The Letters
Viopathartic
A/N: Join the army, meet interesting people, kill them ~Anonymous…haha had me laughing
I'm back from the torturous weeks of hell and glad to say I passed mid-terms with flying colors! My momma's proud too :}
This chapter consists of whirl wind of flashbacks, just so you can get the idea. I'm having some problems in deciding how to end this story.
Please read the author notes at the end.
Remus Lupin believed in seeing what was on the inside and not the outside. Back in school, many thought James Potter was an arrogant and cocky playboy, all about masculinity. Their assumptions were partly true, but they didn't know James like Remus and Sirius did. They didn't know that the Quidditch star used to sing in the shower, read stacks and stacks of Witch Weekly (mostly for latest girl/guy tips, but Remus swore he caught James reading the Gossip section one time…), and was so smitten with Lily Evans that he even put a picture of her by his nightstand.
But Luna Lovegood continues to remain as mysterious as a recondite cave. Lupin had met her when he held the position as Defense against the Dark Arts professor and she was in one of his classes. She was brilliant, a Ravenclaw after all, but seemed odd. She was girl who sat at her desk, staring at the clouds instead of reading the assigned pages in her textbook. However when called upon by Remus, the answer would be given immediately and usually were right. Her classmates would tease her mercilessly, but she would coolly ignore them and seemed truly unbothered by the mockery.
And now, Luna entered the Gryffindor Common Room, causing Remus to wonder how she got the password. He asked her for her purpose of being here and she answered…
"Harry feels a bit sad so I thought I should go and cheer him up."
"How did you know he was here?" Harry was discreetly released from the Wing; he requested for no one to tell. Remus and the others he trusted snuck Harry under his invisibility cloak while pretending they were patrolling the corridors. It was also lunchtime, making the process much easier.
"Well, first I was walking to the Astronomy Tower and expected to see the Blibbering Humdingers that I've been studying," Tonks exchanged an unsure look to her boyfriend.
"However, I was rudely interrupted by a boy and girl, coming up to snog each other. I had to find something else to do and so, I went down to the Quidditch field. I talked to a few people and decided it was getting late. I was passing this room to get to my Common Room, but I felt Harry. It was only right to see how he was doing."
"Felt….?" Tonks asked, turning to see her boyfriend's reaction. But he was staring at the girl, as if he just saw Merlin.
"You're an empath," said Remus in awe, having never met one in his life.
"What's an empath?" asked Tonks. Remus turned to look at his girlfriend and replied, "I'm not very surprised when someone asks that. An empath is rarely heard of today in the wizardry world. It's connected to empathy, a person's ability to recognize, perceive and directly feel the emotion of another person. It's like 'walking in someone else's shoes', I guess."
Tonks nodded, listening intently. "An empath is a person who can feel the emotions, raw, and sometimes it can't be controlled. And Luna, here is an empath."
He turned to face Luna once more. "When did you find out you were an empath?"
"When I was five, my mom and dad had a little fight and I was able to feel the anger. I broke a window by throwing my doll out of the window," said Luna, brusquely.
"Amazing." Remus always wondered what it was like. The ability to feel the emotions of the people surrounding you, their desires and their peeves. It would be much easier for people to get along if that was so.
"Well, how does it work?"
"Pardon?" Luna blinked, her eyes, which seemed to be permanently wide, scared Tonks a bit, but she continued.
"I mean, in case you didn't know, I am Metamorphmagus. I can change my appearance at will, but I usually just change my hair color. I just think of the look and poof, my body changes. But how does being an empath work? Do you have to concentrate or something?"
"Oh well, I'm sorry to say it, but I don't know how to control it exactly. I guess all I do is feel. When I'm close to someone, their emotions just jump into me," she paused for a moment then added, "Sometimes, waves of different levels come to me and I feel it all at once. Amazing most of the time…"
"I would think so!" piped Lupin.
