Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the intellectual property of JK Rowling, and the fiscal property of JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing, and Warner Bros. No profit has been made from this work.
Author's Note: I'm sorry. This just... popped into my head. It's fluffy and silly... I should probably just bin the file...
"Ah, Hermione!" Lavender exclaimed happily. "What marvellous timing!"
Hermione's eyes narrowed warily at Lavender's happy tone. "Whatever it is, nobody saw me do it and you can't prove anything."
Lavender blinked in confusion. "Er... okay?"
"So, you weren't asking who left all the hair in the showe... Never mind." Hermione said quickly. "Why is this `marvellous timing'?"
With a slight shrug, Lavender held up the magazine she'd been reading. Hermione suppressed a grimace when she saw it was Teen Witch Weekly. "There's a new article about soul bonds in here!"
This time, Hermione didn't bother to suppress her grimace. "Soul bonds? Why on Earth would you read about that?"
Lavender gaped convincingly. "Hermione! How can you say that? Soul bonds are the most romantic things ever!"
"No, they bloody well aren't." Harry said, unnoticed, from directly behind them, quickly getting the girls' attention as they all jumped. Hermione, naturally, knew that he was there. Lavender, Parvati, Ginny and Romilda nearly jumped out of their skins.
"H-Harry!" Ginny exclaimed, holding her hand against her chest. "Sweet Merlin, you nearly scared the life out of me!"
"You're wrong about soul bonds." Harry said, ambling round the armchair and slumping onto the couch with a heavy grunt.
"Why?"
"Because they're not the most romantic thing in the world." Harry grunted, closing his eyes and slumping even further.
"Spoken like a boy!" Lavender snorted disdainfully. "Like you'd understand anything about romance."
"Perhaps not." Harry admitted, not opening his eyes. "I do, however, know quite a bit about soul bonds."
"Harry." Hermione said warningly.
"No, come on, Hermione..." Harry said, looking up at her, "they think soul bonds are so bloody marvellous... you've been bitching to me for almost two years about this. Why not let them know the truth?"
"Because it's horribly embarrassing." Hermione replied instantly. "And you know perfectly well that it's horribly embarrassing."
"Well, yes, I do... But, still... they think `they're the most romantic things ever!'" He concluded in a mocking tone.
"Fine." Hermione grumped.
"So, what do you know about soul bonds?" Lavender asked, leaning forward, resting her elbows on her knees, eager for some new morsel of gossip.
"I have one."
That comment brought absolute silence in the Gryffindor common room, as every student stopped what they were doing. Seventy-six pairs of eyeballs swivelled to Harry, all pretence gone. Only one set, that belonging to Hermione, was not gaping at him. Instead, she was staring at the ceiling, wishing for a hole to open up in the Earth and swallow her whole.
"W-What... who... when... how..." Lavender's mouth was opening and closing, with random sounds coming out. "Why..."
"All good questions." Harry said, staring intently at her. "Okay... `What' is `dunno'. `Who?' is my dear, sweet-"
"Piss off."
"Hermione." Harry continued, as though said lady hadn't interrupted him. "`When?' was during the first task of the Tri-Wizard tournament. `How?' I would guess was because of the... stress I was under, not to mention a healthy fear of death and a good dollop of adrenaline, while Hermione was feeling something almost as intense. The `Why?'... I don't have a bloody clue. It just happened."
Lavender's jaw was resting on her sternum as she looked at Harry, then Hermione, then back at Harry...
"Oh, for the love of God..." Hermione muttered, feeling the rest of Gryffindor staring at her. "Will you please stop staring?"
"But..." Ginny blinked. "How did you keep this from us? Why did you keep this from us?"
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Probably to avoid a scene like everyone's making now. Contrary to popular opinion, neither my bond-mate nor I appreciate being stared at."
"But... you have a soul bond!" Lavender squealed, getting over the shock and into full gossip-mode. "That's so sweet and romantic!"
"No, it bloody well isn't!" Harry and Hermione snapped in perfect unison.
"See! That's so sweet! You always know what each other's thinking!" Ginny said, clapping her hands in glee.
Harry groaned and buried his face in his hands. "You don't know anything about this..."
"Tell us!" Every girl near-screamed in unison, before a `tell us!' chant began reverberating throughout the common room.
"Oh, joy..." Hermione muttered, rolling her eyes. "Fine." Again, silence reigned throughout the common room as everyone waited for Hermione to continue. "Picture the scene; you've just witnessed your best friend fighting a dragon, and you've been scared shitless that entire time. You go and see him, start hugging him, and what happens? You start hearing his voice in your head, wishing that you'd move a little closer, maybe wiggle a bit."
Eyes began turning to Harry, who just shrugged. "Fourteen and male... get over it."
"So, you step back, looking at him, thinking `he didn't just say that... did he?' Harry looks at me and says `I didn't say anything'. So, I thought something... uncomplimentary about him."
