JKR owns.
Just Decide
Chapter Five
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Their lips gravitated back together and before either of them knew it, Hermione was threading her fingers through his hair and he was pushing through the seal of her lips with his tongue.
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Harry threw all rational thoughts to the wind as he started pushing Hermione back towards the bed. He could barely recognize her lifting his shirt over his head, and wasn't sure when he thought to start unbuttoning her trousers.
By the time they fell back on the bed, both of their tops were gone, and each had eagerly kicked their shoes to the floor. Harry moved over her as they positioned themselves more on the center of the bed.
He broke the kiss as Hermione's hands went back to his pants, pushing them down as efficiently as she could. His mouth trailed down over her cheek, and passed over the spot right underneath her jaw that always made her shudder.
Sure enough, a shiver ran down Hermione's spine. Harry felt this, and suddenly sat up on his knees to pull off her own jeans. He needed her. Now.
It wasn't long before they were both completely free of their clothes. Harry kissed her hard on the lips before moving in between her legs, and entering her.
Hermione let out a gasp of pleasure, the pain she'd been accustomed to feel a few weeks ago, totally gone. Now it was purely ecstasy she felt as he pushed in and out of her.
Her eyes rolled back slightly and she let out a short pant as Harry thrusted faster than ever. She knew this was wrong, but it felt too good. That was all she could focus on as her pleasure boiled inside her.
It was when Harry's wet lips brushed over her ear, that she let out her cry of release. Harry wasn't too far behind.
With a hoarse groan, he collapsed on top of her and dropped his head between her neck and shoulder. They were both still breathing hard, so Harry regained some of his strength before speaking.
"So… I'm guessing that this really does mean something to you?" he asked, rolling onto his side next to her.
"Yes Harry, it does," Hermione answered him quietly, though she was still trying to regain her breath. Didn't he understand that she wouldn't be able to have sex with him if it didn't? Of course she wasn't that shallow! But then again, she was cheating on Ron… so perhaps Harry's confusion wasn't so dim.
Harry propped himself up on his elbow so that he could look at her properly, "You've really missed me?"
"Every day," she whispered, her eyes now closed.
"Have you kissed Ron like the way you kiss me?"
"Can we please not talk about him? Let's not ruin the night-"
"Answer the question, Hermione," Harry said sternly. No matter how awkward they might've been to say, he needed her answers.
She sighed, obviously now frustrated, "No. Okay? It's never that passionate."
Harry couldn't wipe the smile off his face, "How come, do you think?"
"What's with the twenty questions Harry? Why can't you just enjoy the moment with me?" Hermione asked, giving him an exasperated look. Was he trying to make her feel worse? She felt guilty that when she wasn't with him he was upset, but now he was making her feel guilty for not having stronger feelings for Ron! What was he getting at?
"I need to hear your answers," Harry voiced his earlier thought.
Hermione shook her head, "I honestly don't know. Maybe it's because he's trying not to overwhelm me. He can be pretty gentlemanly when he wants to be…"
"I thought you said he had been pushing you for sex though?"
She bit her lip and shrugged lightly, "I mean, he sort of has-"
"Do you think you'll ever give in to him?" Harry asked, his eyes burning down into hers.
"What?" Hermione asked, completely appalled.
"Ron's still a virgin Hermione. I've seen the way he leers at you. The bloke has a one track mind, and unfortunately you're on the end of it. How do you feel about that?"
She shook her head quickly, still revolted by his bluntness. "I-I don't know, Harry! Weird, I guess. To be honest, I prefer just not to think about it."
"Why so?" he continued unabashedly.
Hermione let out a heated breath through her nose. She couldn't believe she was actually about to admit this to him. Through gritted teeth, she spoke, "Because when I think about having sex, it always includes you somehow."
Harry gave her a lopsided grin that made her heart flutter. She gave him a mocking look, "Are you happy now?"
Harry only continued to smile, "Why do you think you only think about me?"
"Because you're the only guy I've done it with," she shrugged, finding that to be a decent enough answer.
"The only guy you'll ever want to do it with?" Harry asked.
That time, Hermione sat up straight, clutching the covers over her bare chest, "I-I- what?! How can you expect me to answer that?"
"Honestly," he shrugged simply. "Do you see yourself being with me in a year's time? In ten?"
Hermione gave him a wide-eyed look, "Harry…"
"Can you see yourself being married to Ron?"
Hermione stared at him. That answer was surprisingly easy to sort out, "No."
Harry nodded quietly, before sitting up next to her. He didn't reach for her, but stared her full-on in the eyes, "I plan on being with the girl I love in a year and ten years time, Hermione. I don't want a bloke to get in the way of that, especially if they don't love the girl as much as I do, and if she doesn't love him."
"What?" Hermione gasped, "Lo- H-Harry…" she stuttered, eyeing him unsurely. She began shaking her head back and forth slightly, giving him a pleading look while trying to keep from crying, "Please Harry, don't say it."
