Unofficial Portkey Archive

Title: Arrival Unexpected (06/10)
Author name: Molly Moon
Author email: psycha@chartermi.net
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Suspense
Keywords: Lily James Peter Sirius Remus
Rating: R
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, FB, QTTA
Summary: Shared pain form a deep bond in the friendship of Lily and James, can Sirius handle the competition, even if it's just in his mind? Meanwhile, a letter from home makes Peter twitchy.
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author notes: Dedicated to my *special* Beta Kristin, who rides the Little Yellow Bus and recently won a contest in East L.A. for 'Lewdest Hand Gesture'. To my sister-in-law Jen (she finally did send me the photos) who nags like a professional if I don't update the story regularly. Never would have made it this far without their encouragement and the kind words of my repeat reviewers (QuidditchQueen8, GryffindorGal, LilSilverPhoenix to name a few). It's good to know that people are reading the story. Thank you for staying with me through this; we're halfway home now. Please let me know how I am doing if you haven't stopped by yet. All comments and critiques are welcome. Unless you are a member of the "Society for the Prevention of Cruelty Against Sirius Black"... then I'm not at home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Memories, good days, bad days
They'll be with me always
In these old familiar rooms
Children would play
Now there's only emptiness
Nothing to say

"Knowing Me, Knowing You", ABBA

Remus snapped awake when he heard Sirius pacing around the room. He stretched his arms high above his head, trying to push back the ebbing tide of sleep. Pulling himself up from the chair in front of the Common Room fire, he heard his back crack and pop in several places. His lower back was very sore; he'd been sitting up with Sirius most of the night, waiting for James and Lily to get back.

Wiping the sleep out of his eyes with a half-clenched fist, he looked around the room. Peter was still fast asleep on the couch, snoring gently. Remus envied his oblivious friend, wishing that he could sleep as well. He probably could be asleep, he reasoned, if it wasn't for Sirius. The normally mischievous glint was gone from Sirius' face, replaced with a look that walked a thin line between worry and anger.

When Lily and James hadn't shown up for dinner, the remaining trio was nonplused; any variety of things could have kept them away. Once it was apparent that James wasn't going to be meeting them to help with the removal of Sirius' Chastity Charm, slight worry set in. They had searched all the usual places: the library, the Kitchens, the Quidditch pitch--James was nowhere to be found. When they returned to Gryffindor Tower, they had sought out Lily only to find that she was gone as well. That moment stuck out in Remus' memory; it was if a dark cloud had passed over Sirius' face.

A few minutes later, they had run into Annalise and Gregg as the two fifth year Prefects were getting ready to go on weekend rounds. The Prefects informed them of what Professor McGonagall had passed on to them: James and Lily had had to leave the castle, and would be gone at least for tonight, possibly the whole weekend. Gregg and Annalise would have to cover rounds for them. Nothing was wrong that the Prefects were aware of, though they said that McGonagall looked a bit more tired than usual.

Those facts would have been enough to satisfy Peter and Remus - as long as McGonagall wasn't worried, why should they be? James and Lily would be returning soon enough to fill them in. Sirius was a different matter though. If you'd have told him that his mum ran off with the Minister of Magic he wouldn't have looked more scandalized. It took a bit of talking, but finally they'd gotten him calm enough to let them work on removing the charm.

James had given them the password to his room on the first day of classes; they retreated to the privacy of their absent friend's bedroom in order to perform the removal spell. It hadn't been easy: The spell required two wizards to perform, which they had planned on being James and Remus. While Peter was there to substitute, he wasn't their first choice for a number of reasons. In the end, it had all worked out fine, excepting for a few mispronunciations on Peter's part that had temporally changed Sirius' hair into a bouffant.

After that, there wasn't much they could do but wait.

First, they'd waited in James' room. Sirius pointed out that none of James' clothes or items were missing. Remus thought that that could mean one of two things: Either James hadn't gone very far from the castle or he hadn't planned on going. Neither option seemed pleasing to Sirius, who was looking more like a hungry hag every minute. It was such a different attitude for Sirius to display that it took Remus a while to place it, but finally he realized that the self-assured Sirius Black was slowly turning green with jealousy.

Remus had tried a few times to console his friend, as had Peter. Peter really wasn't the consoling type though--his attempts at flippancy with such comments as 'Well, its not like they would have eloped without telling us' or 'Don't worry, if they were just out for a shag they'd have been back long before now' had only increased the frustration in Sirius' pale eyes.

When Peter had pointed out that Lily wasn't Sirius' girlfriend anymore anyway, therefore Sirius shouldn't worry about it so much--that had been the last straw. Without so much as removing his wand from his robe pocket, Sirius had made a bottle of ink explode on James' desk in frustrated anger. Peter kept to himself after that, and once Remus had cleaned the mess up as best he could, he'd dragged Sirius down to the Common Room. Remus felt that Sirius had only come with him because from that vantage point, they would see James and Lily as soon as they returned from... wherever.

It was well after four in the morning now. At first, they'd kept busy with games of chess and Exploding Snap, but eventually Remus and Peter had just retreated to pieces of furniture to try and get some rest. Sirius showed no signs of fatigue. He rotated between sitting in front of the entrance to the Tower, glaring at the door and pacing the floor of the Common Room, as he was now.

Remus walked over to the frazzled looking young wizard. "Sirius, you should just go to bed. We all should just go to bed." An unplanned yawn punctuated the last part of Remus' statement.

Sirius just shook his head and stared at the door.

"Listen," Remus put a hand on Sirius' shoulder, pushing him gently down into a nearby chair. "Whatever it is, it can wait till morning. We know that they're safe. There's no need for all this."

Cold eyes looked back up at him. "No. I'm waiting," was all that Sirius would say.

Remus gave a small grunt of disapproval. "You heard what Annalise said, they may not even be back today." He gestured to the empty Common Room. "Are you planning on waiting here all weekend?"

"If that's what I have to do," Sirius replied tersely.

Remus considered the situation for a minute. It was obvious by now that no matter what he said to Sirius that he would continue to think of things that James and Lily could be doing that weren't remotely connected to their actual activities, whatever that may be. For the first time in his life, he blessed the fact that he didn't get involved in such entanglements. Reason never dominated the impassioned mind, he mused.

He returned to his chair in front of the fire and closed his eyes again. He knew that he could have gone back up to his room to get some real rest, but he thought that it might be a better idea to continue Sirius' vigil. If James or Lily did return this morning, neither of them should have to face Sirius' wild accusations alone.

Slowly his mind went blank and Remus drifted back off into his uneasy sleep, blissfully ignorant of the stoic figure of a well-built young wizard poised to pounce as soon as the portrait door swung open.

* * *

The sun was just rising off the horizon as the Hogwarts' Express pulled back into Hogsmeade station. The trip back had been easier in some ways for James but much harder in others. Lily wasn't with him, first of all; there was no one to hold on to as the ghosts of memories floated through his mind. About halfway through the trip, it had also occurred to James that he was going to be in a great deal of trouble when he got off the train. He'd violated innumerable rules by breaking out of the castle and accompanying Lily back to London; James was not the least bit surprised to see a figure in dark purple robes with a long beard as he stepped off the train.

