A/N - this is Hermione's point of view of the epilogue of DH and the first half of this chapter is pretty canon. It's my take on why Harry and Hermione didn't talk and why none of the couples actually showed any affection for each other. So, warning, it still isn't the happy ending that everyone is waiting for. The next chapter will be the last and at this stage, I'm not sure how I'll end it but since I am a bit of a romantic, chances are it will be happy. Thanks for all the lovely reviews and its great to see so much support for Portkey even after DH. By the way, I hated the epilogue and really, it's the worst bit of professional writing I've ever read. I have since seen on a thread here JKR's explanation of what she did and the professions she gave the characters. Good to see in some aspects we think the same. Anyway, enjoy and see you next time!
Chapter 2
They were late. But then again, they were always late - it was one of the many things about Ron that annoyed Hermione. And sadly their young son had inherited the infuriating trait, Hugo now often making them even later.
Holding onto her daughter's hand, Hermione made her way down the crowded platform towards the end of the Hogwarts Express, quietly following Ron and Hugo. It was Rosie's first year and the sense of loss was weighing down heavily on her shoulders.
Her baby was growing up.
She didn't see the Potter's until they were right upon them as the misty haze that seemed to engulf everything in its path had hidden them away. Hermione smiled at the look of relief on little Albus's face when he saw Rose - it was Harry's middle son's first year at Hogwart's as well and the two children were pretty much inseparable.
Hermione relinquished her daughter's hand as Rose went to speak to Albus while Ron made some comment to Harry about parking, passing his muggle driving test and how she thought he couldn't do it without Confunding the examiner. She gave the customary assurances of her faith in her husband's abilities without a second thought - after twelve years of marriage, it was automatic.
The two men went off to put the trunks in the train and it was only then she allowed herself to watch Harry briefly, noting absently that his hair had grown untidily over his collar. She let her thoughts wander a bit, forgetting where she was until she felt Rosie's hand in hers.
"Mummy, why aren't more people in uniform?" she asked and Hermione smiled as she ran her hand lovingly over the mass of brown curls that crowned her daughter's head.
"Because most change on the train…"
"Doesn't it make more sense to change before you get on the train?" Rose questioned, a frown creasing her brow, "it is the Hogwarts Express after all, you are already on school property! And how can you change into your uniform without anyone seeing in your underwear? Honestly, I don't see why people would feel it alright for others to see them in their privates!"
"Robes disguise much," Hermione assured her with a grin, enjoying her logic.
"Hey mum," Hugo called out, both he and Lily, Harry and Ginny's youngest, looking at her expectedly, "do you think Rose and Al will get into Gryffindor 'cause you guys did? 'Cause Lily said that it doesn't always go that way. But I said…"
"The hat chooses the house it feels you best suit," Hermione explained patiently, even though they had had exactly the same conversation when James, the oldest of the Potter children, went on the train the previous year.
"Yeah, but Rosie's real smart and Ravenclaw takes the smart ones…"
"Rosie has to be in Gryffindor!" Al cut in, sounding slightly panicked.
"Mum's smart and she was in Gryffindor," Rose assured her friend before turning her attention on her brother, "it's just that she was brave too! Just like true Gryffindors!"
"But what about me?" Hugo carried on, not caring that it won't be his turn for another couple of years, "I'm not that brave…"
"And neither am I!" cried Lily, "maybe the hat will put me in Hufflepuff!"
"There is nothing wrong with Hufflepuff…" Ginny tried to soothe.
"But you don't want to be a Hufflepuff," Hugo continued, "and no-one wants to be in Slytherin…"
Hermione saw Albus pale slightly at Hugo's words before sharing a look with Rose that reminded her so much of her own childhood. When she saw her daughter take Harry's son's hand and give a squeeze of comfort, Hermione had to quickly fight back a sudden rush of tears.
"If you're not in Gryffindor, we'll disinherit you, but no pressure."
Her head snapped towards her husband's voice as he sauntered towards them, grinning at their children. Rose had gone as pale as Al, though she had quickly withdrawn her hand from his in the presence of her father.
Hermione admonished Ron quickly and sharply, causing a chuckle from the more easy going Lily and Hugo while Rose and Albus still looked petrified.