"And sometimes being what I am is a curse." The girl's eyes clouded in memory, leaving Lupin and Tonks slightly confused. Images of Neville and Ginny, desire that was never returned, feeling their love…
It was silent before and when her voice broke through the barrier, the two adults jumped.
"Can I see Harry?"
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The colors of his bed were yellow and red. Harry had spent countless times, lying in his bed and staring at the inside of his ceiling, but he never acknowledged its details until now. Red and yellow. The colors of Gryfindor. Gryfindor. Brave, love, and knowledge. He was a Gryffindor.
Luna paused in front of his door, letting the waves of anger, despair, and betrayal pass through her body. She shuddered in attempt to release those feelings and rapped her fist against the door. Harry closed his eyes, hoping it wasn't Ron or worse, Hermione. But the person spoke and he knew it was neither.
"Yes, Luna?"
"May I enter your bedroom?" Harry sighed, wanting only to be left alone. But he didn't want to hurt Luna's feelings. To be frank, the Ravenclaw girl was okay. Her unusual observations and her crazy statements always amused him and because of her aid in fighting the war, he considered her as a loyal friend. So, he pulled himself into a sitting position, swung his legs onto the ground, and lazily shuffled to the door.
Pulling it open, he saw Luna staring up at him through her oversized glasses. She blinked and walked into the room just as Harry opened his mouth. She plopped herself onto Ron's bed and looked expectedly at him. With a hand still on the knob, Harry asked, "What?"
"I've come to see how you are doing."
"I'm fine and you?"
"Spectacular. But you're lying, Harry. You're not feeling fine." With Luna comes her quirky ability to detect a lie. His hand slipped from the knob and fell to his side. Ah, what the hell. He decided it wouldn't hurt to just talk to someone. He sat himself onto his bed which was across from where Luna was sitting.
"And how do you know how I feel?"
"I'm an empath," Luna simply replied. Harry stared blankly at her. "An empath is person who can feel the emotions of other people."
His mouth had suddenly gone dry. "And may I ask what you feel?"
With a slight smile, Luna nodded. She closed her eyes and breathed through her nose. "I should say what you feel."
You're extremely saddened by something. I'm guessing Neville's death. A bit of guilt is tied to this, but why? You're also feeling jealous…of Ron. You feel angry, but your feeling of betrayal greatly surpasses it. Am I right?"
Slowly, Harry nodded. Neville's death was just a surprising as his other friends' deaths. Knowing he had lost another loyal friend reminded him that everything was his fault. The Ministry of Magic and the Order could have handled the Dark. But all of his friends had volunteered and were determined to do anything to help Harry Potter. Now half of them were dead.
He saw Neville mere hours before he left to battle against Voldemort. The Reductor Curse that damaged Neville's leg did not seem life-threatening at the time. However, Harry knew that there was no way to refigure his leg and an infection had probably spread from his wound to the whole body.
He was also jealous of Ron. Ron had Hermione. Harry didn't. Simple.
Angry because of Neville. They hid it from him, as if they thought the death would kill him. And the letter…
Harry stepped away from the bed and busied himself with an errant piece of paper on his desk. Luna watched with detached interest. Why did they lie about that? They thought he was clueless, that he would never know. He didn't realize Ron and Hermione could be so dim at times.
"Ron's a bit angry at you too."
"Why," Harry spat, "I never did anything to him!"
"Not intentionally. He's just threatened."
"Why, though? Why?" His hands were curled in fist and he spoke to the wall.
"Ron doesn't want you to take Hermione away."
"Do you think I would do that? Do you think I would actually betray him like that?"
"No," Luna answered, simply. "You're too noble to do such a thing. But Ron believes it and sometimes I can see why."
His anger was forgotten, soon replaced with curiosity. The girl sitting on Ron's bed saw his look and answered his unvoiced question.
"It's easy for me to tell because I'm an empath. The first time you saw them together that July day, you were ecstatic for them. But then you felt something else. I was there too with Ginny and Neville and we were at the Burrow celebrating your coming of age."
