Cupid's Lost His Wings

Disclaimer: Everything you recognise isn’t mine.

A/N: I’m trying to get this one written as fast as possible before my inspiration runs out, as it so often tends to do. Of course, I’ve actually had about 5 hours sleep over these past few days, so I’m sorry if it seems a bit odd. I’m not really all that coherent at the moment. Be happy for spell-check, lol.

Blindfolded Archery

Ginny stared at Mr Tibblet with a forced polite expression, her smile just a little edgy. He’d been talking to her about losing his quill for twenty minutes now, and the more she stood here the more easier it would be for Cho to get that letter to Harry. She, Ginny that is, was in charge of exchanging that letter for the one she, Luna and Neville had written only half an hour ago. The only problem was her boss was making it extremely difficult to leave the room to do that.

“I think it must have fallen off my desk at some point,” he said in his slow, monotonous voice; thick white eyebrows wiggling in that ridiculous way they always did when he talked, his shiny red nose glistening with sweat. “I do wonder how objects always seem to travel so far when they fall off something. You’d think it’d be right next to you, but it always seems to end up on the other side of the room...”

“Yes,” Ginny said a little sharply, losing some of her patience with the senile old man. “But I’m sure you’ll find it Mr Tibblet. Now if you’ll just excuse me I’ll get those-”

“-I say Miss Weasley, do you think someone could have stolen it?”

Ginny inwardly sighed, knowing more than likely Mr Tibblet’s quill was under his desk- as she had already told him three times to check during their conversation. “I really don’t think someone would steal your quill, Sir. The only one who has been in here is you.”

“Hrm.” He rubbed his grizzly chin in thought and then gave a despondent sigh. “Well I hope it turns up again. It was quite my favourite quill.”

“I’m sure it will,” Ginny repeated, while taking steps towards the door. She was never going to get out of this stuffy room at this rate, and knew she’d just have to take matters into her own hands. “And now I’ll leave you to your work. Remember to look under your desk!”

Mr Tibblet nodded, and Ginny quickly made her escape from the office. She sighed as she closed the door behind her, and scanned the room where people were filing in from their lunch break. Harry was walking to his cubicle, and she watched as his black eyebrows drew together in slight puzzlement as he stared at something on his desk.

“Oh no,” she breathed to herself, feeling her stomach lurch horribly. Could it be she was too late?

He picked up an envelope in his hands, frowning as his eyes scanned it. Ginny wildly wondered what she could do. Perhaps she could shout at him to get his attention, or maybe she could just run over and snatch it out of his hands? No, she couldn’t do that, for then he’d know that she had meddled with it and probably never go on the blind date. Oh what could she do?

Just when she was about to call out his name, he put the letter back down on his desk without opening it and turned away. The person in his neighbouring cubicle had started talking to him, and Ginny watched with sweet relief as both men walked over to the pigeonhole area where all their messages were stored. This was her chance, but she couldn’t let them see her. She gazed about the room for sudden inspiration, and much to her despair found none. The department, after all, was just an ordinary large room with cubicles set up randomly in the middle and posters splattered willy-nilly around the walls. There was nothing for it but to arm herself with courage and just go for it.

Taking a deep breath, Ginny walked forward to Harry’s cubicle in a determined manner. She warily kept an eye on Harry, inwardly praying that he would not turn around, but luck was not on her side today it seemed. His eyes drifted past his neighbour’s face (who turned out to be Terry Boot) and Ginny realised with dismay that he was about to look right at her. She let out a stifled squeak and ducked to the floor, crouching on the ground and hoping that Harry hadn’t seen her. The key thing in this whole plan was not to cause any suspicion.

“What on earth are you doing?” A middle-aged woman dressed in a ghastly pink dress asked, her thinly pencilled eyebrows rising haughtily. Why was it that people always seemed to interrupt her when she really didn’t want to be interrupted?

“Just dropped my quill,” Ginny responded automatically, still with Mr Tibblet’s silly conversation fresh in her head. She’d have to thank him later for giving her such inspiration.

The woman gave her a funny look, but Ginny didn’t spare the busybody another thought, and scuttled along the ground rather awkwardly in her grey pencil skirt and black heels. She could see Harry’s legs still standing by the pigeonhole, but then they suddenly started moving back to his desk.

