Angsty chapter ahead! This chapter was actually pretty had to write, but I hope I managed to write it with some dignity! Anyway, thank you for all reviews, I hope you enjoy the next installment. Thanks to steph for being a great beta!
"Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye?" ~Author
Unknown
Chapter eight: Flowers and goodbyes…"
As she appeared at the door of her office, she quickly muttered incoherent curses to herself and tightened her cloak back around her thin frame. Her damn files, the ones she needed to complete the paperwork were at home on her kitchen table.
"For Merlin's sake!" she huffed, slamming the office door shut she locked it and made her way back towards the entrance of the ministry and quickly apparated home. Harry's going to be there any minute! She thought frantically. Landing on the carpet of her living room floor she swiftly raced towards the kitchen, and swiped the necessary files from the table.
Shoving them unceremoniously underneath her left arm, she rushed back into the living room only to halt in her tracks. Upon her first arrival, she hadn't noticed that the curtains were drawn, letting in as little light as possible- not how she had left them earlier on in the day. Neither had she noticed the shadowy figure, perched upon the edge of her sofa.
"R-Ron?" she managed to choke, grasping the files firmly to her chest. She had grown accustom to his non-existent presence, and it frightened her to some extent. He had been distant to such a degree, avoiding her and literally dismissing her presence when she was in his company. She stood rooted to the spot as his voice pierced the tense atmosphere.
"I'm sorry." he spoke in an almost whisper. Through the darkness she could clearly define the image of his hands twisting anxiously. This wasn't her Ron- the Ron she had grown up with, married and had two wonderful children with. This wasn't Ron at all.
"I'm sorry I can't love you." He quietly announced.
"You can't?" she asked with a dampening on her usual tone. Her voice copied his in quietness and she couldn't help but to clutch the files tighter. She knew he had promised to try with their relationship, but it was evident now that he had surrendered himself to the feelings pent up inside. A slither of light entered the room as an unusual breeze caused the curtains to flutter. The light rested upon his crouched form and she sensed an air of reluctance as she awaited his answer. Almost as if he was debating on replying.
"I'm confused Hermione," he whispered gently, "I really am." he shook his head whilst rubbing his eyes into his splayed palms.
A feeling of desperation overtook her soul, she felt like a parrot constantly repeating herself whenever she was in his presence. The word she used constantly to answer his cryptic messages tumbled from her mouth in a desperate reply.
"Why?"
"Just tell me!" she cried out frantically, "what's wrong?!"
A silence filled the room once again and she was forced to wait for his answer. The curtains fluttered shut once again and prevented the light from entering the darkened room. She could decipher the scuffing noise of his feet on the floor and she could feel the curiosity build within her.
"Pressured" he voiced. She snapped her head towards his form once again and furrowed her brows in an act of confusion. Pressured? When have you EVER been pressured? She thought disdainfully. However, not wanting to prevent him from his current interaction with her she listened for his continuation with baited breath.
"That fucking damn war." he whispered harshly to himself. Her curiosity heightened as he continued with his untimely revelations.
"We were way too young Mione" she noticed he bit his lip through the lingering darkness. She relented on berating him for the usage of her nickname- the time just didn't call for it. She had to agree with Ron on his comment though; she too had resented the fact that they were barely adults as they attempted to tackle one of the wizarding world's most notorious murderers. They were three teenagers, on a quest to rid the world of a threatening evil- they had no time for a childhood with Voldemort around.
"The war, and the aftershock…it alters perspectives" he continued. His fingers intertwined together and he clenched them tightly as he spoke again.
"Mum always wanted us together you know." he chuckled slightly, however still avoiding her questioning gaze. "One big happy Weasley family!" he cried out in mock joy. It was clear in his voice that he was being sarcastic. She grimaced at his laughter and found it to be inappropriate for the moment they were having.
"After Fred died, mum wasn't the same. She babbled on about you and Harry, grabbing Ginny at every chance, I couldn't go five minutes without her mentioning that I should take you out." he brushed a hand over his knee and sighed, "She didn't deserve it Mione, she lost one of her kids- my brother. I couldn't sit back and refuse, especially after she found out about the kiss."
"The spur of the moment kiss" Hermione voiced unconsciously as she stared at the wall before her.
"Exactly! Spur of the moment!" he spoke with a tinge of unease to his voice, "Influenced by what was going on around us."
"She was thrilled when I agreed to take you out, I have to admit I was too - but you weren't were you?" he asked softly.
"Of course I was!" she retorted hotly, she couldn't see where he was taking the conversation and shook her head in annoyance.
"You had the look about you Hermione…" he trailed off uneasily. What look? I don't have a look! She thought huffily.
