I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

Chapter 3: Running to Stand Still
A/N: Well, I can't find how to respond to reviews, but I would like to explain to Skyraider that this fic is above all about despiration (and of course, friendship). I know it was pretty extreme to have Hermione off Ginny, but it shows her strong feelings towards Harry above all others. Also, the biggest thing that I can't stress enough is that it was a dream. Yes, in literature, dreams tend to be more realistic towards the character's personality, but I was going for the realistic dream. There are tons of things that I do in dreams that I would never do in real life. By showing you the dream, I'm not saying that Hermione would kill Ginny for Harry, but it is an extremity for her true intentions. Now, if that made sense, I'm quite proud of myself. I would, like to just get right into the story, so here it is:

The darkness seemed to stretch forever and the daylight seemed to be so far off in Hermione's mind. She and Harry had just ran away from Hogwarts, the one place that she felt like she truly belonged. She wasn't exactly sure what to make of this, but as long as she was with Harry, she could stay strong. She had to for his sake.

The invisibility cloak was a bit smaller than she last remembered it being. She doesn't even remember the last time they were in it together, but they had obviously grown a bit, since they had to really squeeze together so nothing was left showing.

Their trip across the Hogwarts grounds was done in silence. Neither of them wanted to risk a shouting match or wands being drawn. Luckily, Hermione had taken Harry's wand and hadn't given it back yet. "Hey, Hermione. Do you think I could have my wand back? It's getting kind of dark." Despite her better judgment, she took hers out of the brown leather, so it wouldn't work as well in case he decided to duel her again) and handed it to him up front. "Lumos," He whispered and a small light sparked at the tip.

"Harry... I'm sorry for everything. I shouldn't have forced myself on you. I just worry about you... Dumbledore does too. We didn't want you to do anything that you'll regret later," Hermione said with regret. Deep down she really didn't mean it, but she didn't want Harry to think she was the same old bossy, overbearing Hermione that he met back in first year.

"It's okay... I should probably thank you. If you weren't with me, I don't know what I'd be doing. I'd probably be out searching for Voldemort right now rather than just running away." Harry explained to her. He had calmed down a bit, but he was still quite a bit angry at everything. He wouldn't tell her, but she was greatly helping with that. For some reason, she made him feel better. That's why he went to her when everything was going to hell back at the Ministry. That's why her name was the last he said before he went out cold.

"Please, you don't have to thank me... This is just as much to make me feel better than to look out for you." She laughed a bit. It felt good to laugh again. After that heavy handed conversation that they had in the Astronomy Tower, she was scared that it would take days for the mood to be light again. And to her benefit, she caught him snickering too.

"There's one place I want to stop before we set off... I think Hagrid deserves to know that we're okay..." Harry told Hermione as the walked passed Hagrid's hut. Hermione didn't say anything, but he got her answer when she started to walk towards the hut. When they arrived at the doorstep, they knocked and took off the cloak.

"'ARRY! 'ERMIONE!" He yelled with excitement as he ran up and hugged them. Without another word, he pulled them inside. "s'been two days since you 'er 'urt. I was 'ginnin' t' 'orry." He pulled them in for another hug. Now, what o' Ron and the rest?"

"We don't know, Hagrid." Harry's heart sunk again. He was genuinely worried about Ron, Neville, Luna and Ginny. They never should have been dragged into his plan to save Sirius that ultimately failed anyway.

"You know I wudda come, but that cow Umbridge chased me 'way from the school. Din know wha' happened 'till I got back." Hagrid stated matter of factly. Harry looked up at Hagrid and saw such regret and sadness that he hadn't seen since he had to send Norbert to Romania. Until this point, Harry never realized how much he meant to Hagrid. I mean, Hagrid was always somewhat of a father figure to him since they first met back in July of 1991.

Harry and Hagrid talked about the Battle in the Department of Mysteries and Hagrid's escape as Hermione simply sat by the fire and sipped the tea that the gentle giant had made them. She wasn't entirely sure on why she did what she did. Was it because Dumbledore told her to protect Harry or was it something more? She glanced over at him quickly and quickly glanced back when she caught him doing the same.

"Calm down, Hermione..." She whispered to herself. "It's just Harry... right?"

"Did you call me?" Harry asked as he looked back towards Hermione's direction. Hermione suspiciously didn't answer and continued to drink her tea. "Well, anyways, we better be going. We have a lot of ground to cover before... I don't know... Goodbye, Hagrid." At that, Hagrid grabbed him and pulled him into another rib crushing hug.

