Chapter 2
After about five minutes, Harry closed the door and hurriedly went up. He saw Hermione sitting by the window.
"So, you picked the room beside me eh? I knew it! You wouldn't be able to resist me."
"Shut up, it just happens the view is nice here."
They both didn't say anything after that. They felt so comfortable with each other a while ago. Now there's just this...tension. It's different. They're going backwards, ice breaker before the ice. The two of them have always been different. Harry just sat on the edge of the bed and looked at Hermione, who was staring back at him.
I've missed you. I'm sorry I failed. I'm sorry for letting you down. I'm sorry. Please let me be not too late, please, let me make it right, his eyes seemed to say.
Hermione looked away.
"So how are you Harry?"
Harry blinked a couple of times. He wasn't expecting Hermione to veer away from the impending conversation. And just like that, something snapped inside him.
"Running away again eh?"
"Running away what- I don't...I....what are you talking about Harry?"
"You know it's funny...we never had the confrontation like the one they printed in the Prophet. Sometimes I wish we just had that. I wish you just shouted at me. I wish I shouted back. I wish we both broke vases, plates, glasses. I wish you slapped me."
He knew he shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be saying those things. But he couldn't stop. He couldn't.
"Harry--"
Hermione was panicking. She didn't expect this.
"I wish you just cheated on me. I wish I just cheated on you. I wish it was normal. Isn't that how it goes? Someone cheats, a shouting match ensues, a slap here, and then boom- break-up. Then you don't talk to each other ever again. You become part of each other's pasts."
"I can't believe you're---"
"I wish we were normal, Hermione. But no, we just...you just came up to me one day and said: 'let's break-up Harry, I'm moving to France.' And then I said: 'Okay.' No tears, no sad good-byes. It was just...okay. Now I see you outside my front door, we just banter like before, like nothing went wrong. It's like nothing ever happened at all."
"Please Harry, this is the last thing I expected you to say my first day back here. I...Harry, I asked you if it was okay for me to leave and you said yes. You said yes. We both agreed it wasn't working out. Harry what--"
"What I'm talking about is that it hurt Hermione! It hurt!" Harry shouted. Hermione jumped at his sudden outburst.
After a while, Harry felt like a bucket of water has been splashed over his head. Horrified, he hurriedly said, "Hermione....I'm sorry I...I didn't mean to shout...maybe we should just....drop this...for now...and...I didn't...." He got up, not looking at Hermione, fearful of the emotions that might come over him again.
Hermione just sat there, a mixture of emotions going through her- confusion, regret, anger, sadness....She heard the turning of the door knob.
"Oh you want to talk? Then let's talk Harry! Don't run away," Hermione challenged.
"I said just drop---"
"No go ahead! Let's talk! Let's talk about how apparently you weren't okay with how things ended! Let's talk about how you fooled me into thinking everything was fine between us! Let's talk about that Harry, I'd love to hear all about it."
"Merlin Hermione, calm down. Don't get so worked up. It was a stupid thing to say and seriously let's drop---"
"I will not drop it. Answer me Harry, answer me. Why did you say yes when I asked you if I can go to France? Why did you break-up with me?"
Harry was silent for a few minutes. They were staring at each other. Hermione's eyes were challenging while Harry's looked resigned, tired....
"I realized the problem before you did, Hermione," Harry whispered. "Yeah that's right, I figured it out before you did. This was the one time I was smarter than you." Despite the intensity of the conversation, both Harry and Hermione smiled at that.
"Don't laugh, it's true. I figured that we were so alike; the war affected us in the exact same way." Hermione felt a shiver go through her at Harry's words. He knew it before she did. She arrived at the answer five years later.
"And I knew I had to stop. I had to stop saving others and stop forgetting about you, or myself. But then, I don't know Hermione....you got that offer and you were just....happy. Happier than you've ever been...I've never seen you so driven, so excited. I just didn't have it in me to stop you. I thought it was selfish...to stop you, I mean. And then you brought up the topic of us breaking up and I just couldn't say no to that. I thought I was going to be okay, that I could handle it. But then you left, there was no one to go home to, Crookshanks doesn't even annoy me anymore, there's no threat of someone burning down the kitchen anymore...and....and...."
Harry was surprised that his eyes were watering. Oh you won't cry Potter, man up, don't cry. You didn't for five years, don't give up now.
"Harry...."
At the sound of Hermione's voice, he broke down. He cried. He cried for the relationship he never mourned for. He shed out all the tears he suppressed for five years. He let out all the hurt, the pain he had to carry all those years. Hermione held him, herself crying. She didn't know. She didn't realize how much it affected Harry. For her it was easy to move on, she left England. It was easy to start anew. But Harry....
After a while, Harry calmed down, his sobbing stopped. "I'm sorry. I didn't...I wasn't supposed to..."
"Shhh, Harry, shhh...." Hermione was patting his back, combing his hair with her hands, holding him...comforting him...
And then she realized Harry fell asleep in her arms, once again.