Unofficial Portkey Archive



Molly M. Johnson Molly M. Johnson 2 1 2003-07-18T17:19:00Z 2003-07-18T17:20:00Z 18 7846 44727 372 89 54927 9.3821 150

Title: Arrival Unexpected (08)
Author name: Molly Moon
Author email: psycha@chartermi.net
Category: Romance
Sub Category: Suspense
Keywords: Lily James Sirius Bikini
Rating: R
Spoilers: SS/PS, CoS, PoA, GoF, FB, QTTA
Summary: The Full moon rises on Hogwarts, bringing with it a heartfelt confession from Lily to the local animal population. In other news: the forces of Darkness start to feel threatened by some meddling kids
DISCLAIMER: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Author notes: Sending faerie kisses out to Jen and to Kristin (who now has the first chapter of her own fic "Gorgon's Wake" up on Schnoogle under the name Alexandria -- Go read and review for my darling beta!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you were lonely, you needed a man
Someone to lean on, well, I understand
It's only natural
But why did it have to be me?

Nights can be empty, and nights can be cold
So you were looking for someone to hold
That's only natural
But why did it have to be me?

"Why did it have to be me?", ABBA

"But he's not family, Headmaster," Madam Pomfrey scowled with the look of a bear that had been disturbed in the middle of winter. She cast another dour look at James, who was standing on Dumbledore's right.

"Not by blood perhaps," said Dumbledore thoughtfully. "But Peter and James have been friends for years. I can even recall," he added with a smile, "a certain nurse who was very impressed by the diligence in which three boys hovered outside of the hospital wing when James broke his leg a few years ago."

A light pink colored Madam Pomfrey's cheeks, but her eyes were still determined against the course at hand. "Yes Headmaster, but this is a much more serious situation--"

"Yes it is, Poppy." Albus looked at her over the rims of his half-moon glasses. "And it's the fact that this is so much more serious which inclines me to allow James a visit with his friend." He crossed his arms over his chest, taking on an air of authority that normally never crossed his brow. "Now, do move aside. It will only be for a few minutes and I shall wait outside the room the whole time."

The young nurse bit her upper lip and nodded. She stepped to the side, allowing James and Albus to pass but followed close behind on their heels. Dumbledore removed the security wards around the room and opened the door for James. "We'll be out here when you're done," the old wizard said kindly.

James nodded and went in, closing the door behind him. A gasp caught in his throat as he looked about the room. He'd known what to expect, having seen what the Munroe sisters looked like, but it was still a shock to the system. Peter dangled in mid-air, head resting on his chest as if he'd fallen asleep while practicing levitating Charms in Professor Flitwick's class.

The vines were grown around his ankles, holding him securely in place. James glanced over at the Munroe girls; the cursed vine had grown up to Justice's mid-thigh now--and on little Honora, they covered her to her belly button.

Time was growing short for the Munroe children.

He remembered suddenly what Remus had said about the Possum Charm--as an Unrepeatable, they only had one chance to use the spell to break a person free from the vine. Eventually, one chance would have to be used just to keep the vine from killing any more children.

Oblivious to James' inner turmoil, Peter snored softly. James switched his focus onto the person of his sleeping friend. Was Peter dreaming? What did he see as he endured the sleeping curse? James made a soft prayer to all the gods he had ever read about that Peter's dreams were peaceful. He hoped that his friend was able to escape mentally, if not physically from the brutality of Voldemort's dark magic.

"Sirius and I aren't really fighting anymore," he whispered softly to the inert form of Peter Pettigrew. Peter would be glad to know this. James wasn't sure if the blond boy could hear him, but there were a few things that he wanted to say.

That's why he was here.

"Lily's doing much better now; I think having all of this--" James gestured to the three immobile figures in the room "--to worry about is taking her mind off her Mum's death. She's--I mean we're all working on getting you out of this, Peter." James scuffed his shoe against the tiled floor. He felt a bit foolish; none of the others knew that he was here. This was just between him and Peter. "We're closing in on it, too. I promise that we'll have you back to your old self in time for the holidays."

James moved in closer to Peter. Hanging as he was in mid-air, the short boy was nearly the same height as he was now. James leaned in and whispered, so that only Peter would be able to hear (if he could hear anything at all, and if there happened to have been hidden listeners): "The full moon is this weekend, Wormtail. I wish you could be out there with us; I'm sorry this happened. I know that you were probably trying to protect your family, but I really wish you could have trusted us with this secret." James shrugged. "Maybe you didn't tell us because you wanted to protect us, too."

James smirked slightly. "If it makes you feel any better, Sirius and I are going to be drawing lots to see which one of us has to take the beating from the Whomping Willow to open the secret passage up. Without you there..." James felt a lump in his throat.

"Without you there with us, it won't be the same."

James took a step back, closing his eyes against the burning tears that blurred his vision. He waved weakly as he turned from the sick room and left, hoping to leave his worries and fears behind as he shut the door. Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey were waiting for him.

James kept his eyes on the floor.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Albus said nothing but put his hand on James' shoulder, leading him out of the hospital wing. There were things that each wizard wanted to say to the other, but they walked in silence. Dumbledore escorted his young ward to the portrait of the Fat Lady, who curtsied when she saw the Headmaster. Dumbledore tipped his hat to her and left James to return to the Tower, alone, with whatever thoughts were in his mind.

* * *

"Miss Evans, what on Earth is your owl doing here?" Professor Hawthorn had a look of severe irritation on her face. Circe had shown up just ten minutes before the end of Potions class with a large package for Lily. Circe now sat on the edge of Remus and Lily's desk, chewing some dried flobberworms that they were supposed to be using in an anti-allergy potion.

