Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Author's note: OMG! I'M SO SORRY!!! It took me forever to write this, my classes gave me a bit more workload then I expected plus rugby has started up again. Forgive me! But yeah, so far no one's voted on titles. So I thought I'd add another good one in there before everyone decides. How about Beautiful Disaster? Don't forget to review and vote! And thank all of you for sticking with me so far!! Love ya all! -Gilksey
Chapter 5
Harry watched her from several meters away. She was breaking his heart slowly but surely. He was angry. He was scared. He was a torrent of mixed emotions that couldn't be released.
His steps went silently against the great sobs of his best friend. He was fighting against himself whether to yell at her or comfort her. She had a right to be sad, she had a right to cry and grieve but she did not have a right to blame herself after all the times she had convinced him of the same thing.
Through her sobs she felt someone behind her. Before Harry even knew what had happened, he found himself staring at the end of her wand.
"Harry what are you doing here?" She sounded shocked but also a bit annoyed.
"I came after you." His eyes were gentle and as was his tone but his fists were clenched. She noticed. Her wand was still at the ready lowered as it was it was still up. He noticed.
"Please go away Harry. I want to be alone." She turned away as her words reached his ears.
"No."
"And why not? I leave you be when you want to be alone. Why can't you leave me?" Her back was still to him but he knew she was getting almost as angry as he was.
"Because you didn't leave me. Because you didn't let me blame myself. Because you have no right to do this to yourself when it is not your fault nor are you being fair to me if you do when I was not allowed! You have no right Hermione!" She had spun around to face him with a look he could not recognize. His words had struck her. His tone had raised and his distance disappeared. He was now inches away from her. His breathing deep and her reaction not yet identified.
She was shaken by how right he was. She had let her emotions run wild and she had become a hypocrite. She was disappointed and angry with herself. Hermione again broke down in tears.
"I'm sorry Harry. I'm so sorry. You're right." In the span of a heartbeat he had her cradled in his arms. His demeanor changed to caring.
"It's not your fault. It's Voldemort's. We'll get him for this Hermione. I promise you we'll get him." She cried into his shoulder, tears of grief and no longer self loathing.
The sky began to lighten. Sunset was approaching and they still had yet to sleep. Deciding on not returning to their crowded dorms, they cuddled up together under their tree; Ron's tree. Shading them, protecting them as he'd done so many times before.
The funeral for Ron and Professor Dumbledore was to be held within the next two days. The students would be heading home early, following the funeral. Hogsmeade was packed full with people to be attending the funeral. Fawks was still nowhere to be found and the sky seemed to want to defy the atmosphere. The sun was shining tall and the weather was comfortable.
By the time Harry and Hermione woke up it was past lunch. They headed to the kitchens avoiding as many people with sympathetic words for them as possible. They didn't need to be reminded every few seconds. They had their own memories for that.
As they entered the kitchens they found similar emotions found on each and every face of the house elves. It seemed Ginny and Luna had missed lunch also as they were sitting at the round table in the corner. Both had puffy eyes from consistent tears and lack of sleep.
"How are you Ginny?" Hermione asked gently as her and Harry took seats across the table from the two girls.
"As good as can be expected. You?" She smiled grimly up at them through her long red waves.
"Likewise. Luna you alright?" All eyes suddenly swept to Luna's. Her once distant and dreamy expression was now one of complete sorrow.
"No. But maybe one day." She then became quite interested in her clasped hands. The others understood that to be the end of that discussion. Dobby soon came over to ask what he could get them and offer his condolences. The whole time Ginny only watched Harry's gentle hands, wrapped around Hermione's trembling one. She knew it was over, she even wondered if it had ever begun. She also knew that Harry needed her to let him go. He may not know it yet, but he desperately needed it.
"Harry?" He looked up almost startled to find her there, "Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Yeah of course Gin. Be right back." He kissed Hermione on the head to ensure her he would be back. He and Ginny quietly exited the kitchen and stood outside the painting of the pear.