“No, no, no,” Ginny muttered to herself, feeling incredibly annoyed. She couldn’t give up yet though. Desperate times called for desperate measures, and she refused to let that cow Cho Chang win. Thankfully she realised Harry was still talking to his neighbour and had not yet opened the letter- that gave her some time.

Keeping herself low to the ground, Ginny continued crawling towards Harry’s cubicle; moving past brightly coloured heels, suede shoes, sneakers, and even a pair of hairy, bare feet. She scrunched up her nose as the stench of toe-jams assailed her nostrils, and quickly edged forward on her elbows and knees to escape the putrid smells issuing forth from under the desks.

The sound of Harry’s voice drifted to her ears, and taking a risky peep over one of the cubicles she could see him still chatting to Terry Boot. He seemed to have an annoying ability of knowing when he was being watched, however, and once more glanced her way. Ginny again quickly ducked her head, lying low on the ground as her heart thudded painfully in her chest. She felt like she was crawling through a battlefield with a sniper on the look out like she’d seen in those muggle movies her father had made her watch.

Just when she was almost in the danger of letting her imagination get away from her, the sound of Harry’s voice brought her alarmingly back to earth.

“Now to find out what’s in this letter. It doesn’t say who it’s from…”

“Damn,” she whispered to herself, and then-

“Harry, you’ve got to see this!”

“What?” Harry replied, standing up from his cubicle to look at Terry Boot’s desk. Ginny quickly scrabbled over the rest of the way, grabbed the letter Cho had placed on the desk and put her own in the same spot. She suddenly realised she had no idea how she was going to get back to her own area of the department without causing suspicion. She had not thought of that part of the plan.

‘Oops…’ 

Harry started turning around, and soon he would see her crouching down in front of his cubicle if she didn’t find a hiding place quick. That would cause a lot of awkward questions, not to mention would ruin the whole plan.

She glanced around wildly and dived into the cubicle closest to her, watching apprehensively from under the desk as Harry once more took his seat. He seemed to be quite content to sit there now too, mumbling something about some stupid report as he started flicking through some papers. Now she was trapped in this cubicle. That was just great…

Ginny sighed and shifted uncomfortably against the back of the metal covering that surrounded the desk she was currently hiding under. She paused suddenly, her face falling comically as certain things that had been obstructing her vision started to make sense. In fact, she realised what she had thought were chair legs, and had been holding tightly onto in her nerves, was in reality a pair of human legs. She really should have realised that when she had felt the soft material under her fingers of the person’s trousers, but she had been so worried about being caught that she had not really noticed anything odd about her hiding place.

Raising her eyes tentatively she met the familiar, grey gaze of Draco Malfoy and felt her heart sink. Luck really was not on her side today. Thankfully he had not said anything yet, being too shocked to have a girl dive into his cubicle and clutch his legs to really say anything at all. Indeed, his eyes were so wide she wondered if he could even see anything at all.

Thought seemed to spring back into his head like a stretched rubber band, and his eyes were suddenly narrowing at her, as if to silently ask her what the hell she was doing under his desk and clutching his legs.

“Um, hi,” Ginny whispered, not daring to talk any louder in case Harry heard her. She could feel herself blushing and gave him a sheepish smile in the hopes of alleviating the grim expression on his face. Draco Malfoy he may be, but she was still trapped in his cubicle thanks to Harry being excessively disobliging in staying at his desk, and therefore had to make the most of the situation.

“Hi…” Draco said, still with the traces of bewilderment lingering in his voice. “May I ask why you’re hiding under my desk?”

“Shh,” Ginny whispered desperately, shooting an anxious glance at Harry who was only a few feet away from them. “Don’t talk so loud or he might hear you.” She tried to shuffle into a more comfortable position, but there was just no way to move when Draco’s long legs were taking up all the room. “Is Harry still at his desk?”

Draco’s face disappeared and then lowered back down to hers in a few seconds. He silently nodded.