"I'm so sorry Professor," Lily replied, blushing furiously. "She knew I'd been waiting for this package, though and must have decided that--"
"What could be so important as to interrupt my lesson?" The portly middle-aged witch scowled, making Lily feel all of three inches tall. The professor walked over to Lily and pointed at the package. "Open it up then, Miss Evans. Let's all see what your owl thought--," she said, spitting the last two words with great distaste, as if she couldn't imagine an owl thinking, "--was so vital as to disrupt my teaching."

Lily pulled gently on the twine that held the brown paper wrapping shut. The whole class, Slytherins and Gryffindors alike, was staring at her now. Pushing the wrapping onto the floor, Lily revealed that the package contained several old Muggle books--all of which she had requested from her father, for her continuing work on Nimue's Embrace.

Professor Hawthorn held up a dusty book and showed it to the class. Lily was about to speak when she realized that her Potions mistress had flipped the antiquated book open--to a page that her father must have marked for her.

"'Nepenthe Anglia Nimue, also called Nimue's Embrace, is known to be extremely sensitive to sunlight,'" quoted Professor Hawthorn. She scanned down the page, her eyebrows furrowing so deeply into her forehead that it soon appeared she had one long eyebrow covering both eyes. "Miss Evans, unless I am mistaken, this topic left the classroom at the end of last month. Why are you still pursuing it?"

"Well, you see... Uhm... my father..." Lily was floundering. She knew that if she admitted to still working on it, that Professor Hawthorn would mock her in front of the class. The Potions mistress had normally been even-tempered and fair with her, but since her report on the cursed vine, Hawthorn had been much more irritable. Lily had heard her scolding Snape after classes on the day they received their marks: Hawthorn had been very disappointed that a Muggle-born witch had upstaged her best student. Snape needed to set a better example for the rest of Slytherin House, she had said. He would do so or it would be to his detriment. Lily had an idea what that detriment might be--Snape considered himself to be a shoe-in for Head Boy next year, but if the head of his own House didn't throw her full support behind him, it wouldn't happen.

Professor Hawthorn was still staring at her; Lily desperately tried to think of a suitable answer, when Remus cleared his throat and grabbed another of the delivered books off of their desk. "Pardon me, Professor, but Mr. Evans sent these books to Lily on my behalf." Lily shot him a grateful look. "See, I'm doing a project for Muggle Studies on the relationship between Muggle mythology and Wizarding history and I thought--"

Professor Hawthorn set the book back down on the desk, rolling her eyes at Remus. "As fascinating as I am sure your report is, Mister Lupin, the fact remains that we are here to study potions."

"Of course Professor, my apologies." Remus stuffed the books into his knapsack, bowing his head in deference to his Professor.

Hawthorn shot another disgusted look at Circe. "Miss Evans, get that owl--OUCH!" Circe gave the professor a hard nip on the finger as Hawthorn pointed at her. Circe was hooting animatedly now, while Hawthorn looked ready to strangle the black owl.

Luckily, the bell rang. Lily scooped Circe up into her arms and withdrew from the dungeon classroom, apologizing to Professor Hawthorn once more as she shimmied out the door. Lily didn't slow down until she had climbed the stairs into the main corridor, well away from her Potions teacher. James, Sirius and Remus pulled up behind her shortly after.

Circe was still hooting. Sirius looked at her for a minute and then said, "She doesn't like Hawthorn much, does she?" Out of the corner of his eye, he saw James nodding in agreement.

"She doesn't trust her." James said simply as he patted the owl on the head. "She wants you to stay away from her."

"Oh wonderful," Lily said, cursing slightly. Lily looked at her owl; Circe was very tired from her long trip, she needed to be fed, watered, and then sent straight to the Owlery for some sleep. "Come on you," she said, scratching the beautiful black bird under its chin. "Let's find you a mouse, and I'll tuck you in after." Remus tittered softly behind her. Lily turned and flashed him another grateful smile. "Thanks for that save back in the classroom; I had no idea what to say to Hawthorn. You covered it very well, Remus."

"It begs to be asked then," came a sneering voice from behind the quartet. "What he was covering up for you, Evans?" They turned as one and faced Severus Snape, who had a look of sour satisfaction on his face.

"Sod off, Snape." Sirius growled. Mentally, he hoped that Snape would say enough to give him a reason to beat the slimy Slytherin to a bloody pulp, but he held himself in check for the moment.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "Oh you know me, Severus," she said dryly. "Just trying to save the world as usual. It's a family trait, kind of like how you inherited that dried cobra up your arse from your dad." Lily held two fingers out in front of her mouth, like a serpent's forked tongue, and hissed lewdly at Snape.

James snorted and gave Lily a gentle shove down the hall. She walked along next to him, leaving Sirius and Remus alone with Snape.

"By the way," Remus said, smiling at the Slytherin Prefect. "I wanted to thank you for finding my bracelet. Lily said you took good care of it for me." He held out his wrist and showed the bracelet to Snape, whose eyes pinched together angrily at the sight of it. Remus clapped Sirius on the shoulder, "Come on; let's catch them up. I'm a bit peckish myself."

Sirius smirked at Remus as they turned away from Snape. "You want to swallow a live mouse too? Should we have Circe save one for you?"

"Absolutely," Remus said with a sinister grin. "Better to have a wriggling mouse in your stomach than a writhing snake in your arse."

Severus Snape cursed loudly and slumped off in the other direction. Someday, he thought ruefully, they all would regret the way they treated him. Someday.

* * *

Lily knocked lightly on James' door before she came in. Sirius and he were still reading the books her father had sent, and both boys were sprawled out on the floor; Sirius was lying on his back, left knee crossed over his right knee to form a leggy triangle. He had one arm behind his head, like a pillow. The other arm was being used to turn pages in the book that was propped up against his knees. A wisp of sleek black hair had settled on his cheek; he still took Lily's breath away. Whether he knew it or not, Sirius Black looked most edible to her when he wasn't trying to. It was a shame really, she thought, that things had gotten so out of hand with him. It would have been fun if...

