Chapter Three
"Edna, darling...just this once, could you hold me?"
She gazed back into his dark hazel eyes, running a hand over his smooth rippling muscles, and up through his tousled black hair. "Anything for you, my sweet." With that, she pulled her forbidden lover close to her bosom and rocked him quietly into the night.
"What would I do without you?" He traced her lips with his finger, his gaze hotly following the curves of her body.
She tossed her flaming mane to expose the top of her chest, busting out over the lacy edge of her corset. "Starve...just as I am starving now...for you, Gregory. Take me!"
Gregory stared back hungrily, and reached for the laces of her dress. With one swift motion, he ripped her bodice in two, and dove into the glorious porcelain flesh of his true love-
Lily sighed and slammed the book shut. This was doing nothing for her. She glanced around the library forlornly. Even though the book she was reading- The Auror and the Harlot- was quite riveting (it was a longtime favorite), she couldn't focus.
No one is perfect! Except you, apparently. Merlin! Get over yourself.
James' words spiraled about in Lily's head. After she'd been patched up in the hospital wing (hair and face back to normal- no oozing pus), Lily had buried herself amongst the books in her favorite section of the library- witch fiction. She tried to keep her secret obsession just that- a secret- so she had charmed the cover to read Dangerous Drought Potions and Their Remedies. She glanced at the large grandfather clock and noted that it was nearly five. She casually slipped the novel back into her knapsack, and made her way to McGonagall's office for her detention.
Disgraceful...a Head Girl with a detention! As if it weren't humiliating enough, people were already talking about what happened in the courtyard. Some of the rumors claimed that Lily Evans had murdered James Potter and others even referred to it as a lovers' quarrel! Frankly, she wasn't quite sure which rumor was worse, but deep down she did like the idea of being the fearsome Machiavellian leader that destroyed the infamous James Potter for the good of her Headship and the school. Regardless, she was relentlessly receiving foul stares from just about every preteen witch in Hogwarts, as well as many heavily-lashed glares from girls in her own year.
She was still pondering the issue when she reached McGonagall's office door. Unfortunately she had arrived just as James had, and the closest thing that came to a greeting was the mutual sneer they exchanged. They both tried to enter the doorway at the same time, getting caught in a wedge position.
"After you- urg- Evans," James grunted, shoving his way in.
"No, no- oof- Potter. After- urg- you!" Lily jabbed him in the side with her elbow.
"Augh!" They both shouted simultaneously as the threshold magically widened, and they toppled to the ground inside. The door slammed shut behind them.
They glanced up to see the dark, towering form of McGonagall glaring down at them, wand in hand. "This is beyond ridiculous, I must say. Now, both of you, have a seat."
Lily and James were magically dragged to a standing position by their ears, grimacing all the way to the red velvet armchairs in front of McGonagall's magnificent mahogany desk.
"Right," she pursed her lips and glared at them both. "What do you have to say for yourselves?"
Lily and James sat there silently, arms crossed like petulant children.
McGonagall narrowed her eyes behind the small reading glasses at the tip of her nose. "Well, I've had quite a bit of time to think about this, and I've come to the conclusion that detention is an inappropriate punishment for the damage you caused."
Lily's insides suddenly curdled. What...she didn't mean...expulsion? "Professor, please-" she said weakly.
McGonagall silenced her with a look. James eyed Lily smugly. He loved watching little miss perfect squirm.
"You will be attending weekly counseling sessions with the school's Mind Analyst to improve your working relationship and demeanor until further notice."
This time James' jaw dropped. "You've got to be joking!"
"No, Mr. Potter, I assure you I am not."
Even Lily looked reproachful. "Professor, really, I don't think that's necessary-"
"I don't think either of you are in any position to object. Now-"
James was visibly furious. "How long do we have to attend for?"
"Until, Potter," McGonagall clasped her hands, "I see sufficient progress."
"Right..." Lily said dejectedly, sinking into her chair. She was pretty confident that meant forever, since there was a damn good chance she and James would never get along.
"And if there is no 'sufficient progress?'" James stood up defiantly.
McGonagall stood in response and leaned across the desk on the palms of her hands, her pale and slender fingers splayed atop the dark wood of the desktop. "Then you will both forfeit your Headships, and expulsion will be strongly recommended."
---
"Ugh…Mind Analysts…they're basically healers who couldn't finish their training!" Lily buried her face in her hands. She had plopped down atop the trunk at the foot of her bed, and was unloading her troubles on her friend.
"Right…" Audrey grimaced, searching for a few comforting words. "They are quite dreadful. But hey, it is Hogsmeade this weekend!" She pointed out cheerfully.
Lily lifted her face, her expression changing. "Oh, it is…" Suddenly she gasped. "It IS! Oh damn it. Bloody Merlin!"
