Shadow Master Normal Shadow Master 2 1 2003-07-09T08:57:00Z 2003-07-09T09:12:00Z 1 2771 15797 Home 131 37 18531 10.2625 Clean Clean 0 0 MicrosoftInternetExplorer4
Chapter 5: Anger and Rage
The train pulled into Hogsmeade station, the usual rain falling down on everything that was uncovered. Harry and Hermione had revived Ron, who was mad at Hermione for smacking him. She made a mental note to tell Ron about why she did that.
"Firs' years, o'er here! Firs' years, o'er here!" came a familiar yell that Harry recognized instantly. He ran over to where the location of the voice was.
"Hagrid! You're back!"
"Yep! Mission accomplished!"
"So you-"
"Shh! Can't talk about that here, Harry. Meet me sometime this weekend for tea, I'll tell you all about it."
"Sure Hagrid, I'd like that." he said, and left him to tend with the first years. Harry walked with Ron and Hermione, who were not talking. They got into a carriage, only to be followed into it by Luna Lovegood, and her friend that was a year below her, Leah York.
Ron turned to Harry, "They're going to turn this carriage into a nuthouse." He muttered. Harry chuckled, and rested his head on the headrest of the chair, and turned his eyes toward the window, and saw the rain was pouring harder than he could ever remember.
They reached the castle, and got out of the horse-less carriage that they were riding in. All of them walked into the Entrance Hall and turned left into the Great Hall. Everyone else walked through the doors, but Harry seemed unable to. It was like an invisible wall was blocking his way inside.
Harry looked to his left and right, people were going in, and he was the only one not being able to. Marietta Stevens walked past Harry, and shot him a dirty look. She obviously thought that Harry was responsible for Cho's death as well.
Everyone had gone in, except for him. The first years had arrived in the boats and were now standing beside Professor McGonagall, getting their instructions. Harry's back was facing the door, and saw movement out of the left corner of his eye. It was Professor Dumbledore. An anger burned inside of him that he had never felt again anyone before. Not even against Voldemort. Although that statement would not stay true for long.
"Harry-"
"Look! Don't even talk to me, alright!? You watched me all summer! Did you have a good show? You know what? Just fuck off!" he said, not caring what kind of language he used in front of the first years. The sound of breaking glass filled both halls, and the barrier shattered.
"Harry, if you would give me time-"
"To explain? Every time you think you explain something, I'm always left with more and more questions!"
"I have to, for you-"
"FOR MY SAFETY? WHAT ABOUT HER SAFETY HUH? WHAT ABOUT CHO? WHAT ABOUT CEDRIC? WHAT ABOUT THE DURSLEY'S? WHAT WERE YOU DOING FOR THEIR SAFETY?"
"Harry-" Harry was screaming so loud, everyone in the halls could hear what he was saying. His voice magnified through the hall, sounding like a howler sent to Dumbledore.
"YOU'VE ALWAYS TRIED TO PROTECT ME! WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT? WHAT ABOUT THE INNOCENT LIVES THAT YOU COULD'VE HELPED? WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU FAILED! YOU FAILED TO STOP ME FROM TRYING TO KILL MYSELF! YOU FAILED AT TRYING TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT LIVES THAT HAVE DIED! YOU FAILED! YOU JUST FUCKIN' FAILED!" Harry had nearly shouted himself hoarse.
Every face in the hall was stunned. They had never seen Harry give such an outburst like that, "So you know what, since you can't help me. Since no one can help me, just fuck off." he said, his tone quieter.
Professor McGonagall was the first to regain her voice and composure, "HARRY POTTER! MY OFFICE, NOW!"
Harry ignored her. He ran straight past the two adults, and up to the prefect dormitories.
Hermione stared at Ron. Nobody else dared to speak. Not even Draco Malfoy was able to make a wisecrack about what had happened. Everyone was too shocked to speak, much less eat.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, the people were finally gaining back the energy and strength that they had before. The Sorting ritual started with McGonagall placing an old hat on a stool. The brim opened, and started to sing:
In times of old when I was new, and Hogwarts barely started,
The founders of our noble school thought never to be parted.