"He doesn't mean it," she said, looking quickly at Ginny who said exactly the same thing at exactly the same time.
Both of us still apologising for Ron's insensitivities, she thought to herself as her husband ignored them both, his gaze now captured by someone a bit further down the platform.
The figure of Draco Malfoy was still slightly imposing, and as if by instinct, she took Rosie's hand in hers and put her other hand on Hugo's shoulder. Draco was no longer an enemy but as far as Hermione was concerned, he wasn't a friend either.
"So that's little Scorpius," Ron muttered and Hermione glanced at the young blond boy who looked so much like his father, "make sure you beat him in every test, Rosie. Thank God you inherited your mother's brains."
"Ron, for heaven's sake," she scolded, softening slightly when Rosie gave her hand a small squeeze, "don't try and turn them against each other before they've even started school!"
"You're right, sorry," Ron apologised, though Hermione could see he wasn't sorry at all, confirming it when he continued with, "don't get too friendly with him, though, Rosie. Granddad Weasley would never forgive you if you married a pure-blood."
She was ready to scold again, angry at yet another inappropriate comment that Ron is so apt at giving. She didn't get the chance, however, as everyone was distracted with the reappearance of James. At her side, Rose gave her a little tug, pulling her away from the others.
"Don't let daddy get to you, mummy," Rose said softly, "he doesn't mean what he says."
"Oh, I know pumpkin," Hermione consoled, kneeling down and giving her daughter a hug, "I just…he's putting all this pressure on you…"
"I'm okay," Rose said solemnly, though she still looked unsure. Hermione gave her a moment to think, waiting for the thing that was really bothering her. After a little while, Rose asked in a tiny voice, "will you really disown me if I don't get into Gryffindor?"
"Oh sweetheart - no, not at all," Hermione cried, holding her daughter's face gently in her hands, "I could never, ever disown you! All this nonsense about Gryffindor being the best house is unjust - they all have qualities that are positive and they all have qualities that can cause harm…"
"Even Slytherin?"
"Even Slytherin," Hermione smiled, "actually, I was nearly put into Ravenclaw."
"Really?"
"Really," she continued, then added, "you shouldn't let your father get to you, either, little one."
"No, I know," Rose sighed, "I'm just nervous, I guess. And Al is so scared he's going to go into Slytherin. Dad shouldn't have said what he did, sometimes he can be such a…"
"Your dad loves you," Hermione interrupted swiftly, glancing up to see where the man in question was and glad to see he was well out of ear shot and talking to Hugo and Lily.
"Will you be okay without me?" Rose asked after a while, watching Hermione carefully.
"Isn't that what I should be asking you?" she smiled with a chuckle.
"I'll be fine, I've got Al," Rose answered quickly, "and I can look after myself."
"Well, I can look after myself as well, young lady," Hermione admonished, still smiling.
"Yeah, I guess," Rose said thoughtfully, pausing, then asked, "will you and Uncle Harry make up?"
Hermione was about to ask what she meant, and how did she know that there was tension between herself and Harry at the moment, but then stopped herself. Her daughter was smart and part of being smart was being observant. Her eyes wandered over to where Harry was talking to Albus and let out a small chuckle.
"Uncle Harry and I never stay mad at each other very long," she told Rose.
"No, not like you and dad," Rose replied with a frown.
"Right, not like your father and I," Hermione agreed, standing, "come on you, let's get you settled on the train."
They went to make their way to the final carriage, pausing to let Hugo say goodbye to his sister. Hermione stood back and once more felt a wave of unbelievable sadness as Ron made some joke at Rosie's expense and gave his daughter an awkward hug before returning his attention to Hugo.
After the brief goodbye, Rose turned back to Hermione and once more took her hand. Together they went to the carriage and with a deep, steadying breath she sat down opposite her daughter, ready to say her own goodbyes.
"Well, this is it sweetie," she said with false cheeriness, "you're going to have so much fun! Learn so many new things! Are you excited?"
"Yeah, I guess," Rosie replied, her eyes filling with tears, "can I ask you something?"
"Sure," Hermione frowned, unsure of what the question would be.
"Were you scared? When you went on the train for the first time?"