Albus Dumbledore appraised his young charge with a cold look. James stood next to the old wizard in silence for a moment and then met his icy blue eyes with a determined voice. "I am sorry, Albus," he said pointedly. "But there was no way I was going to let Lily make that trip alone. I accept whatever I've got coming from all of this, but don't blame Lily. She didn't ask me to come, and even if she had told me to stay, I wouldn't have."

Dumbledore nodded then gave James a curious look. "I would like you to explain how you found out about the death of Miss Evans' mother. Professor McGonagall insists that no one spoke to Miss Evans from the time she left my office until Minerva saw her off at the gate."

James swallowed a small smirk as best he could. "A not-so-little bird told me."

Albus gestured that they should begin walking back to the castle. No horseless carriage was waiting to carry them back to the gates; apparently, Dumbledore wanted the time to talk to James. "Ah yes, I presume that would be the same bird that informed me of your flight from the castle." The two wizards exchanged a small smile. "Circe is a very clever and very caring owl, but not even she could convey to me how it is you walked through a wall."

James gave a small shrug. He had no intention of revealing his knowledge of the various secret passages around the castle, not even to Dumbledore. He'd rather serve a month of detention in the school laundry starching Severus Snape's underwear.

Dumbledore glanced up at his tall companion. "James, as your parents'--and I hope your--friend, I can understand what you did; however, as your guardian and the headmaster of your school, I can not condone it. As kind as your behavior was, it was reckless." He stopped along the path back to the castle.

"I expected that, and I am sorry if I worried you," James replied, meaning every word of it. "How am I to be punished?"

"How did you feel when you found out Miss Evans' mother had passed away?" Dumbledore's voice was even, betraying nothing.

"I remembered all of it--from when my parents were killed," James said slowly. "I remembered things I had forgotten and saw things I never want to remember seeing. It was like losing them all over again." James could feel his heart dropping once more even as he described what it had been like; the pain of loss was still burning to be unleashed.

"And yet, you chose to go to your friend, knowing that her pain and tears would fuel your own?" The old wizard started walking, more slowly this time.

"Of course," James replied instantly. "No one should have to go through that alone. As hard as it was, it would have been harder to stand by and do nothing when I knew that I could have at least done what I did." James gave a small shrug, pushing away a tear that had started to slide down his cheek.

"Our hearts find ways to bring us more punishment and pain than even old Argus Filch could devise," mused Dumbledore. "You will not be punished by myself or Professor McGonagall, though I wish to impress upon you the fact that you should have let me know where you were. With the attacks on the school, even an old man who has seen too much can find new fear for those he loves." A frail looking hand patted James on the shoulder amiably. "However, I think you shall find that there are others who have been looking for you and Miss Evans all night, and their fears may not be so easily allayed."

With a small shock, James remembered that he, Remus and Peter had promised to remove the Chastity Charm from Sirius yesterday. James had been so worried about Lily and so resigned to his own impending punishment that it had slipped his mind. No doubt, the three young wizards were quite curious as to where he and Lily had disappeared.

The rest of their walk back up to the castle was in silence: James was lost in memories of his own loss and the recent loss that had come to Lily's heart, while Dumbledore regarded James with a small amount of well-hidden pride. Doing the right thing was never easy, but it was even harder to do when it exacted payment from your own soul. That James was man enough to pay that price so willingly renewed the old wizard's faith in humanity not a small bit. Unbidden, Henry Potter's face flashed in the ancient wizard's mind, and he knew that his friend would also be proud of the son he had raised.

They parted ways at the castle gate, and James promised to come and see Albus sometime during the weekend. Exhaustion was finally settling in. James had been awake for nearly a whole day now, and he longed for nothing more than to go to bed. As soon as the portrait to Gryffindor Tower swung open though, he knew that sleep was going to have to wait a while yet. Sirius Black stood at the entrance, arms folded crossly over his chest. James opened his mouth to greet Sirius, but Sirius pushed past him, throwing the portrait door open and looking maniacally out it down the hall.

"Where is she? Where's Lily? Where have you two been all night?" Sirius had turned back to James, his eyes wild and wide-awake. Over by the fire, James could see another figure stirring to wakefulness. Taking in the sounds around him, James realized that all three boys were there waiting for his return, although only the one in front of him seemed to feel that it was a matter of dire urgency that James explain himself.

James brushed past Sirius and headed for the stairs. Sirius clamped a hand onto James' shoulder and spun him around. "We know that you were gone with her; McGonagall told the Prefects you left the castle. Now where is she, Potter?"

James was at his wits' end. Of all the greetings he'd been expecting upon his return to the castle, this wasn't one of them. Well, if Sirius wants to think that I've been up all night in that way, he told himself, let's just give him something to think about. "She'll be along shortly, Black." James allowed an amused smirk to creep across his face. "You have no idea how hard it is to remove a gelatin stain from satin underwear."

Right after Sirius' fist slammed into his face and right before he blacked out, James heard Remus cursing gently under his breath as the brown haired boy crossed the room. "Nothing is ever easy, but do you have to make it harder on yourself James?"

* * *

Sirius sat in the far corner of James' room, glowering at James' inert body as Remus levitated it onto his bed. Peter stood next to him, biting his lower lip. He had promised Remus that he would stay seated until James had been given a chance to explain, but Peter still had his wand out, ready to stop Sirius in his tracks should he feel compelled to negate that promise.

Remus looked over his shoulder at Sirius. "I'm going to revive him now, so just keep your mouth shut, will you?" Sirius grunted something that resembled agreement, so Remus held his wand out over James once more and murmured "Ennervate!"

James groaned slightly, propping himself up on his elbows. He looked around the room rather dazedly and then focused on Sirius. "I can't believe you hit me..."

Remus stepped in between their line of sight. "James, Sirius would appreciate it if you would recount the events of last night for us. And no embellishing for the moment please."

The boy who was recently a punching bag snorted. "Yeah, I bet he would."

James threw his legs over his bed and sat up straight. He pushed Remus out of the way, and pointed a finger at Sirius. "I had no idea that you could be such a stupid, pigheaded git."

"And I had no idea that you'd run off with my girlfriend as soon as my back was turned," Sirius retorted accusingly.

"Is that what you really think?" James was ready to throw a few punches of his own now. Sirius just stared at him. "Seems that last I recall, your 'girlfriend' was throwing hexes at you after Potions yesterday, when you tried to take her hand after class." James started to stand up, but Remus pushed him back down on the bed. "I doubt that Lily would have cared if she'd run off while you stared after her; there was no need to wait till your back was turned."