United by a common goal, they had selfsame yearning
To make the world's best magic school, and pass along they're learning.
Together we will build and teach, the four good friends decided
Never did they dream that they might someday be divided.
For there were such friends anywhere as Slytherin and Gryffindor,
Unless it was the second pair, of Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw.
So how could it have gone so wrong? How could such friendships fail?
Why I was there and so can tell, the whole sad sorry tale.
Said Slytherin: We'll teach just those whose ancestry is purest!
Said Ravenclaw: We'll teach those who's intelligence is truest!
Said Gryffindor: We'll teach all those with brave deeds to their name!
Said Hufflepuff: I'll teach the lot! And treat them just the same!
These differences caused little strife, when first they came to light.
For each of the four founders had a house in which they might
Take only those they wanted so, for instance Slytherin,
Took only pureblood wizards of great cunning, just like him.
And only those of sharpest mind were taught by Ravenclaw.
While the bravest and the boldest went to daring Gryffindor.
Good Hufflepuff, she took the rest, and taught them all she knew
Thus the houses and their founders retained friendships firm and true.
So Hogwarts worked in Harmony for several happy years,
But then discord crept among us, feeding on our faults and fears.
The houses, that like pillars four, had once held up our school.
Now turned upon each other than, divided, sought to rule.
And for a while, it seemed like the school must meet an early end.
What, with dueling and with fighting, and the clash of friend on friend.
And at last came the morning when old Slytherin departed.
And though the fighting then died out, he left us quite downhearted.
And ever since the founders four were widdled down to three.
Have the houses been united, as they once were meant to be.
And now the Sorting hat is here, and you all know the score.
I sort you into houses, cause that is what I'm for.
But this year I'll go further, listen closely to my song.
Though condemned to split you, still I worry that It's wrong.
Though I must fulfill my duty, I must court it every year.
Still I wonder whether sorting may not bring the end I fear.
Oh, no the perils, read the signs, the warning history shows
For now Hogwarts is in danger from external deadly foes.
And we must unite inside her or we'll crumble from within.
I have told you, I have warned you. Let the sorting now
Beeeeeeegiiinnnnnn!
Ron looked puzzled, "Isn't that the same song it sang last year?"
"Yeah, I wonder why. It usually sings a new song every year."
They paid attention to the sorting as it started.
"Annon, Abigail!" Professor McGonagall.
A small girl walked forward, looking at the hate like it was going to bite her head off. McGonagall dropped the hat on her head. The hat thought for a minute and yelled for everyone to hear,
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
The professor took off the hat and the girl walked over to the Hufflepuff table, which were cheering loudly.
"Annon, Harriet!"
A twin of the first girl walked over and got the hat dropped on her head. It didn't even touch her head when it yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!"
The sorting went on and on, until finally,
"Zora, Dalene!"
A small black haired witch walked forward and got the sorting hat dropped on her head. The hat sat on Dalene's head for over five minutes, debating with itself on which house to put her in. After a long pause, the brim of the hat opened, and yelled, "GRYFFINDOR!"
Ron looked at the girl as she walked over to their table. She certainly didn't have the look of a Gryffindor. Her face looked angered, her eyes flashing all different colors. Her skin looked as pale as death while her face was full of energy. Angry energy, but energy no doubt.
Dalene took the empty seat next to Ron, who obviously looked horrified at the fact. Hermione was saving a seat for Harry, in case he decided to come back to the feast. Dumbledore stood up, looking at the students.
"Welcome, to another year, at Hogwarts! I thank you for your patience this year going through the sorting. The class this year is much bigger than previous years. Now before we eat, I would like to note that the forest on the edge of the grounds is forbidden to anyone, as well as the Village of Hogsmeade to anyone below third year. I have an announcement to make, and will be made at the end of this magnificent feast. I think I've rambled on long enough. Tuck in!"
And with those last words, the food appeared on the plates in front of them. Ron was grabbing everything in sight, starving. Hermione didn't get anything at all.
"Hermione, aren't you going to eat something?"
