A/N Again, I apologize for the prolonged update...this story deserves one, and the characters have been waiting quite impatiently to see what happens next...so too have the few remaining readers, so I'll move right along...
Chapter XXIV: A Man's Peace
Remus was worried. He didn't know if Nott and Avery were still alive. Their meeting had exposed all of them to an incredible risk - Lestrange could have easily arranged for a clandestine observer that remained unnoticed, even if the majority of the Order was on guard. He sat on the couch, tapping his foot impatiently, wondering and wondering...
Not noticing Harry walking in, Remus nearly jumped when he touched him on the shoulder. Shooting up from the couch, he turned around, grasping his wand tightly by instinct, but not withdrawing it.
"Harry!" he exclaimed, the alarm quickly turning to relief. "I didn't see you come in."
Harry's heavy expression only became grimmer."What's wrong, Remus?"
"Ah, nothing, Harry," Lupin waved a hand dismissively. "Just the insecurities of an aging man..."
"Remus, whatever worries they are, should not be dismissed - you know how much danger we're in everyday," Harry pointed out with a hint of urgency.
"That's just it, Harry," Remus said quietly, "it's this sense of danger, which is beginning to become an unbearable weight on me. I don't think I can handle this much more."
"Of course, you can," Harry was quick to try to reassure him.
"One war was enough, Harry," Remus told him, more quietly than before, "For many years, before you were born, and while you were growing up, I was continually engaged - the sacrifices I've made changed me fundamentally as a person over time...at one point, a man's psyche can only handle so much. You, more than anyone, can appreciate this."
Harry completely understood Remus' position, but he also knew that any chance of peace of mind would not exist until the threat that Bellatrix Lestrange posed was vanquished. It was certainly a heavy ordeal.
"Remus, listen to me," Harry tried a different approach. Remus looked up at him, and Harry was started by the emptiness and defeat in his eyes.
"What could you possibly say, Harry?"
The hollowness of his voice also unnerved him. "I don't know when this will end - if I were a prophet, I might be able to tell you, but I can't. What I do know, is that this war is taking a heavy toll on all of us. Agreeably, on you more than most - I think you need some time to relax, Remus. Don't do anything for a while."
"That isn't possible, Harry," Remus' voice suddenly arose, and his hand twitched around his wand. "And I don't think anything you say will convince me otherwise."
Harry was growing increasingly concerned about his uncle. His own hand moved ever so slightly in readiness to disable Lupin, should the need arise.
"Remus, please," Harry reasoned with him. "Sit down."
Just as surprisingly, the fervour seemed to disappear from Lupin's face, and he collapsed back on the couch. Leaning forward, he put his head in his hands. Harry moved cautiously, and himself took a seat beside Lupin.
"I think I'm at my wits' end, Harry," the werewolf rasped, "something inside just will not let me go on."
"What are you saying, Remus?" the alarm in Harry's voice was evident.
Lupin looked up, turned to Harry, and smiled distantly - his eyes were empty, save for a small light that Harry couldn't quite place...
"What I mean, Harry," he replied quietly, "is that I do not have any strength left. My time is approaching its end...James, Lily, Sirius...I feel them calling me..."
"Remus, that's nonsense," Harry said hurriedly, as he grasped Remus by both shoulders. "You just need a break!"
"No, Harry," Remus only smiled at him once more, "when a man feels his time is near, there is nothing he can do about it."
"What do you mean!" Harry shook him, on the verge of panicking.
The others must have heard Harry's exclamations, because now, Hermione, Ron and Ginny were standing at the doorway - hurried footsteps told that Draco and Luna were not far behind.
Ron was the first to rush in the living room, and at Harry's side. "What's happening?"
His best friend turned to him. "Fetch Madam Pomfrey. As soon as you can, and make haste!"
"There isn't need for that, Harry," Remus told him quietly. "There is nothing to be done now."
"Remus, you cannot be dying!" Harry said insistently. "How could you possibly know that?!"
"Calm down, Harry," Lupin said. "Release me, and let me talk for a bit."
Rendered speechless, the other occupants in the room had taken their seats around the table. Draco's smug expression was gone, only to be replaced by one of anguish, while Ginny's features were focused intently on Lupin. Luna had clasped her hands in her lap, and kept flicking her eyes towards the door, in the hope that Ron would return soon. Hermione had sat right next to Harry, and trained her eyes on Lupin over her significant other's shoulder.
Harry did as Remus instructed him, but the tension he was feeling did not disappear.
"I was thinking about Avery and Nott today," Lupin began, "wondering if Bellatrix had killed them or not."
"How could she?" Hermione piped up. "We were alone that night."
"Oh, no, Hermione, we weren't," Lupin rejoined. "I know Bella quite well - she was always suspicious and paranoid. I'm quite confident she had an informant concealed somewhere in the surroundings."
"Are you sure?" she was wide-eyed.
"Quite so. As for Nott and Avery, they were our means to connect to Bellatrix and should they be dead, it would be a giant setback for the Order."
Nobody in the room responded.
"However, as important as this may be, it is the fact I won't be around for much longer that worries me..."
Lupin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath - he was visibly starting to depart the world of the living.
"Remus, why do you keep saying that?" Harry asked him, his frustration showing. "There is no logical reason for you to die!"
"No, Harry, there isn't," Remus told him, "but this is something I cannot control. Fate is above magic, as you might know. I have been thinking about this very much, Harry, and I can feel the time has come. How or why now, I cannot tell you, for I don't know myself. What I do know, however, is that I will not live to see the end of the day."