"I knew it!" Sirius was ready to jump out of the chair, but Peter leveled his wand to Sirius' face. "I knew that you were just waiting to have a chance at her; was it hard being so high-minded these last few weeks, knowing she had chosen to be with me instead of you? How much did it hurt to see the girl that you claimed was 'just a friend' in my arms?" Sirius gave James a sneer that would have made Severus Snape proud. "I'm sorry if my back hurt your knife, Potter, but did you really think we wouldn't notice that you two had run off?"

James rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling. "Are you done playing the martyr yet?" James paused a moment, then stood up. "Because if you are, there are a few things that you need to know. First off, being Lily's friend has been more rewarding to me than any other friendship I've ever had in my life, including yours. She makes me want to be a better person, and if all I ever have with her is that friendship, I will be grateful for it." He started across the room, fighting against Remus who was trying to push him back to the bed. "But if you think that we were engaging in more physical relations last night, you're in for a real shock."

"Explain away then," Sirius smirked sarcastically. "I've been up waiting for this all night."

James turned to Remus. "Let the record show that Mr. Black has his head firmly planted inside his arse." James grew somber, staring coldly at Sirius for a full minute before speaking again. "Lily's mum died yesterday. I was in Dumbledore's office when Circe brought the news." He paused again, feeling oddly pleased at the shock that registered on Sirius' face. "I snuck out of the castle to ride back on the Express with her.

"I remember what it's like to lose a parent," James' voice turned to ice. "I lost two in one moment. There was no way I was going to let her make that long ride home alone, so I went with her." His posture relaxed slightly, feeling redeemed under Sirius' blanching face. "After all, that's what friends are for."

Remus put a hand on James shoulder. "You did the right thing," he murmured, trying to take the last of the tension out of the room. "How is she holding up?"

James let out a long sigh and turned to face Remus. "About as well as can be expected. She cried all night, we both did." James snapped his head back to Sirius. "And that's all we did."

"James, I'm--" Sirius began, but was shut out by a glare from James.

"Just get out of my room. Last night was longer than any of you can imagine and the last thing I was expecting when I got back was this." Peter and Remus moved towards the door. Sirius went over to James, readying himself to speak again. "Black, get out. Now. There is nothing I want to say to you and nothing you can say that I want to hear."

After James shut the door behind them, Sirius turned a guilty face to Remus. "I've really fucked this up, haven't I?"

"Well," Remus said, putting aside his own worry for Lily for the moment. "If you were hoping that James would be happy that you punched him and then accused him of snogging Lily behind your proverbial back, I think you're going to be very disappointed."

"Poor Lily," added Peter, looking on the verge of tears himself. "I was just a kid when my dad died, but I remember feeling like the sun would never shine again."

Remus nodded, and the two boys started off towards their dorm room while Sirius hung back, staring at James' closed door. How could you have been such an ass? he asked himself. He remembered the hours James had spent at the Black home after James' parents had died. He wanted desperately to apologize to James now, to tell James that he was grateful that Lily had had a friend there with her. But he had just said a lot of things... things that he couldn't take back. He walked towards the staircase, feeling a bit like his own bright star was losing some of its luster.

* * *

Lily Evans looked exhausted as she climbed into the horseless carriage that would carry her back from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts' castle. She had no words to describe how painful the last few days had been. The funeral had been horrible: Her father looked as if he had died himself, and Lily had been tricked into a fight with Petunia.

Her eyes narrowed at the memory of her sister's accusations. What good was it being a witch, Petunia had sneered at her, if Lily couldn't even do anything to save their mum? What were they teaching her up at that school, how to pull a rabbit out of a hat? Petunia's words had hit too close to home; Lily couldn't help but feel guilty for not being there when her mum was dying. There should have been something she could have done, and if she hadn't been halfway across the country when it happened, maybe there could have been.

Even more painful than her own guilt had been the look on her father's face when he'd found them fighting. Charles Evans had always been the peacekeeper in the family, stepping in when any of 'his girls' took things too far. This time though, he just stared at them as they shouted at each other. They stopped as soon as they realized that he was there, and he just walked away in silence when the war of words ceased.

Petunia had been polite after that, at least when there was an audience. She had invited her father to join her for Christmas with her fiancée's family and had reluctantly muttered that Lily was welcome to come, too. Lily snorted, remembering how Petunia had dug her nails into Lily's arm as soon as they were alone, telling her younger sister that it would be much better for their father if he was allowed a 'normal' holiday with a 'normal' family. Petunia let go of Lily when the younger sister said that she planned on staying over at Hogwarts' for Christmas; anything would be better than enduring more of Petunia's choice of a 'normal' life.

Vernon Dursley had stayed well away from Lily while she was home. He was a large man, especially when one considered how young he was; at twenty-three he carried the weight of a small elephant. Lily often thought that his enormous mustache could have acted as a trunk if given enough encouragement. He was, like her sister, concerned more with appearances than with what was actually going on. He boasted to family members that they needn't worry about Petunia, that she would be well taken care of now that her mother was gone. When he had offered to take care of Lily's father should he 'not snap out of it', it had taken all of Lily's willpower not to turn Vernon's green necktie into a boa constrictor.

As much as she hated to admit it though, her father was greatly changed. Without his wife, Charles Evans seemed to face the world in a slumber, unaware of how to take care of mundane things about the house--he had never done a scrap of laundry in all the years they were married. By the time Lily got home, her father had managed to dye all of his crisp white shirts pink by washing a red shirt in with them. She had hated having to leave him so soon, but Dumbledore had arranged for her to catch a Portkey back to the Three Broomsticks from the Leaky Cauldron on Monday, and the time had passed before her eyes.

The carriage pulled to a stop in front of the castle's main gate. She passed by bustling students on their way to and from classes as she retreated to Gryffindor Tower. What had seemed so normal just a few days ago now seemed pointless. Who cared if you were late for a class? What did it matter if you turned your homework in on time? It didn't stop the world from turning or parents from dying.

She felt eyes staring at her as she crossed the Common Room; she had started crying again. She pushed past two third year girls and climbed the stairs to her room. There were a lot of things she should do now that she was back: She wanted to thank James for being there for her, she needed to talk with her Professors about the classes she had missed, and she should send Circe back to her dad with a note saying that she'd made it back alright. As she collapsed on her bed trembling with tears, none of it mattered though. Her mother was gone; the rest of the world could wait a while longer.

Someone was tapping her on her shoulder. Lily lifted her face up from her pillow and looked around the room. It was dark out now; she'd been asleep for hours. Remus Lupin sat on the edge of her bed, looking at her with his tragically beautiful copper eyes. She sat up and threw her arms around his neck, the tears rolling down her cheek almost instantly.

"I'm so sorry, Lil..." he whispered. He patted her gently on the back. "Is there anything I can do? It's time for dinner now, but we didn't think you'd want to eat in the Great Hall tonight. Do you want me to bring you up some food?"

We? Lily looked around the empty room. Her door was ajar, and she could just make out three shadowed figures behind it. She nodded slowly to Remus. "I would appreciate that," she whispered "But if it's okay, I still want to be alone for a while." She disengaged her arms from Remus' neck and he stood up. As he reached her door, she said, "Could you ask James to stop by later though?"

