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In Retrospect by cosmopolitan411
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In Retrospect

cosmopolitan411

Chapter XIV: Of Reconnections and New Connections

--

"Tell me about Ron," Andersen requested, in Harry's humble opinion, rather suddenly.

Harry stiffened ever so slightly at that order. "Why?" he asked suspiciously.

"Because you never mention him save for when you're telling me some story or another that includes Hermione and he happens to be there. So, I'm curious, I want to know his place in your life, what he means to you, what you think of him, etcetera," Andersen explained.

"I think he's the luckiest sod on the face of the planet," Harry answered honestly.

"Why?"

Harry's muscles tensed, making it clear that he wasn't too fond of the direction the conversation was taking. "Why do you want to know?"

"Well is it because he had the chance to grow up in a large family whereas you were an orphan at an early age in your life or, perchance, is it something else?" Andersen asked, trying to keep a smug grin off of his face as he cornered Harry, he so did enjoy their little games at times.

"You know why," Harry muttered through gritted teeth.

Andersen shook his head innocently. "No, I'm afraid I don't unless you tell me, Harry."

Clearly aggravated, Harry rolled his eyes. "Because he has Hermione, happy?"

"Very," Andersen simply retorted. And, really, he was.

--

She knocked on the door impatiently, not caring that her actions were so rough that they were bordering on the point of pounding-and at six in the morning no less.

A haggard Harry wrenched the door open with a glare firmly put in place, but it quickly melted into a look of utter astonishment and bafflement as soon as he saw who it was at his doorstep. "Hermione, love, what the hell are you doing here at this hour?" he asked, scratching his stomach as he yawned-drawing, what Hermione considered to be, unwanted attention to his irritatingly well-defined chest and stomach.

"I want to spend the day together."

He stared at her dumbly. "Now?!"

"Yes now," she retorted as if he'd asked the stupidest question ever. "We haven't really just spent time together in what feels like ages, it's always work with us as of late and I was up all night last night thinking about it… it really bothered me, Harry, so we're going to rectify that today," she resolutely informed him with a decisive nod just for authoritativeness sake.

"Now?-as in, right now?"

"Yes! Go get dressed, we're leaving, I have an itinerary here and we're already behind because of all of your whining so go!" she shooed him as if her request wasn't entirely preposterous, but he instead was the odd one in the scenario.

He dragged a hand through his hair, eying her warily before finally sighing. "Fine, I'd rather not have to deal with you possibly harming my `shlong' if you don't get your way, I'm rather fond of it as it is and enjoy it being intact," he spoke as he made his way towards his bedroom, leaving her laughing at the jibe at the term she'd once used as she let herself enter and closed the door behind herself.

She only laughed in response to that, listening to him grunt and moan as he begrudgingly prepared for their day out on the town.

--

"Ron and Hermione… it's hard to give an exact definition to that relationship," Harry explained. "They're more fucked up than me at times, honestly," Harry said, an admission that actually made Andersen snort. "Really, though, half the time you don't know what to even make of them. They can be so great together while so utterly terrible at the same time and you don't even know whether to say it's a good sort of contradictoriness or not. It's capable of giving you a terrible migraine really, trying to rationalize it and all."

"But they don't see it that way?" Andersen ventured.

Harry shook his head. "No, they do… but, still, they can't stay away, they always come back to one another… not quite sure why though."

"You never asked Hermione?" Andersen asked, genuinely surprised.

Harry shrugged.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Andersen cocked his head to the side, observing Harry critically. "And why not?"

"I don't know."

Andersen paused, openly staring at Harry by then. "…but… yet you do."

Harry snorted. "I highly doubt that if I said I don't."

"You're lying," Andersen said, calling him on his bluff. "And I know it, as do you, so just tell me why not rather than playing games and fishing for answers today because, chances are, I already know the answer… what really matters is that you say the words, you need to."

"Do you really believe the shite you spew?"

"Yes, I do."

Harry didn't respond and Andersen just sat patiently and silently, waiting for Harry's move. "Fine, I'll say it."

"Okay, go."

Harry paused, sighing deeply. "I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"Of her answer."

"Why?" Andersen asked the million pound/dollar/galleon question.

Harry turned, his heated gaze moving to Andersen's for the first time during that session. "Because what if she says that despite everything they're meant to be… what if she tells me that he's it for her? Where do I go then? What hope is there then?"

Even Andersen was shocked by the blas� response. He certainly hadn't expected that caliber of honestly, so he paused for a minute before finally collecting himself and asking: "And you need this hope?"

