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I Would Rather Die by gti88
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I Would Rather Die

gti88

Well, here it is...the last, and longest chapter of this story...Enjoy!!

Disclaimer: All belongs to JK, but the plot...

Chapter IV: To End It All…

Harry could feel himself awakening. Where was he? Opening his eyes, he winced as the light initially blinded him. Then his surrounding slowly began to come into focus. With a jolt of surprise, he found himself laying on the bed in his room at Grimmauld Place. Outside the window, the sun was shining, its rays also bathing the room in a golden glow. Clearly, it was sometime in the morning.

The creaking floorboards in the corridor told Harry someone was coming. The steps were slow and heavy, and they stopped outside his door. Quietly, the doorknob turned, and his visitor tiptoed inside.

"Hermione?" Harry said, but his throat was dry and the name, and it came out sounding raspy.

"Shhh," she whispered, as she laid the food-laden tray on his bedside cabinet. "You need your rest, Harry. Eat this and I'll come back in a half hour to pick up the tray."

"Hermione, wait," Harry pleaded, hoping he could ask Hermione why he wasn't dead, at complete odds to his last memory.

She turned around, and Harry took in her appearance. Her eyes were puffy, from crying, and the sparkle that was usually present in them had disappeared. She seemed exhausted, like she had given up, or was indifferent as to what happened next…

"What happened?"

He knew he should have been dead by now. Nobody who opposed Voldemort lived to tell the tale of his or her encounter with him.

"We barely escaped, damn it," Hermione's voice nearly broke, but her tone retained its sharpness. "You should not have gone out with Regulus in the first place, Harry."

Harry knew how much she worried about him, but the feeling was mutual. But nevertheless, there was no other way. Death was a mate alongside their lives these days. It could take one, or all of them, at any time. The more Harry thought about it, the more enticing the though became…he could end it all, and finally be happy…rejoin his parents, Sirius and Dumbledore…

He found Hermione had left at some point during his mental meanderings. Resigned, Harry felt sleep attempting to claim him again. He was about to drift off, not having touched even the piece of toast on the plate by his bedside, when a knock came on the door.

"Come in," he called out

Two people entered his room - Regulus and Remus. Sullen and grim-faced, they looked at Harry. He dreaded what might come next.

"I'm glad you finally awoke, Harry," Regulus said.

"Why? How long have I been out?"

"Five days," Remus answered after some hesitation. "We thought you might not make it."

Great, Harry thought, if he barely survived being in the same room with Voldemort, then what chance did he have in a duel with him?

"So what happened after I lost consciousness?" Harry asked, not a little impatiently.

"I grabbed a hold of your cloak, Harry, just as that blasted locket was transporting you to Voldemort. Only, I landed in the corner behind some crates, while you were in plain sight of him. I couldn't risk saving both of us quite yet, but I had a plan. It was obvious Voldemort didn't intend to kill you then. After you collapsed, I sent a non-verbal blastoing curse at the door to distract him. Then I ran across the room, took you by the arm, and apparated outside of Grimmauld. Just in time too, and it was lucky they hadn't put wards up…"

Harry felt terrible. Again, it was his fault that Regulus had almost lost his life. Oh, if only he could end it all right now…he had never felt lower in his life.

"It's not your fault, Harry. We're at war," Remus said, as if he had read Harry's mind. "Risk and death walk hand in hand now, and there is nothing we can do about it, but be careful in what we do."

"What does it matter, Remus," Harry said in defeat, "the Ministry's gone, Hogwarts is no longer around, people are succumbing to the Dark everywhere, and the Light is slowly diminishing, both in numbers and in hope. Tell me, what can we possibly do? We're going to die in the end as it is…"

"We might, but not like this. We'll die fighting, Harry, remember that. We've already said it, but it must also be our motivation," Regulus patiently explained, even if there was a note of sharpness in his voice.

Exhaustion took over Harry's senses. The other two occupants of the room became blurrier, until he felt himself fall into the black void that was sleep, once again.