Ginny sighed in frustration and once more tried to shift to a better position. Right now she had her legs tucked awkwardly against her chest, thanks to the restricting movement of her skirt, and her arms trapped by his legs. His lips twitched in reluctant amusement as he watched her, clearly getting some enjoyment at her obvious discomfort. He may find this situation terribly funny but she did not. Not only was this an incredibly awkward situation to be in, but judging by the sharp pains and tingles beginning to gather in her feet and legs she was about to be seized by muscle cramp.

Sighing again, she brought her arms away from Draco’s legs and hugged her knees to herself. The spasms in her legs were getting worse, and her body was beginning to demand quite loudly that she stand up and move around. She cast her eyes at the blond man above her, and found herself giving him a pleading look.

“Do you think you could do me a favour and get rid of Harry so I can leave? It’s very uncomfortable down here.”

His lips twitched again, and she was surprised to see a smile creep onto his face- even if it was more of smirk. She had the horrible feeling he was going to say no just to make her more uncomfortable, but she couldn’t put up with this anymore. Her legs and arms were just itching to be free from the cramped space she was stuck in like a sardine, though thankfully there was no smell of fish.

“Please, Malfoy. I can’t let Harry see me,” She whispered anxiously, gripping his legs again in her earnestness. “And I’ve got cramp in my leg.”

Indeed it was beginning to be quite a pain, and it was taking all her self-control not to leap out from the cubicle and start walking on the spot to ease the sharp spasms in her legs. She didn’t know why Malfoy had to be disagreeable like this anyway. All he had to do was this one little favour for her and then she’d never bother him again. It wasn’t like she enjoyed being stuck in his cubicle, trapped next to his stupid, long legs.

Once more his luminescent head disappeared. “Oi, Potter!” Ginny heard him call out in his blissfully, annoying voice. Why was it blissful? Because it was going to save her from cramp!

“What?”

“Tibblet wants you in his office.”

She heard Harry sigh. “What does he want this time,” he muttered, and then Ginny heard the sound of his chair being pushed back and the sweet sound of his footsteps treading away.

Draco popped his head back down to here. “He’s gone.”

“Thank you!” Ginny practically squealed. That knowledge was like a little ray of sunshine lightening up her stormy day. She crawled out from under the desk and stretched her legs the best she could. Draco eyed her curiously through his grey gaze, wondering why it was she had been hiding from Potter anyway.

“So why were you hiding in there?”

Ginny’s eyes lit up with a secret smile as she smoothed down her body-hugging skirt. There was a mischievous smirk playing on her lips that he found surprisingly attractive, but then he did suppose Ginny Weasley was not all that bad.

“I don’t know if I can trust you enough to tell you,” she said seriously, though the smile still lurked in her eyes.

Draco’s interest was really piqued now. He always had been lamentably nosy, always having to know what was going on with everyone, and always never knowing when to just leave things alone. Really, he was as bad as a woman with a veracious appetite for gossip magazines, with his eyes lighting up just at the thought of finding something juicy about someone else- the more worse the secret, the more enjoyable it was to discover.

“C’mon, Weasley. You’ve got to tell me now. I did help you after all.”

“I suppose,” Ginny said thoughtfully, and then her eyes widened dramatically and she let out a small curse. He watched in surprise as she dropped to all fours again and gave him an anxious look from the ground.

“If you want to know what’s going on, then meet me in the Tea Room.”

Draco only nodded, feeling again slightly bewildered by this woman’s odd behaviour, before she was once more moving in her awkward progress away past the cubicles. A small smile formed on his mouth as he watched her crawling in her tight skirt, silently admiring the ample view she was allowing him of her very nicely formed rear end. Yes, that Weasley was not bad at all…

“I don’t know why you said Mr Tibblet wanted to see me,” An irritable voice said from behind him that could only be Harry Potter’s. “I went in there and he just started accusing me of stealing his quill.”

Draco simply shrugged, still watching where Ginny Weasley had just vanished.

Harry grumbled something under his breath and went back to his cubicle. Draco, on the other hand, decided to follow the redheaded plotter to the Tea Room. He was quite curious about this little game she was playing, and decided he was not so against getting to know the girl more. Family rivalries were so passé anyway.

OOO

“Okay, Luna,” Neville began in what he hoped was a decisive voice, though right now his stomach felt like snakes were wriggling around inside it- not a pleasant feeling to be sure. “How are we going to do this?”

