Hi guys, I had to pause this story as my computer broke completely and so I didn't have a machine to write on. I still don't so its slow progress as I borrow a laptop when I can, but I have finally done this next chapter. Hope you enjoy and sorry for the long wait.
Disclaimer: J.K. is the genius, Harry and co. are hers.
Niffling
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Ginny looked at Harry pityingly as she saw the hurt in his eyes at the realisation of what he had done.
"Harry, you are not to blame for this, OK?" she said as she crossed over to him. "No one even knows this happened do they? So how could Voldemort know? Hmm?"
"Ginny, he can be in my head anytime he likes. I can't be sure what he knows, or doesn't." Harry sighed emphatically.
"Harry this is absurd!" Ginny burst out. "I'm sorry but - "
"No, it's not." Harry started angrily. He was annoyed and upset and didn't find being called absurd helped his mood. "Do you have any idea of what it's like to know that he can crawl through my mind uninvited at any time, see things in my head that I'm only just discovering now myself?"
Ginny stood silently for a minute with her eyes locked on Harry's.
"Yes." She said simply.
Suddenly all of the anger Harry had built towards Ginny died as he realised what he had said, and to whom.
"Oh Gin," he said, moving to her, "I'm so sorry Gin I wasn't thinking, I -"
"Yeah well good for you," Ginny grumbled avoiding his touch.
After a few moments of silence she continued: "Look, Harry, I probably know better than a lot of people what that's like after what Riddle's diary did to me, and it was just the same situation. I felt awful because of what me liking you led to. But you have to think rationally Harry. Think of all the times afterwards when I was upset about it and you told me it wasn't my fault. Were you lying when you said that?"
"Of course not, it wasn't your fault at all that Riddle got me down there and hurt those people."
"Exactly." Ginny said matter of factly. When Harry continued to look at her with a confused expression she carried on. "If that wasn't my fault Harry then how on earth can you blame yourself for this?"
Harry took in Ginny's words and slowly began to see that they made sense. He couldn't blame himself for everything bad thing that happened to the people he loved. It was Voldemort that hurt people, not Harry.
Well, not until now, Harry thought bitterly.
How could he have been so stupid to have pushed Hermione away? He realised now that if Voldemort could see how Harry felt through his mind then Harry not being with Hermione wasn't going to change that. He would just be making them both more miserable and still not managing to keep Hermione from whatever danger existed there for her.
"Harry?" Ginny asked tentatively, waking Harry from his reverie. "Are you OK?"
"Yeah," he replied hastily, "yeah I'm alright. I just… I can't believe what a jerk I've been Ginny." He admitted quietly.
"Well you are a guy," Ginny teased softly, and when he didn't smile she went over to him and led him to sit back down in a chair.
"Harry," she said, pushing him down and looking carefully at him. "I admit you really could have dealt with this whole Hermione thing a hell of a lot better. But your reasons make sense, in a kind of weird Harry Potter hero way, and I reckon if you can just explain to Hermione then you guys should be able to sort things out."
"Really?" Harry asked, looking vulnerably up at her from those tired green eyes.
"Yes." Ginny said firmly. "But right now, you need some sleep. You're all crazy and tired and, to be honest, you're not looking so hot right now. So just go to bed OK? There's nothing you can do about Hermione now, she needs time to be with her family and deal with this without having to think about other things."
Harry nodded slowly.
"You're right, Gin," he said standing up and moving towards his dormitory. He turned back as he reached the staircase and looked at her. "Thanks, Ginny." He said sincerely, looking at the girl who had once had such a school girl crush on him, ad now knew more about relationships than he thought he ever would.
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The next few days passed in torment for Harry as Hermione still did not return back to Hogwarts. He found it hard to concentrate on his work, and constantly thought about how he was going to make things right with Hermione.
Dear Hermione,
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how much of a bad friend I have been --
Hey Hermione!
How's it going? Enjoy your time off?--
Hermione,
I really like you. I'm sorry. --
Harry looked at the various half written notes that lay scattered and crumpled all over his desk and groaned aloud. He couldn't think of the right words to say and on paper it all looked either too formal or completely insincere.
"What's up?" a voice asked at the door.
Harry swung round, he hadn't heard Ron enter and now hastily tried to cover what he was doing and grab up all of the abandoned letters.
"Hey Ron," he said in an overly jovial tone. "How's it going?"
"Uhh not too bad," Ron answered, watching his friend's odd behaviour and deciding to ignore it. "I just thought I'd let you know I heard from Hermione."
Harry stopped dead at the sound of her name and felt a blow of hurt, she'd written to Ron but not Harry?
"She said they're having a funeral next week and she was told she could have the time off till then but she's worried about school work so she'll come back for few days tomorrow."
Harry nodded slowly, trying to not let the apprehension at the thought of seeing her again show on his face.
"Poor Hermione," he said quietly, feeling the guilt that he'd finally managed to shake off land on him again. What if it was because of him that Voldemort had gone after Hermione's family?
"Yeah it looks like her gran had a really heavy stroke or something. Hermione said at least it was quick but still…" Ron trailed off uncomfortably.