"You didn't entirely like the idea of us together, I could sense it. I didn't miss the glances with Harry, the way you looked at Ginny when they got married, the way you cried when James was born--they were tears of regret as well weren't they?" he asked slowly.
"Ron. Where on earth are you getting this from?" she asked worriedly. He made her feel as though she was having an affair and had caught her out.
"It's what's always has been, Hermione, something I should have realised a long time ago," he replied, she was stunned to see tears engulfing his cheeks and he swatted them away furiously.
"I can't live like this anymore Hermione, I can't fake a smile, pretend- it's just so wrong." he finally lifted his gaze towards hers and she freely let the tears flow as she met his watery sapphire orbs. Her knees felt weak and she couldn't help but to slip to her knees in sheer shock. The files tumbled from her grasp and fell into an untidy pile on the floor.
"I never wanted to admit it, Hermione, I didn't want to feel like a failure…I don't want to continue with the lies-- honesty is probably something I lack, it needs to change, I need to change."
"W-why?" she choked out in a hysterical sob. Ron bit his lip as his tears continued to pour, this time ignoring them, he managed to lift himself from the sofa and crouch in front of her trembling form.
"For me Hermione, I need to change for me. I can't continue to lie to the kids; they'll always be the centre of my attention- they'll always come first. I don't want to lose them, I want them to know their father, no matter how much of a jackass he was." he spoke somberly. She flinched as he used a thumb to trace her cheek and she backed away.
"Guess that's not the best thing to do at the moment." he whispered as he stepped away.
"I don't want you to hurt, Hermione; I don't want to continue with the regret of giving you false hope."
"Why are you doing this? What's given you the insight into your 'true' feelings huh?" she asked hotly, her tears stung painfully and she could feel more sliding from the depths of her scrunched lids as she dropped her head into her hands.
"So?" she asked in annoyance. She rose to her feet and pushed him forcefully, "tell me!" she cried, pounding her small fists into his chest. He shook his head in sorrow as she continued to sob and lash out as he restrained her wrists.
"I-I can't-"
"Can't tell me?!" she asked furiously.
"Another secret? Another "I don't want to hurt you'?!" she cried. Ron bit his lip intensely as his tears cascaded furiously down his cheeks.
"Hermione, don't." he begged.
"Fine!" she spat as she wrenched her wrists from his hold.
"I-I guess its over then?" she asked backing away until she felt as If she had a good distance to prevent herself from lashing out again.
"Mione, I-I'm sorry" he choked, "I'm so sorry." he repeated.
Instead of replying, she took one last look into the eyes of her husband and best friend and held his gaze for a few seconds. Her marriage of fourteen years was ending, she watched as her world crumbled before her very eyes, a world she no longer believed in- a world that was too soon fading into an unknown darkness.
She allowed him one last glance before stifling another sob and snatching her files from the floor, and then apparating with a 'pop' that pierced the silence of the heavy sadness that clung to the atmosphere.
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Hermione burst into the office with a myriad of emotions engulfing her vulnerable frame. Flinging the files carelessly onto the desk she released a painful cry as she thought about the recent events.
The absence of Harry only induced her pain and she slammed the door to her office shut.
She felt so…angry. Yet her tears made her feel so…distraught. The reminder of the work she had to complete sat in a prominent mound on her desk and she felt a pang of fury pass through her. She simply swatted them to the ground in annoyance and screamed. Her rage continued as she tore books from her bookcase and slapped useless ornaments to the floor, reveling in the resounding crash. It reminded her of how she felt- broken.
She slowly collapsed onto the paper strewn floor and cursed herself internally as her tears dripped onto the files, smudging the ink. She decided to let it go and used a forefinger to trace out the drop, blurring the ink further. She sniffed involuntarily and as she observed the ruins that she claimed to be her office, she noticed the picture she always treasured on her desk. Gripping the cool frame in her hands she bit back a cry as she observed Ron and Herself embracing in their newlywed hug. As she continued to stare, the occupants of the frame leapt away from one another and the flowers surrounding them began to die…it was well and truly over, and there was no going back. Another surge of pain engulfed her, and in her distress she threw the picture to the corner of the office, blanking out the soft smash of the wood as it collided with the bookcase.
Once again, dropping her head to her hands she felt the shudders vibrate through her body. She was so absorbed in her uneven breathing, she literally screamed as she felt a pair of arms wrap around her midsection.
"RON! It's too late!" she cried, struggling in his hold.
"Hermione, It's me Harry! Calm down!" he shouted as she visibly relaxed.