Harry nodded, remembering that day. The day his heart broke.
The speck fire dwindled to wisps of smoke after Harry had blown the candles. The sound of cheering and clapping filled Harry's ears and he couldn't stop smiling. In front of him was a massive ice cream cake made by Molly Weasley. On each side stood his faithful friends Hermione and Ron. Hermione's hand slipped into his, giving a weak squeeze before she let go. Ron clapped Harry on the shoulder, yelling over the sounds of raptures.
"Congratulations, mate. You're officially of age!"
Harry's smile grew wider, if possible.
"How do you feel?" Hermione asked with a look of delight on her face.
That morning, Harry left the Dursleys, leaving no trace of his existence behind. They were glad for him to leave. He thought about the times of forlorn and depression he had experienced there and actually laughed.
"Free, Hermione. Finally free." Hermione, on impulse, gathered him in a hug, which he gratefully returned.
"Congratulations Harry!" yelled the whole crowd of Hogwarts students (Luna, Parvati, Dean, Seamus, and Neville) and mixes of the Order.
Harry gladly accepted gifts for the next hour or so before sneaking out of the room with boxes of Chocolate Frogs and Sugar Quills. He was searching for Hermione and Ron since the two loved the candies. Harry stuck his head into the living room but to no avail. He checked the bedrooms but still could not find them. Finally when he decided they might have returned to the party, he exited through the front door, planning to circle around the house to the back yard where the party was. However, two persons were up against the wall, attached by the lips and oblivious to his standing there.
He saw a person with red and when he approached closer, he saw the most unlikely couple.
Ginny and Neville.
Oh, he thought, his pulse returning to normal, whew, for a moment there I thought that was Ron…
With a playful angry voice, he shouted, "Oi! You two get a room. I don't think Mother would like to see you two like this."
"Sod off Harry!" said Ginny who still did not remove her lips from Neville. Ginny and Harry communicated after leaving Hogwarts and decided they were better off as friends than lovers.
Harry laughed and jogged away before he could anger her anymore. He was opening the back gate to enter the party when he heard an "Ow!"
Knowing the voice belonged to his friend, Harry tip-toed over to the sound. He walked under an arch with green vines twisted elegantly around it and passed the bushes of petunias and begonias.
"…can't believe I did that. Are you okay?"
Hermione rubbed her nose, laughing. "Yes. I'm rather clumsy as well. I haven't had much experience with…you know, kissing."
Ron remained silent and Harry suspected it was because Lavender had taught Ron many things about kissing and probably more…
"Can we-do you think we can try again?"
Ron didn't answer but instead grabbed Hermione by waist, pulled her in and bent his head down, planting a kiss right onto her lips. They stayed there for a moment and all Harry could do was watch. Neither moved and after a few seconds, he could see they were running out of breath. Hermione pulled away, her face red. Ron gave her an embarrassed smile.
Hermione shuffled her feet and then asked "Well, shall we head back? Harry's probably searching for us."
"Oh, yeah. Harry probably is." Ron hesitated then offered a hand. "Let's go."
Hermione slipped her hand into Ron's and they walked out of the garden.
Harry stepped onto the path after they were done. He smiled, seeing that they finally confessed their feelings for each other. But then, it faded as he realized that he might become the third wheel. Harry dropped into a vacant bench in the garden, pulling out his boxes of candy.
He opened a box of Chocolate Frog and briefly glanced at the card he received. Dumbledore, but he wasn't there anymore. Snape killed him. Harry took a big bite out of the sweet's head.
He chewed, not really tasting its usual sweet flavor and quickly finished it. Harry opened another one and continued to eat. Alone.
"You were happy one minute. Then you felt abandoned the next."
"But how did you know this?"
"My ability works for people within a hundred yards." she stated matter-of-factly.
Harry smiled. Of course.