The next morning, cloudy and dreary, found Harry sitting in the kitchen, reading a week old copy of the Daily Prophet, the latest that there was, and all the while drinking a warm cup of tea.

Mrs. Weasley's walked briskly into the kitchen, clearly anxious to begin cooking breakfast. She was surprised to see Harry already there.

"Harry, dear, shouldn't you be asleep? You look awfully pale. Go back to bed, and I'll whip you up something. I'm sure Ginny can -"

"Mrs. Weasley, don't worry about me, I'm fine," Harry cut her off politely. "I need to get out of the bed sometimes, you know," he chuckled blandly.

"Are you sure then, Harry? If you need anything, you just tell me, alright?"

"Yes, Mrs. Weasley, I'm sure, and you know I'll always come to you for help," Harry said, before going back to the article he was reading.

A tired and sleepy Ginny ambled into the kitchen, closely followed by an anxious Hermione, and a bleary Ron brought up the rear.

"Mum, is there any hot coffee?" Ginny asked.

"It's on the stove," Harry answered instead, not looking up from the paper. Mrs. Weasley was bustling about, preparing a sizable breakfast of fried eggs for the vastly increased population of Grimmauld Place.

Ron and Hermione sat on either side of Harry, and Ginny took a chair opposite. He still seemed interested by the paper.

"Mate, you feeling alright?" Ron asked

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" Harry answered.

"Well, you know…with all the doom and gloom hanging over our heads," Ron smiled slightly. "We gotta have some light in our lives, however short they could be cut."

Harry took out his wand. "Lumos," he said, and the tip ignited. "This oughta do it."

Hermione anxiousness seemed to have eased slightly. She smiled a bit too.

Ginny looked at Harry with wide eyes. "Harry, are you really OK?" she asked.

"I'm fine Gin. Really," he told her easily.

A part of him missed her. But that seemed childish now, in light of his current life. He didn't think he could ever be normal. Too much had happened, and more difficulties lay ahead. His ability to love was key to defeating Voldemort, he knew, but how it was supposed to be utilized, Harry had not the faintest idea. Perhaps it was Ginny. Maybe Hermione? But alas, any girl he was involved with romantically was like a death sentence to her. He couldn't allow that. He wouldn't.

Amid his thoughts, Harry noticed Mr .Weasley, Remus, Tonks and Regulus walk into the kitchen. They muttered their good mornings to everyone in the room, and also took seats at the table, a mug of coffee in front of each one of them.

"Well, Harry, good to see you up and around," said Mr. Weasley cheerfully. "You gave us quite the scare a couple of days ago," he added seriously.

Tonks looked rather tired as well. Still, she smiled at Harry. "Good to see you, Harry."

"I'm lucky to be alive, as it is," Harry told them, "if it wasn't for you all, I could be dead by now. Thanks…" he said, but the thought permeated his head again.

End it all…

He snapped out of it, when he heard Regulus calling his name.

"Harry!"

"What?"

"I was saying, can you, Ron and Hermione come with me after breakfast? I want to tell you something important," Regulus said, ending in a hopeful note.

"Um, yeah, definitely," Harry gave his assent.

"For sure," Hermione said

"Viddw," Ron mumbled through a mouthful of eggs.

"What did he say?" Regulus frowned.

"I said, will do," answered Ron as he swallowed. "Honestly, it's not that difficult to understand…"

Half an hour later, they had joined Regulus out on the backyard porch. Gentle rain drummed on the roof, and the low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance.

"Harry," he said, "I wanted to tell you a story about my life. About how I became involved with the Death Eaters, and how I escaped. How I lived to be here today, because if Voldemort found me, he would kill me on the spot."

The trio settled around Regulus, and he began his narrative, as the rain continued to fall around them.

"I suppose the whole story begins with my mother. In the beginning, Lord Voldemort was looking for supporters of his campaign to promote pure blood. At the time, nobody had the slightest idea he would become the most notorious murderer in our history. That people would one day be afraid to speak his name."