James sneezed, drawing Lily's gaze and thoughts away from Sirius. Two very different black haired boys--best friends--and both sent various unladylike thoughts running through her mind. James was lying on his stomach, with his elbows perched under his chin. His glasses were slowly sliding off the end of his nose. Her eyes slid down the length of his out-stretched body. His robed were tucked under him, highlighting the curves of his bottom.

Lily flushed slightly. Was she going crazy? She had no delusions about her interest in the male sex; Lily knew that girls were just as likely to have raging hormones as boys were. This was getting to be a bit much, though. It was like something in her had cracked that night when the three of them had come to words. When Sirius had laid next to her in James' bed all she could think of was--

"Lil?" Sirius tilted his head back, looking at her upside down. "You okay? You look a bit pink."

James turned and looked at her now, too. "Did you get Remus to the hospital wing without any problems?"

"Yes, fine." She walked over to James' window. "It's horribly hot in here, mind if I open this up?"

James smirked slightly. "Yeah, go ahead." He shot a mischievous look to Sirius. "I don't think she's feeling well. Must be more of those feminine problems we hear so much about."

Sirius snorted, setting the book down beside him as he sat up and faced Lily. "What's on your mind, Lil?"

"Nothing," she replied tersely. She crossed over and reclaimed her seat at James' desk, fanning her face with her hand. She opened her book and tried very hard to concentrate on the words on the page.

"I wouldn't say that nothing is on your mind, Miss Evans." James had his hands on her shoulders, massaging them gently. She could feel the color rising to her cheeks again.

Sirius sat down on the desk, cocking an eyebrow at her. He pushed the book she was reading off the table. When Lily looked up at him to protest, he caught her chin with his thumb. Sirius leaned down and gave her a long, languid kiss.

Behind her, Lily felt James slide down to the floor. He was kissing her gently on her neck now, nipping at her collarbone every so often. The sensation of two sets of lips against her skin was amazing, Lily mused strangely complacent. Just when she thought that it couldn't get any better, four rough male hands began to--

James gave her shoulder another hard shake. "Lily, wake up." She had fallen asleep in the book she was reading. "You need to go back to your room now; Sirius and I have to get some sleep before the game tomorrow."

Lily reluctantly opened one eye; both boys were standing over her looking very serene. "Sorry about that," she said as she straightened herself up. "How long was I out?"

"Just over an hour," Sirius offered her a hand and pulled her up out of the chair. He stared at her for a second. "You okay, Lil? You look a bit pink..."

Lily turned bright red, full remembrance of her dream falling on her as hard as a batch of Hagrid's infamous fudge. She threw her book bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. "Just fine," she muttered, reaching for the handle.

"Wait a second," James had one hand on his door, keeping her from opening it. Lily glanced up at him, her eyes focusing on his lips long enough to make her blush an even deeper red. "You never said if you were coming to the game tomorrow." Lily had protested earlier that with Remus and Peter occupied as they were, she wouldn't have anyone to keep her company in the stands.

"You have to go, Lil," said Sirius, striding up behind her. "We all need a break from this work. Promise me you'll come?" His eyes were shining down on her, giving him the appearance of a little boy asking for his favorite treat right before dinner.

Lily's heart was pounding in her chest. Did they have to stand so close? Her reality and her dream seemed to be blurring slightly. She felt as if she would faint soon if she didn't get away from them. Quickly, she flashed them both a grin. "Of course, I'll come. Wouldn't miss it." She leaned over and gave Sirius a peck on the cheek. "Good luck." She turned to James; since he was so much taller than her, her lips landed squarely on the nape of his neck. "You too."

Lily rushed out the door, leaving the two wizards staring bewilderedly at each other.

"Do you have any idea what all that was about?" James asked, looking quite confused.

"Not a bloody clue," replied an equally puzzled Sirius. "She was mumbling in her sleep--did you manage to catch any of what she said?"

James shook his head. "Not enough to make sense of it anyway. I heard your name and mine and then some odd words... I think it was French."

Sirius stared thoughtfully out into space for a moment. He shrugged finally and headed for the door. As he pulled the door shut behind him, he said "Odd that she kissed us both, don't you think? She's barely let either of us touch her since... well..."

"Yeah," agreed James. "Must have been some dream she was having."

Down the hall, a young red haired woman was dunking her head repeatedly into a bowl of very cold water, muttering something about the full moon and a fever under her breath.

* * *

Spinning his broomstick back and forth in between his palms nervously, Sirius stood in front of the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and studied each of his teammates. Arrand Findwinder was tapping his beater's club against the palm of his left hand; he was a stocky seventh year boy; and since this was his second to last game, he was itching for a win. Sitting next to Arrand on the bench was Meg Surrey. She wore a merry smile; anything the world would throw at her, the spunky Chaser was ready to catch. Leaning sleepily on Meg's shoulder was third year Chaser Andy Willoughby, a Muggle-born wizard who dreamed of playing football before he'd discovered his magical ability.

Crius Smythe sat on the floor. This was only his second game on the field; in sharp contrast to Findwinder, Smythe looked nervous enough to lose his breakfast. Gryffindor's Keeper, Sorcha O'Reily, seemed aware of her younger teammate's fears. She leaned down and patted him reassuringly on the shoulder. The lean sixth year girl glanced up at Sirius with a meek grin. Sirius returned it and let his eyes cross over to James, the final Chaser of the Gryffindor team.

James looked expressionlessly back at him. If James was ever nervous before a game, you never saw it. Potter had the perfect game face. The truth was James rarely had anything to be nervous about; he'd been riding a broomstick before he could walk.