Audrey cowered a bit at the outburst. "What?"
"I completely forgot about the Yule Ball Décor list!"
Audrey's face dimmed. "Oh. That's all."
"That's all?" Lily leapt off the trunk. "That's ALL? I can't go to Hogsmeade this weekend because James and I have our first session. Great. Now I have to get this sorted with him."
Audrey looked sympathetic. "I'm sure it will work out. After all, you are Lily Evans. You always find a way!"
Lily smiled weakly. "Thanks, but…I have a very bad feeling about this year. Things aren't off to the best start, you know?"
"Yes, but…you have me!" Audrey gave her a tight hug. "And I can work my way through the list for you. I'll just enlist a few of the prefects. They are your cronies now, you know."
Lily rested her head gratefully on her shoulder. "Thanks, Addie."
"No problem. Now you just go curl up with that trashy novel and get some rest."
Lily perked and glared at her. "I don't know what your talking about."
Audrey raised an eyebrow. "Really. Then I guess you wouldn't be able to explain why the Harlot and the Auror bear such a striking resemblance to a certain two people we know so well."
"Again," Lily folded her arms, a steady blush creeping across her cheeks. "I don't know what you're talking about."
---
James spent the rest of the day sulking in the Common Room. Bloody woman...How dare she send James Potter to a Mind Analyst? If anyone at the school was not of sound mind, it was most definitely Evans.
He was pondering a way out of his predicament when Sirius appeared unannounced, slipping casually into one of the fraying velvet armchairs nearby. He sprawled out and threw back his head languorously.
"What are you so exhausted from?" James perked up a bit at the appearance of his best friend.
"Delana. After your woman brought up some ridiculous rumor about me lacking in bed, I had to go set the record straight." He shook the layers of hair from his startlingly gray eyes. " 's all taken care of."
James gritted his teeth. "She is not my woman."
Sirius's eyes widened. "Alright, I'm sorry. Er...what did you do this time?"
"ME?" James leapt off the sofa. "I didn't do a bloody thing! That- that- she got us detention with McGonagall today."
"Lily? You're joking. Well it's just a detention. Not like you haven't skived out on those before." Sirius casually picked at his finger.
James began pacing in front of the fire. "I apologized for the whole Bludger incident. I even tried to make up for it at the Prefect meeting..."
"I've no doubt," Sirius rolled his eyes. "And yet..."
"And yet," James continued, unaware, "here I am being forced to attend some sodding counseling session thanks to her."
"Wait- wait- wait- say again?" Sirius was grinning, and he was now sitting upright in his chair, blatantly attentive.
James shot a glare into the flames. "Doesn't matter. I'm not going anyway."
Sirius was cracking up. "Mate- you've got to see a Mind Analyst with her?" He was practically rolling on the floor.
"Thanks for the support." James eyed him numbly. "Really."
Sirius was near tears.
"It's not that bloody amusing. And I'm not going, so what's it matter?" James plopped down on the sofa, grimacing.
"Look, mate," Sirius caught his breath, "If you ever want a date with her, you're going to have to start following the rules on occasion. None of this 'I'm James effing Potter' shit. She doesn't like that."
"So what do you propose I do?" James challenged.
"Well, don't you worry about that Prongs. I've got everything under control. You go to your little meeting...when is it again?"
"Saturday after lunch."
"Right...that's perfect..." Sirius muttered to himself. James was about to question him, but Sirius cut him off and continued. "Then meet me in the Astronomy Tower at midnight on Saturday. I'll explain everything."
James's face contorted. "I'm not snogging you, mate."
Sirius glared, "No, damn it, I have a plan. Just meet me, yeah?"
"Fine." James sighed and laid his head back.
---
Saturday rapidly approached, and to both Lily and James' dismay, it was beautiful, atypical, sunny autumn weather.
Lily and James sighed collectively from opposite ends of Gryffindor Tower. Lily, smoothing her ponytail, gave the window one last longing glance. James too departed wistfully, mourning the loss of an excellent Zonko's shopping adventure with Sirius.
The two ate their lunches in silence amidst the first and second years left behind, bitterly chewing and swallowing each bite in anticipation of their punishment.
When Lily arrived at the small office with a haphazardly conjured sign reading "Byron Munch, certified Mind Analyst," she privately determined the outlook on the day had become sufficiently more bleak. With a heaving sigh, she entered the small office.
Munch had not yet arrived, but much to Lily's dismay, James had. He was lounging in one of the large blue velvet armchairs, one leg perched on Byron Munch's desk.
"Lily." James shot her a hardened glare.
"James." Lily returned the stony look.
She took a reluctant seat beside James and shifted her chair a bit further away for good measure.
