A/N - I started this before the release of Deathly Hallows so nothing of that book applies to this story. It has been completed so I will update every two days (hopefully) and this is only five chapters long. Also, I wrote this after I had finished 'Good Enough' where I thought I portrayed a weak Hermione and felt I needed to rectify that with a strong Hermione - hence Trials. I hope you enjoy.
Chapter 1
"Hermione?"
She heard her name and tried her hardest to answer, but the pounding in her head made speaking impossible.
"Hermione?" the voice said again, "can you hear me?"
Yes she wanted to say but it was a lot easier just to try and open her eyes and see who was talking to her. The light brought a new type of pain to her already throbbing head, but as the brightness fell away, a familiar sight hit her blurry eyes.
Ron
She tried to smile. He was alive.
"Harry's going to be right pissed off he wasn't here when you woke," Ron carried on, and Hermione felt him take her hand in his, "but the Minister of Magic practically forced him to…"
But Hermione didn't hear anything more. Ron was alive and Harry was alive, that's all she needed to know for now. With a weary sigh, she closed her eyes once more and fell back to sleep.
The next time she woke, the feeling that her head was about to explode had gone, making opening her eyes a much easier affair. Immediately she saw Ron and Harry - Ron reading a Quidditch magazine while Harry was looking out of a window. Hermione guessed she was at Hogwarts, the hospital wing so familiar to her from the amount of times one of the boys had ended up there.
Now it was her turn.
Neither of her friends had noticed she was awake so she spent the time trying to remember why she was there. The memories were easy, up to a point, and then things got rather hazy. She remembered the planning of the last battle with Voldemort, that he had been mortal and how it hadn't worked out as they envisaged.
She remembered the battle had been raging for two days before Voldemort showed himself and at the end it had been her, Ron and Harry that faced him.
Hermione turned to Harry as the memories came flooding back, an involuntary gasp escaping her lips, announcing her consciousness to the two young men in the room. Harry turned to her and in the second their eyes met, the realisation of what she had done to save his life hit her.
Nothing was going to be the same.
"Hermione!" Ron cried, breaking the connection between Harry and Hermione as both turned to the other side of the hospital bed to the grinning redhead, "welcome back!"
Jumbled thoughts and images began to overwhelm her as Ron came to one side while Harry stood quietly on the other. She wanted to say something, they both looked so worried, but nothing made any sense to her and soon the pounding in her brain returned.
She felt her eyes starting to close again as her mind tried to process the mess that was consuming it. She fought hard against the darkness that was threatening to take her away - she needed to talk to Harry - but as she looked at him, she realised it was all too much.
"You're alive," she managed to rasp out before the blissful blackness encompassed her once more.
Hermione rushed frantically to Ron's side, dropping to her knees beside his body as she tried to find some sign of life - a pulse, a breath of air - something. When she felt a slow but steady beat of blood in the artery on his neck, her relief was short-lived - that same blood was flowing steadily out of a wound in Ron's thigh. Not really knowing what she was doing, but somewhere in the recesses of her mind she knew it was the best thing to do, Hermione quickly undid Ron's belt and in one swift movement, removed it and quickly wrapped it around the top of his leg, pulling it tight to limit the bleeding.
Looking over her shoulder, she saw Harry and Voldemort circling each other, the older wizard taunting Harry with words Hermione couldn't hear. She turned back to Ron and knew she had to make a choice - take Ron back to the safety zone, ensuring his survival but leaving Harry alone. Or stay with Harry, giving him whatever support she could although it could mean Ron may die.
Harry and Voldemort began duelling and instinctively Hermione leaned over Ron to protect him, knowing just how futile the gesture was. She had no potions left that could help Ron and he desperately needed help.
But so did Harry.
"I'm sorry Ron," she whispered as she kissed his cheek. She then cast a few spells that she hoped would keep him alive before slinking off into the shadows.
Harry was faster than his enemy but no where as strong. Already weakened from the battle, he was beginning to tire as Hermione watched from her vantage point. She hoped that Voldemort had forgotten she was there or thought that a mudblood was not worth his time or energy as she waited for the right moment to remind him of her presence.