"I love you." Hermione bit her lip. If only he had admitted that to her a year or two ago… she would have been over the moon to hear it then, "Can you really, honestly, without me answering for you, say the same for Ron?"
"I-I don't know…"
Harry nodded, not relenting his gaze. Maybe he'd been deluding himself thinking he'd hear something different from her. But if she really didn't know, he wasn't going to wait around and torture himself while she tried to figure it out. "Well find out. Then maybe we can talk about where this is going." He threw the covers off him and slid out of his bed, searching around on the ground for his clothes.
"What do you mean?" she asked behind him with a worried frown.
Harry rolled his eyes at her inability to grasp what he was telling her. Was she trying to fake stupid on purpose? "I don't want just a taste of you, Hermione," he muttered, finding his boxers and pulling them on, "I want the whole thing."
"What if you regret it?" she asked quietly after a few seconds.
Harry shook his head, "That isn't possible. After all I've been through, I know exactly what I want. What I need. And that doesn't include me being your bloke on the side."
"Harry…"
By that point, Harry had already pulled his trousers on, and had his shirt in his hand. He walked over to the door, and turned once he was there. "I got to go. Think about what I said."
Hermione didn't have a chance to call after him, because by then he'd already taken off down the hallway. And even if she could, she didn't know what she'd say to him. She didn't want to lie to him, and tell him everything he wanted to hear when the truth of the matter was that she just didn't know what she was feeling. Obviously, she had feelings for him. But when she concentrated on it, she had feelings for Ron too.
Yes, it was very different being with Harry. It was effortless, almost, when he wasn't being a hounding ass. Other than that… it was natural.
With Ron, however, she had to try to have a good time with him. She had to tell herself not to comment on things she normally would've around him, or not to talk about things he'd have a hard time understanding while she was with him. They didn't have much in common, really. She'd thought the answer to that, though, was that opposites attract. She'd always thought that'd been a good thing. But was it really? Her and Harry had plenty of things in common. She could talk to him, and not have to worry about him not understanding something. He got her more than Ron did.
But did that matter? She and Ron were alright together when she did try. Maybe she was being selfish.
But was it really being selfish, when she could have something… better?
Because that's what it would be with Harry. It'd be better. Happier. Easier.
Passionate.
The way that Harry had said that he loved her… it did crazy things to her. She'd dreamt of hearing that come from him, but that was a long time ago. She was only a silly girl then, with a crush on her best friend, because he was the first boy who'd been nice to her. He was the first boy she'd ever truly cared about.
And with Ron… well, he's told her that too. But it was different when he said it. She couldn't get that same spark of adrenaline when she remembered Ron saying it. Did that mean something? Or was this all in her imagination?
No. What she has with Ron was an actual relationship. That was real. And what she has with Harry… Well, she's clearly not supposed to have it, but that doesn't make it any less real. To be honest, it was far more real than anything she'd ever experienced with Ron. And that was what scared her the most.
Was it possible? Could she have the actual relationship and the spark of adrenaline, too? Didn't she owe it to herself to find out? Or would the cost be too great?
Harry's words played over in her head. He wanted to be with the woman he loved in ten year's time, not beating around the bush in some illegitimate scandal. And if Hermione couldn't see herself marrying Ron, then what was she doing, really?
Maybe Harry's questions weren't as ludicrous as she originally thought. With a shuddering sigh, Hermione fell back into the pillows. She tried to picture Ron kissing up her neck, the way Harry had earlier that night. She tried to imagine his hands unbuttoning her trousers and slipping inside…
Instantly, her face soured and her legs snapped shut. That- that was Harry's territory. It wouldn't seem right with Ron on top of her instead.
Quickly, Hermione shook her head, trying to clear away the images. Maybe Harry's question was easier to answer than she thought.
It was true- she did have love for Ron. But Harry… she just loved him. It was the most complicated 'plain and simple' feeling she had. Why wait to possibly one day fall in love with Ron, when she had these feelings, and many more, now, with Harry?
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Harry walked quietly back into his room a few hours later. The light was off, so he figured that Hermione had left after he did. Figures. She was getting good at running away from him.
Maybe that was his fault, for being so pushy with her. But he couldn't help it. He wanted so badly for her to see what he saw… to feel the way he felt… Sure it was selfish, but what else could he do? Sit back and wait for her to realize that she'd rather be with him more? That Ron didn't love her properly, and that he loved her like he had never loved anything else in his life? How long would it take for her to see those things without his pushing? Could he really wait?
He sighed loudly, knowing that was a silly question. Of course he'd wait. What else did he have to do in life?
"Harry?"
Harry snapped his head back in the direction of his bed. It was completely covered in shadows, but he could make out Hermione sitting up, in the exact same spot he had left her in.
"Hermione?" he asked, almost in awe.
"Yeah." Hermione twisted on the bed and reached over to turn on his bedside lamp. Once a dim light filled the room, she turned back to him with a shy look on her face. She'd been running over her speech ever since she'd made her decision, but now that he was here, staring at her with his burning eyes, her calculated words all seemed to fall apart.
