A/N at the end of the chappie.
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The rain thudded against the windows of the Gryffindor common room. It was quieter than usual for a Monday. Groups huddled around tables to study and one such group was gathered at a table close to the stairs.
"My brain is melting, Hermione. Can we please stop?" Ron griped.
"Until you make a satisfactory grade on a Transfiguration test, no. Besides, we still have to finish our Potions work."
"I'm almost done with that. Can't we just lay off for one night?"
"Go on," she sighed. "It's not my fault if you fail."
"You are the best friend a person can have, Hermione. Thank you, thank you, thank you," he repeated. Not bothering to put away his quill and parchment, he quickly left the room.
"At least he's going to see someone who cares about him," she sulked. She was alone as she had been for the past week. Ron spent most of his time with Luna and although he and Luna talked with her, she felt like the third wheel in all of their conversations. As for Harry, he had disappeared from public view. No matter how hard she tried, he always seemed to be one step away.
She shifted her papers to uncover her timetable of her time with Harry over the past few months. Scribbles and marked dates dominated the paper. The only definite marking on the paper was a large "LOVE" at the end of the line. It was getting increasingly difficult to find when exactly she had subconsciously fallen in love with him. That conclusion had been reached after several days of personal research through her memories. It all came to the same end of being in love with him and not being able to see him.
"I've got to do something to take my mind off of this. I need to go down to the dungeons anyway to find a few potion ingredients." She left the common room with the chatter of students following her.
Giggly students crowded the halls which added to Hermione's loneliness. She felt like her twelve year-old self again, watching others have fun and friends while she was left to fend for herself. Schoolwork had been her coping mechanism as it was now.
If Ron or Harry were here, they'd drag me off to do something completely non-related to school, she thought sadly. Especially Harry.
"Look at me," she sighed to herself. Her voice echoed off the narrow walls of the hall leading to the main dungeons. Not only did she miss Harry, the person she loved, she missed Harry, the friend. "I'm head-over-heels, aren't I?" she said wryly as she entered the room.
"Well, that depends. Do you just want to shag the boy or do you care about more than his crotch?"
Hermione looked up from the floor to find Malfoy grinning at her from behind Slughorn's desk. Scowling, she answered, "Why don't you keep studying?"
He raised his hands in defense. "Just trying to give advice, Granger. No need to get testy. What brings you to my little study corner?"
"Looking for ingredients for tomorrow's potion. I'm quite sure you've already done that?"
"No, actually. Was going to do that before you came in, but since you decided to volunteer," he smirked.
"You can not be serious," she huffed. He replied by leaning back in his chair, making her huff even louder. "You can do what you like, but I am not doing your work for you."
"But it's your work too."
Grudgingly, she saw that he had a point, but she refused to give in. She stood near the door for fifteen minutes with her arms crossed.
Pushing himself out of his chair, Malfoy grunted, "Fine, but only because we'll be here all night and I need my beauty rest." He went to the cabinet and set things aside. "So," he said, "how are you and Potter coming along?"
Her face flushed with anger. "You have no right to ask," she said coldly. "You're the one who did this to him."
"Turned him into a love sick puppy? I suppose so."
Hermione resisted the urge to push him into the cabinet. "Your sarcasm is not putting you in a better light."
Malfoy's chuckle echoed off the metal insides of the cabinet. "Do I detect a hint of anger?"
"What do you think?" she snapped.
"Temper, temper. Wouldn't want Potter to think that his girlfriend had more anger issues than he did." He backed out of the file cabinet and straightened up. "You know that he hates to be outdone," he grinned.
"I am not his girlfriend!" she sputtered through her anger.
"You'd like to be. Don't deny it either; that panicked look on your face says it all." He walked back to his previous seat with an air of satisfaction. "You finally broke."
I have got to learn how to handle embarrassment better, she thought.