"As it happened, my mother forced me to join the Death Eaters, and I regret it now, but then I agreed to do it under pressure from her. It was an easy job at first. Voldemort often told us about how our world was going to disappear, if Muggles and half bloods continued to spread. To some, he was inspirational, but I could feel that he was planning something far more sinister, and I began to doubt my commitment"

"Not too long afterwards, the attacks began. There were deaths and disappearances reported daily, happening all over Muggle villages and towns in England. Voldemort's supporters swelled, until he literally had an army at his disposal. At the height of his power, nearly one hundred thousand wizards and witches were under his command."

"So when did Harry defeat You-Know-Who?" Ron interrupted

"That's coming up, Ron, be patient," Regulus told him. "Anyways, I became more and more uneasy about my role in the grander scheme of Voldemort's organization. And you know that when you take the Dark Mark, it means a lifelong service to Voldemort. But nevertheless, I made up my mind to escape when an opportunity to do so came."

"I didn't have to wait. A week later, I heard about Sirius being imprisoned for killing twelve people with a single curse, and especially Peter Pettigrew. What struck me as odd, though, was that I saw Peter later that day, on his way to give a report to Lucius Malfoy. He had framed Sirius, and I was angry, because I had seen the two of them as friends back in Hogwarts. But I couldn't do anything. Even if I escaped, it would be suicide to try and break out Sirius from Azkaban."

"Didn't you at least keep in contact with him?" Harry asked

"I couldn't, Harry. Any correspondence could be traced and revealed where I was. For it was then that you miraculously defeated Voldemort. It was chaos in the ranks after he disappeared, and I managed to run away into hiding. By then, I had a theory that Horcruxes might be what Voldemort had used to become immortal. My father had mentioned them a few times when we were growing up, but he always changed the subject when I asked him about them."

"Eventually, I settled in Hogesmeade. I changed my identity for the time being, and I worked at Honeydukes for about ten years. That way, I could keep an eye on you, Harry, when you came to Hogwarts, and watch Snape at the same time. He was a Death Eater too, as you might know, and some may change their appearance, but not their character. I knew he would be tempted in his old ways some day."

Hermione frowned. "And how exactly did you know that?"

"When I retrieved the locket from the cave, I kept it with me, but I knew it was just one of several that Voldemort had. It was just a matter of time, before he came back, and that time eventually came, at the end of the Triwizard Tournament. The mark had been growing stronger all year. What worried me more then, though, was you, Harry. I knew you were one of the champions, and Voldemort's lackeys were sure to somehow infiltrate the tournament. But how, I couldn't foresee."

"It was a smart plan, and it worked, for the most part. You survived, which was unplanned, and I'm glad that you did, because that summer and the following year, Voldemort became more active. He began gaining power, and I had to go into hiding again. Before I was to disappear once more, Dumbledore came to me and told me to be prepared, because he knew he didn't have long left to live."

"So, I spent the next year running from place to place. Voldemort had sent someone to track me down, and it turned out to be Bellatrix Lestrange, as I found in one particularly close shave with death. She nearly managed to curse me, but I managed to apparate away just in time."

"Dumbledore was dead around the time I was traveling towards London. I couldn't tell you how I knew, because I am not certain myself. But what I did know was that someone would soon read his notebooks, and when that happened, I had to find you."

"Wow," Ron was nearly speechless. His mouth hung open with the newfound respect he had for the man in front of him.

"Regulus, what is it you're trying to tell me?" Harry asked.

"The point of my story, Harry, is that you need to stand and fight. When you defeated Voldemort the first time, many of his followers killed themselves, because of despair. I could've been one of them. But I chose to stay and take on the right path. It was, and still is, extremely difficult, Harry, but it is negotiable," Regulus told him.

"The only reason I'm alive today is because of my friends," Harry said. "If Hermione had never taught me the Summoning Charm, I might have died in that graveyard with Cedric. Or if you hadn't saved me just a week ago, I would've been a goner!"

"That's an important difference between you and Voldemort, Harry," Hermione put in. "You have the courage to face and fight him, but you can't do it alone. That's why we are here…to help you along the way."

