A Most Advantageous Match
Chapter 6: Motherly Advice
Hermione felt as though she were finally settling comfortably into married life. While Harry was out learning all the minute workings of his estate, Hermione was gradually taking on the duties of running a household. In most cases, Hermione succeeded brilliantly. She was nothing if not practical, and on top of that, she was a compulsive planner. Managing a house was nothing. The servants, however, were another matter.
Hermione tried her best to be kind to the house-elves in her service, but they seemed to take great offense at everything she did. If she gave them compliments, they were likely to burst into tears. If she offered them freedom and pay, they only stared at her in horror - before they began weeping and pleading her not to free them. Hermione found this behavior all very alarming and couldn't understand why they didn't want to be free. Hermione determined that they had been persuaded to like slavery, and made it her mission to educate them as to the true nature of their condition.
Unfortunately, she was not very successful, and that frustrated her exceedingly. Hermione hated to fail.
When Hermione had brought the matter up with Harry, he had merely chuckled at her.
"Hermione, I bid you all the luck in the world, but the elf that wants to be free is very rare indeed."
"But Winky is free and paid, and so is your manservant Dobby. Why can we not pay the rest?"
Harry sighed, but smiled. "Hermione, Dobby is one of those odd sort that longs for freedom, and I was happy to employ him. Winky, on the other hand, was set free by another family, and begged me not to pay her when I took her on. The elves consider pay an insult, and freedom is a disgrace second only to betraying one's master. I understand your feelings, Hermione, but sometimes it is better to try not to free someone that doesn't want to be freed."
Hermione sighed, reluctant to admit he was right. "Very well. I shall try not to abuse their sensibilities too terribly."
Harry grinned. "I'll ask for nothing more."
~
Hermione's mission had to be temporarily set aside almost as soon as it had begun, for Hermione's parents came to visit. The average parents might have given their daughter more time to settle in before imposing on her new home, but Hermione was their only child and they'd seen her very little for the past seven years she'd spent at Hogwarts. Harry was quite happy for them to visit, and so they arrived barely a month after she and Harry wed.
Hermione was very eager to see her parents, her mother in particular. She had no better confidant or counselor than her mother, and she longed for the opportunity to discuss the nature of her marriage and seek advice in obtaining conjugal felicity. Hermione's parents were well-matched and maintained a very happy marriage. If anyone could help Hermione to sort out her confusion, it would be her mother.
By the time the Grangers arrived, Hermione was so impatient to see them that she ran out to meet their carriage. Harry followed at a more sedate pace.
Hermione ran to embrace her mother as soon as the footman handed her out of the carriage while Harry greeted her father, who stepped out behind her.
"Oh, mama," Hermione said, "It is so very good to see you."
"It is good to see you, too, my dear," her mother laughed, releasing her, allowing Harry a chance to greet her mother and Hermione to hug her father.
"You must be tired," Hermione said. "Let's go inside."
~
After the Grangers and the Potters had spent ample time exchanging their news and taking refreshment, Harry turned to Mr. Granger with a grin.
"Mr. Granger, I suspect our wives wish to have some conversation without our cumbersome company," Harry said. "Would you like to accompany me on a tour of the grounds?"
"Excellent notion," Mr. Granger said. Thus, the men took their leave, and Hermione was left alone with her mother, just as she had wanted. Hermione marveled at Harry's ability to read her mood, although she hoped he had no inkling of her motives. Hermione trusted Harry implicitly, but she didn't want him to know of her discontent. He would take it as a personal failure, and most likely torture himself with guilt. That, she would not have.
"Well, what is amiss, my dear? You seemed out of sorts when you met your father and I today."
"Do not mistake me, Mama," Hermione said. "I do not regret my choice at all. Harry is my closest friend, and the best, kindest man I know. I could not ask for a better husband. But I fear that…that there is something…lacking, in our marriage."
Mrs. Granger eyed her appraisingly. "Hermione, forgive my frankness, but are you speaking of your nocturnal activities?"
Hermione blushed, but nodded, eager for her mother's counsel.
"I am sure the experience was not at first pleasant for you, and it may yet be rather uncomfortable, but I think you will find that -"
"Oh, mama, no!" Hermione interrupted. "That is to say, that is not the problem. It cannot be the problem, for Harry and I…we have not yet shared a bed."
Mrs. Granger sat back in her chair, wearing a contemplative expression. "Have you discussed this with your husband?"