Hermione didn't eat anything. She had lost her appetite after witnessing Harry's outburst. Never had she heard of or even seen Harry call Dumbledore a failure. She had underestimated his pain. Even from that small outburst, she knew his pain was more complex than she had ever imagined.
She looked up at the staff table, eyeing Dumbledore. He had the same thing on his mind, as well as something else. Was he starting to believe Harry's words? Were those words of anger and rage so powerful, so truthful, that Dumbledore himself believed it?
"Hermione!"
Hermione was pulled out of her mind. Apparently, Ron had been trying to get her attention.
"What?" she asked.
"Aren't you going to eat anything?"
She looked down at her plate, remembering that there was no food on it.
"No, I'm not hungry." she said gloomily.
"What's going on?"
"I'm worried."
"About Harry?"
She nodded her head, "mmhmm. I just wonder if his pain runs deeper than we ever have known. I wonder if we truly can understand."
Ron's face turned dark. Seeing his friend that angry was like looking at a new person, a side he had never seen before.
"Things are going very wrong this year." he said, and turned back to his steak and kidney pudding.
Professor Dumbledore sat in his high-backed chair, not eating anything. His mind was not on his stomach, but on Harry. The outburst Harry had pulled in front of the hall surprised everyone, but surprised himself the most. He was surprised Harry hadn't attacked him physically.
Professor McGonagall turned to him, "what should I do about Mr. Potter?"
Dumbledore looked at her for a moment, thinking of how she could ask that question. Knowing how far he, himself, had been in the wrong. He waited a moment, and then answered, "His outburst, is not to be punished."
McGonagall looked at him, "Albus, he can't say things to you like that! Not even if he is Harry Potter!"
"No, Minerva, he did deserve to do that. I didn't do anything to help him, and he knows that I could have. I haven't been able to do anything to protect those families either. His anger with me, as well as that outburst, is very, very justified. Now I don't want to hear anymore on it, ok?"
"Fine." She turned back to her food, eating the some of the chicken the house-elves had cooked for dinner that night.
Harry lay on his bed. The Gryffindor Prefect Common Room password hadn't changed since last year, and his bedroom password was 'rage', after all the anger and rage he had felt towards Dumbledore.
Why does Dumbledore think he can control me like this? Think he can hide me from my own past? Don't I have a right to know my own parents, what they did? What my bloodline is? Don't I have a right to know what my own future is going to bring.
His room was a mess. Everything in it was either on the floor, or on the floor in pieces. He was using Dudley's old CD player, the last one he had, which had a good life span since Dudley didn't chuck it out of the window. Harry had discovered a useful charm last year to make certain objects playable in places where there is too much magic for them to operate, like Hogwarts.
He had used the electronics charm on it, which made it so it had sort a barrier the electronic device repelled magic, and had power with out batteries or a plug. Staind was the CD inside of the player, and he was listening to 'For You' off of 'Break the Cycle'.
His mind kept flooding with thoughts of last year as the song played. His eyes closed, and tears streamed down his face.
To my mother,
To my father,
It's your son or,
It's your daughter.
Are my screams,
Loud enough for,
You to hear me?
Should I turn this up for you?
How could they listen? No one understands how I feel. I could scream and scream until I go hoarse and no one will be able to understand.
I sit here, locked inside my head,
Remembering everything you said.
The silence, gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere, way too fast.
I've always been locked in here. My head's the only real source of comfort I really have now. No one to understand, no one to care, no one to give me answers.
The silence,
is what kills me.
I need someone,
here to help me.
But you don't know,
how to listen.
And let me make,
my decision.
I hate when Dumbledore does this! He keeps so much silence on what my life is going to be! On my parent's lives? WHY?!
I sit here, locked inside my head,
Remembering everything you said.
The silence, gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere, way too fast.
Why did she have to die? Why couldn't she have let me take what was coming? Why did she have to love me so much?
All your insults,
And your curses,
Make me feel like I'm,
not a person.
And I feel like,
I am nothing.
But you made me,
So do something.
Cause I'm fucked up!
Because you are!
I need attention!
Attention you couldn't give!
All that I asked was for someone to help, help before it was too late. Why do these things happen to me?!