"My mistake in reality."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought he'd go for the girl Weasley. That was his ex-girlfriend, right? It was going to be a simple joke; he'd embarrass her for a little bit, they'd snog within the day, the end." He propped his feet on the desk. "Rather shocked me when he went for you. I did see the Great Hall thing, who didn't, but I thought it was an accident that would wear off. Guess I was wrong."
Hermione sat down hard in the chair nearest her. It had all been a misunderstanding. Malfoy had counted on Ginny to capture Harry's attention. But Harry loved you, a proud sounding voice reminded her.
The scratching noise of Malfoy's quill matched his snort. "Remarkable. You're speechless."
"Shut it, Malfoy," she said absently.
He grinned. "Winding you up is the most fun I'll ever have." Thoughtfully, he added, "That thing with Pansy and Millicent didn't involve me. I knew they were crazy, but not that crazy."
"How is Pansy?" she asked with a fake smile.
"Pissed."
Her fake smile turned into a real one. "Good."
"Somebody's vengeful."
"She almost killed me! Wouldn't you be a bit vengeful too?"
Malfoy whistled innocently. Hermione snorted and added, "You couldn't let me die anyway since you have a debt to pay."
He grimaced. "It's not like I can't forget that one of my sworn enemies kept my arse out of the fire during that last battle. Why remind me?"
"Just to keep it fresh in your mind." She stood up and folded her arms.
"Like I would want you dead," he chuckled as he walked from behind the desk towards her. He stopped in front of her and folded his arms as well. "Who else would I pick on?"
"Me. Now back away from Hermione."
They both turned to find a very irritated Harry standing in the doorway. "Potter, glad you could make it!" Malfoy said breezily, "I--
"Was just leaving."
Malfoy began to stalk towards Harry, but Hermione stepped between them. "Remember, Malfoy."
He glowered. Thank goodness for leverage, Hermione thought as he stalked to the door. He turned in the doorway and said drolly, "You should put a leash on the guard dog, Granger." With that, Malfoy left.
Hermione heaved a relieved sigh. "That could have been worse."
"Yeah," Harry growled, "he could have attacked you."
She faced him to find his eyebrows furrowed with anger. "You know he can't. A wizard that breaks a life debt is cursed forever," she countered.
"I don't care. What if he decided to take the risk?"
"Well, I've getting along fine by myself for the past week," she answered irritably. His hurt look made her regret snapping at him. "Harry, I'm sorry."
"No, it's alright. I've got to go check on Hedwig." He began to leave.
"Let me come with you."
"Some of the owls get skittish when there's more than one person and…." He stopped, leaving dead silence.
She watched helplessly. He had his back turned to her, but she knew from the tone of his voice that he was lying. She reached for his arm, wishing that with her touch whatever burden that weighed him down would disappear. She wanted-no-needed to comfort him.
"Harry," she said softly, "please don't shut me out again. Please.
After a few minutes, he said, "If we leave soon enough, we can get there after the nervous owls have left. They go pretty early."
Hermione smiled. "Let's go."
* * *
Dank and musty smells came from the Owlery in waves, but Hermione noticed that Harry didn't to mind. He avoided owl droppings on the floor with ease. By the time she had reached him near the window, he had already called down Hedwig and was stroking her feathers.
"Hey there, girl. Brought you some treats," he greeted. He pulled them from his pocket and Hedwig munched on them slowly. Her yellow eyes showed concern for her master.
Must be a female intuition, Hermione thought. She watched Harry with the same wary look as Hedwig while she stroked the owl's feathers.
"It's been a while since you've seen her," Harry commented.
"She's a very solitary bird. Bit like you."
"Yeah," he chuckled humorlessly.
"Is this where've you been all this week?" she hesitantly asked.
"Here and other places. Visiting Hagrid, flying around the pitch, seeing Dobby. My usual brooding habits."
"But how have you been able to avoid me and Ron?"
"I've basically memorized the passages on the map Map. I think I may have even found some new ones."
"Harry," she scolded.
"Well, what do you expect? I am a Marauder's son." At Hermione's sigh, he smiled briefly before it faded into its former melancholy look. "They've started again."
