A/N: Oh man. I'm not even gonna waste your time with excuses cause I don't have any. I'm sorry for the long wait. Yes, I abandoned this world for a few months. I had to do it. It was good for me. I got so sucked up in this fandom I was living in fantasy and when I took a break I started living in reality. So now, I'm gradually trying to get back in without drowning in false pretenses.
It's not that I don't love you guys and writing. Its just I shouldn't put THIS before my LIFE! And a couple of you (no names and I'm not blaming any of you. They weren't even readers of this story) that did as much as ask me too…I'm sorry. I can't. Point blank-I'm in high school. I have homework, and friends, and school hockey games, and parties and a whole other life. Gotta make sure I don't lose it.
** I never liked the way JKR ended the book with the war. It made it seem like, oh the wars over, our lives are good now, Harry's a hero. We miss those we lost but we can move on. I refuse to believe that the grieving process was that simple. Mine will not be like JKR's at all. Don't even think that. I believe that it took time. I believe that the wizardry community, Harry, Ron, and Hermione would have been the way I interpret it.
Thanks for sticking with me. I love you guys
p.s. does anyone else watch wildfire? I frekin love that show and cant wait for tonites episode!!!
~*~
If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me
I can't hear just what you've said
You say
Go Slow
I fall behind
The second hand undwinds
If you're lost
You can look
And you will find me
Time after time
If you fall
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades
And darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm ok
And you say
Go slow
I fall behind
The drum beats out of time
~Time After Time, Quiet Drive
~*~
Harry's Point of View.
Several Hours later…
~*~
I got lost wandering through the halls today. I've gone to this school for seven years, had several adventures throughout the school but now I find myself in a place I've yet to venture.
I think I got lost on purpose. Somewhere in the back on my mind, I wanted to end up in a place I couldn't find my way out of easily. I had to get away. I had to leave behind the feelings and the people that caused them. Everywhere I looked today I saw someone I indirectly hurt. Hermione told me it wasn't my fault and I shouldn't think that. How could I not? If I was…if I was stronger, I could have defeated him sooner. Had I been trained more effectively, I could have saved more lives. There are so many things I wish that I could erase from my memory. So many lifeless bodies, lying on the cold, hard ground I wish I could wipe out of my brain.
Why? Why was it me? Me that had to kill an evil wizard all by myself? I keep thinking that. Hermione says I'm being selfish. That I feel too sorry for myself; and I should just get over the pity I'm feeling for myself. We got in a fight again. I keep fighting with everyone.
I don't even know how it started. Everything was so peaceful.
~*~
Earlier….
~*~
"So, he's mine now?" Harry asked nervously, sitting in the grass, sleeping baby in his arms, with Hermione by the lake.
"Legally. I mean, he's left to you, you're the godfather," Hermione answered. "But I'm sure that Andromeda wouldn't mind taking care of him. I mean, you're only seventeen."
"Yeah. I guess," Harry answered. "I don't think I could do it either."
"Oh, Harry," Hermione rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. Don't be so dramatic. I just mean, you're seventeen. You're going to need to start your career, whatever that is. You're going to need to establish your life first. You can't expect to take on a baby at your age. All alone. Well, I mean not all alone, obviously. That's not what I meant. Of course I would be here. And Ron, though he wouldn't be much help. And Ginny and Molly…all the Weasley's. Andromeda…"
"Relax, Hermione. I know what you meant. You're right. I can't take care of a baby right now." Teddy started to cry in Harry's arms as he woke up. "I can't even keep him from crying."
Hermione laughed and gently graced the baby from his arms, holding him close to her and rocking him back and forth. "Shh," She whispered. The baby let out a cry and put its mouth around one of Hermione's fingers to suck on. She smiled.
Harry watched, mesmerized. "How do you do that?"
She shrugged. "It's a girl thing?"
"I think it's just a you thing, love, Ginny just makes the baby cry more," He remarked sarcastically.
She laughed. "Some babies are more comfortable with certain people. It doesn't mean anything. It just depends on the baby. I don't know what I did to deserve his affection," Hermione grinned as Teddy let go of her finger and giggled, grabbing a lock of her curly hair around his little fingers. "Hi darling," She greeted the baby, tickling him with her finger.
"So little," Harry commented. "So much to learn." Hermione just nodded in response, continuing to grin at the child. "I can't believe Lupin and Tonks are both gone."
"I know, it seems like the second we walk back in that door, Tonks will come bouncing down the hall and take Teddy in her arms. And Lupin will be there to teach Defence next year. He was the best professor this school ever had. But, unfortunately, that's not the way it is."
"It's all my fault."
"Oh for the love of God, Harry," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"What?!"
"I am so sick of this pity thing!" She exclaimed.
"Hermione!"
"I'm sorry Harry. I don't want to fight with you. Not now. Not through all this. But, come on. Why is everything always, you always blame it on yourself! Ya, sure, a lot of stuff that happened, had to do with you, but its not like you could help it. Had you not done this, who knows where we would be! But you know what Harry James Potter, I'm not going to continue to sit here and grace you with compliments about what you've done for us and this world because I'm not going to be one of those stupid little fans who sits around praising you for your success. Not that it matters anyways because you don't understand it!!" She yelled at him, causing the baby to cry.
Harry didn't say a word, he just looked at her. Narrowing his eyes, reading between her lines.