Luna, who had been humming a rather irritating tune, turned her protuberant blue eyes on him with a dreamy smile on her face. Neville couldn’t help but wonder if she actually knew what was going on. She was still holding that plant as well, having insisted that she must take it in case someone tried to steal it. When Neville pointed out quite reasonably that no one was likely to steal her plant she had muttered something quite strange, and Neville had nervously decided to let her have her way. Unfortunately it drew a lot of attention on them, but then he supposed everyone thought Luna so odd anyway that it was perfectly normal for her to be holding a plant with giant pink tentacles.

“I haven’t got the slightest idea,” she replied happily, radish earrings swinging madly. “But this is awfully exciting don’t you think?”

Neville inwardly sighed. Why did he have to be stuck with Luna? He liked her- in fact he liked her a lot as a friend- but for something like this he would have preferred someone a little more focussed; especially since he himself was feeling so nervous. Hermione was scary when she wanted to be, and he felt more than a little worried that she might notice something. She never missed a trick that woman.

“Well we have to deposit that letter somehow.” He peeped into the room and spotted Hermione sitting at her desk. Viktor’s letter still lay unopened near her pile of reports. It seemed she had not even noticed it yet, being too engrossed with her work. That was one comfort, but how were they ever going to get her away from the desk so that they could exchange the letters? He didn’t have Ginny’s knack for thinking up new ideas on the spot, and Luna had returned to humming again.

                       

He glanced back at the bushy-haired girl bent over her papers and then stared back at the letter in his hand. If only they could just get her away from that desk for even a little while…

OOOO

Viktor peered around the corner of the wall he was currently hiding behind, hoping to catch a glimpse of Hermione’s expression when she read his letter. What he was not expecting, however, was to see a short, round faced man, and a rather odd looking woman holding a giant plant with pink tentacles doing the same. He pulled back his head and frowned at the wall in front of him. Why were these two odd people peering into Hermione’s department?

He peeped back around the wall and listened intently, hoping to overhear their conversation so he could figure out just what was going on.

“Luna do you really have to bring that plant?”

“Yes,” came the dreamy reply. “I don’t want the gibbity blouts to get me.”

“But we’re never going to be able to exchange those letters if you’re carrying it. It’s just too obtrusive. You know that Ginny is relying on us to switch the letters before Hermione reads it, and we’ve already wasted ten minutes. We’re supposed to be meeting her in the Tea Room right now.”

Viktor chewed on his finger thoughtfully. They were talking about exchanging a letter- a letter that Hermione was not allowed to read, but why? What letter could this possibly be?

His dark brow furrowed in confusion as he tried to unravel the confusing conversation- a difficult task it seemed, for his expression became more and more confused. The only letter he knew about was the one he himself had placed there. Suddenly he realised that was the letter they wanted to exchange, and feeling quite pleased by his own reasoning abilities, Viktor congratulated himself on figuring out the plot being made against him. This meddling would not do however, and since Cho was not here, it fell on him to set this right.

He clenched his hands into fists and started making his way towards the strange plant-lady and the round-faced man, when footsteps came stomping towards him from the other direction. This could not be good…

“Oi!” An angry, and very suspicious voice yelled from behind him. Viktor swung around quickly, and was alarmed to see the same redheaded man from earlier that day glaring at him. It was Hermione’s friend- the one who did not like him. This made things difficult. What if Ron’s voice alerted Hermione to his presence?

“What are you doing hovering around here again?” Ron’s blue eyes narrowed distrustfully, and Viktor suddenly felt very trapped. He’d also realised that the two people he had been watching had somehow disappeared during the commotion. Now he had no idea where they had gone, and was worried that Hermione might catch him outside her office thanks to the raised voice of the angry redhead.

“You’ve got no business to be sneaking around here.”

“I was not doing anything,” Viktor tried to defend desperately, but Ron did not seem to care about what he said, and simply took an angry step forward, his rage heating off him like a wild fire. Viktor was almost expecting steam to come out of the fiery man’s ears.

“Are you stalking my friend?”

“No-”

“Because if you are I swear, international quidditch player or not, I’ll make you regret it!”