Hearing his name, James popped his head through the door. He gave her a sad, understanding smile. "I'll stop by before bed tonight, Lily. If you need anything, I'll be in my room after dinner."

Lily nodded, giving James and Remus a small wave as they shut the door. She fell back onto her bed with a soft thunk.

She was already fast asleep again when Remus returned with her dinner. The wiry brown haired boy pushed a lock of red hair out of her eyes, thinking that it was better this way. Whatever dreams haunted her now, they were better than the cold reality she'd have to face upon waking. He knew this from personal experience; a line from Shakespeare floated into his mind as he closed her door behind him. 'To sleep, perchance to dream...'

No amount of sleep would change the fact that Lily's mum was dead, just as it never changed the fact that he was still a werewolf whenever he woke up. It did make it easier though, and no matter how harsh his own reality was, Remus found that his dreams were still full of hope--enough hope to keep him getting up in the morning.

All he could do now was pray that Lily found that hope as well.

* * *

Lily popped the last of her sandwich into her mouth and got up to answer the knocking at her door. There was a small smile on her face as she turned the knob, but it faded fast when she saw who was on the other side of the door.

"Sirius..." she whispered. He looked a mess; his hair was disheveled, his robes were buttoned wronged and his eyes... they were creased with red lines, just as hers were from crying. She leaned against the door to shut it, whispering "I can't do this right now..."

He pushed his way into the room easily, shutting the door behind him. Lily stared down at the ground, unwilling or unable to look at him. "I thought you might want someone to talk to, or just some company. I know you're still mad--"

"No," she breathed. "I'm not mad anymore, it's not worth it." She walked over to her bed, leaning back against her pile of pillows. She was tired again suddenly; she'd been expecting him to show up eventually, but she wasn't ready for it yet. There were a lot of thoughts in her mind about him over the last few days, a few of them were very pleasant... but in the end she'd found an unexpected truth, and she wasn't able to share that with him yet.

He crossed the room, sitting on the floor by the edge of her bed. He was tall enough that when he leaned his head back, it was on the bed next to her legs. He reached up and took her hand in his, stroking the palm of her hand gently with his thumb. "I'm sorry Lil, about everything," he murmured. "I'm so sorry about your mum..." He brought her hand to his lips, kissing each of her fingers that were curled around his.

She burst into tears again, pulling her hand away and covering her face with it. He moved on to the bed, embracing her as she cried. She slumped into his arms, not caring what he thought, just grateful that someone was there to hold her. Several minutes passed insensibly for Lily, but slowly she became aware that he was whispering to her. She strained to hear his words over her own strangled sobs.

"...Love you. It will be alright, I'll be here as long as you need me." Sirius felt Lily go stiff in his arms. He pulled back, looking at her. "Are you okay?"

Lily nodded at first, and then shook her head. "I... I don't feel so good. I shouldn't have eaten." She nodded towards the half-empty plate of food that Remus had left for her.

Sirius glanced around the room. "Do you want a glass of water? I can go and get you one, it will only take a minute."

"No," Lily wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand. "I think I should just lay down. I have to be ready for classes tomorrow... and it won't do to go like this." A noise, somewhere between a laugh and a sob escaped her as she fell back into her pillows.

"Do... do you want me to stay? Till you fall asleep?" He brushed his hand softly against her cheek. "It's no trouble..."

Lily shook her head. "I'll be fine, Sirius. I'll see you in the morning." She turned over, her back facing him now. "Goodnight."

Sirius stood up, took out his wand and flicked it towards the candles on her desk and whispered "Nox Minimus." All but three candles in the room went out, leaving Lily with enough light to move about the room, and enough darkness to fall asleep.

As he pulled her door shut behind him, he saw her fragile silhouette shake as she started to cry again.

Sirius pulled back the covers on his own bed and crawled into it. He could still feel her in his arms as he lay down to sleep, and the reality of her absence brought him a touch of physical pain. As he drifted off to sleep, he promised himself that he would speak with James first thing in the morning and try and make things right between them. Lily was right; it wasn't worth it to stay mad, and Sirius just hoped that James felt the same way.

* * *

Nine o'clock came and went, but James never knocked on her door. Lily was sitting at her desk now, staring at one of the flickering candles. Her eyes were dry finally; her whole body felt numb. She looked around her room--it was past midnight now. She'd lost three hours watching the tiny flame of the candle.

She changed into her nightgown and went to lie on her four-poster. She sat down on it instead; she felt horribly alone suddenly. James must have fallen asleep, she told herself. She couldn't imagine that he would have not stopped by otherwise. She remembered how he had cried on the train and suddenly was awash in guilt. It must have been terribly hard for him, having lost his own parents only a year ago.

She threw her bathrobe on, and crept down the hall towards his room. She would apologize to him and thank him, and then leave him to sleep. It was a compulsion for her; if she had been rational enough to think about it, she never would have woken him up. But in her mind, it couldn't wait until morning.

She knocked on his door--no answer. She tried the knob, and felt the door swing open. In the armchair next to the fire was the sleeping figure of James Potter. His head was tilted back, mouth open and snoring slightly. There was an open book on his lap, but his arms were flung carelessly over the sides of the chair. Lily stood over him for a moment, just watching his chest rise and fall as he slept.

Lily picked the book up off of his lap, and set it over on his desk. She noticed that his Herbology book was there, bound tightly in twine, but she was too worn out to wonder why. She crossed back over to James; his prostrate form looked so inviting. She wanted to just crawl up into his lap and fall asleep with her head against his shoulder, like she used to with her Mum when she was a child.

James wouldn't mind, she told herself, James would understand. She just wanted to feel safe, and she could think of no safer place in all of Hogwarts than in the arms of her friend.

He groaned softly under her weight as she sat down in his lap. Reflexively, his arm swung around her waist cradling her gently as she laid her head against his chest. She took his other hand in hers, holding the intertwined hands against her breast. James wouldn't mind at all, she thought as she shut her eyes, glad that she hadn't disturbed his sleep. James will understand in the morning.

They awoke with a start; it sounded as if someone had just set off a Filibuster Firework outside the door. Lily opened her eyes briefly and then shut them again. James blinked several times and then turned his face, his nose brushing against hers. "Lily?" How had she gotten here? And what was she doing sleeping on his lap? he wondered.

Lily murmured morning greetings, and then nuzzled back against him, unwilling to wake up yet. James shifted his weight so that she had to sit up on her own, or risk falling off the chair. One eye popped open, looking at him most curiously. "When did you get here?" she asked as she stifled a yawn.

"Lily, you're in my room..." he chuckled softly. "I think I should be asking you that question, not the other way around."

Her head snapped up and looked around the room, when she realized that he was right, she tried to stand up, but succeeded only in falling flat on her ass. "I... came down to apologize last night... and to thank you, for staying with me on the train..." James stood above her now, holding out a hand to help her up off the floor. She let him pull her up, blushing furiously as she remembered crawling into his lap last night. "I'm so sorry... I wasn't thinking; I just didn't want to be alone."

