Title: Never To Be?
Author: crystalline_blades
Pairing: Hhr
Disclaimer: I do not own HP, but i love to write about them!
Author's note: This idea has been in my head for a while and it feels good to get it out on paper... i mean, words. I hope you guys like it. Please review! Thanks. Oh and the italics are Hermione thinking back. J
---->
The girl was silent, wiping the last of her tears away with the back of her hand, sniffing quietly. That outburst had been so unexpected and silly, she thought, feeling more like herself. She was definitely not the type to cry. Especially over something as stupid as this. It had not been in her character and she was just as surprised that this had happened.
But yet, in a sense, it had been coming for a long time now.
Hermione Granger straightened up, leaning against the rough bark of the old oak tree and gazed out at the placid blue lake. She sighed once more, looking at the sparkles of sunshine on the gentle waves of the lake, not really seeing but thinking of something else.
Harry Potter.
Her best friend since first year. The one who was the savior of the wizarding world.
The one she'd had a crush on since goodness knows when.
When it had really began she'd never really known. Maybe it was when he'd saved her from that troll in first-year. Maybe it was during third year when they'd travelled back in time to save Sirius and Buckbeak. Maybe it was during one of those countless Quidditch matches, the countless fights between them and Voldermort. Whenever it had begun, Hermione had never known. What mattered was that she'd always liked him as more than a friend. Her feelings for him had always been there, whether she'd chosen to believe it or realise it.
When she finally did decide to acknowledge that she did feel for Harry more than she should have as a friend, she promised herself right from the start that she would never say a thing... and hope he would come to fall for her along the way.
You see, underneath all that know-it-all, logical exterior, Hermione Granger was actually a romantic at heart. And a diehard romantic at that.
This meant that she believed in the opposite sex making the first passionate confession of love to her, not the other way round. But so far, this part of her character had not been very helpful.
She'd tried countless means to get Harry to notice her as more than a friend. Worn alluring perfume. Put on a little bit of make-up. Learned slightly more about Quidditch which she considered to be not very high on her list of favourite things.
But so far, nothing had worked. Harry had either simply not noticed, or ignored it.
This had not discouraged her greatly though dampening her spirits and hopes.
However what had happened today had completely destroyed whatever hope she'd had left.
--->
"Hey Hermione." Harry greeted cheerfully, coming out of Divination with Ron by his side. "Had a good Arithmacy lesson?"
"It was interesting." Hermione commented, shrugging her shoulders as she shoved the thick book into her shoulder bag. "Why are you looking so...." She searched for a word. "Chirpy, especially after Divination?" She gave an involuntary shudder at the word.
Harry chuckled, a low, husky sound that she'd always considered to be quite sexy. "Its the last class, Mione. And for a change, Trewlaney didn't even give any awful bits of homework. Which means more time for Quidditch this weekend."
Hermione gave a derisive snort that sounded very much like, "Boys."
Just then, a voice which made Hermione sink inside and Harry cringe called out from behind them, "Oh Harry! Harrykins!"
"Harrykins?" snorted Ron, between fits of laughter. "You've progressed to that stage?"
"Shut up, Ron." Harry hissed, elbowing the redhead in the side. "I have NOT progessed to any stage with her."
Before Harry could make a quick escape as he usually did down the hallway, Meghan Peters had come up next to him, taking his arm. Hermione forced a smile onto her face, only it had felt more like a grimace. Shee could practially feel her insides deflate.
Meghan Peters was a Ravenclaw and a very beautiful one at that. With her sheet of shining blond hair that remained straight and silky no matter what, her pale complexion and sparkling pale blue eyes, she was the one of the undisputed beauties of Hogwarts. She was also one of Harrry's most ardent fangirls, especially after he had single-handedly destroyed Voldermort.
Harry had had to endure her attentions every afternoon, even one trip to Hogsmeade. Meghan made Hermione feel extremely inadequate about herself which was why Hermione secretly hated her to the core.