Hermione smiled then, and went to Rosie's side, engulfing her in a hug.
"I was absolutely petrified," she said, thinking back, "I didn't know anyone and I was muggleborn so everything was so new and strange. Everyone hated me because I just kept talking and talking. But I made friends, eventually."
"Daddy and Uncle Harry."
"That's right, your father and Uncle Harry, but even they didn't like me at the beginning."
"At least I have Al," Rose sniffed, muffled from her mother's embrace.
"Yes, you have Al," Hermione agreed, "and James, and Hagrid, and Neville and even Headmistress McGonagall."
"I'm going to miss you," Rosie cried, hugging Hermione tighter. Her own tears came then, large but silent.
"I'm going to miss you too, little one," she whispered, trying hard not sound as upset as she felt, "but you're going to love Hogwarts! You'll have so much fun, you'll soon forget all about me!"
"I'll never forget you," Rose proclaimed as she pulled away from Hermione and began wiping her face with the sleeve of her robe, "I'm going to make you so proud of me!"
"I'm already so proud of you Rose," Hermione smiled encouragingly, producing a hanky and handing it to her daughter, "how can I not be?"
"Daddy isn't," Rose announced, her tears gone.
"Of course he is!" Hermione exclaimed, shocked that Rose could even think that.
"Honestly, mum, I'm not stupid," Rose said in such a way that Hermione was sure she was listening to herself, "I'm not a boy, I hate Quidditch and I don't seeing eating as some kind of sprint race," the little girl shrugged, "I don't care. I have you. And Uncle Harry."
"Rosie…" Hermione started, wanting to defend Ron to their daughter - but the words wouldn't come.
Rose was right - the joy of having a little girl dampened considerably when Hugo was born two years later. And when their son started displaying characteristics that reflected Ron in so many ways, the paths were set. Rose came out second best in her father's affections.
Harry, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy watching Rose grow up and Rose enjoyed spending time with Harry. He had told Hermione once it was because it was like seeing her as a child, before she had gone to Hogwarts. Hermione just enjoyed seeing the two of them together.
"Your dad loves you, Rose," she continued finally.
"I know," Rose replied nonchalantly, "I just wish he'd show it more."
Silence hung in the air for a moment as they both became lost in thought. Hermione was brought back to what was happening by an increase in activity both on and off the train. It was time to go.
"I love you so much, little one," she breathed, gently running her hand over her daughter's head.
"I love you too, mummy," Rose replied, hugging her mother tightly once more.
"I better go, Rosie," Hermione said after a moment, once more fighting her tears, "you owl me when you get the chance, okay?"
"Yes, mum."
"You look after yourself…"
"Yes, mum."
"…and remember if you get into trouble, or if something happens that is beyond your capabilities, that you go and see either Hagrid, Neville or the headmistress…"
"Yes, mum."
"…though James and Albus should be your first port of call…"
"I know, mum."
"…and have fun."
"I'll try, mummy," Rose said, pulling away and smiling at her mother.
"Right," Hermione smiled back, "well, I better go before I embarrass you by being still on the train after it leaves! I love you, sweetie."
"I know," Rose replied bravely, trying not to cry again. Hermione kissed her daughter and stood, knowing if she didn't leave now, it would just get harder and harder.
"See you at Christmas," she said, then turned and left the train.
She stood alone on the platform, waving to Rose who was hanging out of the carriage door. Ron came to her side and also waved but didn't speak to Hermione - Hermione didn't care.
Harry and Albus finally finished whatever they were talking about and Albus made his way to Rose in the carriage. Ginny closed the door behind him and then took her place at Harry's side. The four of them were nearly shoulder to shoulder with Hugo and Lily before them, the train now getting closer to departing.
"Why are they all staring?" Albus asked as he and Rose looked at their fellow students who kept staring at their farewell party.
"Don't let it worry you," Ron answered and inwardly, Hermione cringed, "it's me. I'm extremely famous."
The kids all laughed but Rosie caught her mother's eye with a knowing look, understanding that it was not her father, but her uncle that everyone was looking at. Hermione just smiled a little smile and waved, tearing up as soon as the train began to move.