Though Viktor himself was a lot taller and probably a lot more magically skilled than the younger man before him, he couldn’t help but feel a little alarmed. There was no doubt that Ronald Weasley was just itching to have an excuse to attack him, and Viktor wondered what he had done to deserve such unreasonable hate. It seemed like he had no good luck left in his life anymore.

“I am not doing anything. I was simply walking down the hallway.”

“Right, that’s why you were hiding against the wall, peeping around like some stalkerish psycho. You know, I was half expecting you to start singing your own theme music the way you were carrying on before.”

Viktor tried to protest against these unfair accusations, but Ron only got more and more rude. Finally he had to give up and leave to save his own skin, as the irate redheaded man had started threatening to castrate him. He’d just have to tell Cho what had happened. Surely she would know what to do about this mess?

Ron, on the other hand, was staring at a rather odd plant with giant pink tentacles that had been tucked into the shadowy corner. It seemed somewhat strange for such a hideous plant to be left lying around like that, and thinking it was some trap of Viktor Krum’s, Ron made his way over and picked up the plant. Two protuberant blue eyes greeted him from the ground, and a dreamy smile was soon being flashed his way.

“Oh hello, Ronald. I thought I heard your voice.”

Ron could only blink. Why on earth was Luna Lovegood lying on the ground? And why had she been hiding behind that plant? Something very strange was going on here. First Viktor Krum was creeping around the hallway like some crazy stalker, and now Luna was hiding behind ugly plants? What was the world coming to?

“Hi, Luna. Why are you lying on the ground?” He put out his hand to help her up, eyeing her with open curiosity. Luna took his hand and was hauled to her feet with relative ease. She thanked him dreamily, brushed the dust off her robe, and held out her arms to take her plant back. Ron had no qualms in handing it back to her, but he still wanted to know what was going on.

“Well,” she said in her usual whimsical way, while patting the pink tentacles on her plant fondly. “I was hiding from Viktor Krum.”

Ron knew that git was up to something, but why on earth was Luna hiding from him?

“I think he saw us,” She confided, though her expression seemed not in the least putout by this knowledge.

“Us?” Ron asked curiously. The plot was thickening. Obviously more people were involved in this odd situation than he knew.

“Neville and I, though I don’t know where he has gone off to. He ran away down the hallway, but I decided to just hide behind my gibbity blout catcher.”

Not really sure what gibbity blouts were, and not really interested to find out either, Ron glanced up and down the hallway for a sign of his forgetful friend. He spotted some shoes and a bit of robe sticking out from behind a pillar a little way down the hallway and snorted to himself.

“Neville you can stop hiding behind the pillar now. Krum has gone.”

Neville shuffled out from behind the stone pillar, looking sheepish and embarrassed. He was also holding an envelope in his hands, which Ron eyed with wonder. Just what was going on here?

“I- I wasn’t hiding.”

“It’s okay, Neville,” Luna said as reassuringly as her whimsical voice could give. “I already told him we were hiding from Viktor Krum.”

Neville clapped a hand to his forehead in some exasperation, and Ron burst out laughing. Obviously he had not meant to know what was going on here. He supposed that was what happened when people allowed Luna to join them though. Bless her.

“Wanna tell me why you were both hiding, or am I not allowed to know?” he asked, casting an amused glance at the odd pair. Luna smiled dreamily at him while still grooming the pink tentacles on her plant, but Neville was now watching him apprehensively, obviously dismayed they had been caught out.

“It wouldn’t have something to do with Hermione, would it?” Ron persisted, curious as to why people seemed to be agglomerating to the Law Department of all places. It was one of the most boring departments of all, and if Hermione were not cooped up in here he would never come here again. Plus, the place smelled funny, like libraries or something- no wonder Hermione liked it Ron thought with a mental shudder.

“N-no,” Neville said unconvincingly.

“Yes,” Luna interrupted, and then when Neville stared at her pleadingly to not say anymore, just blinked innocently. “Why can’t we tell him? I’m sure Ronald will think of a good idea so that we can exchange the letters. You said yourself that you couldn’t think of anything, and I do think Ronald may be able to help us.”