James gave her a filial kiss on her forehead. "It's okay, Lily... I know what it's like. There's nothing to apologize or thank me for... it was just a confusing way to wake up." He gave her a small smirk. "Pleasant, but confusing."

She was still turning deeper shades of red. "I should be going..."

"Yeah, we have to get ready for classes," he agreed. "I'll see you down at breakfast."

Lily nodded, and hurried back down to her room. James sank back into his armchair after she closed the door. He smiled; waking up with Lily Evans in your arms was a good way to start the day. Whatever else might happen, he didn't think that it could break his good mood.

James was still smiling when he sat down across from Sirius at breakfast. The two boys had spent most of the weekend avoiding each other; neither wanted to deal with the words that had been spoken when James returned Saturday morning. Forgiving Sirius for having an overactive imagination seemed the right thing to do now, so James greeted him cheerfully.

Sirius returned his greeting with a grunt, but didn't look up at James. He was poking holes into his fried egg until the yolk ran out over his plate. James wrinkled his nose at the sight of it; he hated runny eggs.

Sirius picked up a piece of toast and soaked it in the yolk. "How can you eat it like that?" James asked for the millionth time in their friendship as Sirius popped the sopping yellow toast into his mouth.

Sirius gave James a childish look, smacking his lips wide apart as he chewed so James could see the egg-soaked toast turning into a lump of brown-yellow goo in his mouth. James turned away, sticking his tongue out slightly as he poured himself a glass of pumpkin juice.

Lily and Remus arrived at the table; Remus sat down next to Sirius, who was trying to swallow the wad of food in his mouth. Lily sat down on the other side of Sirius, coloring slightly as she waved good morning to James.

James smiled back, pouring her a glass of pumpkin juice. He set the pitcher back down on the table and turned to his right to greet a sleepy looking Peter, who had just sat down next to him.

Lily let out a small gasp. Four sets of eyes turned to her, and then followed her pointing finger to the small bruise on James' cheek. "What happened?" Her eyes were wide. "How did you get that?"

"Sirius punched him," Peter replied drowsily, then cringed as three pairs of angry male eyes glared at him from around the table. Remus gave Peter the obligatory 'think-before-you-speak' kick to the shins under the table as Lily turned two furious emerald eyes on Sirius.

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, "It was--"

"--an accident," finished James. "We were just playing around." Lily turned her eyes on him, appraising the situation. James flushed hotly under her stare.

"Apples..." she muttered under her breath. James looked down, studying the tablecloth. Lily turned to Remus, "And since when does mentioning an accident earn poor Peter a swift kick under the table?"

Remus looked away.

"That's what I thought." She turned back to Sirius; there was less anger in her eyes now, but more steely resolve. "Fine then, if it's not a big deal to you all, then it's not a big deal to me."

She swallowed the glass of pumpkin juice in one gulp. Lily stood up, throwing her book bag over her shoulder. "I've got to talk to a few Professors, so I'll see you all in class later."

The four boys watched her sashay out of the Great Hall. Peter started apologizing profusely; he was just too tired to think about what he'd been saying. Remus told him not to worry about it. After a moment or two, they noticed that James and Sirius had locked eyes. Peter stuck out a chubby little arm and waved it between their faces.

"Not again," muttered Remus. "Listen, she's not mad... she's still too upset about her mum to worry about a little something like this. Both of your secrets are safe."

"Both?" James and Sirius said at the same time, unlocking their eyes long enough to raise two pairs of curious eyebrows at Remus.

"Yes, both" swore Remus, standing up now and hauling his knapsack up off the floor. "You should both be happy that Lily is blissfully clueless that Sirius is an obsessively jealous arse and that James is secretly pining away for her."

Both black haired boys opened their mouths to speak again, but Remus waved them off, exiting the Great Hall in long strides.

A thick letter dropped onto Peter's plate. He picked it up, looking at the return address before stuffing it into his pocket. James raised an eyebrow at him. "Just a note from Mum," he replied with a shrug.

"Sleep well last night, Potter?" Sirius inquired through pursed lips, locking eyes with James once more.

Ah, so that's it, thought James. He was the slamming door that woke us up.

"Just fine," James replied, trying to keep the color out of his cheeks. After another moment, he looked away from Sirius' accusing glare, pushing his plate away from him as he got up from the table. "I'm not hungry anymore. I'll see you both in class later."

Sirius stabbed repeatedly at another defenseless egg yolk. Peter watched with worried eyes as he ate. Finally, the bell rang, calling them to classes. Sirius muttered something under his breath as they got up to leave. Peter gave a whinging sigh; it was going to be a long week.

* * *

As the days passed, Lily slowly came back to herself. At first, she'd just stare off into space, letting the boys lead her from class to class. If they put food in front of her, she ate; if they put a book in front of her, she'd read it. On Thursday, Peter actually got her to laugh when he tricked Sirius into sitting on a piece of pie at lunch.

Her tears, when they came, were quiet now, rolling down her porcelain cheeks like drops of ice. She didn't shake anymore as she cried. It didn't matter who was there, just so long as someone was there if she needed to be held.

Sirius and James had kept up their cold indifference, speaking to each other only when it was needed. If Lily noticed, she didn't care. Peter and Remus were growing more frustrated at the situation, and it soon became apparent that they weren't the only ones aware of the change in the double act of Potter and Black.

Meg Surrey strode up to the quintet during dinner on Friday. She leaned in, pointing an accusing finger at James and Sirius. "Whatever it is," she growled, "get over it by next week. We're playing Ravenclaw, and we can't afford to lose since they beat Hufflepuff by three hundred points last month."

Sirius gave her a wide-eyed stare. Meg was normally the most jovial person on the Gryffindor team; he couldn't recall her ever having said an unkind word before. He saw James nod to her and then go back to shaping his mashed potatoes into a small statue of a cauldron.

Meg continued to stare at Sirius. "Don't worry, Surrey..." he said smoothly. "I have my priorities straight."

"Ha!"

Everyone turned and stared at Lily. She blinked at them a few times and then went back to eating her food, offering no explanation for her sudden outburst.

When they returned to the Common Room after dinner, James excused himself to take a nap. He asked Lily to wake him up before rounds; they were making up the ones that they missed the weekend before. Lily nodded, and sat down with Peter to play a game of wizard's chess. Neither of them was very good at it, so the games tended to last a long time.

Half way through the game, Remus sat down next to them holding out the evening edition of the Daily Prophet. On the front page was a photograph of a small baby sleeping in a crib; at its feet, two tendrils of a dark green vine were curling around the baby's toes.

Lily grabbed the paper out of Remus' hands; she scanned the article quickly. Across from her, Peter had turned a sick shade of green.

"There has to be more we can do," Lily said. A sort of fierce light shone out of her eyes.

Perhaps this is what she needs, thought Remus, something else to focus on. "What do you have in mind?" he asked.