Also, Meghan happened to be clutching Harry's arm like it was some sort of life-preserver.
Hermione hoped her face was as impassive as her voice as she greeted the Ravenclaw, "Hi, Meghan."
"Hi, Hermione." Meghan replied briefly, never taking her eyes off Harry, bestowing a glowing smile on Harry, who, if it was possible was cringing even more.
"Soooo, Harry." She twirled her strawberry blond hair arround her finger (it never ceased to amaze Hermione how a Ravenclaw like Meghan could be clever yet so ditzy) "Shalll we head to Hogsmeade for a late lunch? I'd love to tell you about how I managed to get an 'E' on my potions paper." Obviously not bothering to wait for a response she started tugging on his arm down the hallway and away from Ron and Hermione, who was quite sure that the smile on her face had dissipated.
However, Harry unlike the first few times where he had allowed her to do so, this time, removed his arm from her firm grip in a most dignified manner.
"I'm sorry, Meghan." He looked briefly down at his shoes before into her eyes. "I should have made this clear from the first time I knew you."
Hermione knew what was coming and unlike Ron who had disappeared sometime earlier in the conversation (no doubt to find Luna and drag her to lunch), could not move from her spot and felt a very evident flare of triumph.
"I appreciate your... feelings for me." Harry delicately began. "But the thing is... I dont plan on dating anyone."
What? Hermione heard her subconsious screaming. Shouldn't it have been, Meghan, I dont like you? What's with the 'not dating anyone'? What about me?
"What do you mean, Harrykins?" Meghan's tone had lost most of its sugary-sweet gloss.
"I have no feelings for you whatsoever." Harry did not mince his words. "You're a good friend. But in all truth, I'm not planning on dating anyone, be it now or in the near future."
Hermione felt dizzy. This couldn't be happening. He was supposed to take her into his arms and whisper that he'd loved her all his life and never wanted to be without her again. No. No. He would never think of her as more than a friend. He never had and never would. Her breath caught in her throat.
She was so caught up in the intensity of her thoughts that she didn't realise Meghan had stormed off down the hallway in a fit of tears. When she came out her private thoughts, She watched Harry look down at his shoes, inhaling deeply.
Secretly,Hermione wished that she could have been brave enough to do that, to storm down the hallway, crying.
Harry looked up from his shoes, a rueful smile gracing his features. "Well, thats settled." He tried to inject a thread of humor into his voice.
"Mmm." Hermione could barely bring herself to look at him. Instead she closed her eyes against the hot prickle of tears behind her eyelids.
"Hermione?" She heard his concerned voice break through her fog of tears. "Is something wrong?"
Yes. Everything.
Somehow she managed to find it in herself to open her eyes and give him a watery smile. "Of course. Why wouldn't everything be alright?"
But yet she knew that it was such a horrendous lie.
She had no idea how she'd lasted through that entire lunch with Harry in the Great Hall. It seemed to drag on for two eternities at most and it was all she could do to force herself to touch her food and not bolt from the table to find a place to cry. It was only when they'd walked out of the Great Hall that she'd made a quick excuse to go to somewhere to wallow in her sorrow privately.
And now here she was, left with nothing but her thoughts and an empty sort of sorrow.
---->
Hermione could feel more tears coming, after remembering what had happened that afternoon. Instead, she concentrated fiercely on the ripples which reflected shafts of bright light, blinking back the tears.
It had all been wishful thinking on her part. Never anything more.
"Hey."
Hermione nearly jumped out of her skin at that simple greeting and looked up to see the one and only Harry James Potter.
"Hey." She gave an obligatory smile and returned the greeting, looking once more out to the lake. Although she was feeling slightly better now, she still did not wish to see his face. At least not now.
Hermione heard the rustle of his robes as he settled himself next to her, so that the sleeve of his shirt touched hers. He was too close. Way to close. Hermione could feel her heart go into overdrive. She was torn between feeling excitement at having him sit so close to her but yet upset that he was not in the least bit interested in her. The thought made her sniff, almost involuntarily.