"You know I do as well as I do, let's not B.S. here, Doc," Harry said before slapping his legs with his hands and hopping off the couch, leaving the office with a bang of a finale when he slammed the door on his way out.

--

"This was an… interesting idea," Harry admitted as the two walked through Grad in Dubrovnik, Hermione's chosen destination for their "Harry and Hermione Day"-as she'd chosen to name it.

She shrugged, licking her ice cream. "I was here a few years ago, this place is so old, one of the oldest cities in Europe, Harry… there's so much history and beauty here… I fell in love with it immediately and I wanted to finally have a chance to share it with someone."

"You've never taken Ron with you?" Harry asked, genuinely surprised.

She shook her head, turning to look at him with a small, impish smile. "I've always thought about sharing it with you first, honestly… I don't know why, but I thought it'd be the perfect place to take you some day so, last night, I thought why not just do it today," she admitted with a slight blush.

He grinned broadly at her, throwing an arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side. "I'm glad you did."

"So you're not mad at me for the impromptu visit at six in the morning and the whole forcing you to go ordeal then?"

"No," he shook his head with a small chuckle. "I'll admit it's a shame that it's not summer since this is the Adriatic and a swim would be nice, but it's amazing here nonetheless."

She nodded. "It is a beautiful country."

"So, honestly now, what really brought on this whole epiphany of yours?" Harry asked her as they turned the corner, entering a small square where a piazza was placed, Hermione stopping at a booth where bags of dried lavender were being sold as Harry spoke.

She winced at his words, putting down the bag with a smile at the old lady managing the stand, before turning to look at him. "I... I don't know, really. I just... I've missed being with you, really being with you, you're my best mate, Harry... my confidante and one of the most important people in my life, but it doesn't feel like that as of late, it feels... I don't know," she sighed, dragging a hand through her hair as she closed her eyes in an attempt to collect her thoughts. "As much as we've talked, we also haven't... I miss freely talking about anything and everything with you... I miss those moments when it's just us and the entire world disappears," she admitted with a light flush. "I know it sounds terribly dramatic, but... well, I suppose you can't choose the way you feel..."

He smiled down at her, taking her hand in his and leading her out of the piazza and towards the cafe right by the church that they had passed only moments before. "How about we take a seat, get some coffee, and talk, sound good?"

She beamed up at him when she heard those words. "I'd really like that," she shyly admitted, her flush only growing.

--

"We broke up again," she cried, throwing herself into Harry's arms as soon as he opened the door to his place.

He winced at her words, well aware of what the night would entail. "Shh, it'll be okay, I have strawberry sorbet in the icebox and Nutella in the pantry," he whispered into her ear as he led her towards the kitchen, stumbling a bit as he walked since she was still enfolded in his embrace.

He sat her down on a stool at the island in his kitchen before bringing a bowl, sorbet, whip cream, and nutella to her. He immediately moved to prepare her favorite dessert-placing two scoops into the bowl, smearing on some nutella and topping it all off with whip cream. He placed the dessert before her, taking out a spoon and putting it in her shaky hand. She took a large bite of it, her body considerably less shaky once the food was in her mouth and Harry couldn't help but smile at how that was so like her own personal calming draught.

"Now, care to tell me what happened?"

"It's-it's always the same, Harry… the same arguments over and over again, and-and I think I've finally had enough of it," she admitted, taking another huge bite, sniffling as she chewed.

Harry cocked an eyebrow at her. "You have?" he asked, disbelievingly.

"Yes! Honestly."

He merely stared at her.

"Really, Harry, I have! Look, I'll prove it," she responded by pulling his face towards her and crushing his lips with her own. He sat there in a paralyzed shock as she continued to kiss him and, despite everything, he sat there as stiff as a plank.

He didn't know what to do, how to respond-or at least to what extent as the maneuvering definitely wouldn't be a factor he'd have a problem. Particularly not with her, to be sure. He was at a total loss as her lips stayed glued to his, it just wasn't right. That wasn't how it was meant to be-no, he had had it all planned out in his head, the penultimate moment, and now she'd just bollixed it all up with that kiss there. She was supposed to be stable and sane the moment that it happened, her tears, if there were any, were supposed to be of joy, and it was supposed to end with a slow and sensual shag that'd then be followed by a right kinky shag.

It just wasn't right, and what the hell was he supposed to do now?