"I don't know," she said honestly. "But I have no intention of sitting here doing nothing anymore." She tapped her fingers against the chessboard, causing protest from a bishop as the motion jostled it onto a different square. "My dad had requested some old books from a horticulture school... maybe they've arrived now. I'll send Circe off tonight for them." She looked at Peter. "Have you heard from your mum lately? Does she have any more information for us?"

"No," Peter whispered hoarsely, color rising in his cheeks. "I haven't heard from her since last week."

"That's not right," said Remus. "I remember you got a letter from her on Tuesday." Remus gave the blonde boy a quizzical look. "Did you forget?"

Peter fidgeted in his chair. "Uh.... Yeah... You know me, 'Forgetful Peter'." He forced a chuckle. Lily tilted her head at him. "It was just a reminder that my uh... niece Emily has a birthday at the beginning of next month." Small beads of sweat were forming at his hairline.

"I didn't know you had sibs," Lily said. Her heart went out to him; whatever was making him so twitchy must be pretty important if he wouldn't talk about it. Of course, she reasoned, no one was talking to her about much of anything these days--everyone was handling her with kid gloves. She resolved to do better as a pang of guilt hit her in the chest. Everyone has problems, she told herself.

"Yeah, an older sister and two older brothers," Peter said, grateful for the change of subject. "The youngest is fifteen years older than me; it was more like growing up with extra aunts and uncles than with sibs." Peter shrugged. "I'm an uncle twice over now. It's a great job," he flashed Lily a quirky smirk. "No diaper changing and I get to buy them the noisiest, most obnoxious toys. I was planning on getting Emily a set of self-playing drums. Payback for when her mum turned my toy train into a vampire bat."

Lily smiled. "There will be absolutely none of that when I have kids," she said.

Remus grinned mischievously at her. "What? Uncle Remus can't get the little tyke a deck of Extra Loud Exploding Snap?"

Lily rolled her eyes, returning the smirk. "Let's just wait till he's old enough to walk for that, okay?"

"He?" Peter joined in the grinning. "You're so sure you'll have a boy?"

"Oh yes," A dreamy look settled on Lily's face. "Just one child too... I've known that since I was a little girl... I dream about holding him sometimes."

Sirius slid his chair over to their table. "Any decisions on who the father will be yet?" he asked.

Lily blushed as his eyes met hers. "Nope. I haven't a clue." She stood up. "I probably haven't even met him yet." She winced inwardly as she saw the smile fade from Sirius' face. "It's nearly time for rounds, I better go wake up James." She waved as she crossed the room and headed up the stairs.

Remus turned his smirk to Sirius. "Does the word 'subtle' mean anything to you?"

"Nope," Sirius took Lily's seat at the chessboard, putting Peter into checkmate with one move. "Lily Black..." he whispered under his breath. "Has a good ring to it, don't you think?"

Peter snorted as he set the board up for a new game. "There's about as much chance of Lily marrying you as there is of me becoming the Dark Lord's pet rat."

Sirius pelted Peter with a pawn. "There are worse things that could happen to a girl than spending the rest of her life with me," he said defensively.

"Yeah," retorted Remus. "She could marry Snape."

* * *

Lily stopped running. She leaned over, hands braced against her knees, trying to catch her breath. Some yards ahead of her, James stopped as well, turning around to look at her.

"You okay?" He didn't even sound winded.

"Yeah... let's just let them go though." They'd been chasing two unknown students up and down the corridors for the last five minutes. "Nowhere in the description of this job did it say that athletic ability was required." Lily walked over to a nearby bench and collapsed into it.

James sniggered as he sat down next to her. "Why Lily Evans," he exclaimed. "I do believe that you are letting two students run amok after hours. Whatever will the other Prefects say?" James poked his tongue into his cheek and rolled his eyes at her.

"I have no idea," she shook her head as she chuckled. "But I'll say that anyone that can move that blooming fast deserves to go amok, running or otherwise." She gave an indifferent shrug. "It's not like it really--"

"--Matters anyway," finished James with a smirk. "You've been saying that a lot lately."

Lily nodded, closing her eyes and staring up at the curved ceiling. "Many things that I thought were important now seem... trivial." She pointed down the empty hall. "They're just out to have some fun, who am I to stop it? Who knows what will happen to them tomorrow?" She sighed. "If there is one thing I've learned from all this, it's that there are no guarantees. Any of us could die at any moment, so why waste the time that we have?"

James raised an eyebrow at her. "Well, that's a very stark way to view it, but you're not entirely wrong." James took her hand. "You shouldn't live life because you're afraid of dying, Lily. You should embrace life for what joy it can give you, not for what you're afraid that it might take away." He turned her chin to his face. "There are a lot of things that do matter Lily, and a lot of people that you matter to."

Lily's eyes locked with his for a long moment, and then roamed down to the fading bruise on his cheek. "Are you still going to tell me that that doesn't matter?" James flinched as she put her thumb to the tender bruise. "What happened while I was gone last weekend, James? I know that you were lying when you said it was an accident."

James took a deep breath. "I said something stupid... and Sirius had been thinking some equally stupid things." He released her hand and pointed at his cheek. "This is the result. It's really not a big deal, Lily."

"Oh, of course it's not," Lily rolled her eyes at him. "That's why you two have barely spoken this week." She pursed her lips. "I've been in mourning James, I didn't go deaf or blind."

James wasn't sure how to reply. He certainly wasn't going to relate the events verbatim, but maybe it was time to clue Lily in on a few things. Finally, he asked her, "What do you think we were fighting about?"

"Well," she said after a moment's contemplation. "I don't think you got him worked up enough to hit you while discussing the best model of racing broom." She looked down at the ground. "Given the events of Friday, I'd guess that it would have something to do with the fact that you and I were mysteriously absent all night." James nodded slowly. "Well, once you explained though, that should have been the end of it, right? Why have you two been so cold this whole week then?"

James chose his next words carefully. "Do you remember what woke us up on Tuesday morning?"

"Yes," Lily replied instantly. "A loud noise, like a door slam--Oh dear, was that Sirius?" Lily saw what it must have looked like from Sirius' point of view: Lily in her bathrobe, curled up on James who had his arms around her, both of them fast asleep.

James nodded. "Considering how he feels about you, it was natural that he would be... upset."

"Yes... I've been meaning to have a talk with him about that." Lily wrinkled her nose. James watched her carefully, looking for any sign as to whether or not the impending conversation would make Sirius happy or sad. She blushed as she felt his eyes on her face. "Well, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it, I just don't have the strength yet."

They sat in silence for a while, each consumed by their own thoughts. James saw a single tear running down Lily's cheek, and took her hand into his, giving it a gentle squeeze. She leaned towards him, and he planted a loving kiss on her forehead. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, about loss and love, fear and hope. The words stuck in his throat, though. Instead, he put his forehead against hers and leaned nose-to-nose.. She giggled as he gave her an Eskimo kiss, rubbing his nose against hers playfully.