If Harry had noticed her red-rimmed eyes, he did not say anything. "You seemed pretty upset after I made that remark about not dating anyone for awhile."
Again his remark was too close for comfort, hitting home. Yet it did not sound suspicious but matter-of-fact. Hermione sneaked a peek at him out of the corner of her eye. He was not looking at her as he said this, but at the lake, just as she was doing.
"I wasn't." She protested, rather weakly.
"Dont lie to me, Hermione." Harry picked up a small rock from beside him and tossed it into the lake. Hermione watched the ripple it made as it hit the calm surface and disappeared beneath the dark waters.
"I'm not." Hermione answered, more forcefully this time.
"So tell me why you were so disturbed by my remark today." He picked up yet another pebble and threw it into the lake, still not looking at her.
"I wasn't disturbed." Hermione argued. She too had picked up a pebble from beside her and threw it into the lake. "I was just…. surprised."
"Surprised by what?"
"Well," She floundered, her arm ready to toss another pebble into the lake. "Just surprised that you... you...."
"I what, Mione?" Now Harry was no longer throwing pebbles but watching her with an intensity that made her most uncomfortable. Hermione busied herself with throwing that pebble into the lake.
"That....that you haven't found...found anyone you like .... like enough to date." She managed to stammer out.
Harry did not answer her sentiment for awhile but instead looked into the distance. Hermione found herself waiting in anticipation for his response.
Finally he picked up yet another pebble and aimed it at the lake's surface, his answer as quiet as the splash the stone made. "I have."
The two simple words caused her breath to catch in her throat silently. It left her more curious than ever, wanting almost desperately to know more. Hermione felt her heart stir slightly, almost with unbidden hope.
"Who is it?" She ventured, almost afraid to hear the answer. When he didn't answer further, she prodded him further. "Who?"
He picked up another pebble, slightly larger this time. With accurate aim, he threw it into the waters of the lake, the louder splash nearly drowning out his answer.
"It doesn't matter." He dismissed it carelessly.
"It does." Hermione found herself holding her breath.
"Why do you want to know so much?" He turned to give her one of his smiles that always made her feel light-headed.
She could have answered that as his best friend, she had the right to know, so that she could get ready her bridesmaid gown for his wedding and they would have gotten a chuckle out of it. Instead, she surprised herself by doing something no romantic would have done in their entire life.
"I.... I... just want to know because....." She could feel her face heat up and she averted his gaze. "Well, what I'm trying to say is.... is that.... I.... I like you." She knew she was blushing completely now. What had she just done? Her mind was screaming at her to get out of there. A glance at Harry's shocked face made her obey that thought immediately, her entire being filling with a growing dread that she had just ruined their friendship.
"I'm sorry." She blurted. "I... I...have to go!"
Before she could run away again, he had grabbed her by the shoulders, turned her around abruptly and covered her lips with his. Hermione stiffened in shock and surprise. What is he doing? What am I doing? He's kissing me! Does this mean he likes me? But before she could try to find answers to her questions, all coherent thought got seperated from her brain as she relaxed unconciously into his kiss, gently raking his hair with her fingers as he pulled her closer to him.
It was a few seconds later when they broke apart, Harry holding her by her shoulders closely, studying her with those adorable green eyes.
"I've liked you too." He whispered, gently using his hand to cup her cheek. "Since Merlin knows when. I had to lie to get rid of Meghan, but I've always wanted to....to be with you. To date you." There was a sense of urgency and earnestness in his voice that made her know that he meant it.
Hermione felt an uncontrollable grin take over her face as she reached up to boldly stroke his cheek. He liked her. He really did. It wasn't her own wishful thinking.
"That can be arranged, Mr. Potter." She whispered as she stood once more on her tiptoes, inviting his kiss.
Harry simply smiled and complied.
---->
End.