"But I could fail! The prophecy didn't say anything about me winning. Just the same, I could die," retorted Harry. "And once I'm dead, everyone else is easy pickings. I don't want that."

"Then you see how much you stand to lose if you give up now," Regulus patiently said.

Harry was rendered speechless. He had voiced what had been gnawing at him this entire time, yet his wish to die and give up put him in a conflicting position. Yes, he did not like the prospect of losing the people who cared about him most. Especially Ron and Hermione. But if he chose the easy way, the all his efforts, and those of everyone else would be in vain, and he did not want that either.

"Regulus, did you by any chance take hold of the locket when you saved me?"

"Actually, it was clasped in you hand the entire time, Harry. When we arrived here, I had to pry it from you. Right now it's in one of the drawers in the sitting room," Regulus said.

Harry raised himself from his chair and walked inside the house without another word. The rain had stopped as well, but the dark clouds remained hanging ominously in the sky.

"Why did he ask?" Ron wondered.

"Oh, Ron, it is unbelievable how thick you can be sometimes," Hermione sighed. "He's going to try to destroy it, and that means….gosh! Come on!" she shrieked and grabbed Ron by the hand, as they bolted through the door, and up the stairs to Harry's room.

Harry had locked the door, and placed the locket around his neck. At first, nothing happened, but then, a slight tingling traveled through him, slowly becoming more intense. He heard hurried footsteps, shouting voices and someone banging on his door, before the world around him turned mute. He caught a glimpse of the door being reduced to splinters and Ron and Hermione barged in. Then he lost his balance, and began falling, falling…

"Harry Potter," a stone-cold voice spoke in his head, "so you found me, a seventh of Voldemort himself. Tell me, did you honestly think you could defeat me?"

"I…I…" Harry struggled to communicate, but something was stopping him from responding to the entity inside of him.

"Just as I suspected. You are weak, Harry Potter. Love is a weakness that will not save you from me. Remember, there is only power, and there are those too weak to seek it, much like yourself."

"No…you…bastard!" Harry finally said. The hold seemed to loosen a little.

"A bastard, am I?" Voldemort's voice laughed evilly. "No, Harry, I am the wizard, who will kill you, slowly and painfully, in the next few hours. Then your mudblood friend and the traitor family you seem to care so much about. Or perhaps I shall kill them first, to let you enjoy the spectacle."

"You…you wouldn't…" Harry breathed. "I won't let you!"

"That's what your parents said too, Harry, once upon a time. As you see, they succumbed. They died, leaving you alone and forsaken in this world. Your borrowed time has come to an end, Harry. You should accept it," the shadow answered him smoothly.

"Never…"

"Then so be it. Crucio!" Tom's voice screamed, and Harry's body was wracked by unimaginable pain.

Ron and Hermione stood, watching helplessly, as Harry laid unconscious, occasionally muttering something, and shaking uncontrollably. Sweat had formed on his forehead, as he struggled against the Horcrux. Ron's face was a delicate shade of green, as he willed himself to stay on his legs, and Hermione was kneeling on the floor, tears streaming down her face.

The pain ended as suddenly as it had come. Harry took his bearings, and he was surprised he could still think coherently.

"Well, Harry Potter?" the voice said slowly. "Will you join me, or do you wish to endure more pain and suffering?"

"Never," Harry growled icily. "I'd rather die…"

"As you wish," Voldemort's voice sneered. "Avada Kedavra!"

Harry could feel that he was leaving…the images of Ron and Hermione's faces swam to the forefront of his mind…

Imagine how much you have to lose.

He couldn't leave, not yet.

"Ron!" Hermione cried, "He's not breathing! Go, find help, quickly!"

As if burned, Ron jumped, and ran down the staircase, five steps at a time. He hit the floor on the bottom hard, and rolled into the troll leg umbrella stand, before standing up, and rushing into the kitchen.

"Mum! Mum! Call Madam Pomfrey, we have a big problem, "he spoke very quickly.

"What is it, Ron? I don't suppose you've - " but she was cut short.

"It's Harry. He tried to…he did an assignment for Dumledore, but he's not breathing. Now please, call her!"