"Well, well, well," Their heads snapped apart at the sneering voice of Severus Snape, who was standing with another Slytherin Prefect passing judgment on the situation. "I had heard that you and Black shared everything, Potter, but I had no idea that there was enough of Miss Evans to go around." Lily flinched. "Do you make her shower before you trade her off? Or do you enjoy getting Black's sloppy seconds?"

James flew out of his chair faster than a Fanged Frisbee. His fist slammed into Snape's hooked nose with a loud crack, sending the Slytherin Prefect backward onto his arse with an audible thud.

James stood ready to deal another blow; Lily stood up behind him, hands over her mouth.

"That's it, Potter..." Snape sneered. "Fif--"

James kicked the prostrate boy in the stomach, stopping Snape's retort mid-word. "Don't bother, Severus." James leveled his eyes on the female Slytherin and then looked back at Lily. He drew out his wand and pointed it at himself. "Fifty points from Gryffindor, courtesy of James Potter, for giving the sixth year Slytherin Prefect something he's been needing for a long bloody time." He spun around and grabbed Lily's hand, pulling the shocked girl down the hall.

He didn't stop until they stood outside of the portrait of the Fat Lady. He breathed through his nose, flaring his nostrils out like an angry dragon. He was furious at himself for losing control like that, for letting Snape's vile words hit too close to his own fears.

Lily shook her head slowly. "Oh James... I can't believe you did that. You shouldn't have--"
James pushed her against the wall, pinning her arms over her head with one hand. He slammed his other fist against the cold stone. When he kissed her, it was not tender and loving as he had imagined it; he was full of anger and need. His lips imparted this to hers, stealing her breath away before she could give it to him. As the red haze faded from his mind, he found that her mouth was responding warmly to his. Her tiny doll-like lips buried themselves into his, sucking and probing with as much unleashed wrath as his own. He pulled back in shock; it wasn't supposed to be like this. He didn't want it to be like this, not with Lily.

"I shouldn't have done that either." There was still a touch of anger in his voice. "But that's another thing that needed to be done for some time now."

Thoroughly shocked, Lily stared down at the ground and finally remembered to breathe again.

James turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Inflatable Monkeys" he whispered. As he stepped into Gryffindor Tower, he looked back at Lily. "I... I'm sorry."

The portrait slammed shut behind him, leaving Lily alone in the hallway. She let her body slide down to the ground, pulling her knees up to her chest, clutching them protectively. What am I going to do now? she asked herself as the tears began to fall down her cheeks. Oh Mum, I wish you were here...

* * *

By the next morning, it was widely considered that James had lost the best fifty points in the history of Gryffindor House, and he received a warm round of applause as he sat down to breakfast. James gave his adoring crowd a mock bow as he plopped into the seat next to Sirius, who was smiling at him for the first time in a week.

"Where's Lily?" James tried to sound casual, but the truth was since he'd left her last night, his stomach had been twisting into knots. He couldn't believe that he had actually kissed her, in anger no less. Equally unbelievable was that she had kissed him back. Hadn't she? He replayed the kiss again in his mind: Her mouth had drawn tight under the force of his lips at first, then as her body relaxed, her lips had most definitely pushed back against his. He'd felt her mouth open, and her tongue had just touched his when he'd pulled away.

James shivered pleasantly. He looked around, to see if the others had noticed. In blissful ignorance, Peter, Remus and Sirius continued to eat.

"She's not feeling well this morning," Remus said after taking a drink of orange juice. "Girl troubles," he added with a shrug.

Peter gave a loud snort. He flushed slightly as the three boys looked at him questioningly. "Well, that's just what she says, isn't it? If Lily really had her period--" Peter's cheeks turned cherry pink at the word, "--each time she claimed that she did, she'd be a medical oddity." Peter gave a small shrug. "It's just something that all girls say when they don't want to be bothered by guys."

James exchanged looks with Sirius and Remus. It had never occurred to any of them to doubt Lily's claims. Peter's explanation made too much sense to be ignored.

"I'll go talk to her," Sirius said as he stood up from the table.

James grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down. "No, let Remus. It... might be easier if it was him." The last thing James needed was for Lily to tell Sirius about kissing him last night, whether she was upset or delighted by it.

"Gee, thanks for volunteering me, James." Remus rolled his eyes, flicking a crumpled napkin at him.

Sirius gave James an odd look as he sat back down. "We have Quidditch practice this morning," James explained, thankful that he had remembered it. "Who knows how long Lily will want to talk?"

Sirius nodded.

Remus drew out his wand and conjured up a tray. He piled all sorts of breakfast treats on to it and headed back to Gryffindor Tower.

Balancing the tray precariously on one hand, Remus knocked on Lily's door. Lily opened the door a crack, looking from Remus to the tray of proffered food.

"That's really sweet, Remus," she said, giving him a smile. "But it's not necessary. I just want to lay down for a while... until I'm feeling more like myself."

Remus smirked at her. "Yeah, whatever. Let me in, Lily." She gave him a puzzled look, which he returned with a melodramatic eye roll. "The game's up. Peter cracked your secret 'girl code'. He says that if you really had 'feminine troubles' as often as you claim, you'd be a medical mystery."

Lily gave a snort and didn't stop Remus from pushing his way into the room. He nearly dropped the tray when he saw what was laid out on the floor: Cakes, pies, boxes of candies in all sizes and shapes as well as several plates of cheese and crackers and a large pitcher of Butterbeer. He looked between his sad platter of dried toast with assorted jams and the sumptuous spread on the floor. With a laugh, he sat the tray down on her desk.

Lily smirked at him. "What? Didn't you know that House Elves deliver?"

Remus shook his head in amazement. "How did they get all this up here without anyone noticing?"

Lily pointed to her fireplace. "When I showed up there last night, I was crying again. I asked for a bit of sweets to take the edge off." She smiled. "Fiddy sat patting my hand for about a half hour and then told me that they'd used the intra-castle Floo Network to bring the stuff into my room, and would I like to use the Kitchen fire to go straight back there."

"This," Remus said, gesturing around the room, "is a 'bit of sweets'?"

Lily laughed, sitting down on the floor. "Near as I can figure, the elves decided that if a small amount would help me take the edge off, then a larger amount would cure the problem entirely." She cut into a dark chocolate cake that was topped with a thick glaze of cherries. "Want some?"

Remus didn't need to be asked twice. He joined her on the floor and began sampling the various delicacies. He leaned back on his elbows after he poured himself a tall mug of Butterbeer and cocked his head at Lily. "So why were you crying last night?"

Lily looked away, giving him a small shrug. "Oh... you know, the usual," was her laconic reply.

"Of course, since today is filled with such usual things..." Remus shook his head at her. Lily shut her lips tightly around a truffle. "Not talking, eh? Alright then, let me tell you what I know." He took another drink from his mug. "Snape said something last night that made James punch him--no one seems to have all the details, but the general consensus is that he deserved it. You admit to crying, and to sneaking off to the Kitchens by yourself. After Peter revealed your little feminine ruse, Sirius offered to come up and talk to you, but James stopped him and instead of coming up himself, James sent me up here to see if you were okay."

