A/N: Hey guys, thanks for the reviews, they always make me smile. I see a lot of people thought a month being way too long for Hermione to stop talking to Harry, but I see her as a proud character, and as long as she thinks she's right, she's really stubborn, so… Luna was the one that opened her eyes to the whole situation, so here's the apology. I hope you won't kill me! Hehe… Anyway, enjoy, and don't forget to leave a review after you're done. :)
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all recognizable characters are the property of J.K. Rowling, Warner Bros, Bloomsbury, Scholastic, etc. I have no intent on making money out of this, just a way of releasing some stress.
--
"Harry?" Hermione called, looking around the place. The fireplace was out and the entire room was filled in darkness. She looked down the hall and saw a small light coming under the door of Harry's room. Without thinking twice she walked over there and opened the door. What she saw made her stop short.
"Hermione?" Ginny Weasley said flabbergasted. She was sitting on the bed wearing one of Harry's shirts, just Harry's shirt, Hermione noticed. Both girls began to blush furiously.
"I, I'm so sorry... I didn't know... I-I'll go," Hermione stuttered and without waiting for a response walked out the door. She heard Harry's voice behind her back but didn't stop until she reached the living room.
"Hermione wait!" Harry reached out to her and grabbed her arm, making her spin around to face him. Hermione's jaw dropped, he had just stepped out of the bathroom, clearly in haste since he still had shampoo all over his hair, and a towel draped carelessly around his waist.
"I have to go," she stammered, looking anywhere but him.
"Please, wait, I can't believe you're here," his voice sounded expectant. "Don't go, give me five minutes and I'll be out, please?" Hermione looked up and saw his hopeful eyes; she couldn't say no to that look.
"Okay," the words slipped out of her lips before she got a chance to register what she had agreed to, but Harry merely smiled at her and went back to his room pleading at her not to go all the way.
She sat down in the living room, trying to make something out of what she had just seen. She couldn't believe that Ginny and Harry were... no she thought, don't go there. She closed her eyes, trying to get rid of the image of Ginny in Harry's shirt, but the more she tried the more vivid the memory was. It was itched to the back of her eyelids.
"Hi," a small voice said that got her out of her reverie. Ginny was standing just next to her, already in her clothes, her face the same color as her hair.
"Hi Ginny," Hermione said in a voice that didn't sound like her own. She suddenly found out that she didn't like Ginny that much.
"Uh, how are you?" the younger Weasley kid said as she sat down next to her. Hermione tried with all her might not to inch farther away from her.
"I'm as good as I can be... how about you? How are your parents? Everyone?" she asked, trying to sound casual, but her tone betraying her facade. Why did she want to strangle Ginny all of a sudden? But the younger girl's face turned sad at once and Hermione felt guilty.
"I guess I could use your answer... George's staying with us, though he doesn't want to spend much time around the family. He made us all cover every mirror that's in the house," she shrugged and her eyes got teary.
"I'm so sorry Gin," Hermione tried to sound sympathetic. Of all the Weasleys George must've been the one feeling the worst.
"Oh, it's okay... his pictures still make us laugh. George's getting better, the other day he sort of smiled... I'm worried about Ron," she said, looking up at Hermione with cautious eyes.
"Oh," that was all she could muster. What was she supposed to say to that? But she didn't have to answer since Harry re-emerged from his room, shampoo free and fully dressed. Both Ginny and Hermione got up from their seats.
"Hi," he said, looking directly at Hermione. His voice was so full of warmth and happiness that Hermione couldn't suppress a smile.
"Hi," she said back and they just kept staring at each other. Someone cleared their throat and made them both come back to reality.
"So, I'm just going to go," Ginny said, walking over to Harry and planting a very he's mine kiss in the mouth. Hermione looked away. "We'll talk later. Bye Hermione," Ginny commented and went over to her.
They gave each other an awkward hug and Ginny let go right away. Taking some floo powder she threw it on the fireplace and in a swirl of green flames she was gone.
"Er... take a seat," Harry said after the longest of silences. Hermione did as she was told.
"So... you and Ginny, huh?" she managed to say without malice. Just the thought of it made her insides boil, but she couldn't understand why. Harry blushed.
"Well, yeah... she came in all sad because she had a row with Ron, and I was sad as well so we just comforted each other and...
"I don't need all the details," Hermione interrupted right away. Harry's face reddened even more.
"Yeah, of course." There was a long pause.
"How are you doing?"
"How's life?" They both said at the same time and broke into a grin that dissipated the awkward atmosphere.
"You go first," Harry said, smiling.
"Well... I'll just get to the point, so, I'm sorry," Hermione said, "I'm sorry for being so hateful to you, I know you wanted to help me with Ron and everything, and even though your intentions were completely misguided it was a nice gesture, but still, I was mad. And I was thinking about myself, you lost important people as well and I never really thought of it, I just thought I was going through this on my own when clearly you were going through the same thing, with Lupin, and now he's gone and so is Tonks and so are many other people and I just...
"Hermione breathe," Harry chuckled and she looked at him sheepishly.
"I'm sorry," she repeated more calmly and Harry just shrugged.
"It's okay, it's hard losing the people that have always been there for you, so I just let you be... but it hurt that you kicked me out the same way you did with Ron."
"I didn't!" she defended herself.
"You didn't shout at me, but your tone with me was harder... I felt really bad Hermione," Harry confessed and she felt ashamed. Suddenly she reached out her hand but the image of Ginny imprinted in her memory made her stop. She simply patted Harry's hand and pulled back. He looked quizzically at her.
