oh will you please SHUT IT!!" one of the many voices threatened.
Hermione reflexively covered her head with her arms and curled her head forwards as the last few volumes fell off the shelves. She had sharp pains on her back and arms where the books had hit, most landing on their corners and digging into her skin. The initial slamming into the bookcase had taken her breath away, and she needed a moment to regain it.
"Come on, you can't let Harry down, he needs your help, you need to show him he can always count on you" thought Hermione.
Either way, slow recovery in a situation like this was impossible. As a Death Eater started shouting for others to come, fear captured her while courage overrode it, and adrenaline pumped through her veins, fuelling her muscles, numbing the pain, and activating her senses.
She got up and immediately silenced the shouting Death Eater, he continued moving his lips, but no sound came from him. He was then thrust aside by one of his comrades and she was just about to jinx him when Harry beat her to it. She was impressed by his speed and was in the middle of congratulating him when the dumb Death Eater came back and slashed through the air with his wand, leaving a flaming streak of purple fire in it's wake, which appeared replicated on Hermione's chest, going from her shoulder to her waist.
Her face froze and she felt as though a huge burning gash had been opened on every layer of her body. For her, everything suddenly appeared in slow motion, and every detail around her began to slowly disappear into darkness.
First all sounds faded away, as if she was being plunged underwater, everything became muffled and indiscernible. Then a dark shadow surrounded her view of the surroundings, so that the broken glass, the book shelves, the desks and the books, all were vanishing bit by bit, so that all that was left was Harry and the Death Eater.
As she turned to face Harry, believing these were her last moments, she wanted to tell him she loved him, to tell him that there was someone in this world who cared for him more than themselves, that he was not alone, but how do you say all that when you can barely see anything around you, and all is becoming dark?
Why is it that it is only in our last moments that we decide to say the most important things to the people that mean most to us?
It seamed as if hours had passed, when it had been barely seconds in reality. She wanted him to at least know how she felt, and even though it wasn't exactly the perfect moment, it was really now or never for her.
But sadly, she was denied her last wish, and all she managed to let out was the first letter of Harry's name, barely letting out a whisper of a syllable, and all she got out was a small "Oh" as though of surprise.
She then passed out and crumbled to the floor in a heap of bushy hair and robes, with the terrified look on Harry's face frozen in her mind. She faintly heard a voice calling her name, but she couldn't muster the strength to respond, and succumbed to the pull of darkness that was gently claiming her whole body.
"I didn't even get to tell him I loved him" a voice deplored somewhere in the darkness, and echoed around her, as if she was in a dark cave.
It was that, more than anything, that kept her from totally going into the numbing darkness eating away at her consciousness. It was that thought that drove her away from the numbing and calming sensation pulling at her consciousness. She was going to tell him, she needed to tell him, there was no way she would go without him knowing her feelings for him. It was her determination, her drive; in her mind, he was her reason for living at that instant.
[A/N: Sry for flashbacking so much in my story, but I wanted the beginning of the chapter to have that inner conversation, and so to keep chronology, I had to tell the prefect story as a flashback. Also, it doesn't say that Hermione hugs Harry during the prefect misunderstanding, but I made it so just for the interest of the story. Anyway, thx for reading, and please take a few seconds to review. Thx for reading!]
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