She watched as Harry followed the disappearing Hogwarts Express, his hand also raised in farewell. Both their children were hanging out of the carriage door window, waving back until the train went around the corner and disappeared from sight.
Her tears were rolling down her cheeks as her loss finally overwhelmed her. She heard Ginny comfort Harry, telling him that their son would be alright and heard his response. Part of her hoped that she would get the same level of comfort from her husband, but he was too busy playing with Hugo.
"I've got to get back to work, mate," he told his son, who was squirming to get away from Ron's hold.
"You're leaving?" Harry asked and for the first time, he looked at Hermione, who dropped her head to hide her tears.
"Yeah, it is a Wednesday," Ron answered, letting Hugo go with a grin and turned his attention to Harry, "not all of us can pick and choose when they want to work."
"Actually, I need to go too," Ginny added, "we have a new proof-reader at the paper who is making things a real nightmare. Hermione, will you be alright looking after Lily?"
Hermione looked up to see everyone looking at her, including the children, and she realised with a passing thought that she must look a mess (unlike the beautiful Ginny, who was watching her with a self-satisfied smirk).
"Of course I can look after Lily," Hermione said finally, "not a problem."
"Actually, I've got nothing planned so…"
Hugo and Lily cheered and clapped wildly, cutting Harry off and making all the adults laugh. Hermione tried to act as casual as she could without betraying the rush of anxiousness that now melded with her sense of loss.
"Excellent," Ginny gushed, pecking Harry on the cheek before turning her attention to Lily, "I'll be home in time to tuck you in, princess. You be good for dad and Aunt Hermione."
"Don't wait up Herms," Ron said casually over his shoulder as he started to leave, Ginny quickly finishing her hug with Lily so she could follow, "I'll probably be late. And you," he grabbed an un-expecting Hugo in a type of wrestling, hug thing, "be good."
Hermione just stood there and watched Ron and Ginny leave the emptying platform, Lily and Hugo following them for a bit until they were told by Ginny to go back. Harry was silent as he waited for the kids.
"So," he said when they reached him, "since it's still officially the school holidays, what do you two want to do on your last day of freedom?"
Hugo and Lily looked at each other for a moment, agreeing on something that must have been previously discussed because they both said "the zoo!" at exactly the same time.
"The zoo it is then," Harry smiled as he started to walk down the platform, "Lily, why don't you lead the way to the car."
"Sure daddy," the little girl replied, grabbing Hugo's hand and walking through the magical barrier. Harry followed and after a brief hesitation, so did Hermione.
Kings Cross was as busy as ever but the kids walked on confidently ahead while Hermione remained a few paces behind Harry. He noticed that she wasn't by his side as soon as they left Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and waited for her to catch up.
"You okay?" he asked, his hands deep in his pockets and she knew it was to stop himself reaching for her.
"No, not really," she answered truthfully, not looking at him but instead keeping an eye on the children, "my baby has gone to Hogwarts and my husband doesn't seem to care."
"I'm sure he does…"
"No," Hermione snapped, stopping and looking at him, "he doesn't. And his daughter knows it."
Harry frowned as he processed what she was saying and she left him to it, looking back once more at the children, who had also paused as they waited for them. She started walking once more.
"Did Rosie say something…"
"Oh, just that she thinks her father isn't proud of her," Hermione snarked, "and she was absolutely petrified after Ron's little 'if you don't get into Gryffindor, we'll disown you' lark, thinking we actually would. And poor Albie nearly fainted…"
"He doesn't want to get put into Slytherin," Harry explained.
"He's terrified he's going to get put into Slytherin," Hermione corrected, "and Ron's stupid comment didn't help."
They walked in silence for a bit as the bustle of the street leading into the station stopped all conversation, and when they started talking again it was a child friendly discussion as the four of them piled into Harry's car and made their way to the London Zoo.
They had been to the zoo countless times but it was both Hugo and Lily's favourite place and as soon as they came through the entrance way, they made a bee-line for the lion enclosure with Harry and Hermione following a respectable distance behind - enough to talk in private but also still able to keep an eye on the kids.
The conversation turned to their friends and their various jobs - a safe, neutral subject.