"You call me a perverted little psychotic junkie who needed a spanking." Harry supplied dutifully, looking up at her with a smirk. "You then offered to spank me."
"So," Hermione continued without pause, "we found out that we have the ability to speak to each other in our minds... what a joy that is."
Lavender appeared outraged. "Hermione, I can't believe you! You get to experience one of the most rare magical phenomena, and you're complaining."
"Like I said, I was fourteen and male." Harry said wryly. "What are fourteen year old boys famous for thinking about?"
There was silence as the girls pondered the question and the boys began to blush. When the girls finally caught up, most of them shared an expression of mutual distaste.
"Christ, at one point I thought I was a lesbian." Hermione groused. "I kept thinking about breasts, and I found myself checking out Parvati when she got out of the shower."
Parvati began to blush.
"I didn't have a bloody clue that Harry was able to share my senses and he was the one checking out Parvati using my eyes."
"Hey, I had it just as bad." Harry pointed out. "Listening to you recite bloody Arithmancy formulae constantly. Hearing your thoughts during the end of year exams damned near drove me out of my mind."
"Oh?" Hermione asked dangerously. "And listening to your thoughts during History of Magic? A fourteen year old fantasising about tits, Quidditch, tits, food, tits, the Yule Ball and... oh, yeah; tits!"
Several of the younger students, who'd learned that Hermione's temper often got the better of her, began packing up their belongings, edging towards the portrait hole.
"Well, you're not exactly sweetness and bloody light, are you?" Harry asked angrily, sitting up on the couch. "Constantly nagging in my mind! `Don't slouch, Harry!' `Shouldn't you be out of bed by now?' `Four cups of coffee, Harry?' Sweet Jesus... it was like having the most irritating person in the world constantly speaking to you!"
Hermione's eyes narrowed dangerously. "You'd better think very clearly, Harry Potter..."
"Or what?"
"Or I'll tell people the truth!"
"`Truth'?" Harry asked, casually noting people sneaking out of the common room. "How's this for truth; I've had to suffer every single fucking period you've had for almost three years!" Every male in the house gasped, while the girls smiled smugly.
"As I have... and I've had to suffer every single hard-on that you've had... every dirty little fantasy!" More of the `brave' house of Gryffindor began to run, heading away before Mount Granger erupted in a pyroclastic display.
"And I've had to put up with you being nagging, shirty, irritating... I've seen your fantasies when you've been asleep, too, remember?"
With a snarl, Hermione stepped forward, casually moving around a group of fourth years as they made a break for freedom. "And you, constantly telling me to calm down... do you have any idea how much that winds me up?"
Harry stood, stepping round Parvati, Lavender and Ginny as they quietly began to walk towards the portrait hole. "And you think that me winding you up is less than what you do to me?"
Hermione took another pace forward and grabbed Harry's shirt, staring hard at him. They gone? She asked him mentally.
Harry glanced round, happily noting that the common room was empty. Yep. Room's empty.
Don't you think there was probably an easier way than this?
Probably. Harry said as he began to unbutton her blouse. But, you have to admit; it was fun.
Hermione moaned as Harry expertly tweaked her nipple on the way past. It is... but, you should admit you enjoy having arguments for the angry make-up sex.
Just because they aren't real arguments doesn't mean we can't have make-up sex, my love. Harry sent as he began to lick her collar bone, making her moan again as her fists nodded in his hair.
You're so good at this...
Harry's hand dropped lower, pulling up her far-too short skirt. Is this regulation, Head Girl?
Who gives a flying fuck? Hermione asked as she felt Harry banish her knickers. Shouldn't we seal the portrait hole?
Should. Harry sent back as he began gently massaging her glorious butt cheeks. But, admit it; you get turned on at the thought of getting caught.
True... but, I also like to have enough time to finish, too...
Harry smirked as he dropped to his knees, inhaling her scent deeply. Have I ever let you leave unsatisfied? He leaned closer, pushing up her skirt and gently running his tongue along her damp entrance.
N-No... Hermione moaned. Don't tease... Harry... please...
Harry stood, wrapping an arm around her waist as he quickly guided her to a table, reaching into his robe pocket and pulling out a small book. He slammed it onto the table, enlarging it absently. Hermione quickly assumed the position, bending over the desk and opening the book.
You're so good to me...
Unzipping, Harry manoeuvred himself into position. I'm gonna be better in a minute... now, my love; start reading...
Hermione gasped as Harry sheathed himself smoothly inside her, waiting a moment before he began a fast and oh-so-enjoyable rhythm. It took a moment for her brain to reboot as she began reading this week's book: Lady Chatterley's Lover.
As she was reading, Harry reflected just how cool soul bonds were... especially when Hermione read out smut during their sex.
F-Faster, Harry... Hermione moaned.
Yep... soul bonds were cool.
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