"You were fine with them together for the next weeks. Their little "walks" outside. Their dates. Their snogs. But then you cared."
Harry sat behind the coffee table, sipping a bottle of Butterbeer as he read a book on Dark Arts. He was hidden by the safety of his Invisibility Cloak. The crackle of the fire and the soft tick of the clock were the only sounds in the living room. Harry sighed and was about to turn in when the creak of door coursed the room. Cautiously, he laid down the book, pulled the Cloak tightly over his body, and crouched low. A steady hand gripped a wand, and the stunning charm was at the tip of his tongue.
"Hermione, can't we just turn the lights on?"
Ron. But what were they doing-
Oh.
Harry moved away from the doorway and took discreet steps toward the stairway. Hermione and Ron appeared; both sporting symptoms of post-snogging disorder.
"You know how Harry stays up late these days. I was afraid he might have caught us," she explained, extinguishing the fire Harry had lit hours ago.
"Well. Then since he's not here…"Ron waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner, but Hermione rolled her eyes.
"We did enough of that outside." Ew. The image of Ron slobbering over a girl wasn't that mortifying; he had to deal with that in sixth year. But when Hermione came into his mind…the stiff, bossy bookworm…his closest female friend…giggling like a deranged school girl as she snogged Ron…
"Ron. We have to tell Harry." Ron groaned and wrapped his arms around Hermione's waist. Harry forgot to breathe. Physical contact…too much! He moved away from the stairs once he noticed they were getting closer.
"Okay, okay, we'll tell him tomorrow." Hermione smiled, gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Harry left after, not wanting to see them together like this.
They told him two weeks after that night. Harry acted surprised. Then happy. Like he just found out. Harry found he was getting quite good with masking his emotions.
Summer passed by. He remembered so well. How after they told him, awkwardness was replaced by jealousy. Jealousy was replaced by longing. The questions of "whys" went through his mind every day.
Harry never really believed that Hermione and Ron would last. He waited for a few days, which turned into another week, which turned into another month, which turned to a year.
Get out of my head, Hermione.
She was everywhere; in his mind and in his dreams.
He loved her soft brown eyes as she comforted him at his parents' grave. He loved it when Hermione pulled him into a hug because it was the only physical contact he could get from her without suspicion. He loved her bushy hair, loved the smell of her cherry and vanilla shampoo. He loved her.
"There was a time when you lost all hope, in love and the battle. You were about to do something that was to change your life forever."
It was too much.
Such a familiar sight. Parents crying over the deaths of their children. The Diggorys and Cedric. The Patils and Parvati.
He escaped as quickly as he could. He didn't want them to see how much he failed.
Harry was not a hero. He was not the "Chosen One". He was just a wizard trying to fight against the evil that has plagued his life for seventeen years. And he was losing.
The most recent battle Harry saw Dennis, the little fourth year, falling at the hands of Nott. Spells and curses spout from every wand. Dementors lurked above, sucking the hope and happiness from the Light Side. The air was as cold as the Black Lake in the beginnings of winter. Harry couldn't see very well; he had to strain just to see through the fog. As he exhaled, a cloud of air hovered and floated away.
And there he was. The Creeveys were fighting against four Deatheaters and one Dementor. Neville had fallen to the rain soaked ground, hit by an unavoidable Stunning charm. Lisa Turpin produced a Patronus in the shape of a dolphin and the extraordinary light chased the creature away. Harry felt a small sense of pride as he caught a small part of the scene. It was gone when Lisa was knocked out by an unknown spell. Colin Creevey quickly revived Neville and seemed to have said something to him for the seventh year turned and ran to another battle with Lisa following. Dennis nodded at his older brother and together, they waved their wands. Two of the Deatheaters flew back 50 yards as the red beams impacted.