"So." James began in a stiff conversational tone. "Still on your little feminine cycle this week?"
"Ugh!" Lily glared at him in disbelief. "None of your business you sorry lech."
James pulled a quill from his pocket and began scribbling something on a scrap of parchment. "I'll take that as a yes."
She frowned and began tapping her foot impatiently. James was still scribbling notes, she noticed. The curiosity was too strong. Subtly, she leaned in to catch a glimpse of the words, but James quickly snapped it away.
"Nosy, are we?" he smirked. "I understand, Lils. It is your nature, after all."
Lily's jaw dropped. She was about to speak a few words in her defense, but the door burst open and a small, stout man with a deep receding hairline entered in puffy blue robes. The cherry on top was his artfully waxed handlebar moustache, coming to a curled point at each end.
"Greetings, young gentlefolk!" the man whom Lily presumed to be Byron Munch glided into the room, shaking their hands roughly. He finally took a seat and clasped his hands in delight, leaning forward on his pudgy elbows. "I am Byron Munch, certified Mind Analyst and regular third Tenor in the Handsome Hogsmedian Quartet. So! Tell me! What are your names?"
"I'm Lily Evans," she recited primly from her chair.
"Excellent! Hello, dear. And you, sir?" Munch turned his attention to James, who was chewing blandly on a stick of gum.
"Cornelius Codswallup. Pleasure."
Lily choked.
Munch seemed not to notice and grinned delightedly. "Excellent! I knew a Cornelius once. Well…he got the wrong end of a skrewt once and- ahem- well the rest is tragic, really, but, ah-"
Lily interrupted. "Excuse me, Mr. Munch-"
James rolled his eyes.
"I'm sorry, but his name is not Cornelius. It's James Potter."
Munch looked taken aback, as if he'd never been lied to. Lily sighed inwardly. Poor man. And his first experience with harsh reality was going to be James Potter.
"It's my nickname," James eyed Lily challengingly, a playful glint in his eye.
"Oh! Fabulous!" Munch exclaimed. "I just love nicknames. Let's see…mine was-"
But while Munch was reminiscing, James was trying to get Lily's attention. Lily was about to shoot him a glare when her eyes widened at what he was holding: Dangerous Drought Potions and Their Remedies.
Where did he get that? Lily felt her face go numb as James tapped the cover underneath the ledge of the desk with his wand. The swirling letters The Auror and the Harlot scrawled slowly across the front. He unfolded the scrap of parchment he had been scribbling on earlier. It read:
Shall we discuss this during today's session? Or maybe save the role playing for later…?
Lily's gaping mouth said it all.
James grinned.
"And you, dear? What is your nickname?" Munch broke Lily from her stupor.
"Er…" Lily hesitated.
James interjected for her. "It's mop-face, sir."
Lily felt her jaw drop. James winked at her.
"Oh…is…it?" Munch raised his eyebrows.
"Erm, yes…" Lily replied haltingly. If she didn't play along with James, he was bound to reveal her embarrassing secret passion. "For…all those times…I…had…a mop…er…in my face."
"Good times," James nodded intently.
Lily could feel her face heating up. More from anger than embarrassment.
Much to her relief, Munch stood up and changed topics. "Right then. Let's begin, shall we? I know that Professor McGonagall sent you here for a specific reason."
Lily was seething in her chair, hardly paying attention.
"For these first few sessions, we will be exploring what I like to call the "Three C's: Cooperation, Communication, and Compassion."
"Might we," Lily interrupted, never taking her eyes off James, "explore Anger and Revenge this session instead?"
"Or perhaps," James eyed her back, "neurosis that drives people to live in secret fantasy worlds with secret passions?"
"Ahem!" Munch clapped his hands primly. "I'm sorry…though those are both…er…worthy topics, we will be sticking to the schedule. Now. Trust is a very important part of Cooperation. So, James, if you will please stand for me?"
James smirked at Lily, and languorously stood up and stretched, walking to the empty space behind the chairs.
"Lovely. Now you, Lily."
Lily reluctantly followed suit and stood facing James, arms crossed.
"Alright now. This is a technique to help ensure that there is a solid bond of trust between both parties. Lily, will you please stand behind James."
Lily complied. James smirked. "Nice view?" he whispered.
She grimaced and waited for further instruction.
"Now, James. I want you to fall backward. Lily is going to catch you, representing that deep rooted trust." Munch waved his hands eagerly. "Alright, alright. On the count of three. One…two…three!"
James fell backwards and crashed to the floor, head cracking painfully on the stone. He opened his eyes dizzily, and blinked the stars away to find Lily gazing down at him.
"Whoops," she said, flicking a bit of lint off her sleeve. "I thought the count was to four."
Munch began wringing his hands. "Oh dear."