"What are you doing here?" Harry asked, noticing that she had put her tank top back on, and that her hair looked slightly more frazzled.
Hermione bit her lip and shrugged, "Waiting for you."
"Why?"
She shifted, "Well, I thought about what you said…"
He didn't let on, but his heart suddenly started racing. Unnoticeably, he swallowed, "And?"
Hermione stared up into his darkened eyes for a moment. The speech she had prepared was all but now a distant memory. Nevertheless, she couldn't back down now. She'd just have to speak from the heart. Her eyes closed for the briefest moment before she opened them again, and stared bravely up at him.
"I can't see into the future, Harry. That's why I don't know where we'll all be in ten years time…"
Harry was starting to narrow his eyes, anticipating the start to a rejection. But then she continued, "But I do know what I hope to achieve within ten years."
"What do you hope to achieve?" he asked in a whisper.
"I want to finish school, and earn the highest degree possible. I don't want a job that just earns someone money or a good reputation- I really want to help people. I want to help little orphans like you used to be…"
Harry had to smile at that. It was so Hermione. She'd be perfect at doing something like that. Harry listened with renewed vigor as she continued, "In ten years, I hope to be married, and on my way to starting a family with the man I chose to love for the rest of my life."
Harry blinked a few times, not exactly expecting that response from her. Still though, she hadn't come out and said who that man was. That meant she was either telling him that she loved him too, or she was trying to let him off easy.
"And what of the best friend?" Harry asked. He wanted to just shake the answer out of her already, but he figured that wouldn't be the best approach in their current situation.
Hermione took a deep breath, staring at Harry longingly. Finally she spoke, "Ron will be happy for us. He might hate us for a while, but by ten years he'll have found someone to love for himself. It won't have to be a competition for him to be happy."
Harry's heart was pounding. He wanted to lean in and smother her with kisses, but still she hadn't openly admitted those three little words yet.
"What are you saying to me, Hermione?" he asked, fighting down his excitement.
Hermione let out a deep breath, "If I give my heart to you, will you break it?"
"I can guarantee you that I won't."
Hermione nodded, "Then it's yours. I love you, Harry."
Everything else seemed to disappear around him. He'd spent all night wondering when she would finally admit it to him, and now here they were- she was sitting there as beautiful as ever, confessing her love for him. Harry could hardly believe it.
"Really?" he asked, not even bothering to contain his smile.
Hermione nodded once more before scooting forward on the bed. She reached forward, grabbing Harry's shirt and pulled him down to her lips.
Harry kissed her back eagerly for a few moments, before gently pulling away, "Are you going to be with me, then?"
Was it wrong to expect an automatic yes? However, when Hermione sighed, Harry knew it wouldn't be that easy.
"Harry…"
Harry groaned and pulled his face from Hermione's grasp. It seemed like running in circles was all he could manage with this girl.
"Just give me some time," she defended herself quickly, sitting up on her knees so she was closer to eye level with him. "I know that's not what you want to hear, but I need you to trust me. I just want to let Ron see for himself that we're not right for each other. Then after that, hopefully it'll be easy for him to see us together."
"You want to let him break up with you?" Harry asked skeptically.
Hermione nodded with a knowing expression, "I know it sounds stupid, but look at it from my point of view. You guys are best mates, and I will not have that be ruined over me."
Harry was confused over how to feel. Hermione was always very considerate to other people's feelings. And what did it matter? She just confessed her love to him. He trusted that she wasn't going to do anything with Ron to jeopardize that.
On the other hand, he knew that he and Ron had been growing apart the last few months anyway. It wouldn't really make that much of a difference if he were to find out now? But then again, Harry had only been avoiding Ron because he was constantly with Hermione. Truth be told, he really did miss his other best friend.
"A few weeks is all I'm asking," Hermione said again, a hopeful look in her eye.
Harry raked a hand through his messy hair, "What if it takes him more than a few weeks to let go of you?"
"I won't wait any longer than necessary," Hermione answered quickly, shaking her head, "I promise."
"It's hard to be patient," Harry muttered, glancing away from her eyes in frustration.
"I know… but we will be together eventually," Hermione suddenly shot him a teasing smile, "And then you'll find it hard to get rid of me."
Harry scoffed and pulled her up against his chest, "Not likely."
Hermione grinned before quickly seeking out his lips. Snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him back, on top of her, was starting to become a practiced fashion with them. Just as it was for him to quickly find the hem of her shirt, and tug it forward so he wouldn't have to be deprived of her skin, and for her to start undoing his belt buckle.
Hermione sucked in a hard breath as Harry's lips passed over the sensitive part on her neck.
If this is what it felt like to be with him in secret, she wondered how amazing it would be when no one cared that they were together. They would have absolutely nothing holding them back, and that thought excited her more than she thought imaginable. One thing was for sure, Hermione didn't want to have to miss out on that for too much longer.
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