I sit here, locked inside my head,
Remembering everything you said.
The silence, gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere, way too fast.
I'll always be here, no matter what. I could get all the answers, and still be like this. No one can understand. No one.
I sit here, locked inside my head,
Remembering everything you said.
The silence, gets us nowhere
Gets us nowhere, way too fast.
Harry sat up in his bed when the song ended, and for the first time in a while, he cried.
Dumbledore stood up, ready to give the ending speech of the feast.
"Now that we have nourished ourselves thoroughly, I would like to make a few announcements. First, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, is Professor Black, who was recently freed from Azkaban three weeks ago, and our Care of Magical Creatures Teacher, will return this year, from a job he had to help with last year.
Secondly, I would like to address all of you about the events of last year. I know all of you are still wondering what happened, still wondering why so many people had died. It's because the ministry wasn't able to respond quick enough, and neither was I.
I also know that the Ravenclaw table was hurt deeply by the loss of Cho Chang. A lot of you think Harry Potter killed her by going there, but that is not true. Harry Potter went there to save Miss Chang from the battle. She dived in front of Mr. Potter, because she saw what he was capable of doing, and her love for him."
The whole Ravenclaw table looked ready to cry. They all missed Cho very much, and they would never be the same without her.
"Now, I want you all to go to bed. We have a big day of classes tomorrow, good night."
Hermione called for the first years to come to her, "Gryffindor first years, follow me please! Gryffindor first years, follow me!"
Ron had forced her mind off of Harry. He told her that she had a job to do as a prefect, problems or not. So, she led the first years of Gryffindor towards the tower.
"Make sure you keep up with me, but make sure you watch the staircases, they tend to change."
One of the staircases above them changed their position as she said this, and the first years looked at it in awe. Hermione smiled. There is no way I was like this when I was that young. She thought.
Ron, as if reading her thoughts, said, "No you weren't. You read all of it in Hogwarts, a History."
"Oh, sod off." She punched him lightly on the arm. After a few minutes, they had reached the fat lady.
"Password?"
"Fury of Egos."
"You may enter."
The portrait swung open, revealing the doorway into the Gryffindor Common Room. Hermione stared at it for a second, taking in all that she had remembered from the year before, "Alright, the boys dormitories upstairs and to the right. Girls dormitories are upstairs to the left. Get right to bed, we have a busy day tomorrow. Good night."
She was about to walk out of the portrait hole, when someone fainted.
"Miss! She fainted!" a girl told her, pointing at Dalene. Hermione ran over to her. When she touched Dalene, the girl spoke. It was in a voice that wasn't girlish, but a raspy, man's voice.
"72 hours. 72 hours."
"What did you say?" Hermione asked the girl?
"That's when two people's destiny will be shown, the anger will subside, and the true power of the flame will emerge."
A friend of Dalene came to her side, "This isn't her at all. I can't see her with this voice, or even making her voice that deep and raspy."
Hermione turned to Dalene, who apparently was being possessed, "Who are you?"
"Me?" the person asked, "nobody, just a, spectator, enjoying a ride."
Hermione looked puzzled at the statement. Spectator? The voice kept on going, "72 hours. 72 hours."
Dalene's body went limp again. Hermione shook her, trying to wake her up. A moment later, Dalene woke up.
"What happened?" she asked, looking into Hermione's eyes.
"I was hoping you could tell us. I'm taking you down to the hospital wing, right now."
"Alright, I think I need sleep, but I'll go down there anyway."
Ron came up behind her, "I'll take her down there, you go see what's wrong with Harry."
"Yeah, thanks."
"No problem." he said, and took Dalene out of the portrait hole. Hermione followed, but faced a statue of Godric Gryffindor.
"Nobility at heart." she said. The statue spun downward, into the floor. She walked into the spacious Gryffindor Prefect common room, and walked to Harry's room. She knocked on the door. No one answered.
"Harry? You in there?"
No answer still. Hermione was starting to worry. She pressed her ear to the door, hearing crying sounds from the inside. Her heart dropped. Pain so complex, he thinks we won't understand. She walked away to her room, tired and full.