Ron could feel his ears heating at Luna’s open faith in him being able to help them, and couldn’t help but smile at the whimsical blonde. He really was quite fond of her, and wished her all the goodwill in the world.

She returned the smile, and then glanced back at Neville expectantly. Ron followed her gaze, catching Neville giving a small sigh.

“C’mon Neville, you can trust me.”

“Alright, but this is supposed to be a secret,” Neville stated half-heartedly, and then continued to explain the situation; telling him how Cho and Viktor were plotting to break up Harry and Hermione, and how he, Ginny and Luna had decided to disrupt their plans by exchanging the letters so that the two really did go on the blind date.

“You think Harry and Hermione like each other then?” Ron asked in some surprise. He himself had not given it much thought. They’d always just been his best friends. It seemed weird to think they might like each other, and yet…. He remembered all those times when Hermione would talk about Harry with that worried look in her eyes, or the way her features would light up when their friend was mentioned. Yes, he realised now when he thought about it that it was indeed strange that Hermione had always shown such a keen interest in their raven-haired friend. It was much the same for Harry. He’d always been kinder to her than the other girls; always reserving a special gentleness he showed only to her. Ron wondered how he could not have seen it before.

“So will you help us?” Neville asked tentatively, twisting his fingers together anxiously.

Ron’s face broke into smile. “Of course I’ll help you. I’m not letting that git Krum get in the way of my two best friends.” He beckoned them to lean in closer and gave them a conspiring look. “Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do…”

OOO

Cho stifled a yawn with her hand as she flicked through the magazine on her desk. Today was turning out to be very tedious, but thankfully she only had a few hours to go. One good thing was that she had managed to plant that letter. She just knew that once Harry met her on the date he would not be able to resist her incomparable charms. Nobody else could after all.

In truth she didn’t really care what happened to Viktor and She-who-must-not-be-named. Cho only really cared about her darling Harry and being reunited with him again. Maybe they would even do an article about her in Witch Weekly? She did hope so, but she’d have to get her hair done first so that she looked perfect- not that she didn’t look perfect anyway.

“We have a problem.”

Oh great, it was the Bulgarian brute again. What was it this time?

“Yes?” Cho asked, uncurling her legs like a cat as she stared at him through dark eyes. If he had bungled something she would not be happy. They’d just sorted everything out. Surely he couldn’t have mucked something up already?

Viktor shifted uncomfortably, reminding her of a toddler that had just broken a very expensive vase. Her eyes narrowed, and she stood up from the desk, walking forward with sharp suspicion. “What is it, Viktor?” she demanded.

“Some people found out about our plan and are trying to exchange the letters for their own anonymous ones.”

Cho felt her world tumbling around her in that moment. This was not supposed to happen! She and Harry were supposed to be together! They were soul mates, and no one was going to get in her way! She’d show them not to mess with her!

“Who?”

“Some short guy with a round face, and a lady with blonde hair who looked a bit lost in the head.” Viktor folded his arms and glanced at his companion angrily. “You said we only had to put the letters on their desks and then everything would be fine. Now these people know about it and are ruining everything.”

Cho glared at him. Was he insinuating that this was her fault? How dare he! She was going to cry! She knew it! After all she had done for him, setting up this idea and trying to help him get that stupid, bushy-haired cow back- now he was just going to turn around and say it was her fault because some people found out about the plan? No! This was not fair. She made that plan flawlessly. It must have been the brute’s fault!

“How dare you say this is my fault?! I did everything correctly. It must have been you who messed up!”

“Me?” Viktor exclaimed in outrage. “I just did what you told me to do.”

“Well you must have done something wrong,” Cho snapped pettishly, refusing to admit her plan might have been faulty.

Viktor glared at her again and then let out a tired sigh. “Well what are we going to do? We can’t let them ruin this.”

“No, you’re right,” Cho mused out loud, surprised that he actually was right. He was beginning to think for himself- that could be dangerous…

“They’re trying to exchange the letters right now in Hermione’s office, and then they’re all going to meet in the Tea Room to discuss what to do next. I tried to stop them, but that Ronald Weasley caught me again and I had to leave…”

Cho frowned to herself thoughtfully. By Viktor’s descriptions she guessed the eavesdropping couple must have been Neville Longbottom and Loony Lovegood. Well, they’d be easy to deal with she was sure. Neville was a joke and Luna was insane. She’d just go deal with them herself. This was clearly a woman’s job.