The team waited expectantly for their captain's pep talk. Sirius felt all of their eyes on him suddenly and stopped fidgeting with his broomstick. When the team had faced Slytherin in their first match of the year, inspirational words had come easy to him. That was before Peter was attacked, though--before he'd won and lost Lily in his foolishness and before he and James had come to such a difficult place in their friendship.

"Ravenclaw has a wicked team," he said slowly. "We all know that we can't afford to lose this match if we want the Cup; they pummeled Hufflepuff in that last game. As it stands, we're down by seventy points to Ravenclaw." Sirius took a deep breath; this was information they all knew. They'd been berating each other with it for weeks.

"We have to play this game as if we're playing for the Quidditch Cup itself. There is no room for mistakes."

Sirius looked down at Smythe. The second year boy was slowly turning a sickly shade of green; he knew that most of this game depended not only on his ability to catch the Snitch, but to catch it at the right time. "Make sure we're at least fifty points up, Smythe," Sirius repeated for the hundredth time. If they could beat Ravenclaw by at least two hundred points, it wouldn't matter if Slytherin beat Ravenclaw next Spring or vice versa. Gryffindor was a shoe-in to beat Hufflepuff, whose team was plagued by injuries.

It all came down to this game.

Sirius looked over his team once more. "We are the better players. Never forget that. Ravenclaw has a tendency to come on strong for the first hour of a game, but they can't maintain their energy. Don't let an early lead get you down."

He reached down and picked his beater's club up off the floor. "Right then," he said, offering a hand to Smythe. He pulled the young boy up off the floor, wondering if he had ever been this young. There was only four years separating them, but what a world of difference it made. With a pang, Sirius realized that the only time he'd ever felt as nervous as Smythe looked was during the last few weeks with Lily.

Sirius got onto his broomstick, and the rest of the team followed suit. Swallowing back his thoughts of Lily, Sirius smirked down at Smythe. "Remember--fifty points up before you get the Snitch." Smythe nodded weakly. "Otherwise, I'll be using you as the target next time Arrand and I do beater's practice."

The second year boy looked wide eyed at Sirius Black, his face going from green to ghostly white almost instantly. Andy Willoughby punched Sirius hard on the arm, and shook his head. "Ignore him, Crius. He's all talk and no substance. He'd never use you as the target."

Arrand gave a small snort of laughter and swished his beater's club through the air. "Course, we wouldn't. You're small enough that we'd use you as the Bludger instead of the target."

As Crius Smythe proceeded to get sick all over the floor of the locker room, Meg Surrey was kind enough to remind Sirius that driving the Seeker to nausea was not part of the captain's official duties to the team.

Sirius looked back at James and shook his head. This was not a good sign.

* * *

Annalise offered Lily a seat next to her in the Gryffindor stands. Lily took it with thanks, grateful that she wouldn't be sitting alone as she had feared. It was odd; a year ago she wouldn't even have thought twice about being alone at a match. Now it was just a painful reminder about how much things had changed.

Not all the changes were bad, Lily reminded herself; but especially since the death of her Mum, she hated to feel alone in a public place. One of the boys was usually with her wherever she was; it was just an odd twist of fate that both Remus and Peter were indisposed, leaving Lily without a friendly face for a security blanket. Her left eye twitched as she thought about them. At least Peter was most likely blissfully ignorant of his problems; Remus had to face the worst part of what he was everyday. When the moon transformed from a poetic sliver into a full murky orb, Remus had to face it alone.

She wished there was something she could do for him. She knew that the Ministry of Magic was continually funding projects for research in the areas of controlling and curing those unfortunate enough to survive a werewolf bite; perhaps she'd look into joining one of those groups when she was done with school. True, she was much better at Charms, but there was nothing saying that the Department of Experimental Charms didn't have an area specializing in werewolf research.

Lily had decided in her second year that she wanted to work for that department. Of course, she realized soon after that as a Muggle-born witch, she couldn't work for the Ministry of Magic. She was a second-class citizen of the wizarding world; the best she could hope for was to find work in the private sector. Until the end of last summer, her dreams had seemed foolish. But then a law had been passed; a law that had been the life's work of James' father. In the eyes of the Ministry at least, she was now an equal.

James... Lily gave a small inward sigh, and then scolded herself. With all that she should be thinking about, all she could think about was one of two devilishly good-looking dark haired wizards. She really needed to find a way to stop this.

She needed to be in control.

The game was starting. Seven figures in blue flew out of one side of the pitch, matched by seven in red on the opposite side. After a moment, all hovered over the middle of the field. The referee tossed the Quaffle high into the air, and it was as if a Filibuster Firework had exploded.

Players darted this way and that, seemingly without reason. It always took Lily a few moments to adjust her eyes to the fast paced game. Eventually, she spied the Quaffle in Chaser Surrey's arms as the girl raced towards the Ravenclaw goals. Meg's attempt to score was swiftly denied though, and the Keeper in blue, Sophie Redlin, passed the Quaffle off to one of her twin male Chasers. The McQuire twins were mirror images of each other; if one had a mole on his left cheek, the other had it on his right. According to Annalise, who was whispering in Lily's ear, Matthew McQuire was right handed while Michael McQuire was a lefty. There was a very odd grin on Annalise's face, making Lily wonder just how well she knew the two handsome fifth years from Ravenclaw.

Cheering broke out from the Ravenclaw stands; one of the McQuires had just scored. Lily had no idea which one it was--she'd been listening to Annalise at the time and hadn't seen which hand the Chaser had thrown with.