The moment came and Hermione disarmed Voldemort, allowing herself and Harry to get a rally of spells in before their enemy realised it. But things never run to plan and before she even knew what was happening, a great force picked her up and slammed her into a tree, holding her there by the throat as she gasped for air.
Voldemort was approaching her, his anger and his power surrounding him like some type of horrid aura. Hermione could see Harry struggling, screaming at Voldemort to let her go but was ignored as the thing they had fought for so long concentrated solely on her.
"You thought to disarm me, mudblood?" it asked as Hermione could only gasp valiantly for air, "you are going to die - is he worth it? Is Harry Potter really worth dying for?"
"Yes," she managed to croak out, fighting against the black spots that had begun to cloud her vision. Voldemort was close enough to smell now, his red eyes mere slits in his inhuman face.
"Why?" he continued to taunt, stepping closer, "oh dear, it isn't because you love him is it?" Hermione didn't answer as she felt herself suddenly released, allowing her to fall to the ground. She was still gasping for breath when her head was pulled back by her hair, Voldemort now standing right above her, "answer me mudblood - are you willing to die for Harry because you love him?"
When she didn't answer him, a pain unlike anything she had ever felt consumed her, a short sharp burst of a curse she had hoped she'd never feel.
"Answer me!"
"Yes," she said, her voice weak but loud enough to be heard. Voldemort laughed, a cruel vial sound.
"Oh, you need to say it a bit louder than that, I think," he snarled, pulling her head up by her hair once more, "I don't think Harry heard you. You see, he needs to know that one more person who loved him died for him - add it to the list, so to speak. Now, what did you say?"
"I said I'm in love with Harry Potter. I love him completely, with my heart and my soul," Hermione replied strongly, readying herself for her death that she knew would soon be coming. Her heart softened slightly with the knowledge that even in this evil place with this evil man, Harry knew that someone loved him. At the end, someone loved him.
Voldemort smiled at her then.
"How quaint," he smirked, "but really, he's just not worth it." Her head smashed to the ground and as she waited for the killing curse to take her, she smiled sadly to herself and whispered
"Yes he is," then her world went blank…
…for mere moments before something very white and very bright jarred her awake. The remnants of her dream were still clouding her mind, making it seem so real that she was sure she could still feel the remnants of the Cruciatus curse.
It was then that it struck her - it hadn't been a dream at all. She had left Ron to die, had been tortured and then killed by Voldemort who was then going to kill Harry.
But she wasn't dead. And there was another memory telling her neither were Harry or Ron.
Hermione kept her eyes closed as she tried to calm the turmoil of her mind. She was confused and she didn't like it one bit. Slowly, she became aware of other things besides the light and realised they were voices. Voices she knew and loved.
"…same time as Hogwarts starts," that was Neville, "first of September."
"They lost so many Aurors," Luna said quietly, "I guess they're taking anybody." Someone in the room sniggered.
"I know," Neville continued, not sounding at all offended by Luna's put down, "with my marks I'm amazed they accepted me."
"You got rid of Bellatrix, Neville," Ginny stated tersely, "you were a member of the DA and you fought along side Harry. That's worth more than any stupid OWLS's or NEWT's."
"I think you'll make a fantastic Auror Neville," Hermione whispered, finally opening her eyes to see her friends all looking down at her with surprise.
"Hermione!" Ron cried, making his way to her side with Luna right behind him.
"I'll go and get Madam Pomfrey," Neville volunteered while Harry wordlessly went to her other side, Ginny coming up behind him, snaking an arm around his waist then standing at his side.
"Welcome back," the redhead smiled. Hermione smiled back as she began to manoeuvre herself to a sitting position.
"Thanks," she managed, this time her voice a bit stronger, "how long have I been here?"
"Two days Miss Granger," the school matron informed her as she made her way to Hermione's bedside, Professor McGonagall and Neville in her wake, "and you are very lucky to be alive!"