"Harry?" she asked uncertainly. He turned her quivering body to face him and his heart almost broke as he met her blotchy state.
"It's me…" he repeated, as she flung herself into his body for a tight embrace.
"I-It's over." she sobbed onto his shoulder. His heart wrenched as she shook with unhappiness- his best friend had been reduced to an emotional wreck. He quickly pulled her onto his lap and held her close, stroking her tousled hair and pressing his lips to her crown.
"Its ok, everything's going to be ok." he assured her, stroking her back in a comforting gesture.
"I-I-"
"You don't need to tell me Mione, I know." he told her before she burst into another hysterical fit.
"H-Hugo." she sobbed as she regained a little composure.
"With Teddy at ours, that's where he'll stay for the time being." Harry said as she nodded into his shoulder.
"I thought you'd disappeared." he voiced as her breathing slowed, albeit letting the hiccups take over.
"I-I went to get some files from home." she whispered.
"I thought so, but then I waited and you didn't come back, so I apparated to your place to make sure everything was ok and I found Ron. He was a mess, told me the only thing I should do was to 'go comfort Hermione', and so I apparated back and found you." he told her gently.
"Looks like you had a good fight with the office and prevailed." he spoke, bringing a ghost of a smile to her cracked lips.
"We can forget about the work." he said motioning towards the papers in various disarray.
"You can stay at ours for tonight, Ginny's out for the night so you can cry and bawl as much as you want." he offered.
"H-Harry, you don't need to be so sympathetic, I'll visit my parents for a few weeks." she declined. Harry thought it be a good choice seeing as her parents had been brought back to England over nineteen years ago, but as her best friend he felt it his duty to offer some sort of service.
"One night at ours and you can go to your parents in the morning?" he asked softly. She relented and stiffened as he made a move to stand up.
"Can we sit her, just a little longer?" she asked hopefully. He simply nodded and relaxed against the wall with his best friend in his embrace.
A few hours later, the pair apparated from the ministry and back to the Potter residence where Hermione was assured that Hugo was asleep from an exhausted Teddy.
"Aunt Mione, you ok?" he asked worriedly as she brushed at her painfully sore eyes.
"Fine." she replied hesitantly, "goodnight Teddy." she bode him farewell with a hug and made her way to the kitchen where Harry awaited.
They spent another hour talking before Hermione left for bed in the spare room, leaving a disheartened Harry in her wake.
He watched as she climbed the stairs and couldn't help but frown at her distress, at this moment in time, he wanted to wring Ron's neck so badly, but decided to leave it be. He would talk to Ron when he felt as though things had cooled down. Taking a large gulp of his coffee, he placed the mug in the sink and rubbed his eyes before retiring to bed.
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The next morning brought plenty of sunshine; however few were enjoying its glorious rays. Lily Potter bounded into the kitchen where her father prepared breakfast, whilst her aunt sat at the table.
"Auntie Hermione! Aunty Hermione!" Lily cried, rushing into the kitchen where her sullen aunt sat, her skin a deathly white.
"Yes, Lilybee?" she asked slightly happier as she found her niece a face full of smiles.
"I picked these for you!" Lily smiled bringing flowers into view, roots and all.
"I only picked the pretty ones because Daddy said you were feeling ill." she beamed, handing over several Lily's to her aunt.
"I love these" Hermione smiled gently, pulling Lily onto her lap. Harry watched admiringly as she forced a smile and helped Lily to braid her hair again whilst engaging in flower chit-chat.
"Lilies are my favorite." Lily smiled, "they have the same name as me!" she grinned.
"What are yours?" she asked her aunt quickly.
"Oh, I'd have to say a combination of….Lilies and roses" she smiled.
"Hey! Like Lily and Rose! Me and Rose- your Rose!" she giggled. Hermione copied and sighed as Lily flounced back outside to accompany Hugo.
"So, you sure that you're going to leave today, you could always stop another night." Harry offered. He liked the company; it filled the void that should have been Ginny.
"I'm sure." she sighed.
"It's just going to take time Harry, it's hard to let go." she whispered before placing her mug back onto the table. "It's just going to take time."
"Time it is." He said, grabbing her up into a hug, he didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to let her leave, and in a whisper he added. "Our door will always be open to you, Hermione, remember that. Light or day, snow or rain, don't you dare think you can't come here. We love you."
She bit back tears that were forming in her eyes, his words they…left her speechless, and for a moment the pain evaporated into nothingness, and for once she felt like it would be ok. After saying goodbye to her niece and ensuring Hugo was ready, she grabbed her things, and walked her to the door, pausing for a moment before he kissed her forehead. "We love you." He repeated, before she apparated out of the house along with Hugo.