James took possession for Gryffindor. He faked a pass to his fellow Chaser Andy, which was so convincing that Willoughby stopped mid-air to figure out where the Quaffle had gone. James was just getting ready to throw the Quaffle for a score when one of the Ravenclaw beaters smashed a Bludger into his back. James dropped the Quaffle. Ravenclaw Chaser and Captain Moira Jansen retrieved it in short order.

Jansen was a petite seventh year witch with short, black hair and a wicked grin. As Sirius attempted to corner a Bludger to pelt at her, the brazen girl flew in a loop around him. Lily could see Sirius scowling from her spot in the stands. He hated to be teased. In another moment, he had even more to scowl about as Moira scored another ten points for Ravenclaw.

For two hours, it went on like that. Gryffindor only managed to answer one for every three Ravenclaw goals. The score was now one hundred-twenty to forty in favor of Ravenclaw.

Hisses irrupted from the Gryffindor stands as Moira Jansen managed to pass another Quaffle by Sorcha O'Reily. Lily suppressed a chuckle; bravery and daring might be the qualities that the Sorting Hat espoused for Gryffindor House, but somewhere along the way someone should have mentioned to it that those who sported the red and gold were not good at losing.

Sirius had called a time-out; the Gryffindors met up on the ground, and it appeared that Sirius was screaming furiously at them. Lily strained her ears but could hear nothing over the noise from the stands. She watched as his apparent tirade continued, locking her eyes on James' face to watch his reaction.

He had none; James wasn't looking at Sirius at all but appeared to be staring right back at Lily high above in the stands. Her heart began to race, as the distance between them seemed to disappear. She felt that she could reach out and touch him. She saw him smiling at her from the pitch and then turn his attention back to Sirius.

Annalise had said something to her. Lily struggled to recall the words; the brown haired girl had asked her something about the Yule Ball.

"Come on, Lily... you can tell me." Annalise nudged Lily's ribs playfully. "Who're you going to the Ball with? I know that you have a dress."

"I don't have a date, 'Lise, honestly." Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I'll probably go without one. It's not like I have to have a bloke on my arm to walk into the Great Hall."

Annalise gave her a sharp look, as if Lily had just told her that she hated butterbeers. "Sirius hasn't asked you?"

"No, I told you before. We're not dating anymore. We're still friends," she added quickly, seeing the look of disbelief on Annalise's face. "But no more than that."

Annalise rolled her eyes. "Sirius seems to hope otherwise."

Lily nodded. "I keep meaning to talk to him about that..." Lily shrugged. It was odd talking to another girl so candidly. It was a lot different from talking with Remus or James, or even with Sirius with whom her conversations had always been slightly banal. "Honestly though, he's just not the sort that a girl can tie down."

Annalise shot her an impish grin. "There are spells for things like that... if that's what you're into."

Lily chuckled and pushed Annalise away playfully. "Oh 'Lise, that's not the issue; I have a large supply of Stolbury's Stolid Binding String and Parcel Protector."

"And just who's package are we protecting?" asked Annalise with a cocked eyebrow.

Cheering erupted around them. James had just scored for Gryffindor. Lily jumped out of her seat and screamed along with the rest of her housemates. The crowd mentality set in for a moment: if they could just cheer loud enough, the team would win. When Ravenclaw retorted with another score, though, Gryffindor's reverie was broken once more.

Lily's eyes followed James as he soared through the air. His face had a grim sort of determination on it; he snatched the Quaffle out of the hands of Jansen and headed back towards Ravenclaw's Keeper.

Lily's cheeks flushed; she could feel Annalise staring at her. Lily ignored her until James had scored another ten points for the red and gold. Once Ravenclaw was back in possession, Lily raised a questioning eyebrow at the fifth year Prefect.

"What about Potter?" Annalise asked with a smile.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but then covered it with her hand, pointing off towards the Ravenclaw locker room. The blue clad Seeker, Fae Froud, had landed squarely on the ground, hand held high in the air. Inside of her tight fist, Lily could see a glint of gold. Ravenclaw won: three hundred to sixty.

Her housemates returned to the Tower in a numb silence; Gryffindor was virtually out of the running for the House Cup. Lily reached her room and grabbed her book bag, intent on getting some studying done in the Library. As she exited through the portrait of the Fat Lady, Annalise's unanswered question echoed in her mind:

What about Potter?

* * *

When Lily returned from the library a few hours later, she felt as if she'd been thrown into the role of Baby Bear for a children's theatre production of 'Goldilocks'.

Someone's been messing with my door, she thought.

Indeed, the door was slightly ajar and there was a rather large, muddy fingerprint on the knob. She entered her room cautiously, keeping her hand on the pocket where she kept her wand.

Someone's turned off all the lights! It took Lily half a minute to adjust to the darkness well enough to make her way over to her desk and set her book bag down. She said the simple spell that should have relit all the candles in her room, but something was blocking it. Someone else had placed a very strong darkness charm on them.

Lily cast her eyes slowly around her room. The curtains around her four-poster bed were pulled shut; ever since she had moved out of the girls' dormitory, Lily never used the curtains for privacy. As she crept towards the bed, she saw the hem of a deep crimson robe peeking out from under the curtains. With an inward giggle, the phrase 'Someone is sleeping in my bed!' jumped into her mind.

By this time, she knew who it was of course. Of the four people that had ever been in her private room, only one was so brazen as to crawl into her bed when she wasn't there. Several options of retaliation jumped into her mind: She could transfigure her mattress into a child's wading pool. Or perhaps she'd conjure up a few dozen snakes to keep presuming young wizard company under her covers. Maybe the best way to deal with the overbold Sirius Black was to dive into bed with him, call him James and ask if he had brought the chocolate syrup with him this time.

Lily smirked to herself. The last option was rather appealing, but then she remembered the black eye Sirius had given James and paused. She knew that he would never hit her; whatever else he was, Sirius was at least that much of a gentleman. But it did occur to her that James had gotten punched because he had deeply wounded Sirius' feelings. Lily didn't want to do that, at least not intentionally.