Looking back up at her partner, she gave him a firm look. “You go hide in the Tea Room and listen to what they have to say. I’m going to go stop those idiots from exchanging the letter.”

Viktor nodded his head and quickly left the room. Cho took one last glance in the mirror, and satisfied that she was still looking good, made her own way out of the room towards the Law Department.

OOOO

Neville stared at the dress he was wearing in some disgruntlement. He didn’t know why Ron had insisted he had to be the one to dress up. Why a dress as well? Why couldn’t he just dress up as a guy? Why did he have to be the one wearing the grey wig, large, floral dress that looked like it should be more suited on an old lady being attacked by moth-balls, and a pair of bright orange heels that made his butt wiggle when he walked? It was all rather ridiculous he thought. Only terrible fictions would have something like this happen.

“You look great. She’ll never recognise you.” Ron stated cheerfully.

Luna started twirling around in circles and hummed to herself again.

“But why do I have to be the one to dress up? Why couldn’t one of you do it?”

It didn’t seem very fair to Neville. It always seemed to be him that was forced to do the most embarrassing things.

“Because Hermione would recognise me no matter what I wore,” Ron pointed out reasonably. “And you can’t expect Luna to do it. She’d never be able to pretend to be anyone but herself. Just look at her.”

Neville did, noting her swaying dizzily about from spinning too much, and privately agreed that it would be rather ridiculous to expect Luna to pretend to be someone else. He still did not understand why he had to dress up as an old woman though. On asking this question to Ron, he was supplied with the knowledge that it was unlikely Hermione would ever dream of thinking he would dress up as an old woman, and therefore would not suspect anything. That was also a point Neville had to agree on, but he still did not like this at all.

“Right. Time to do this then.” Ron glanced at his two companions, and reached out an arm to steady Luna. “That’s enough twirling now, Luna. We’ve got to be serious.”

“I’m sorry. I was just warding off the crabble blockets. If you spin around as fast as you can they can’t come near you.”

“Of course you were,” Ron said with an indulgent smile, “But now we’ve got to get this plan underway. How’s Hermione doing? Still working?”

Neville peeped around the corner and saw Hermione still scribbling furiously with her quill, the unopened letter still sitting on her desk.

“She’s still working.”

“Good.” Ron rubbed his hands together and lowered his voice conspiratorially. “Now, Neville you’ll be the one who has to switch the letters. Luna and I will be your backup if anything goes wrong. Remember, all you have to do is go up there, take the letter off the desk and then say that you think she must have dropped this, which is when you’ll hand her the new letter.”

Neville gulped. They all seemed to have such confidence that he would not muck this up.

“Got it?”

Neville nodded.

Ron turned his eyes to the dotty blonde. “Luna, are you ready for this?”

Luna nodded in her usual dreamy way, blue eyes staring wide at them. Both the men exchanged glances, wondering if she really did, but it was too late to go over anything again now.

“Alright. Let’s do this then!”

Taking a deep breath Neville pulled away from the group and entered the room. It was incredibly hard to walk in the heels, and he did wonder where Ron had conjured them from; surely it was an odd thing that a grown man would be able to conjure a disguise as an old woman?

Shaking off such trivial thoughts, he glanced at Hermione and felt the snakes wriggling in his stomach twist unpleasantly. He hoped he didn’t vomit.

Hermione placed down her quill and stretched her arms tiredly. She yawned, glanced at the clock, and then went to go pick up her quill again when she finally noticed the letter. Neville could see her fingers just about to reach out for it, and quickly waddled over.

“M-my d-dear,” he stuttered, his voice breaking slightly as he tried to put on a fake, old lady’s voice.

Hermione’s hand moved away from the letter and she looked at Neville with an impassive expression. “Yes? Can I help you?”

Neville swallowed hard against the nervous lump in his throat. His brain had stopped working, and he could feel sweat dripping down his forehead. She looked so formidable right now; so formidable and so intelligent, and he just knew she was going to figure them out.