When Hermione finally pulled away her eyes were wide in shock. "Oh my God, I can't believe I just did that! I am so sorry, Harry… I didn't mean to do that, I was just angry and… well, I don't know why, but I think it has to do with Ron saying I'm never impulsive and don't do anything surprising… but, still, please don't hate me…" she cried. "Ron just got me so mad with those comments, and I wanted to prove him wrong-and… and it was so wrong to use you like that… I actually can't believe I did, and for retaliation of all things… oh God," she moaned. "I'm so sorry!…"

As Hermione continued rambling on about how apologetic she was Harry could only stare at her and curse the fact that that was how their first kiss went. A fucking error in judgment-a moment of anger, of all things. "Well, fuck," he thought to himself with a grimace.

"It… it's okay," he finally muttered.

--

She smiled as she made her way onto the balcony of the villa she'd, unbeknownst to either Ron or Harry, bought during her last stay in Croatia. "They call that beach there Banje," she informed him, pointing to the beach that he'd been staring at as she handed him a drink.

"It's beautiful," he murmured, taking a sip of the citrus concoction.

She smiled wistfully. "Yeah, it really is… people here aren't really the nicest, at least as far as tourists are concerned, but the country is beautiful, to be sure."

He hummed in agreement before silently turning to look at her-watching her watch the water. "What made you decide to buy a house of all things here?"

She shrugged. "I wanted to do something… I don't know, shocking, I suppose. "Un-me, maybe."

"And what the hell is wrong with you?" Harry asked, rather affronted by the prospect.

She smiled at his question. "You're sweet, too kind to me, really… I don't deserve this pedestal you put me on, Harry, and you should realize that sooner or later because it'll be a ghastly thing to overcome once you see me fall… once I don't meet expectations."

He, however, adamantly shook his head, gruffly replying with a "No."

She winced. "You… I-I can't live up to those standards, Harry… I'm not the girl you see; it's time you see that."

He rolled his eyes, laughing loudly as he looked at her, shaking his head. "You really just don't get it, do you?"

Her eyes clouded with confusion-that definitely hadn't been the reaction she'd been expecting, to say the least. "What are you talking about?" she incredulously demanded.

"I don't think you're perfect, at least not in the manner you're speaking of," he honestly reassured her.

It did not, however, have the results that he may have hoped for as she only raised a doubtful eyebrow and asked: "Really?"

He simply nodded his head.

"Are you being honest, Harry?"

"I don't think you're perfect, it'd be scary if you were, honestly, imagine the standards I'd have to live up to then-as if it's not bad enough now!"

She giggled despite herself. "But you do put me on a pedestal, and that's entirely undeserved nonetheless!" she argued, a dangerous flicker in her eyes as she put both hands on her hips.

"Trust me," he assured her, yet again. "It's not undeserved… not in the slightest."

She guffawed. "How can it not be, Harry?"

"Because."

"Why?" she persisted annoyingly, letting her arms go slack and sit at her sides.

He rolled his eyes, clenching his jaw and increasing the vice grip on his drink as he looked at her. "Just… don't… please, just don't, Hermione," he pathetically pleaded with her.

And, regrettably, to no avail as her only response was: "No, don't be a prat, don't string me around, tell me the truth, I need to know! There's something you aren't telling me, Harry, that much I can see for myself, but what is it? How can you justify putting me on some blasted pedestal as you do? I don't-I… I need to know, Harry," her voice slowly weakened with each word, reaching the point of merely whispering. "I-it makes me feel so inadequate, I need to understand… I don't see how I can live up to this image you have and I'm so afraid of disappointing you… of seeing the look on your face when you realize I'm no better than anyone else in the world."

"That's not true," he gruffly promised her.

"Yes, it is."

"No, it's not, and you won't disappoint me… ever."

"How can you just know?" she cried desperately.

"Because… because… ugh!" he groaned.

Neither he nor she knew how what happened next exactly came to be, it was all a blur. One moment each was trying to stop themselves from wringing the other's neck and the next moment she was being pulled to Harry's body, his lips crashing down upon hers, their tongues melding together in a heady kiss. It was raw and hot, to be sure… it was also quick to end, a mere ten or so seconds at most.

She pushed him away, both gasping for air when they separated. She stared at him, eyes wide, trying to collect herself before finally saying: "That was a mistake."

--

author's note: so I got into a terrible argument with my boyfriend over my having paid more attention to soccer than him yesterday [he actually have the gall to accuse me of emasculating him by being the very definition of the man in the relationship] so once I realized that that relationship had pretty much just gone to hell I hoped to compensate for my severely lacking love life with some HPFF romance.

Hope you enjoyed it!

Thank Searcy for the wonderfully quick update, she got this back to me in a matter of hours!

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