"I thought…" Hermione started, then paused as she looked at Harry who looked back at her with unreadable eyes, "I thought Voldemort killed me."
"He nearly did," Madam Pomfrey confirmed while she continued her diagnostic tests, "you've had us all rather worried but that is all by the by," she stepped back and looked down at Hermione in wonder, "because it seems there is nothing wrong with you. You are a healthy young woman."
"Are you sure?" Harry asked, his concern evident.
"Yes, Mr Potter, I'm sure," the matron placated, then turned back to her patient, "however, I would like to keep you here for a couple of days under observation."
Hermione just nodded, trying to work out what it all meant. Voldemort had been standing over her, ready to take her life yet here she was whole and healthy. Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, she thought through all the possible scenarios but for one of the rare times in her life, she came up short. She looked back at Harry.
"What happened?"
"That's something we'd all like to know," Ron answered before Harry could say anything, drawing Hermione's attention to the redhead, "Harry wouldn't tell us anything until you woke."
Hermione turned back to Harry and once more an understanding passed between them. He had heard her secret and realised that it was something between the two of them, something that she may not be ready to share. She could see him thinking hard but something in his eyes told her that her secret will remain just that. With the slightest of smiles, Harry looked away from Hermione and over at Professor McGonagall.
"Are Remus and Tonks on their way?" he asked her.
"Yes," the headmistress answered, "they will be here shortly."
Harry just nodded and seemed once more lost in his thoughts. Hermione noticed Ginny worriedly looking up at Harry, trying to calm him with a gentle touch and with the realisation that nothing has changed, Hermione forced herself to look away from the young couple.
Moments later, Remus and Tonks entered the hospital ward and made a bee-line for Hermione's bed, both smiling broadly.
"My, it's good to see you up," Remus beamed, "you had us all rather worried."
"So I heard," Hermione replied, returning Tonks's hug, "I must admit, I'm rather confused about it all."
"You're not the only one," Tonks grinned as she sat down on the edge of the bed, "one minute you're being carried in here near dead and the next - here you are!"
"It's all a bit of a mystery," Remus continued, his eyes flicking from Hermione to Harry, "perhaps we can now work out what happened."
Hermione felt slightly sick as all eyes turned to Harry, who stood a bit straighter and removed Ginny's arm gently from around him. Ron sat down on an empty bed with Luna at his side, while everyone else just stood and waited.
"Tonks, this will be the official report to the Ministry?" Harry asked, "you are acting on their behalf?"
"Yep," the young Auror confirmed, "Kingsley gave me authorisation this morning. I will document what you say and then deal with all the bureaucracy for you."
"And what I say will not go past this room?" Harry continued, looking at the faces of those around Hermione's bed - Neville, Professor McGonagall, Ron, Luna, Remus, Tonks and Ginny (Madam Pomfrey retiring to her office once knowing her patient was fine). They all acknowledged their acceptance with nods and various 'yes's'. Not quite satisfied, Harry cast a few privacy spells around them all before taking a deep breath, getting his thoughts together.
"Harry," Ginny ventured worriedly, "are you o…"
"I'm fine," he interrupted sharply, but everyone could see that he wasn't fine at all. Hermione frowned as he dragged a weary hand over his face, rubbing his eyes under his glasses, then with a sigh he looked up at the group around him and began to speak.
"We knew where Voldemort was going to be, the draw of his final triumph taking place on the grounds of Hogwarts just too great for him to ignore," Harry began, his eyes blank as he remembered, "so we left you guys to it and returned here. Lucius Malfoy, Wormtail and Crabbe senior were already here, waiting for Voldemort, and had no idea we'd arrived. We had surprise on our side with Crabbe going down without much of an effort.
"Wormtail and I fought and I got the pathetic bastard while Hermione and Ron were fighting Malfoy. Voldemort came on the scene when it was just Malfoy and us, his arrival distracting us and allowing Malfoy to hit Ron."
"Bloody sectumsempra," Ron muttered, "probably got the idea from Snape."
