A/N: Sorry it took so long… I hated how I had written this, so I took some time to totally revise this until I liked it. Hope you like!!!
*James*
There she was just standing in front of me staring in distress; her beautiful green eyes were suddenly sparkling with dampness. She looked into my eyes with surprise radiating from them and then looked to the floor to hide her tears. She had kissed me, and I had pushed her away. I couldn't let her be hurt. I am not a selfish man.
"I HATE YOU!" she screamed as loud as she could. I felt my stomach drop at those words, the same feeling that always came when Lily yelled at me. The tears were spilling down her face, and she looked like she was in severe pain. Suddenly she just dropped down to her knees, and was gasping for air. I stood there as emotionless as I possibly could, resisting the urge to gather her into my arms and whisper sweet nothings into her ear until she was alright. But there she was in front of me in so much pain, just asking for me, and all I could do was blow her off. I couldn't be with her, no matter how bad I wanted. I just couldn't let anything happen to her.
I could feel myself losing grip. I could feel my throat about to close off, and my eyes were going hazy from the wetness that was coating them. I tried to blink the tears away before Lily looked up. I couldn't let her see me break down. It would ruin everything.
"I HATE YOU!!!" she screamed again, but I just stared ahead, trying so hard not to break down. She fell to the ground completely and pounded her fists into the floor. She was making such terrible noises, and it felt like she had my heart in a vice grip, and was squeezing tighter with every sob. I couldn't let my eyes wander. I couldn't show my weakness. She was still sobbing, her hands in tight fists beating at the floor beneath her. Finally I lost the battle in my head and looked down to my angel's fallen form. I could see the pain in her eyes as she glanced up, and it made me want to bash my brains in with a bludger bat.
"I HATE YOU!"
The words still stung. She started sobbing even harder, and I honestly didn't know what else I could do without hurting her. Her eyes broke away from mine, and she went back to the floor, grasping at the carpet as if it could save her life. To see the strong independent Lily on the ground like this, lost of all control, tore away at me, eating up at my conscience. I stared at her shaking body, and sighted softly to myself. I bent down and picked her delicate, quivering body up and carried her over to the couch. I had her up against me, holding her as if she were a child, with her head by my shoulders, and her legs across my lap. She looked up into my eyes for a second before she started struggling to get away from me. I should have let her go, but truthfully I just didn't want to. As she pushed away, I pulled her tighter, hoping she would calm down. I pulled her tight to me, to ensure she wouldn't run away. I wanted to keep her close to me as long as possible. She stopped struggling, and started to cry harder, beating her tiny fists into my chest. Each little hit got harder and harder, to the point where I was in pain, but I never winced once, never showing any pain.
"I HATE YOU!" she screeched into my chest, which was sore from beatings and wet from tears.
"I HATE YOU!" she shrieked, and beat a fist into me.
"I HATE YOU!" She pounded her hand into my chest again.
"I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I hate you so fucking much." With each statement she seemed to be getting quieter and quieter. I much would much rather her yell at me. The quiet heartbreaking tone was so awful, I would have preferred taking a leap off of the astronomy tower.
"I hate you… I hate you… I hate you… I… I love you… God Damnit James, I love you!" She was barely whispering now, and still crying into my shirt. She was still hitting me with her tiny fists, trying to release pain. I took in a deep breath to calm myself, trying not to do anything I would regret. I had waited for those words for the past four years, and now when she said them I couldn't do one single thing.
"I love you so fucking much James. Haven't you been able to tell? I try to be around you as much as I can. I don't yell anymore… I stopped getting onto you about Snape… James, can't you tell?"
I swallowed, and fought the urge to grab her and kiss her until she couldn't have stood straight anymore. I reached my hand up and wiped her tears away, even though it did no good, they were just replaced by new ones. Her cheeks were soft, and as my hand brushed across them, and sighed to myself, wishing things were different. I kept wiping them away, and I felt another painful pound on my chest, where there was sure to be a bruise in the morning.
"I'm confessing everything to you! Why aren't you saying anything? What are you thinking?"
I didn't answer, just kept wiping her tears away from her gorgeous green eyes, the eyes that haunted my dreams, thoughts, everything. Her tears poured out harder as she realized that I wouldn't answer. She suddenly tried to get out of my arms again, and this time I just let her go. I couldn't sit there and hold her forever… She got up, and just stood there in front of me for a second. I gave her the most apologetic look I could muster, sighed, and looked down to my feet. I felt like absolute dirt, and I knew I was no better than it. I heard her turn, and make for the portrait hole to leave. At that moment I did the one thing I would never forgive myself for, but had to be done. I grasped my hands tightly together, to where the circulation was cut off, and looked to my angel's broken form.
"I loved you," I whispered loud enough for her to hear. She stared at me as I got up and walked to my dorm. I heard her fall to the ground, but I didn't look, couldn't look. I walked the stairs to the room that had been mine for the past seven years, and entered, looking around. Everyone was asleep as I walked over to my bed. I stopped at my trunk and pulled out an old raged piece of parchment that was folded up in the bottom. It had been opened and closed so many times that it was near falling apart. I climbed into my bed and unfolded the small scrap once again. Scrawled across it in messy handwriting was this note-
The day you get your Lily is the day she's found cold in her bed. STAY AWAY!
I folded it back up again and lay back in my bed after I closed the hangings. Only then did I finally let loose. My tears broke through the second I was blocked away, and they didn't stop. I sobbed and sobbed until I fell asleep, praying harder than I ever had before that I would someday find a way to be safely with Lily. Someday.
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