"Ya need anything... jus' sen' an owl... Oh 'Arry!" Hagrid sobbed onto Harry's shoulder. When Hagrid let go of him, he turned away and walked out the door without another word. Without thinking, Hermione gave Hagrid a quick hug and ran out the door after Harry. When she got outside of the hut, she saw that Harry had gone into a sprint towards the Forbidden Forest.

Hermione took Harry's wand out of the leather bag. "Accelero" She whispered as she pointed the wand directly at her feet and began running after him. It wasn't working as well for her as it would have with hers. Suddenly, Harry stopped at the edge of the forest and fell to his knees. Hermione reached the point that he was and knelt down beside him. "Harry... Are you okay?" She meekly asked.

"No! No, I'm not Hermione. I have to get away from the people I love because all I do is cause them pain. That's why I didn't want you to come. It's not that I didn't want you to... I'm the ultimate burden..." Harry began to cry. She quickly put her arms around him in an act to comfort him.

"Harry, it's okay. You can't let yourself feel this way. Sirius knew exactly what he was doing when he went after you. He didn't do it for any other reason than that he loved you." It killed Hermione to see her best friend like this. Her best friend.... In years past, she would have put Harry, Ron and even Ginny on equal footing, but since Ron's little charade at the Yule Ball and Ginny's new found popularity, she found herself getting closer to Harry. It seemed completely natural to her. He was always so nice to her and lonely like herself. She never had many friends until she came to Hogwarts and in a way, she felt as if Harry was a lot like her.

"Yeah, he did it because he loved me... Look, I can't get close to a person without hurting them in some way. I'm suprised you and Ron have survived this long and Hagrid... It's not just the people who've died around me... it's everyone who loses sleep over me." Harry stood up and began walking into the forest. "Leave, Hermione. I can't bare to think that I'm causing you harm."

"Harry... I'm awfully sorry about this, but... QUIESCO" She shouted with a bit of regret in her voice. The blast hit Harry and he fell to the ground, dead asleep. "Now... to set up camp."

***

A few hours later, Harry awoke with a start. He was on a couch with a fire directly in front of him, but he couldn't exactly place where he was. The Gryffindor common room, he thought, but that thought quickly passed as he didn't see the standard red and gold decor that was linked with the house of Godric. Harry suddenly felt a sharp pain on his scar and he remembered what woke him up. A nightmare of Voldemort killing Sirius... then sadly he remembered that it wasn't a nightmare... it was a flashback.

The dark of night was the one place where he never felt safe. It was the one time of day that Voldemort seemed to have free reign and that he could come and pluck Harry out of his bed and kill him right there. Just like he did to his parents. Harry sat up on the couch and began to look around the room to scout out the area until he saw Hermione sitting at what looked like a kitchen table reading a book. At the sight of her, he suddenly calmed down.

He walked over to her with out her noticing due to the fact that she was obviously lost in her reading. As he got closer he noticed that she had headphones on and a CD player next to her. He put his hand on her shoulders and she jumped high out of the chair she was sitting in with her wand drawn.

"Harry!" She shrieked as her senses cooled and she remembered that she was with him. "Oh my God, Harry. I completely forgot about you, I was just reading this book that Dumbledore sent along with us, he gave us two trunks, one of our clothes and possesions and one with surrvival tools and books and stuff, he also send a letter, but I didn't read it, I wanted to wait for you, he also gave us this tent, I put it up while you were out... oh my God, I'm a horrible care-giver, a death eater..." Harry put his hand over Hermione's mouth to stop her from turning blue. He soon removed it once he felt as if she had finished. "Harry, I'm so sorry."

Harry simply nodded and walked to the otherside of the tent to find where his clothes were being kept. He found them at the back of the tent near the bed chambers and began to take off his bloody, tattered school robes that he fought at the Ministry in. Hermione turned away to give him privacy, but Harry didn't care one way or the other. At this point, he was beyond modesty. Three nights ago, Voldemort turned his complete world upside down and he was having trouble caring about anything at the current point in time. He simply wanted it all to go away, so he wouldn't have to deal with it anymore, but there was no way he could do that. Everytime he looked at Hermione, he was reminded of what she looked like when she was underneath the bookshelf of prophecies and how Sirius was killed right next to her.