Everyone had helped rebuild the wizarding world after the fall of Voldemort and his Death Eaters as there wasn't an area that hadn't been destroyed by his evil.
Ron, Harry and Neville all trained as auror's in the beginning, all wanting to get rid of the remaining Death Eaters and finish off what they started. They had been good at their jobs but it was only Ron that really enjoyed what they were doing.
When the position of Herbology professor came up at Hogwarts, Neville jumped at the chance and had now been teaching there for nearly fifteen years. Harry and Hermione chuckled as they wondered how many times Albus would slip and call him Uncle Neville instead of Professor Longbottom.
After Harry and Ginny had married, Harry made the decision to be a stay-at home dad, arguing that Ginny's career at the New Daily Prophet was getting bigger and bigger and was something she enjoyed doing. They had rowed a lot during that time but Harry wouldn't change his mind. In the end, Ginny gave in and now worked full-time at the paper but made it quite clear that she expected more from her husband.
Meanwhile, Hermione had gone to a muggle university to study and came out with a doctorate fourteen years later. Rose had been born when she graduated with her Masters while Hugo came along while she was well into her post-grad thesis.
The arguments had been horrendous when Hermione told Ron she was continuing with her studies after they were to marry with Ron not talking to her for nearly a month and threatening to call the whole thing off. Harry had talked Ron around but Ron had decided he wouldn't go out of his way and help Hermione during the seven years it took her to do her part-time study and raise their two children, it had been Harry who understood and gave her the support she needed.
Now Ron was close to being Head Auror, Ginny was sub-editor with Harry and Hermione raising their five children between them. Harry was called on every now and then to help Ron and his teams, something that kept him active and ensured he never got bored, but Harry was happiest when he was with his kids.
Hermione used her law degree and her doctorate in politics to do what she always planned on doing - fighting for those magical creatures that have always been subjected to in wizarding law. In between home-schooling the children, she formalised the House Elf Protection Act, getting it passed with a vast majority three yeas after she began writing it
At the moment she was working on getting rights for werewolves while supervising developments in the wolvesbane potion. Both projects had had a lot of input from Harry with the two of them working together as they researched, wrote and instigated the laws while still ensuring their children were taught and raised well.
Talk easily turned to the werewolf project as they discussed what had happened during the two weeks Harry had been gone. Hermione never asked why he had been absent, though she desperately wanted to know. Ginny had just dropped James, Albus and Lily at her place during the fortnight, saying Harry had been called away on auror business though Ron seemed to think Harry hadn't been needed.
As she thought more and more about what had kept him away, she stopped talking and soon, so did Harry. After a few moments in silence (while they watched Hugo and Lily trying to spot the wolves in the empty looking enclosure), Hermione took the plunge.
"I've missed you," she said quietly, still not looking at him.
"Sorry," he replied quickly and Hermione sighed.
"Right," she dismissed, realising that the tension between the two of them was still there.
"Yeah, I had this assignment at the office," he began before snorting softly and stopping mid pace, Hermione stopping as well and finally looking at him, "who am I kidding - I can't lie to you!" he admitted with a shake of his head, his eyes now boring into hers, "I needed some time away, because every time I close my eyes, or just stop and think, all I can see is you wet and flustered and under me."
Hermione blushed as she remembered what Harry was referring to, understanding why it had caused him so much difficulty because it had done the same to her. It all started innocently enough - it had been a stifling hot day and the kids were bored when Hugo had 'accidentally' thrown a bucket of water over his sister. Rose, instead of getting mad, got even and soon the back garden of the Weasley-Granger house was the scene of a huge water fight. Harry and Hermione had become involved, enjoying playing with their children and was giving as good as they were getting.
Until Harry had Hermione pinned down after a particular devastating attack against him. She was wet from head to toe, her t-shirt clinging to her in ways that accentuated her body well and as Harry straddled her, the line they had maintained throughout the last sixteen years had been a breath away from being crossed.
She had felt him hard against her, his excitement difficult to mask while her own body betrayed her and showed him how much she was ready. But the moment was shattered by a water bomb thrown by Rose, hitting Harry squarely on his back and within minutes the Potter's had left and she hadn't seen Harry since.
"Did it work?" she asked, a smirk playing on her lips.