Luna and Hermione merely sat quietly, both lost within their own minds. Hermione glanced up at Luna and just watched her for a moment. She kept worrying her bottom lip, and picking at her fingers. Tears were falling freely from her eyes. Hermione was startled by how much she had seemed to change in the span of a night. She was no longer distant; her eyes had lost their dreamy appeal. She was openly scared and depressed. This was not Looney Lovegood; this was a grief stricken lover.
"You loved him didn't you?" Luna didn't so much as glance at Hermione.
"With all my heart." Hermione then got up and sat back down beside Luna. She hugged her friend, allowing her
to cry freely.
Harry and Ginny returned moments later. Harry gave Hermione a questioning look and she just rolled her eyes slightly, as if to say later. He nodded and sat down next to Ginny. The four ate their food in relative silence and quietly left simultaneously.
That night in the common room, Harry and Hermione were seated on the couch in front of the fire. Hermione's head was once again resting in the crevice of his neck with her legs draped across his lap. Harry had one arm gently rubbing mindless patterns into her back while the other fiddled with her hands in her lap. For the last hour or so they had been seated like this, both lost in their own thoughts. When suddenly Harry broke the silence.
"What happened with Luna while Ginny and I were gone? She seemed way more upset then I would have expected." She lifted her head from its place and looked him in the eye as she spoke.
"Did Ron ever speak of Luna? Ever?" Startled by the seemingly random question, he hesitated.
"To be honest, the only time I think I've ever heard him talk about her was when he had called her Looney Lovegood last year. Why?"
"Because she was completely in love with him. And I think he felt the same."
At first Harry stared at her as if her skin was turning lime green, slowly though he thought about it more seriously. The more he thought about it the more he realized it was most likely true.
"For example, in the Department of Mysteries he had grabbed her hand and took off with Ginny trailing behind, he's never said another word against her since about half-way last year. Don't forget they were writing each other over all the school breaks. Also, when you left and the school was being attacked, he made sure she was going with me and that I would watch out for her. It all makes sense Harry."
"What about all those times he disappeared? He was probably with her."
"You're right! We should talk to Ginny about all this. She would be most likely to know about any of …" She trailed off her sentence when she saw the hesitant look appear on his face. "What is it Harry?"
"I don't think we should talk to Ginny for a while." Hermione's face was then a perfect vision of shock.
"Why not?" Harry winced slightly at her raised tone.
"Well … you see… it's kind of a long story?" He blushed as Hermione raised her brow accusingly.
"Summarize it for me."
"Wekinyabrkeuptday …" By the way her eyes widened, he could tell she knew what he said but still;
"Pardon me?" He sighed loudly then looked directly into her eyes defiantly.
"I said we broke up today. At lunch." She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and her shoulders dropped, as did her tone."
"I'm so sorry Harry. Did she tell you why?" Instinctively, her arms were around him in a comforting gesture.
"She just said I'd thank her down the road. It was sort of mutual actually. I was kind of feeling that we were already drifting apart. As much as I don't want to admit it, me and her, it was always more of a fling then anything else. Like we didn't talk about anything important, it was only ever trivial things. It was entirely physical."
Hermione was shocked. Not by the words that had come out of Harry's mouth but by how much it affected her when he said it. She had felt a strong twinge of … something. That hadn't happened since Cho was around. As always though, she pushed it aside to analyze later. For now she needed to just ignore it and help out Harry.
"Did she say anything else?" He chuckled to himself.
"Yeah actually. She said, in her words, `Hurry up and open your eyes you oblivious prat.' She wouldn't tell me what she meant by that though. It was kind of confusing." To anyone else it would have seemed as though he wanted someone to explain but to Hermione it was the end of the conversation. His gaze was returned to the fire, his hand started rubbing her back again and both left with their own thoughts.
*
PS Rugby and midterms are starting and as much as I hate myself for doing this, it might be a while again till I update. I'm so sorry, I love you all please don't hate me! <3 Gilksey
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