His original intention when leaving the school was to protect his friends and mentors. Everywhere he went, he brought pain and anguish to the people there. He knew that his fate called for him to die at some point, the prophesy even said so, but for the sake of the people he loved, he wanted it to be quick and painless away in some forest somewhere, not at Hogwarts where others could die too. That was all ruined when Hermione caught him in the act and she volunteered herself to go along with him. Normally he would be mad, but for some reason that he couldn't even come close to comprehending, he felt etternally greatful.

"Harry? Would you go completely spare if I asked you how you were again?" Hermione asked meekly from her spot, standing in front of the table.

"Not at all, Hermione. And to tell you the truth, I probably couldn't be much worse, but it relieves me greatly that you're here with me." Harry stated matter of factly, from right behind her. She jolted again after realizing that he wasn't across the room anymore. She responded to his statement by jumping at him and putting her arms around his neck in a vice like hug. He felt a strong feel of strong pleasure, almost euphoria that accompanied her touch. This wasn't the first time he felt it though... he felt it everytime, since second year. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out why.

Hemione let go of his neck, but grabbed his hand imediately afterwards to guide him to a chair at the table where she was originally sitting. "Would you like a spot of tea? I was about to make some." She asked again, meekly to break the silence that was cutting at her with a knife.

"No... No, I'm fine, thank you." Harry sat at the table and looked over at the open book. At the top of the left page, it read, Black Hole Sun: 13 Signs of the Apocalypse, and on the right page it had the author listed as Salazar Slytherin. He decided it was best not to question the book and the author and went right into his next question. "So, you said something about a letter from Dumbledore?"

"Oh yes... I suppose we should read it now... lord only knows what kind of important information he left us." She reached across the table and grabbed the envelope that was adressed to Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. Wordlessly, she opened up the letter, pulled it out and began to read:

Dear Harry and Hermione,

I fully regret that it had to happen this way, but I suppose everything does happen for a reason. No doubt you two are crawling around the Forbiddon Forest trying to find a way out of the castle wizarding territory to escape reality. Not that I can blame you. As a young man, I traveled all around the world after the death of my mother to more or less escape the fact that she died. Now, Harry, I would like you to know that I did some things this year that I am not entirely pround of and I would greatly like to talk about them with you when we meet again.

Your choice to leave the comforts of the school behind you to protect your classmates is indeed a very couragous one. It is quite brave to face times of trouble alone, but it takes an even braver man to face them with their friends. That is why I pointed Hermione in your direction. I hope that you will forgive me one day, but I need you to know that this was for the best. Now Hermione, I need you to keep Harry on the straight and narrow for me. If you do encounter Death Eaters or even Voldemort himself, I need you to make sure he does not do anything that he will in turn regret.

Also, I have thought of a way for you two to do magic outside the Hogwarts grounds and possibly evade Death Eaters too. I will not get into it here since I am not exactly fully convinced on the morallity of it all, but trust me in that it should be quite effective for the time being. It cannot be perminant for obvious reasons, but it should do the job until you both are out of harms way. I have also set up possible safe houses with Remus Lupin and Hermione's parents. So, which ever you choose to reside in for the summer will be secured.

One last thing. I have no idea how long you plan on being away, but recently, the headmaster of Salem Institute for Witchcraft and Wizardry in the United States has cut off all ties with the United Kingdom in light of Voldemort returning. One of our biggest allies in the first war were the Americans, so I fear losing them will make us suffer greatly. If you would, I think that a meeting with the Harry Potter would be enough to sway him. I will make means of travel possible depending on where you choose to end up. I will greatly appreaciate your aid.

Now, I hope to see both of you back sooner than later, but do try to be safe while you are away.

Forever yours,
Albus Percival Wolfric Brian Dumbledore

"No," was the first word that came out of Harry's mouth when Hermione finished reading the letter. "I'm done with the wizarding world. Dumbledore will have to find another way to bring in the bloody Americans. I can tell you that it won't be Harry Potter. Now, if you don't mind I'm going to bed." Harry ranted and he got up from the table and walked towards the bed chambers. Hermione was left in a daze, reading and re-reading the letter until sunrise.

A/N: That's to all who have read and reviewed, though I was hoping for a few more. I came to Portkey, because I felt I could reach a lot more Harry Potter fans than at Fanfiction.net. This story is kind of a love letter to my childhood, since most of my life has been taken up by Harry Potter, so I really desire to learn what people think of my work. Well, I hope you enjoy this segment of the story and stay tuned for the fourth installment which should be out tonight or tomorrow.

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