She pulled back the curtains, crossing her arms over her chest and stared down at him. Sirius smirked back up at her and sat up on the bed. He was still wearing his Quidditch robes.

"Fancy seeing you here," she said with an eye roll. She nodded towards his crimson and gold robes. "Get lost on the way to the locker room?"

Sirius had a very odd smile on his face. If Lily had been a sheep, she would have been afraid. "Nope. I came to talk."

"Ah... and in order to talk, you needed to break into my room and stink up my sheets with your smelly Quidditch uniform, eh?" Lily looked highly amused.

"Of course," Sirius replied smoothly. He thrived under this sort of banter. "Are you going to stand there all day, or are you going to give a poor bloke who just ruined his team's chances at the Quidditch Cup a conciliatory kiss?"

Lily snorted loudly. "I'm going to stand here all day. But if it would make you feel better, I could give you a polite golf-clap for breaking and entering."

Sirius patted the spot next to him on the bed. "Sit down, Lil. I want to show you something."

Lily laughed again. "Oh I just bet you do." She shook her head. "You could come up with a slightly more subtle line at least."

Sirius stood up and walked over to Lily's desk. "Right then, I'm all the way over here now." He twirled around, showing that he wasn't even in arm's length of Lily. "Now will you sit down? It's perfectly safe."

Lily backed up and sat slowly down on her bed. "What exactly are you on about, Sirius?"

"Well, I've tried begging, pleading, bribery and other sneaky ways to get your attention, but none of them worked. Whenever I wanted to talk, you didn't. So after our stunning loss to Ravenclaw this afternoon, it occurred to me that a little abject-humiliation might just work." Sirius was struggling to keep a straight face; Lily couldn't tell if he was about to laugh or cry.

"Abject-humiliation, eh? Like what?" Lily leaned forward slightly; her interested was piqued.

"Like this," he replied dramatically. His hands pulled apart the front of his Quidditch robes, sending several buttons shooting across the room.

Lily gasped; her hand shot up to cover her mouth. After another few seconds, her hand continued upwards to cover her eyes. She couldn't help it though; she peeked again just to make sure she wasn't imagining things.

Standing in the middle of her bedroom was Sirius Black, wearing her Union Jack bikini. He filled it out in ways that Lily was certain no god had ever intended. While the overall effect wasn't bad, there was really only one thing Lily could think of saying.

"Feeling a bit cold, are we Sirius?" As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she began laughing uproariously. He'd been right. This was abject-humiliation personified. Who knew that it had such hairy legs?

To his credit, Sirius let her have her laugh, bearing it all with a grace she wouldn't have thought he could muster. Once the tears of laughter had stopped rolling down her cheeks, he sat down next to her on the bed. He had an uncharacteristically serious look on his face.

Sirius leaned in to kiss her, and Lily let him. While his lips caressed hers, his eyes searched her face for something. He pulled back, hand still on the back of her head ready to pull her in for another kiss. "I love you, you know," he said softly.

"I know," Lily replied, voice full of kindness. "That's the problem."

Sirius dropped his hand. "How exactly is that a problem?"

Lily smiled weakly; she'd been dreading this conversation for days. "I wasn't honest with you or myself about what I wanted. I did what I thought I was supposed to do, when I assumed the role of your girlfriend."

"Assumed the role?" Sirius was confused. "I don't understand. What are you saying, that you never cared about me at all?"

"Oh no," Lily replied instantly. "I care about you very much; you're a wonderful friend."

Sirius winced at the word.

"Don't look like that," Lily chided.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Were you ever attracted to me?"

Lily laughed. "That was the problem really: I was so attracted to you that I let my 'raging schoolgirl hormones' do my thinking for a while." She patted him on the back. "Rest easy, Sirius. Even dressed as you are, any girl would jump at the chance to have five minutes alone with you in a broom closet." She gave him another quick appraising look. "In fact, I can think of several that would be more encouraged by your current attire."

Sirius pulled his Quidditch robes tightly around him. He looked quite abashed. After a very silent moment, he asked, "So... are you saying that you were just after me for my body?"

Lily snorted again. Biting hard on her lip to keep from laughing, she replied, "Yes. You could say that." Stifling her giggles, she added: "And I'm very sorry for using you thusly."

His face flickered between anger and amusement; clearly he'd never been on the receiving end of this situation before. He looked at her face, studying the wicked curve of her smile and the mischievous glint in her eyes. "You know," he whispered roughly, leaning towards the nape of her neck. "There's nothing saying that if that's all you want, that some arrangement couldn't be made."

Her vision blurred slightly as she felt the heat of his breath on her neck. Luckily, her resolve remained. She shook her head at him. "I wish it was that simple, but if we did... I really don't want to hurt you, Sirius. And knowing how you feel about me, well, I'd just be taking advantage of those feelings. I'd never be able to return them."

His eyes said it all. He finally understood. "Why not?" he asked meekly.

"I don't know," Lily replied honestly. "Trust me though, it's not you; it's me."

An odd look crossed his face. His lip twitched several times and then he started laughing.

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "Do you have any idea how many times I've said those very same words to a girl?"

Lily shot him a wicked grin. "The irony of this situation had crossed my mind, yes." She retracted her grin into a questioning smile. "Do you think we can still be friends?"

Sirius broke out laughing again. "Yeah, I think we have to. Seeing you everyday might keep me humble."

Lily giggled. "Somehow I doubt that. Your adoring female fans have been waiting with bated breath to boost your battered ego back up to intolerable levels."

"Mind if I keep your bikini though?" he asked.

Lily looked at him suspiciously. "Whatever for?"