She knew that he was talking about his nightmares of Voldemort and Harry's ordeal during that final fight. "When?"
"Two weeks ago. They're worse than before. And the words are coming back." He shuddered. "I want to forget, Hermione."
Hedwig gave Harry a comforting nip on the finger and flew out of the window to hunt. He followed his bird, but leaned against the open-air windowsill instead of flying away. Hermione went to his side. This was her fault. It was her attack that had triggered his nightmares to rise from his subconscious.
"To hear him speak Parseltounge in breathy way of his-even the Death Eaters around him were terrified. It was worse for me. The curses on my friends, you…." He took several deep breaths of fresh air.
She rested her head on his shoulder and he leaned his head on hers. They didn't need words to express sorrow and thanks anymore. It was understood.
"It's almost curfew," Hermione whispered.
Harry nodded and they left the soft moonlight and quiet hoots.
* * *
The walk back was a silent affair. Every time she sneaked a glance at Harry, he was always looking into the distance, purposely not meeting her gaze. When she looked away, she knew he was watching every move she made. The invisible wall between them was driving her crazy.
I'm tired of being shut out. I'm tired of knowing I love him and not doing anything about it. This must be how he felt all this time, she thought. How he did it, I'll never know. But I'm tired of the silence.
"Harry, talk to me."
"About-
"You know what. We've been doing this dance for months. Shouldn't we do something about it?"
He stopped walking, but didn't look at her. "What could we have to say?" he asked flatly.
"I love you."
His reaction was what she wanted. He looked at her with surprise widened eyes.
"I love you, Harry. And now, we can talk." Hermione watched him for any sign of emotion. "Well?"
"We can't do this."
"Why not?" Her voice shook. "You weren't like this until a few days after my attack! What happened?"
"Nothing. Let me through."
"Not until you say something. Are you telling me that everything has been a lie?"
"It was the spell. That's all." He stared at the floor.
"You're not telling the truth. The spell hasn't been affecting your thinking for a while now. It's only bolstering your confidence around me. Most of it are your emotions and you know it."
He walked away without looking at her.
She shouted at his back, "So what's keeping you back? Are you afraid of what you're feeling?"
Harry's heavy footsteps stopped. "No," he said in a low voice.
Her voice broke. "Do you think I'm a liability?"
He whirled around to face her and yelled, "I'm a liability to you! Every time we get close, something happens!" He counted on his fingers. "In second year you got Petrified, in fifth year you almost died because we went into a trap that you told me not to go into, and this year you fought in the Battle and then you escape that to get hurt by Pansy and Millicent!" His heavy breathing failed to hide the anguish in his voice. "You get hurt. I can't see that again. I just can't."
Hermione stepped forward and hugged him tightly. His strong grip around her waist reminded her of how he clung to her after his nightmare at Christmas.
"You don't have to be scared for me," she said softly. "I chose this. I chose to be your friend, to stay by you when things got rough. All those moments you said are my doing. Not yours. Besides, you need to let your people-saving thing worry over more important things than me."
"No one will ever be as important as you." He cupped her face with his hand.
Hermione didn't register leaning into his touch until after the fact. The funny thing was that she didn't care. "Well, put me near the end of your list then. I'll watch out for myself. Trust me."
"You make it sound so easy."
"It is. All you have to do is trust me."
"But-
"No buts. Trust."
Harry laid his chin on top of her head. "I'll try for you, Hermione."
Is it possible to fall deeper in love with a person? she wondered. Because I just have.
Her sigh of contentment caused Harry to move. "Are you okay?"
What happened next, she always blamed on adrenaline.
Hermione leaned forward and kissed him.
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I know; my first time back in a month or two and I leave you with a cliffe. Pelt me with rocks again if you wish. Serious lack of time, sleep, and inspiration has kept me from continuing, but I hope that was the last time. If you guys are still reading, thanks for sticking around and please review! Or I'll…I'll…I'll cry. Also, MUCHO AMO to my beta-ish, Miss Mady!
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