"I have," Hermione said miserably. "He did not come to me on our wedding night, as I was given to understand he would. I went to him instead, to attempt to understand our situation, and he informed me that he wished not to…er…partake, until it was absolutely necessary. To produce an heir. His excuse was that he did not wish to cause me undue pain, and I do not doubt his sincerity, but…"
"You suspect he has other reasons," her mother finished for her, with all the astuteness that Hermione had inherited.
"Yes."
Her mother nodded thoughtfully. "Hermione, I know you must be thinking with your own insecurities. He may have other reasons, but they may be other than you have in mind. Many a young man is unsure of himself. Perhaps he wants encouragement."
Hermione mulled over this idea. Harry had no experience in love; she wondered if he had even seen a lady naked before. Perhaps he only feared his own ignorance. Perhaps she needed to approach him once more.
Then another thing her mother had said came to mind. "Will it really be uncomfortable beyond the first time?" she asked.
Her mother smiled that knowing smile that she'd so often seen on married women. "As you know, it will be painful the first time, and there may yet be some lingering soreness," she said. "But I think you will find that, if your husband is considerate enough, and willing to learn, it can become quite the…rapturous experience."
Hermione tried valiantly not to imagine her mother and father in any such raptures, but she did dare to hope. "My husband is very considerate."
Mrs. Granger chuckled. "I dare say you will find your marriage a very happy one in time."
~
Never one to dawdle, Hermione translated her mother's advice into action that very night. After her parents had gone to bed on the other side of the house, and after Harry had bid her goodnight at her door, Hermione's maid helped her into her most flattering nightgown. Hermione dismissed the elf shortly after, and instead of going to her neatly turned down bed, she went to the door connecting to Harry's bedroom.
With little more than a knock, Hermione entered before she could lose her courage. Harry had dressed for bed, but had not yet extinguished his candle. He stood next to his bed with a book, looking at her with surprise.
"Hermione? Is something the matter?"
She swallowed. "May I lie with you?"
Harry hesitated, turning away under the pretense of setting down his book.
"It should not be indecent," Hermione pressed. "We are married, are we not?"
Harry smiled with only half his mouth and nodded. He sat on the edge of his bed and gestured behind him. "Make yourself comfortable."
Hermione noted with some amusement that Harry's chambers were decorated in Gryffindor colors before she slipped between the soft white sheets. Harry did the same on the other side of the bed, and to her relief, extinguished the candle flame between his thumb and forefinger. She didn't know if she could say what she wanted to in the light. Better if he couldn't see her blush and she couldn't see his reaction.
A little thrill shot down her spine as Hermione turned under the blankets to face her husband. This could be the night. Her curiosity might finally be satisfied. She'd learn whether she was to find passion or indifference in her husband's embrace. If she was lucky, she might discover the 'rapturous' experience her mother had spoken of and be initiated into that forbidden world of pleasure she'd heard spoken of in hushed tones.
"Harry…should we not…begin our family soon?" she asked, phrasing it as delicately as possible.
Even in the space between them, Hermione could feel him tense.
"There is plenty of time for children," Harry said. "Are you eager to have them so soon? You have just begun your defense instruction…."
Hermione swallowed, feeling her plan slipping away like vapor. "I am not impatient," she said. "But…children do not always come easily. Perhaps it is better to err on the side of caution."
Harry was silent for a second too long for Hermione's comfort, and all her worries came forward at once.
"Unless, of course, you do not find me desirable. You need not hide that from me. It would be better if I knew -"
"Hermione," he interrupted firmly. "It is not that I find you or the idea unappealing. It shall happen when the time is right."
Hermione's mind struggled with the possibilities. Was her mother right about his reluctance, or was he lying to escape injuring her feelings?
"Do you not even wish to kiss me?" she asked, trying and failing to make out his eyes in the darkness.
After a time, Harry asked, "Do you wish to be kissed?"
Hermione remembered the kiss with which they'd sealed their marriage and realized she did want to be kissed, very much, if only to find out if the second kiss would feel as lovely as the first. She did not want to give her feelings away, however, if he did not return them, for that, too, would leave him tortured with guilt.
"I wish to make you happy," she said truthfully.
Hermione felt his hand come to rest on her upper arm as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"Do not fret, Hermione. I am happy. Sleep now."
Harry then took her into his arms, which would have been a comfort to her, had she not been convinced of the platonic nature of the embrace.
She had her answer now. Harry did not want her, not as anything but a quiet, complacent companion, and this time, she could not deny the cause of her disappointment. She knew now that she loved Harry in the one way he did not, and probably would never, love her.
~
A/N: Don't kill me, now, you know it's never as easy as all that. See you next chapter. ^^