"Well," Sirius said, looking more like his usual wicked self than he had in weeks. "I want to transfigure it into a Muggle T-shirt that says 'Lily Evans used me for a Snog and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'." Lily roared with laughter once again. Sirius continued grinning. "I think you owe me that much."

* * *

She could feel the cold November air against her skin as she opened the door to the Owlery. Moonlight shone into the turret from the many exit windows, lending an odd luminescent quality to the room. She shut the door behind her and stared up into the rafters.

"Circe?"

Lily couldn't see her Sooty Owl, but at the sound of her name, the great black bird fluttered down to Lily's outstretched arm. Circe leaned in, brushing her feathery cheek against her mistress' smooth one. Lily scratched Circe under her chin affectionately. "I'm going to take a walk around the grounds, want to join me?"

The owl hooted, giving its approval. They made their way back down the rickety staircase of the Owlery, and out of the building. Strictly speaking, Lily shouldn't be out of the Tower at this time of night. Even as a Prefect, there were rules she had to observe, but she needed to clear her mind and a bit of fresh night air sounded like it would do the trick.

Once they were away from the castle, Circe flew up above Lily's head. The Australian owl was close by but wanted to stretch her wings. Lily smiled enviously. She was stretching her own she supposed; neither James nor Sirius knew she was out here alone. As he had left her room earlier that night, Sirius said that he wanted to spend some time alone with James, to try and sort things between them out. Lily had vowed to stay out of the way... she just hadn't mentioned that she wanted to stay well out of the Tower as well.

Lily looked up at the moon. It would be well and truly full tomorrow, but by her eye, tonight was close enough. Somewhere in Hogsmeade, Remus was changed from his usually sober self into a beast that brought terror to the hearts of all children--Muggle and magical. In her mind, she could hear him chiding her for being out by herself after hours. She wasn't really alone though, she reasoned. Circe was with her, circling high above, hoping to catch sight of some errant rat or mouse that was scurrying about the school grounds.

She thought about the strange events of the last week: Peter's attack, the Possum Charm, Sirius' experiment with abject-humiliation. Her last private conversation with Remus lingered in her mind. She wasn't acting like herself. A month ago, she never would have considered leaving the castle after midnight, and yet here she was. What had changed? What was different?

Lily sat down on a bench in front of the lake. It was mostly frozen over now, and the Giant Squid had probably settled down for a long winter's nap. She heard Circe land behind her, accompanied by the crunch of tiny bones. The predator had caught its prey, completing that particular circle of life. Lily glanced over her shoulder, catching a glimpse of the black owl as she snacked on a dormouse. Lily smiled and remembered the look of disgust on Petunia's face the first time her sister had witnessed the fruits of Circe's appetite. No matter how she had tried to explain it, Petunia couldn't understand this was part of who Circe was. The beautiful bird, normally so stoic, had to engage in the act of hunting to be who she was.

But, Lily asked, turning her reflection inward once more, who was she? The starting answer was easy: She was a witch, first and foremost-- and an above average one at that, at least when it came to Charms. Lily was proud of this, but even if she hadn't been one of the top students in her class, she still would have taken pride in being a witch. Her parents had been proud of it; her mother fully embraced the idea that her youngest daughter would never lead a normal life. You'll never be a housewife whose greatest thrill in life is spying on her neighbors, Marigold had confided. You're special, Lily, don't be afraid of it.

But she had been, for years without ever realizing it. Lily had walked the line between the magical and the Muggle world like a circus performer danced on a tightrope. She couldn't do that anymore. She needed to commit to one life or to the other. It wasn't a choice to be made, though; it was an action she needed to take. She couldn't try to be something that she wasn't. No matter how much she wanted to, she would never be the sister that Petunia wanted. It was time to stop trying; if Petunia couldn't accept her the way that she was, so be it. It was time to let her go her own way.

Circe hopped up into her lap, prodding Lily's hand with a well-placed nip to encourage her mistress to pet her. Lily obliged. James' face flashed in her mind as she recalled how he had stared at her after her 'recovery' from the Possum Charm. He couldn't fathom why she had put herself at risk with an untested charm; Lily understood herself now however. She had wanted to take the risk. She wanted a small taste of danger. Sink or swim, she had wanted to see it through on her own.

Her father had always teased her since she was a young child that eventually she would grow into the temperament that her hair color promised of her. Perhaps she finally had. Maybe with the loss of her mother, the desire to live life had finally been set free, as surely as her hair had when she stopped wearing the severe bun that had previously marked her as such a serious child. Without her mum, there was no one to tell her she was too young or that she was growing up to fast. She had to grow up fast now. Who knew how long she had left?

She could hear James berating her for maintaining that outlook, but she felt justified. Lily could admit that she was afraid; being a Muggle-born witch in an age where Lord Voldemort and his supporters would kill her out of hand for the chance of her birth made her afraid. But she wasn't going to hide under the covers like a little girl scared that the boogieman was coming for her. She would continue on, fighting the Dark Lord as she could. In her heart, Lily believed that good would triumph over evil. It was an age-old story--and it was up to the wizards and witches of her generation, perhaps, to write their own happy ending.

Lily pondered her own chances at happiness. There was a thin dream in her mind, a wish that she couldn't yet give voice to. She knew what she wanted, with the same clarity that she knew she would work on experimental Charms for the Ministry. Her inner rages of denial had died the night that she'd fought with James and Sirius.

It was the thought of fulfilling that dream that filled Lily Evans with terror. She had felt so free lately, was she really willing to give all that up? Did she even have to?

There was a long howl in the distance. Lily turned, and her eyes searched for its source.

At the edge of the Forbidden Forest, she saw the figure of a huge animal.

She couldn't quite make it out; she stood up, jostling Circe onto the ground, and started to walk towards it to get a better look.