Meanwhile Harry was caught up with the diagnosis; they'd determined the cause of death! Surely if they'd determined it was a stroke already there was nothing too untoward going on, and no magic involved. Harry found himself smiling, relieved.
"That's great!" he said without thinking.
"What?" Ron asked, appalled.
"Oh shit… no not that… I mean… I was thinking about something else." Harry covered lamely, realising his error.
"Right…" Ron said, unsure, and took that as his cue to leave. "Well I'll see you at dinner anyway, I'm playing chess with Seamus in the common room so meet me there."
"Sure," Harry replied, trying not to let his smile show. The urge to grin soon faded as he realised he only had a matter of hours to come up with what to say to Hermione. He sat back at his desk and began scribbling again.
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Hermione arrived by floo into Professor McGonagall's office at 2pm the next day. The professor had a free period and after looking at Hermione intently for a minute or so dismissed her telling her firmly to have the rest of the day off.
As Hermione dragged her bags behind her up to the Griffindor common room she reflected on whether it was a good idea to have come back so soon. She'd cried initially when she'd met her parents and the rest of her family, and reminisced at her Grandma's old house. But since then she'd felt awkward being there, she hadn't seen her Grandma for a few years so although she felt sad, she hadn't lost someone close. It was difficult being around the rest of the family who cried constantly and didn't want to talk about anything but the death, as if it would somehow be disrespectful to have idle chit chat at a time like this.
Hermione had grown restless and, unable to do any work, (due to the rest of the family not knowing she was a witch) she'd just spent hours thinking of what a mess things with Harry were in. She'd been over and over the situation in her head, explaining away her tears as grief over her Grandmother, and feeling guilty at each lie.
Eventually she'd come to a conclusion. If the death of her Grandma had taught her anything it was that you never knew what was going to come your way and life was too short to spend your time moping. It was obvious Harry didn't want her; to him it had been a mistake. Alright so he'd let it happen more than once, so yeah he was a bit of a jerk. So get over him, she told herself firmly, and had insisted on going back to school and stop being afraid of the consequences.
Now that she was here though, she felt afraid as hell. Each step she took towards the common room felt like another step towards him and she didn't know how she would deal with him face to face. It had been alright thinking she would get over him at home, now that she was back at Hogwarts everywhere she looked reminded her of Harry.
Eventually she reached the common room and said the password Ron had sent her an owl with. As she scrambled through the portrait hole she felt her apprehension rise, and then suddenly deflate. She felt oddly disappointed now that she had got here and Harry was nowhere in sight.
Sighing, she dragged her bag up the stairs to her room, and collapsed on the bed, trying not to think about where a certain someone would be right now.
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"Harry you have to stop making such stupid predictions for Trelawney! Divination can be really important for witches and wizards."
"Oh come on, Lavender," Harry said scoffing at the girl next to him, "you know she has about as much talent as a Blast Ended Skrewt!"
Lavender couldn't help but laugh at this as they made their way up to the common room with Seamus and Ron just behind them.
"That's not the point though Harry," she tried again to attempt seriousness as Harry let her go first through the portrait hole.
"Such a gentleman," Ron teased quietly in Harry's ear, looking pointedly at Lavender's bum as she bent to go through the portrait hole.
"Oh shut up Ron! You're such a sleaze!" Harry laughed back at his friend and purposefully not looking at Lavender as she squeezed her way through.
"OK Lavender," he said, attempting to continue the conversation as he followed her, "but how am I meant to do anything else when I can't Seeee for the life of me?!" Harry teased.
"Well I could take a look for you…" Lavender offered slowly.
"HERMIONE!" Ron yelled flinging himself towards the girl who sat in one of the chairs watching them quietly.
"Uhh I'll have to pass thanks, Lav, I think Divination's a load of rubbish to be honest." Harry said, quickly removing himself and heading over to Hermione, hoping she hadn't thought anything was going on between him and Lavender.
"Hey Hermione," he said tentatively as he approached her and sinking into the other armchair that occupied the space where the trio usually sat.
"Hi," she said quietly avoiding his eye.
"Are you… are you OK?"
"I don't want to talk about it Harry." Hermione answered quickly, and Ron reached out a comforting hand from where he sat, rubbing Hermione's shoulder. She smiled weakly at him, and Harry felt a sudden wish that he was Ron at that moment.
"Ron do you er… do you want to play chess?" Harry asked suddenly, after an awkward moment's pause.
"Yeah mate!" Ron accepted speedily, always enjoying the chance to beat Harry at something. His face fell as he said, "oh but I lost that pawn under my bed somewhere, remember I told you about it yesterday?"
"Oh yeah," Harry said, as if he had only just remembered it, "well, if you start looking now I'm sure it won't take too long to find!" he added happily.
Ron nodded absently and left to look for the lost pawn, which Harry knew would keep him occupied for a few minutes, leaving him alone with -
"Hermione," he said intensely, leaning towards her, "we need to talk, I need to - "
"NO, Harry." Hermione said, snapping her book shut suddenly, and looking across at him. "I said: I don't want to talk about it." As Harry opened his mouth to assure her he wasn't going to talk about her Grandma, Hermione talked over him.
"I meant I didn't want to talk about any of it, Harry." She said, standing and heading off to her dormitory.