"Oh, my! Oh, my!" Mrs. Weasley wailed, as she ran across the kitchen to the fireplace.

"What's this shouting all about?" Regulus walked in, looking worried.

"Can you stop asking questions? Harry is dying upstairs!" Ron shouted, before doubling back to Harry's room.

The news had spread quickly, and within a minute, the whole population of Grimmauld Place had assembled in Harry's room, anxious and worried.

"He's breathing again," Hermione announced, sounding very relieved and allowing a small smile to come to her features.

"How - " Remus began, but he was interrupted.

"Make way, coming through," Madam Pomfrey's voice drifted over the crowd. "Oh, what have you put his unfortunate boy through this time!" she exclaimed at the sight of Harry, whose chest rose and fell, indicating he was still alive. "Get out this instant! He needs treatment immediately!"

One by one, the Weasleys, then Remus, Tonks, Regulus, and finally Hermione filed out of the room.

Several hours later, Madam Pomfrey came down the stairs. She looked tired, but relieved, and not a little stern.

"How is he?" Remus asked anxiously.

"Harry will live, thankfully. It's nothing short of a miracle that he survived. The amount of exertion has left him severely exhausted. I suggest he remain in bed for at least another week, and it will be a few days before he wakes up. Make sure he doesn't become excited, and always keep an eye on him. If anything else happens, call me right away," she said matter-of-factly.

"Of course, "Molly said, "I'll personally keep an eye on Harry."

The days dragged on. Uneasiness seeped in the air, and everyone was tense. Mrs. Weasley had strictly forbidden access to Harry's room, and only she went in a few times a day to check up on how he fared. Other than that, Harry slept on.

Harry felt warmth on his face, a feeling of peace and tranquility quickly spreading all over him. Was this heaven? It had to be…

But opening his eyes, he found himself lying on his bed, sunlight streaming in through the window. He shook his head, and suddenly, everything came flying back. The Horcrux! He had destroyed it in the end, as love had been too formidable an opponent for Voldemort. Dumbledore was right, once again…

The doorknob turned, and Harry saw Mrs.Weasley come in. She was walking quietly, but when she saw Harry was awake, she stopped in her tracks.

"Oh, Harry! You're alright, thank God!" she exclaimed, as she ran and enveloped him in one of her famous bone-crushing hugs.

"Morning, Mrs. Weasley," Harry choked out, but he was also happy that he was alive, but not yet very well.

A few days later, when Harry felt strong enough, he was sitting with Ron and Hermione at the kitchen table. Members of the Order were out and about on leads about Death Eater activity, and the trio had been left to ponder their next move.

"How long d'you reckon we need to find the next horcrux?" Ron asked.

"I don't know Ron, but I already have some ideas," Hermione answered.

Harry had remained strangely quiet all morning.

"Are you OK, Harry?" Hermione questioned him.

"I'm just worried Hermione. I barely survived this Horcrux, and the others could be a lot stronger. One could finally kill me."

"Not until you can love, Harry. That's one power Voldemort will never have, and can never take away from you," Hermione said, but her expression seemed a little distant.

"Will you bloody stop saying You-Know-Who's name?" Ron hissed. "I know we can defeat him, Harry. One way or another, we'll succeed."

"But it's what Voldemort said to me. He wanted me to join him. Told me it would be easier than fighting, and you would all live."

"Don't listen to him, Harry. Voldemort operates alone. He wants to attack your psychology. Make you think that you're worthless. But you're not, Harry. You're stronger than he is, and that makes Voldemort feel afraid of you," Hermione explained yet again.

"Thanks, Hermione," Harry said. He felt slightly better.

"We're with you, mate. All the way," Ron added.

Together, the three friends would do all they could to defeat the darkest wizard in recorded history. Failure was a very real possibility, but they would do their best to steer clear of it. If Death caught up to them prematurely, they would go; knowing all they could do was done. But they had to keep striving - for a better future, and a better world.

A/N This story is finished now...if you enjoyed it, then I'm happy. Reviews are always welcome...and I'll see you on my next project...

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