"But I got Malfoy, so it was just me, Hermione and Voldemort," Harry continued then paused, closing his eyes sadly with the memory.
"Crabbe and Malfoy are in custody," Tonks informed them all, "Malfoy a bit worse for wear. Wormtail unfortunately met an untimely end…"
"He's dead?" Ginny asked with a frown.
"Yeah," Tonks answered solemnly, "it seems his fellow Death Eaters didn't think too much of Mr Pettigrew and there was a bit of trouble in the cells."
"Wow," breathed Ron as he looked over to Harry who just looked numbly at the floor.
"What happened next, Harry?" Remus asked gently.
"Hermione went to Ron and I fought Voldemort," was Harry's blunt reply.
No-one said anything as the weight of Harry's words hung in the air. Hermione found herself looking at her clenched hands in her lap as she fought against the tears that were threatening to fall. She couldn't look at Harry, the memories still too raw and fresh in her mind. After a while, he continued to speak.
"Voldemort was playing with me, taunting me about how many people had died on my behalf, how I was alone and how I would die unloved and forgotten. That no-one would care…"
"Oh Harry," Ginny cried softly and the first of Hermione's tears fell.
"I knew Hermione was still there," Harry carried on, "and I guessed she would help me soon enough, which she did when I was getting close to having nothing left.
"She secured his wand so I hit him with everything I knew, but nothing worked. He just seemed to, I don't know, absorb it all and it was making him stronger. He hit me with a body bind from the shoulders down and then he got Hermione."
Harry paused and Hermione chanced a look in his direction. What she saw broke her heart all over again. He was staring at the floor, his shoulders hunched and his face so very pale. There was nothing in his eyes, the green dull and lifeless. She quickly returned her gaze to her clenched hands.
"He had her by the throat with this…this power that I couldn't see but I could feel it," Harry said after a moment, "it was pulsing around him, this black mass. Nothing could've stopped him I'm sure of it.
"He…he crucioed Hermione and was talking to her, saying…things, making sure I could hear and see…everything.
"Then it all changed. His power just seemed to ebb away from him and I got stronger. I broke the body bind easily and when I was free, I saw that Fawkes had arrived and was with Ron. Then I saw Gryffindor's sword - Fawkes had brought it, just like before, in the Chamber of Secrets. I really didn't think, I just grabbed the sword and struck him. Just before he finished saying the killing curse."
Harry stopped and the room was silent. Hermione was crying quietly and as she looked up to Harry, she saw he was too. It was the first time she had ever seen him shed a tear, in all the time he had known him. He looked so…vulnerable, so young.
"You did what you had to do," Remus said softly, "you saved Hermione's life. You saved all of our lives…"
"He bled," Harry whispered, "when I stabbed him, he bled. There was still human in him."
"Voldemort lost his humanity a long time ago, Harry," Hermione told him gently, reaching out for his hand.
"You did what you had to do," Ginny continued, taking his other hand, "you're a hero, Harry."
"I'm no hero," Harry growled, removing his hands from both girls.
"What happened next?" Tonks spoke up, changing the subject. Harry took a deep breath, then after a moment, continued.
"Fawkes was healing Ron, but I knew that Hermione…that I was losing Hermione. So I put the location beacon up and within moments, Firenze and a few other centaurs had arrived. They took over, I grabbed Hermione and ran to here. That's it."
Again the room was silent. Hermione's tears had dried up, but she couldn't look at anyone without the risk of tearing up again.
"Is that everything, Harry?" Tonks asked after a moment.
"Yes," was the sharp reply and without really knowing why, Hermione felt a blush touch her face.
"What could've stopped Voldemort's power?" Remus thought out loud, "I mean, how could Harry break the body bind?"
"Something even more powerful, perhaps," Professor McGonagall replied, "Fawkes?"
"No," Remus came back, "the powers of a phoenix are great but limited to specific things…"
"Do you have any ideas, Harry?" Tonks pressed and Hermione looked up at the young Auror to see that she knew Harry was hiding something.