At first, she thought perhaps it was one of the centaurs that she had heard lived in the forest, but as she inched closer, she was able to discern a large rack of antlers from the shadows.

A majestic stag stood at the edge of the forest, staring at her.

Her head would have only come up to its shoulders; it was a giant animal that carried itself with an air of royalty. Without thinking, Lily curtsied to it. The stag nodded its head in her direction and approached her cautiously.

It was maybe fifteen feet from her now. A mass of dark, unruly fur surrounded its neck and the top of its head. The eyes of the stag were huge, and when Circe landed in front of it, Lily feared a moment for her beloved pet. The stag snorted at the owl, sending clouds of warm air out of its nose. Circe hooted happily in response, fluttering up to sit astride the stag's back.

"Hello," Lily said quietly. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the beast. It was looking at her in the most familiar way, as if they were on intimate terms. But Lily had never been this close to a wild stag in her whole life, she was sure of it. "You remind me of someone..." she said finally. It was a silly thought, but there it was.

Circe began to hoot from her spot on the stag's back. The stag turned back and looked at her, nodding his head so low that his rack of antlers nearly touched the ground. Circe flew off of the stag's back and onto Lily's shoulder. The stag turned to leave.

"Wait!" Lily said, feeling rather foolish. "I don't want you to go."

The stag turned and looked back at her, waiting.

The stories of the ladies of Avalon with their loving homage to the Great Mother and her lover the Stag Father fluttered in Lily's mind. Was this some magical creature? Could this be a god of days gone by? Could this wise looking denizen of the forest answer the question that she'd been afraid of asking herself?

"What do you do," Lily whispered, "when you love someone, but you're afraid that that love might swallow the person you are?"

The stag stared at her, as if trying to reason out what she was asking of it.

"I mean," she continued, staring at the stag's familiar black mane. "Is it possible to love someone and still be yourself? Would I still be Lily if I allowed myself to love--"

Two wild howls shattered the silence of the night. The stag looked back at the forest and then nodded at Circe. The owl flew off Lily's shoulder and back towards the school. Lily's head turned to follow her pet for a second before she looked back at the stag.

The stag was racing away from her, towards the Forbidden Forest, towards the howls that still hung in the air. With no other options before her, Lily turned away and walked back towards the castle.

Circe left her at the door to the entrance, choosing to fly back up to the Owlery. Lily made her way back to Gryffindor Tower, trudging up the ancient staircases slowly. Up ahead, on a landing between stairways, there seemed to be a heated argument going on.

"Ma'am! Take your hands off my frame this instant!" squealed a portrait of a courtier. A woman was bent over, looking under the painting for something on the wall.

"Professor Hawthorn?" Lily was standing behind the Potions Mistress, trying to figure out what she was doing.

The professor jumped at the sound of her name, banging her head against the back of the portrait and causing more indignant protest from the ruffle-necked courtier. Hawthorn turned and looked, raising an eyebrow at Lily.

"Miss Evans, what are you doing out after hours?" she asked sourly.

"I had to go to the Infirmary," Lily lied. "For some feminine supplies." There is really no situation for which that excuse can't be abused, Lily thought wryly.

Professor Hawthorn nodded, waving a hand at Lily as if to dismiss her.

"Are you looking for something Professor? Do you need any help?" It wouldn't hurt to try and get back into Hawthorn's good graces. The Head of Slytherin House had always encouraged students to brown nose.

A dark smile twitched on the portly woman's lips. "No, Miss Evans," she said darkly, narrowing her eyes at Lily. "There is nothing that you can help me with. I suggest you get back to your House now, who knows what kind of foul creatures come out at the full moon."

A shiver ran through Lily's body as she turned her back to the Professor and continued on to the Tower. Perhaps she was imagining things, but Lily could have sworn that her Potions Mistress was making a thinly veiled threat.

* * *

Lily woke up early on Sunday morning; the sun was just rising and there were several hours left until breakfast. She walked over to her desk and sat down. There was a tattered looking jewelry box sitting on it; James had left Peter's letterbox for her to go through. He and Sirius had attempted to find the letter that Peter had received from his mum in the days before his attack but found the task impossible. There were no dates on the letters, and they were in no apparent order with in the box. Some were lying on their sides, others were stacked one on top of the other.

Lily lifted the lid and pulled the letters out. There must be close to a hundred of them. Luckily, Peter's mother had a very distinct script and Lily was able to sort out the letters from her in short order. Now she had only thirty letters or so to go through.

Mrs. Pettigrew wrote very long letters, often explaining in lurid detail the problems that the family cat, Sir Tonbey III, was having with his bowels. Lily was just about ready to give up when a post-script at the bottom of a letter detailing Sir Tonbey's most recent hairball caught her eye.

Lily bolted out of her chair and ran down the hall to James' room. She pounded on the door until the exhausted boy answered and then pushed her way in, waving the letter in front of her like a flag.

"What is it?" James mumbled in a very tired voice.

Lily folded the letter in half, so that the post-script was the first thing he would read. "I need to talk to you about last night. Can you get Sirius down here right away?"

The two sentences didn't mesh well in his mind, but James warily took the letter from her, reading it through half open eyes. As the words of Mrs. Pettigrew penetrated the cloud of sleep around his mind though, his lids receded, giving way to a look of shock. "I'll go and wake up Sirius." James said and then gave Lily an odd look. "Maybe you should go back to your room and rethink your attire before we get to work."

Lily raised a questioning eyebrow as James threw on his robe and headed to Sirius' dorm room. Once he was gone, she realized that she was standing there in nothing more than a thin satin chemise and a pair of ratty old boxer shorts. She rushed back to her room, bunny slippers clopping unabashedly on her feet.