Even in the mist of war, the brothers raised a hand and high-fived each other. A mistake it was because the two children did not notice the Deatheaters left in the battle. One hooded man raised his wand and whispered the deadliest curse. Colin stepped in front of his little brother, prepared for the flash of green.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Harry parried a curse from his opponent. Catheridy was quick, he had to admit. Their face-to-face battle stretched for 20 minutes and Harry found himself just struggling for air. With the Reductor Curse on the tip of his tongue, he heard the two words that ended his parents, Cedric's, and Dumbledore's life.
Filled with such angry and raise, he abandoned the useless curse and spat out "Septumsepra!" Harry didn't stay to see Catheridy falling to his knees, streams of blood bursting from his chest. Dementors had already surrounded Dennis, hoping for the soul of the boy who had just fallen. Harry summoned his strongest Patronus, the image of Hermione strong in his mind. He used a Dark curse, the first to come into his mind. The Deatheaters fell at his command.
Colin had his little brother's head on his lap, cradling him like a fragile doll. It was no use, though. Dennis was gone. Harry couldn't get closer; didn't want to.
Here he was in his room. A poem he once heard ran over and over in his mind.
For everything there must come a last.
A last minute, a last hour, a last month, day, or year.
A last drink, a last coke, a last butterbeer.
A last love, a last heart, a last kiss, a last hug
Or even the last words written on a page.
But the worst last thing is your last breath
because what is to follow will surely be your death.
What am I doing…
A paper sitting on his desk. A pen in his pale and shaking hands. A knife on his bed.
Harry ached to see his parents again, to see Sirius, to see Dumbledore.
Escape, he needed escape. Away from the war, the countless bodies, the looks of pity. Far away from his destiny.
ALL OF THIS TO BE OVER.
So he sat down on the chair, picked up the pen. Harry couldn't help but laugh. Here he was sitting in the dark when he was supposed to be in library.
And he was thinking about what to put in his suicide letter.
God, I'm was writing to Hermione. What do I say?
I love you. I want to be with you, but you're with Ron.
What's the use of fighting when you're going to die anyways?
Mum, Dad, Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore, Parvati, Dennis, Dean, Percy, Neville. So many had died, just because of him.
I'm so sorry.
The pen shook as it scurried across the paper. Anguish sobs took over his body and Harry found it was harder to breathe than to think. What am I doing?
Caught in his own reverence, he didn't notice Luna had stopped humming. She was the first to feel the two people. Hesitancy. Guiltiness. Love. They mixed and were close. And they were coming.
The two stood hesitantly at his door. Luna sat up and gracefully leapt to her feet. "I have to go finish the Blibbering Humdingers sighting. See you later, Harry."
"Yeah, Luna." Harry answered, giving her a small wave. He smiled as he watched her leave. Before, Harry didn't want to see anyone, but Luna…made him feel better. As his eyes traveled the room, the emerald orbs landed on the slightly opened drawer.
He closed it with a thud and sat back onto his bed, the metal springs straining under his weight. A knock on the door was heard, but Harry knew who was behind the door.
"Hermione. Ron."
Author's Note:
You may think the part where Harry's writing his suicide letter was short and not in complete sentences. But honestly, do you think anyone's coherent when planning their suicide?
And for those who think the "suicide" is a bit too extreme, remember what Harry has gone through. J.K. Rowling may have tried to hide the pessimistic side of Harry Potter because, well, the series is intended for mostly children. In real sense, Harry has a dude out to kill him, his friends were getting killed in gruesome ways, and his love for his best friend cannot be revealed.
Please notify me if there was any mistake in grammar, spelling, and such.
As stated in the author note above, I'm deciding on how to end The Letters.
Very difficult because all the Hermione/Harry stories I have read always end up with a kiss after:
a) they had a massive breakup
b) Hermione realizes she loves Harry and breaks up with Ron/various Garysues
c) Harry realizes he loves Hermione and breaks up with Ginny/various Marysues
So ugh…I'm not sure.
Again, next chapter might be subdued because teachers are evil and want to kill students like me with loads and loads of homework.
Viopatharitc