"Not at the moment," Harry answered, "I haven't had much time to think about it…"
Hermione frowned. She needed to talk to Harry and she needed to talk to him alone. She had a theory on why things happened like they did, but it sounded so preposterous, so unreal in her head that she couldn't believe her thoughts to be real.
She needed to talk to Harry.
She leaned back heavily into her pillows and wearily closed her eyes. Everything was supposed to be simpler once Voldemort was gone but now it just seems so much more complex.
"We should go," Luna said from her spot at Ron's side, "Hermione needs her rest."
Hermione opened her eyes to a flurry of activity as everyone agreed with Luna and prepared to leave. She was getting various good-bye hugs and kisses with Ron, Luna, Neville and Professor McGonagall gone before she knew it. Remus and Ginny were making their way towards the door but both Tonks and Harry seemed reluctant to leave.
"Harry?" Ginny questioned, stopping when she noticed he wasn't with her. Harry looked down at Hermione who returned his look with the slightest of nods.
"I…I think Hermione and I need to…um, talk."
"Is everything alright?" Tonks asked quickly, "Hermione?"
"Everything is fine, Tonks," Hermione replied strongly, ignoring the millions of butterflies that had started swirling around in her belly, "Harry and I just need to talk, that's all."
"Are you…"
"Let it go Tonks," Remus interrupted, "let's let them catch-up. They've both been through a traumatic ordeal…"
"Then I should stay," Ginny stated firmly, making her way back to Harry only finding herself stopped by Remus holding her arm.
"I think this is just between Harry and Hermione," he explained gently only to be met by Weasley fire.
"I am Harry's girlfriend," she spat, ripping her arm from Remus's grip, "I'm part of…"
"Ginny," Harry interrupted tiredly, "I need to speak to Hermione alone for a moment. Please."
Ginny glared at Harry from across the room, but Harry didn't falter. So with a disgruntled 'fine', she turned on her heel and stormed out with a parting scowl in Hermione's direction.
"I hope you two realise that whatever you're hiding will need to be told eventually," Tonks said as she made her way to the door.
"And that you trust us enough to tell us," Remus added with a smile, "good to have you both back."
The silence of the ward was nearly deafening as Hermione sat there, trying to work out what she wanted to say as it seemed Harry was in no hurry to start the conversation.
"Thank you," she managed to get out after a few moments, glancing up at him.
"For what?" he asked, genuinely surprised.
"For saving me."
Harry squirmed slightly and dug his hands awkwardly in his pockets, not looking at Hermione, who was watching him with interest.
"I think it was you who saved me," he mumbled after a moment.
"You think Dumbledore was right?" she asked cryptically, but he knew exactly what she meant.
"I got the power from somewhere," he admitted, glancing at her for the briefest of moments before once more looking at his shoes, "I felt this…surge the moment you said you…you…" but Harry couldn't get the last words out, sending a sliver of fear into Hermione's heart.
"Harry," she cried urgently, forcing herself to her knees so she could get closer to him - to make him look at her, "Harry, you need to forget! You were never meant to know…"
"What?"
"Please," she pleaded, "listen to me! I…I know you don't feel the same about me, that…that you'll never have the same…feelings for me. I know that! I'm fine with that! I've spent so long working through everything, I can deal with the fact that we're only friends! I don't want to lose you, Harry, or make things awkward between us - I can't lose you!
"Please, let's make an official statement and then get Tonks to erase the memory from your mind, make you forget so things can return to normal…"
"You want me to forget the first time any one has ever said that they love me?" Harry asked quietly, finally looking into her eyes, "I can't do that, Hermione."
"It will ruin everything…"
"Only if we let it," he said firmly.
Hermione frantically tried to think of what to say to him, how she was going to fix this mess. She leant back into her pillow, thinking hard.
"Did you mean it?"
His question took her by surprise, making her look at him in shock.
"Did you mean it?" he repeated shyly, "do you really l…love me?" Hermione nodded, her eyes never leaving his, her breath halting when he asked, "how long?"