"You're talking nonsense, Remus," Harry repeated once more. "This is nonsense."
Lupin remained quiet for several moments, contemplation written on his face. "Do you remember meeting your parents, Harry?"
Harry did not expect the question, but his face regained its composure after the surprise that had overcome it momentarily. "Yes, yes I do."
"You were happy then, weren't you?" Remus continued.
A pang hit at Harry's heart, as the memories came back. "Yeah...I was."
"Are you happy now, Harry?"
He thought about his friends, their unwavering care and support, and most importantly, about Hermione. "I think I am," he answered quietly. It was as if the rest of the room did not exist, and its occupants, however meaningful, were mere shadows - ironical, considering the high esteem he held them all in.
"What did you feel when you were with your parents and Sirius, Harry?" Remus proceeded his questioning. Harry thought he was beginning to see where Lupin was headed with this interrogation.
"Complete and satisfied - that something, which had been taken away from me, was regained," Harry explained slowly, his face distant with the memories. "I was at peace."
"Do you see now, Harry?" the werewolf asked significantly. "James, Lily, and Sirius are the people, who defined my life. I have met and made many valuable friends over time, including the family I have come to be reattached with - namely, you. I regard you as my son in James' absence, Harry. The Weasleys - they are an integral part of my life, and I will continue to remember them, even after I pass."
"So...you are looking to become whole again?" Harry said uncertainly, focusing on his uncle intently once again.
A small tear had appeared in Hermione's eye, and rolled down Hermione's cheek. "In a way, yes, Harry," Remus answered him.
"Have they been calling you?" Hermione questioned him quietly.
"Yes, Hermione, they have," Lupin turned his eyes to her. "I need to find my peace."
"But why now?" Harry exclaimed again. "We're in the middle of a war here - what'll we do without you?"
"Harry, you needn't be worried about that," Remus said. "You are the one, who defeated Voldemort, and the people around you were the ones, who helped you do it. They are the ones who will be at the base of your efforts to defeat Bellatrix as well."
"Yes, but you're the one, who is closest to penetrating Lestrange's organization," Harry tried to argue in vain.
Lupin only smiled. "There will be another."
"Remus - " Harry started on another response, but his voice suddenly died. He lowered his head, and blinked hard several times, as if suppressing a tear, before raising his eyes once more. "So there is nothing anyone can do then?"
"I am afraid not, Harry," Lupin replied quietly; he was visibly growing more distant and unfocused. "It is hard to understand, I know."
"Then does that mean you choose when you die?" Hermione intervened suddenly. The initial resoluteness in her voice quickly shook.
"No, not at all," Lupin answered slowly, as he took more time contemplating an answer. "You slowly realize it, Hermione. It's when you find yourself physically and spiritually exhausted, at the point where you know no recovery is possible."
"Can you explain that?" Hermione inquired again, much more confused than before...
"The more we learn, Hermione, the less we know," Remus smiled. "What I can tell you is that when James and Lily died, a gaping hole opened in me that never completely closed. When Sirius was killed, the wound only became deeper."
"Yes, but how does explain you dying?" she was becoming more and more flustered. "If we can find a way to reverse it..."
"Being involved with the Order gave me a source of strength, Hermione," he said slowly, "but the consequences of the war against Voldemort were too much - I knew being involved in another conflict, the intensity of it, would kill me - and it has."
"But how can you be sure of that?"
"I am," Remus whispered. "I just am."
Hermione looked on helplessly. She recalled reading a long time ago about wizards and witches knowing they were dying - it was a branch of magic that was not well explored, not understood; the summons from the dead, the irreversible exhaustion that squeezed the last drops of life gradually - was personal peace a magic on its own?
"Hermione, could you and the others leave me alone with Harry for a final minute?" Remus turned to her. His voice had turned very feeble.
"Yes, yes, for sure!" she was quick to reply, and standing up, she ensured the room was empty in mere seconds - with one last glance towards Harry, she closed the door behind her.
**
"Harry, I don't have long now," Remus' tone was barely above a whisper. "Your parents, and Sirius, are calling me too strongly."
"Go to them, Remus," Harry's own voice sounded choked, as steady as he tried to maintain it.
"Take care of yourself, Harry," his uncle continued, "Hermione - she is the single most important person in your life."
"I know."
"Your friends, Harry, they are the ones who will help you succeed in whatever you do. My tenure ends here - I have done all I can."
"You've done more than you think, Remus," Harry pointed out quietly. "Without you, there would be no Order."
"Maybe that's a little overdone," Lupin smiled thinly. "The Order was around before I joined it, and it will be here after I'm gone."
Regardless of his anguish, Harry smiled too.
"Can I make one last request of you, Harry?" Lupin choked out.
"Yes, yes, of course!" the raven-haired wizard replied hastily.
"I know the thought has crossed your mind - but please, don't bring be back."
Harry's eyes flicked to the door for a bare moment. "I promise."
Remus raised a frail hand, and put it over Harry's heart. "I will be always here, Harry - no matter what happens."
Harry placed his hand over the werewolf's. "I'll miss you, Remus."
"So will I, Harry; but someday, I will see you again."
"Go to them, Remus," Harry tried hard to retain his composure, but failed. "Go to them," he whispered.
The hand in his grip relaxed, but Harry didn't release it.
He knew Remus had finally found the peace he had sought for so long - with his father, mother, and Sirius. Now, it was up to him to lead and be strong, to do what those before him had done.
**
Through the intense sorrow building up inside him, another thought struck him, which caused his lips to curve in an unwilling smile - the Marauders were finally reunited.
Forever.
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