He looked at her up and down, obviously and with a smirk of his own, before looking back at her face with a desire that was burning in his eyes.
"No."
"Hey, mum," Hugo called out, tearing Hermione away from Harry's intense stare and towards her son, "we're hungry, can we get something to eat?"
An hour later, they were all fed and the children continued their exploration of the zoo while Harry and Hermione followed.
"Ron seems to be working long hours," Harry said after a while.
"Yes, he is," Hermione agreed before adding casually, "I think he's having an affair."
"What?" Harry blurted out, glaring at her, "what makes you say that?"
"I know he doesn't have to put in the hours that he is," she explained with a shrug, still walking, "and I know he's lying to me about it. His attitude has got even more distant than it already was and our sex life, which was already pretty much non-existent, is even more so except now he comes home ready to burst. Which makes me think he hasn't had sex with her yet, but he really wants to," she turns to Harry then, her smirk returned, "I hope that's not what you do with Ginny," she quipped, "get all frustrated with me and then go home and have wild, passionate sex with your wife!"
"Ginny and I stopped having sex years ago," Harry stated calmly, "you know that. And don't change the subject - do you have any idea who it is?"
"Remember Luna from school…"
"Luna Lovegood?" Harry cried, "you're kidding?"
"Her name keeps popping up," Hermione told him, making sure their children were too far away to hear what they were talking about, "he had been working with her during one of his cases, her being an Unspeakable and all, and now they seem to keep bumping into each other, having lunches…"
"He tells you this?"
"I think he feels he has nothing to hide," she shrugged again, "which he probably doesn't. But I think he's falling for her hard."
"What're you going to do?"
"What can I do?" Hermione repeated, looking at him, "I've been cheating on Ron for sixteen years…"
"We haven't done anything wrong," Harry cut in sharply, "we've never betrayed them…"
"My God, Harry," Hermione scoffed, "I love you more than my husband, you get on better with my children than he does and on the rare occasion that I get intimate with the man I married, it is your face that gets me excited - not his. We may have never kissed or made love, but you have me in every other possible way."
He stayed silent then, watching her with a wistful sadness that she has seen so many times over the years, and he has seen the same look of hopelessness on her own face.
"I wish we could leave," he said quietly, longingly, "just go, start again. Leave this mess behind."
"So do I," she replied, just as quiet, "but we can't…"
"I know, I know, the kids," Harry ended for her, then added with more urgency, "but, Hermione, if we're all living a lie, if we're all miserable because we want to be with other people, surely the children would be better off…"
"Our families are too interwoven, Harry, and you know it," Hermione argued, "even if Ron leaves me for another woman, there is no way the Weasley's would understand you leaving Ginny for me! Besides, Ginny still loves you…"
"I'm not sure she does, actually," he shrugged, "her job has overtaken her life and I get the feeling that because she doesn't like the choices I've made, she really doesn't care."
"What a mess," Hermione snorted, her eyes going back to Hugo and Lily, who were at last running out of steam, "how did our lives end up being so pear shaped? It was all supposed to be perfect once Voldemort was gone."
Harry didn't reply and when she glanced at him, he was lost in thought. She was curious about what was running through his head, but gave him the time he needed to sort it out, returning her gaze on their children.
"Are you happy, Hermione?" he asked finally, turning to her in question, "I mean, look at us. We see each other every day, but can't be together. I have a wife who sees me as a failure because I haven't lived up to her expectations and you have a husband who just doesn't seem to care. Yet neither of us are alcoholics, or drug abusers or have suicidal thoughts or, I don't know, or have given up. Why?"
"Because we have five beautiful children between us," Hermione answered, "and we've got love and we've got each other. Not as we want each other, granted, but I know for a fact I couldn't have got through the last twelve years without you. Actually, I couldn't have got through the last twenty-six years without you! As long as you are in my life, I'm happy."
"You're incredible," he smiled softly, "do you know that?"
"Yeah, I do," she laughed, stopping when he bent over so his lips were inches from her ear.
"I love you," he whispered, sending a shiver down her spine.
"I know," she replied, stepping away from him and towards the now stationary Hugo and Lily, "let's get these children home."