"Well," Lily said in a muffled voice; she had just taken a large bite out of a very chewy caramel. "That's a mouthful."

"Yes it is," Remus agreed with a smile. "But it points to a few assumptions about last night. Whatever happened after he punched Snape, he didn't think you'd want to talk to him about it and he certainly didn't want you to tell Sirius." Remus pointed to all the food on the floor again. "Judging by the fact that you're set to skip meals for a good two or three days in here, I'd say it's a safe bet that you have no desire to face James either." Remus finished off the Butterbeer, and then reached for the pitcher to refill his mug. "Considering that it's James, and not me that you've spent most of this term confiding in so far, I'd wager that something very interesting happened last night."

"Fascinating deductions, Sherlock." She gave him a sardonic smile. "I never should have given you the complete works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle for Christmas last year."

Remus gave her a polite golf clap. "And your skills at dodging questions have vastly improved, Miss Evans." His copper eyes twinkled mischievously at her. "If you get any faster at turning a conversational corner, we'll have to start calling you 'The Ruby Snitch'."

Lily gave a resigned sigh. "James was really mad last night, after what Snape said... I started to tell him that he shouldn't have done it and..." Lily shrugged.

"And?" prodded Remus.

"And he sort of... I mean in a way... I'm sure it wasn't intentional..." Lily stammered.

Remus tsked at her. "Just spit it out, woman!"

"He kind of kissed me." Lily bit down on her lower lip, wrinkling her eyebrows. The whole thing was still very confusing to her. One minute James had been flattening Snape's nose and the next he'd engaged her in a short but rather pleasing bout of lip locking.

Remus stared at her for a moment. "So... you were crying because he kissed you?"

"Yes, well... no, not really. It was more like... I don't know." Lily looked genuinely confused now. "I'm not mad about it, I just wasn't expecting it."

Remus nodded slowly. "What now then?"

"Well, that's the thousand galleon question isn't it?" Lily frowned. "I've been avoiding Sirius because I didn't want to, I mean, I just can't deal with his... affections, and now apparently I have to avoid James as well. Unless," Lily raised two hopeful eyes to Remus, "it was just a momentary lapse of reason. Do you think--"

"What? That James could have been so mad at Snape that he decided to take it out on your lips?" Remus laughed, while Lily turned crimson. Remus took her hand in his and whispered, "Think again, Lil."

Lily was staring at their hands, at least that is what Remus thought. "Remus, where's your bracelet?"

Remus retracted his arm, clutching his empty wrist protectively. "I've been meaning to tell you about that." He explained how it had disappeared after his tumble down the stairs prior to the last full moon, and how he suspected that Snape had pocketed the bracelet for whatever ill-gotten reason.

Lily nodded attentively throughout his explanation, and then stood up, heading for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" asked Remus.

"To get your bracelet back--after what he said last night, Snape owes me." She opened the door. "Stay here, I'll be back in a bit."

Remus stared at the closed door, thinking that he'd give all the gold in Gringott's to know what it was that Snape had said.

* * *

Lily was pleased to see that her first thought had been right; sitting alone in the Prefect's Lounge was a bandage-nosed Severus Snape. Lily drew her wand out, holding it behind her back as she approached him.

Snape looked up from the book he was reading, giving her a particularly nasty glare. Lily smiled as sweetly as she could, saying "Don't worry Severus, I've had my morning shower." Snape opened his mouth to reply, but Lily held up a hand. "I'm not here about that. I could care less about it."

Snape narrowed his eyes questioningly. "What do you want then Evans?"

"You have the bracelet that I gave Remus for his birthday; I want it back. Now." Snape opened his mouth to deny it, but Lily leveled her wand to his face. The greasy looking boy flinched as she tapped her wand against his injured nose. "Did you know that I've been studying advanced Charm coursework with the Ministry this year? No? Very interesting spells," Lily gave him a cold smile. "I've learned all sorts of charms dealing with the perception of truth..."

"What has that got to do with anything?" Snape sneered.

"It's funny how news travels in this school, isn't it? Everyone knows that James punched you last night, but no one knows why or what was said." Lily gave a small shrug. "It would be very easy for me to spread a rumor about what happened, and since I was there, it would be believed." She thwacked her wand against his nose again. "It would be just as easy for me to lay a charm on you that would prevent you from denying whatever I said."

"You'd get caught--you can't cast spells like that on other students." Snape was starting to look nervous though.

"Very doubtful, since part of the charm prevents you from telling anyone that it was cast." She smiled at him. "So tell me Severus, how would you feel if the whole school found out that you'd bared your soul to James Potter last night, begging him to take you in his arms and make you a real man?"

Snape blanched. "No one would ever believe that..."

"Wouldn't they?" Lily asked. "Its not like you have a queue of former girlfriends about to deny your private predilections, do you?" Lily gave him an icy glare. "People believe what they are told, Severus. And unless you give me Remus' bracelet right now, I'm going to tell them that you pleaded with Potter to play poke the pickle with you last night."

Snape's mouth dropped open. He goggled at her in disbelief.

"I'm waiting..." she growled. "In case you haven't heard, redheads aren't known for their patience."

Snape glanced over the edge of his chair. "It's there, in my backpack."

Lily gave him a moderately cheery smile. "There's a good boy. Now take it out slowly, and hand it to me." Snape obeyed, dropping the bracelet into Lily's open hand a moment later. Lily placed the bracelet into her pocket. She backed away from him slowly, never removing her wand from its target. As her hand latched on to the doorknob behind her, she swished her wand through the air. "Orate Arcanus!" she said in an even voice.

A stream of purple sparks shot out of the end of her wand, weaving their way across the room to Snape. The magical lights shot down his throat, making him gasp for air.

"There now," Lily said with a smile. "Even if you wanted to, that will prevent you from telling anyone about our little talk." She gave him a merry wave as she left. "Remus will be so happy that you found his bracelet; thanks for taking such good care of it."

Snape sneered around the empty room. He kicked the chair in front of him. She may have gotten the bracelet back, he reminded himself, but he was about to get the last word. Snape allowed himself a small but triumphant smile, then furrowed his brows in confusion: What the hell had she meant by 'poke the pickle' anyway?

* * *

Lily was surprised to see Remus standing with James and Sirius in the Common Room after she returned from her talk with Severus. The two black haired wizards were still in their Quidditch uniforms. No one smiled or greeted her; there was a very somber air to their usually merry company.

James came over, putting an arm around her shoulders. "You better sit down for this Lily," he whispered.

Lily's eyes darted around in a panicked confusion. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. "What is it?" she asked in a small voice.

"It's Peter," explained Sirius. "He went up for a nap after breakfast and..."

Sirius was interrupted by the worried figure of Professor Minerva McGonagall walking backwards down the stairs. They all turned and watched as she levitated the sleeping body of Peter Pettigrew across the Common Room and out the portrait door.

Lily was struggling to breathe; one of their own had fallen into the clutches of Lord Voldemort.