"See, this is why I didn't want to fight," She gestured to the baby. "I came out here to make you feel better after the fight, but I'm done trying to help you feel better. It does nothing. You apparently don't care whether you mope around for the rest of your life in self pity or whether you move on and help this world build itself back up. The Death Eaters aren't all gone, homes and towns are destroyed. There is so much to do. So much to give back to. So, fine, Potter, live on in your mopy little life. Goodbye." Hermione got up, shaking her head, and brought the baby back inside the warmth and comfort of the Hogwarts castle.
That left young Harry sitting alone, back where he started, beating his head against the tree trunk he was sitting against. Screwing everything up. Once again. Just when He and Hermione were getting somewhere.
But she was right. She was always right. Too bad he realised it too late.
~*~
Present
~*~
Several hours later, Harry somehow found his way out of being lost, and went back to the Gryffindor tower. He expected it to be quiet and empty, people already retiring to their rooms, for it was late into the night. But the moment he entered the portrait door, he was alarmed at what he saw.
Every Weasley, Hermione, Luna, Lavender, Seamus, and a fairly long list of living students were gathered around together, sitting on the couches, armchairs and the floor as the fire blazed; laughing. They were laughing. They were hysterically laughing at something apparently Ron had said, for he seemed he was trying to catch his breath so he could continue the story. No one seemed to notice Harry, so he hung back and listened. Watching, mystified.
"And then," Ron, sitting on the couch, gasped for breath as Hermione and Ginny grabbed onto each other and broke into another hysterical fit of laugher, probably already knowing what happened next. "He said, `map? What map?'"
Though Harry had no idea what kind of story Ron was telling, he smiled and chuckled a little as everyone in the entire room began laughing even harder, wiping the tears that had resulted from the laughter from their eyes.
"Well you know, my favorite story about him, was always the one where Remus went down to the lake that one night, it was after the first war, do you remember this Arthur?" Molly asked, recovering. Hermione was the only one to notice Harry in the corner and quietly excused herself without drawing any attention to her.
"Oh, how could I forget?" Arthur laughed, still wiping tears of laughter away from his son's story. "That was the night I first met him…" Hermione walked over to him.
When she stopped in front of him, he didn't know what to say. She stood in front of him, with a seemingly calm look
on her face. Hermione had her long, curly hair all the way down, loose tendrils falling past her shoulders. She was
wearing pajama pants and a Gryffindor sweatshirt. It was his, he realised. The one she had worn that one rainy day and
she'd forgotten to give back. He was glad she kept it. Her arms were crossed across her chest and she was gazing at
him the strangest way. He could scarcely hear the conversation in the background.
"Oh, yes. Well…" Molly went on.
"What are they doing?" Harry asked, curiously regarding her.
She looked back and smiled, talking softly, "Oh, them yes. Just reliving the old days." She turned back to him. "Somehow we all ended up in here. Seamus told a story that sparked another and another from several different people…Ron contributed of course. I'm sure you heard the end of that one." She let out a chuckle before returning to her calm composure.
"Oh. That's…nice," Harry commented.
"Yes," She eyed him. "So where have you been for the past, oh I don't know, eight or nine hours? I thought I was going to have to send out patrol on you. Call 999 or something. Or at least go looking for you myself."
"Just wandering," He shrugged. "There's a lot more to this school than it lets on."
"Yeah, this school is mysterious in that way."
In the background, they heard a chorus of laughter. Hermione turned and Harry looked beyond her to the source; but they both met eyes again at the same time.
"Look, Harry…"
"Hermione, I…"
They both spoke at the same time. They smiled and sighed.
"Let me go first, Hermione," He said. She nodded. "I'm sorry. You're right. I mean, you're always right, I shouldn't have doubted you but I mean, I am me." Hermione tilted her head in agreement. "I don't know why I always make everything about me. I shouldn't. I couldn't help the war…I couldn't help the fact that it was my job to destroy Voldemort. I did what I was supposed to do, and now this world is going to be better because of what we did. I need to start realizing that and move on with my life."
"You know, Potter, for the first time in all the years I've known you, you're starting to make sense," Hermione smiled. "Now, come on. Join us over here, I have a feeling you need a good laugh."
She grabbed his hand and led him back to the couch where she had been sitting next to Ginny and Ron. They stepped over
the people on the ground and they made room for he and Hermione again on the couch.
"Harry!" Several people greeted him, smiles on their faces for the first time in a while.
"Oh, good, Harry, just in time. I've got the best story," Seamus shook his head, laughing at himself. "So it was like, what two years ago?" He looked to Ron and Lavender who laughed and nodded in agreement. "Anyways, so it was two years ago and we were just minding our own business, walking down the hallway…"
Seamus continued on with wild gestures, animatedly recalling the events.
Harry was laughing and smiling, still holding onto Hermione's hand, though she was paying him little attention and he looked around at the scene. They were all listening intently to Seamus' story, giggling and grinning. The firelight glowed on the faces of each person, the dark night seeped in through the window, barely a bit of the moon visible.
The he looked back to Hermione, and his eyes remained fixated on her, her features as she laughed and reacted. His eyes didn't move from her face. And they all noticed.
~*~
A/n: did you like it? It wasn't long but I told you none of these chapters will be. Sorry for the wait. I know it sucked.
Love you guys!
and hit me up if you watch wildfire!! Lol. Or Degrassi. Two best shows ever
PS. I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I like to think of the songs I chose for the chapters as kind of like, the fade out song. You know on shows like, Smallville?? Sometimes they have those episodes where at the end they'll be this song at the end that will fade out as they show the last few quiet scenes of what people are doing that works as the episode's resolution. Does that make sense?
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