Unofficial Portkey Archive

Author's Notes:

Notes:[This particular chapter (Chapter 3) is edited from the original story.] The story was originally created for Pud's "Ginny Loves Draco: Mail Order Bride" Contest. (http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/profile)
(http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html)
By the way, "You've Got Mail" is a movie released a few years ago, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. Excellent movie, complete with quippy wit and poor-shopgirl meets rich-bookstore-mogul and epistolary correspondence. That said, that particular movie really has nothing to do with the following fanfictitious story.

Title: You've Got Mail
Author: twiddlekinks
Rating: PG13
Warnings: None, really.

Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Summary: Someone finds a "Good Wife For Life" site on the Internet, but Ginny gets to the package first. Who in the wizarding world wants a mail-order-bride, and what'll happen when this ordeal is signed/sealed/delivered?

You've Got Mail

-iii-

The next day, Draco cornered his mother. "Mother," he said patiently, "Not that I mean to appear ungrateful, and I heartily appreciate your intentions, but are you truly pleased with this situation?"

"Of course, dear. And, if you must know, I'm ever so glad she's a redhead. With your white light hair and her flaming red tresses, you should be quite a striking couple. And, besides, I do so like pink."

"Pink?"

"Why, yes. I know it's been quite a while since you've taken your art classes, dear, but when you mix red and white pigments together..."

A chuckle sounded from the doorway. Draco turned to see his previously packaged person trying not to smile.

"A very artistic sentiment, indeed, Mrs. Malfoy," she said. "Now, may I please go home?"

Narcissa looked appalled. "Certainly not. I am still making arrangements for the wedding." Then she swept out of the room.

Ginny had paled. "Surely she... she can't mean..."

Draco nodded sagely. "Oh, but she does. What did you say your name was, again?"

"I didn't say, but it's Ginny. Ginny Weasley, in fact."

"Right."

"You know, you must be mistaken."

"Actually, I'm not. Mistaken, that is. Haven't the foggiest who that could be. My name is Draco Malfoy."

"Ah. Well, I think we'd established that."

"Yes, indeed. And my mother established yesterday that the people who'd sent us the box and its contents also promised a lifetime guarantee. You do realize that you were in this aforementioned box, yes?"

"Malfoy, I realize the oddness of this predicament. However, the reason why I was in the box in the first place was to rescue the poor underling who was actually in the box. I was working at a post office --"

"Post office?"

"Yes, a place where Muggles mail letters --"

"My mother was going to snag me a wife through Muggle mail? How uncharacteristically disorganized of her. I'm surprised it actually got here in time."

"You actually know about Muggle mail?"

"Of course. I run a highly successful business. We tend to attract both Muggle and wizard businesses alike. I have had several insanely complicated run-ins with their postal service."

"Ah. Well, I actually had to direct your precious package a bit -- it's a fairly big box, really, but since I knew the ins and outs of the post office, I was able to --"

"Ah, there, you see? It's much better that you found the box and jumped into it yourself. From your label of 'poor underling,' I doubt the girl you found therein would have been as resourceful. Why, perhaps you were just added insurance to the lifetime guarantee -- one of those 'your satisfaction or your money back' sort of mottos. You have helped to expedite the greater good and overall efficiency of the transaction, and I am truly grateful." He knelt down and kissed the back of her hand.

Ginny realized she'd gotten a little lost somewhere in his grandiose meanderings. "Actually, Malfoy, I directed the girl to my home, where I hope she'll be taken care of, rather than be stuffed in a box --"

"Ah, so you took what my mother had ordered, which would technically have been stealing, except for the ever-so-kind fact that you replaced it with something that seems to be much more valuable." He leapt up off his knee, a frown theatrically appearing and disappearing on his characteristically beautiful features. "Now, if you'd rather we not press charges, perhaps you should just be a good little bride and ready yourself for the wedding."

"Wedding?"

"Indeed. What would a bride be without a wedding? I believe my mother is arranging the, ah, arrangements as we speak."

"I can't marry you! I hardly even know you!"

"Ah, well. I suppose that's fairly common in these cases, am I correct? I do know Laurence Yep, and he doesn't really seem to mind. Writes excellent books. Quite a smart fellow, so I might as well try out his methods."

Ginny sighed. "Malfoy, don't you believe I'm a Weasley?"

He scoffed. "A Weasley? Do they come in boxes now?" With that, he strode out of the room.

-iii-

...And into his mother's parlour. Where he encountered two red heads and four bright eyes.

"Interesting idea, chaps."

They looked at each other, and then spoke:

"Ah, yes, well, our apologies for the complex ordeal, Malfoy. Being as you're such a fine gentleman who's aided in the blossoming of our various business endeavours, we never wished to embroil you in a project of such intricate design."

"You see, our friend's fiancé's cousin's second cousin really wanted to visit England. And wrote to our friend's fiancé accordingly. And we thought that --"

"-- it was an excellent excuse. To rescue the pretty Chinese girl from her own dodgy cousins and to exact a sort of playful payback prank upon our beauteous sister for her... ah..."

"...fiery temperament. Think how silly she must've felt after riding a box through Muggle mail and arriving on a cantankerous family doorstep? Brilliant, eh? But when we promoted the bride service in England, especially after suggesting it to the Yep family --"

"-- we didn't expect your mother to, ah, support the website quite so much, or insist quite so enthusiastically to fund the next shipment. And, --"

"-- though we figured that if we routed the Muggle mail through her particular post office, Gin would indignantly execute a stunning rescue-the-bride-mission, preventing any actual unwanted marriage ties --"

"-- we didn't expect your family to continue to, ah, support the mail-order bride idea. In fact, after we figured out the mess and charmingly explained the whole kit and caboodle last night, we thought --"

"-- that a Malfoy would never carry on the charade or even talk about weddings after being so --"

"-- exquisitely startled by the reception of such a package."

Draco blinked a few times. No matter how many times they did that, he just wasn't used to ping-ponging between one twin and the other. But he sighed, almost dramatically.

"'Continuing a charade after the reception'?" He shook his head. "My dear gentlemen, don't you know anything about marital tradition? The reception comes after the wedding." He winked. "But I fully appreciate your help in this wild idea of my mother's, and, if you must know, it was quite a refreshing gift. And, as a Malfoy, I always optimize on life's little gifts. In short, fellows, this package has been signed, sealed, and delivered."

With that statement and another wink, the esteemed Draco Malfoy swept out to enjoy his birthday present.

-iii-

Author's Notes

Note 1: Laurence Yep is actually a brilliant Chinese American author, who wrote some of my favorite childhood books, namely Dragonwings and The StarFisher and Ribbons.

Note 2: There's a song by Stevie Wonder entitled, "Signed, sealed, delivered -- I'm yours!" I thought it was particularly fitting for some extra wrapping, and it fit the number of chapters I wanted in the story. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signed,_Sealed,_Delivered_(I'm_Yours))

Note 3: This story can also be found on:
The original entry on GinnyLovesDraco:
http://community.livejournal.com/ginnylovesdraco/3237.html
My Livejournal:
http://twiddlekinks.livejournal.com/tag/you%27ve+got+mail
Draco and Ginny:
http://www.dracoandginny.com/viewstory.php?sid=4569

(Feedback much appreciated!)
^_^