"A long time," she whispered, "since maybe the end of our third year…"
"I'm…I'm sorry," he stuttered, redness covering his face, "I never realised. Never thought…"
"Oh Harry," she cried, "don't apologise! Don't ever apologise! You can't help the way you feel, I know that! That's why you were never meant to know…oh, this is all such a mess!"
"You were never going to tell me?"
"No," Hermione admitted with a small smile, "unless you suddenly became attracted to me…"
"Oh…"
"All I want is for you to be happy," she added and their eyes met once more, her smile remaining, "because if there is anyone in this world that deserves happiness, it's you. Ginny makes you happy and that's enough for me."
"You deserve to be happy too, Hermione," he whispered.
"I am," was all she said.
Hermione leaned back and closed her eyes, suddenly exhausted from the brief time she had been awake. She also felt a heaviness in her heart from the conversation she had just had, unsure how her confession had changed the relationship she has with Harry.
Because it had changed. She could feel it.
And she knew him. She knew that now he would worry about doing things that might give her a wrong message, or that may hurt her and he would feel guilty about not returning her love.
He was never to know.
"We…we're going to have to tell Remus and Tonks," he said tentatively, and she opened her eyes to look at him, "I know that you want to keep all of this…private, but they need to know…"
"I understand," Hermione replied wearily.
"And Ron too," Harry continued, "I mean, things may be a bit…weird for a little bit…"
"I agree," she sighed, "but no one else, Harry. Promise me that you won't talk about this to anyone else."
"Okay," he said after a moment, then, "I better go. Let you rest."
"Thanks."
"I'll…I'll sort things with the others and see you later?"
"Sure. Fine."
And then he was gone.
Hermione angrily swiped away the few tears that seeped out from her closed lids - she had vowed a while ago that she'd not cry over Harry Potter anymore and that vow hasn't changed. Even though everything else had.
The next few days were slightly surreal as the secret she had hidden away from so many for so long was further exposed as they told Remus, Tonks and Ron. It was agreed that it was her love that gave Harry the strength to overcome such evil and that Albus Dumbledore had in fact been correct when he told Harry all those years ago that it would his ability to love that will win.
Tonks assured Hermione that her confession would not go any further, even officially, and Ron assured Hermione that he would tell no-one, not even Luna. But Hermione was sure she saw pity when they looked at her. And Harry wouldn't even look at her...
She was finally given the all clear to go home so it was with a bit a relief that she started packing up her meagre belongings, ready to go home to her parents in Oxford. Everyone was out at a make shift Quidditch game and she hoped she could just slip out without much fuss. They all knew she was going - it wasn't like she was disappearing off the face of the earth - but she felt guilty just the same.
She felt like she was running away.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione took one last look around the hospital ward, smiling sadly at the memories the walls contained, then went to leave, only to find the entrance blocked by Ron.
"You were going without saying goodbye?" he asked, slightly annoyed.
"I thought you were playing Quidditch," she replied, ignoring his question.
"Leg's hurting too much," he explained, but didn't move from his spot blocking the door, "you should at least say goodbye."
"It's not like I'm leaving forever, Ron," Hermione sniped, "I'm only going home!"
"He's going to be right pissed off if you if you go without saying anything."
"Harry will be fine," she continued, trying to get past Ron, "he doesn't need me…"
"Are you two ever going to get past this?"
Hermione stopped in her tracks, took a deep breath and then looked up into the concerned face of her friend.
"I hope so," she sighed.
"She's not right for him, you know," Ron said suddenly.
"Who?" Hermione asked, confused, "Ginny?"
"Yeah," he continued, "I thought she was, once, but she isn't. Don't give up on him."
"Thanks Ron," she smiled before giving him a hug, her smile growing when, after a few moments, he returned it, "say goodbye to everyone for me will you?"
"Sure," Ron grinned, "let me get scowled at!"
"He'll be fine."
"Take care Hermione."
"You too," and with a smile and a parting wave, Hermione made her way out of Hogwarts.