“W-well”

“Yes?”

“I…”

Neville swallowed again and glanced helplessly back at the door where Ron and Luna were watching. There was just no way he could exchange the letters without her noticing. Who did they think they were kidding when they said he could do this?

He looked back at her, noting the way her eyes were watching him with forced patience. He had to draw her away from the desk somehow so that Ron and Luna could exchange the letters. It was the only way.

“I was wondering if you would be able to help me find some records.” The words seemed to flow naturally from his mouth, as if some unknown power was making inspiration speak for him. “I believe you know a lot about the archives, and so I was hoping you’d be able to help me.”

Hermione’s impassive expression broke into a smile. “Of course.” She stood up and gestured for Neville to follow her to the records room, which was connected to the office. “Just follow me.”

Neville nodded, and once she had turned her back, allowed the letter he had been holding to flutter to the floor, giving a pointed glance at Ron and Luna to exchange the letters for him. He saw Ron give a quick nod, and feeling relieved that at least that part was dealt with, followed Hermione into the records room.

“Looks like it’s up to us, Luna,” Ron muttered. He glanced at Luna, who was staring vacantly the other way. “C’mon, we’d better do this quick.”

Luna looked back at him and nodded her head. “Okay. I’m sure Neville is feeling terribly nervous being stuck with Hermione like that anyway.”

Ron thought she was probably right, and gestured for her to follow him as he made his way to Hermione’s now unoccupied desk to exchange the letters. He picked up Viktor’s letter of the desk, eyeing it with suspicion and disgust. “Can’t believe that smarmy git would play such a dirty trick.” He then reached down to pick up the letter Neville had dropped and placed it on the desk.

“All Done,” he said with a smile.

“Not so fast!”

They froze and both turned to see Cho standing in the doorway with her wand in her hand. A smug smile fastened on her lips, and her eyes glittered with triumph. Those idiots thought they had got the best of her, but she’d shown them! Now all she had to do was make them put the letter Viktor had written back and all would be well.

“You put that letter back!”

“No,” Ron said bluntly.

Cho glared at him furiously. He was not supposed to question her. He was just supposed to do what she had said. Why did everyone always have to upset her and not let her get her way? She suddenly felt like crying, but resisted the impulse. It was very hard to not cry though, and she was sure if people knew how upset they were making her they would not be so disagreeable.

“Well why not?” she whined, feeling incredibly putout that people were purposely disobliging her in this way. This was all very annoying.

“Because we don’t want you to break up Harry and Hermione,” Luna said firmly, surprising even Ron at how serious she sounded. Maybe she had been paying attention all those times?

Cho scoffed and aimed her wand at them more forcefully. “Whatever. I don’t need you two to put it back anyway. I can just use my magic.”

Luna and Ron exchanged glances. They’d kind of forgotten they could use magic; funny how those things happened in situations like this.

Cho’s smug smile came into play again as she raised her wand to summon the letters to her, but just in that moment a giant, pink tentacle curled around her foot and she was tugged ruthlessly off her feet. Landing with a hard crash on the floor, Cho finally gave into her feelings and burst into tears.

“Looks like she was covered in gibbity blouts,” Luna said seriously, eyeing the fallen Ravenclaw with interest. “I should have known.”

Ron blinked at the scene, but just in that moment the door to the records room started opening, and without even thinking what he was really doing, he grabbed Luna by the wrist and raced out of the room. Cho realised she too was about to be caught out y Hermione and quickly scrabbled up off the floor to run out of the room in hysterical tears.

Hermione walked back into her office and glanced about the empty room with a frown. She was sure she had just heard voices before, and what had been that great crash?

“Well you’ve been a great help,” Neville said quickly, just desperately wanting to get away before he cracked from the strain of trying to keep up his old lady act. “I should be going though.”

“Alright,” Hermione replied absently, still staring at her office in suspicion. That had been very strange…

A/N: So there you, the next chapter. Again I’m sorry if it’s weird. I’ve been working on it all day, and I probably should have taken a nap, lol. Anyway, if you have any ideas for ridiculous and humorous situations the team of match-makers can get into, or even Cho and Viktor, tell me in a review and I’ll consider putting it in the fic.