"I know, and that's why I'm here. I was an idiot. You were the only person next to me through it all and for that I'll always be thankful... and I'm an awful friend because I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry." She looked down at her hands.
"Ginny helped me," Harry said innocently and Hermione involuntarily clenched her fists.
"Of course, Ginny," she spat but caught herself too late.
"Is everything okay between you and Ginny?" Harry had caught on her tone. Sometimes she wished he was as dense as Ron was.
"Yeah, everything's fine... you got Ginny and that's just everything you need," she said without thinking and got up to leave. Harry followed her suit.
"What? Hermione...
"I have to go," she announced and made her way to the fireplace. Then she remembered she didn't have the floo network connected to her house.
"Hermione stop!" Harry grabbed her by the arms and made her turn to look at him.
"What's wrong with Ginny?"
"Nothing! Whatever gave you that idea?" she said in a shrilly voice and cursed inwardly. Why was she so upset?
"Well, look at you, I mention Ginny and..." Harry stopped talking and looked at her surprised.
"What?" she spat angrily at the way he was regarding her. All of a sudden a small smile crept into his mouth.
"Are you jealous?" he said in a teasing tone.
"What? No!" Hermione shrieked. Harry's smile grew even wider.
"You are jealous, I can't believe it!"
"Stop being a prat Harry, I am not jealous," she said, turning around, clearly annoyed. He laughed.
"Yes you are, look at you, I can almost see steam coming out of your ears!" he replied.
"Oh yes Harry, you got me, I'm helplessly in love with you and I wanted so badly to be your first," Hermione mocked in anger. Harry stopped hauling in laughter and straightened to look over at her.
"I was kidding Hermione, don't get mad," he reached out and grabbed her hand. She tried to let go but he held her tighter, "come here," he guided her into the sofa again and she followed resigned, "Ginny's leaving to Hogwarts, we were sort of saying goodbye," he confessed without letting go of her hand.
"I thought you were going back to... to school," she corrected before saying to her. Harry shrugged.
"We're not officially together if that's what you're wondering," he said and Hermione narrowed her eyes. "Okay, you're not wondering that, I just wanted you to know.
"I'm not going to lie, not having you this past month was really hard, I had no one to talk to so I just contacted her, and it was nice, we suffered together so we got closer..." Hermione flinched, but thankfully Harry didn't notice. "But she's not you Hermione; nobody will ever replace you if that's what you're worried about. You'll always be my best friend," he finished smiling down at her.
She should have felt better with that reassurance, but all Hermione could do was smile briefly at that statement. Always the best friend; it sounded way too long. She tried to compose herself and she merely nodded, not quite understanding why that made her so upset. She should be happy, right? But she wasn't, not entirely.
"Okay," was all she could say and Harry thought it was enough as he came closer and hugged her, "you'll always have me," she said, feeling sadder than ever and Harry simply held her tighter.
--
Hermione took a deep breath and ran her hands over her clothes. She was clearly nervous.
Harry had told her that Ron was planning on going back to Hogwarts to finish his last school year. It had surprised
them all. Apparently he was keen on becoming an Auror, and he would only be able to get in if he passed the necessary
N.E.W.T.s. Everyone thought that helping destroy the darkest wizard of all times would be enough, but apparently the
Auror department thought otherwise.
With that information at hand, and knowing she wouldn't see him in God knows when, Hermione decided to send him a letter asking him to meet up with her. She had decided that her house was a good place since the Wizarding World was very intent on having every piece of news they could get from any of them, and she wasn't willing to give them that. She wanted to patch things up, to salvage whatever relationship she had with Ron. No, she corrected herself, whatever friendship she had with Ron. After all, they'd been friends for seven years now, and she couldn't toss that away. She needed to make amends, and that's why she'd contacted him. She was surprised when he said yes to her meeting; that meant he wanted to make amends too.
So here she was now, waiting for the ring to bell (or so she hoped,) running her hands to smooth the inexistent wrinkles on her clothes.
Just as she did that for what seemed to be the twentieth time, she heard a loud pop outside her door. She looked through the stained window panes to distinguish who it was. Someone cleared their throat.
"Right, what's the thing I have to do now?" Ron's voice came from the outside and Hermione suppressed a smile. He would never get accustomed to all the muggle things. "Harry said something about a button...
"Hello Ron," Hermione said with a smile as she opened the door. He was looking behind a pot for the so-called button. Immediately he straightened, his ears turning a bright red.
"Hi Hermione," he stuttered and looked down at his hands.
"You can come in," she informed him as she stepped aside to let him through. Ron did as he was told and a minute later they were both in the living room. He tried not to look around.
"Sit," the girl ordered and he sat down very far away from her. Hermione rolled her eyes.
"So... how are you doing? I was surprised you wrote to me," Ron began in a cautious tone. Hermione merely nodded.
"Harry told me you're going back to Hogwarts; that's... that's great Ron, I'm proud," she told him sincerely and Ron smiled, clearly satisfied with her statement.
"Yeah, I want to finish my last school year. You-you guys should come too," he probed her. Hermione pursed her lips.
"I don't feel quite ready to face the Wizarding World, Ron."
"I know, but everyone admires us and...
"That's not the point," Hermione said sternly and Ron's mouth went shut, "really, is fame all you can think about?"
"Of course not! I'm just saying that..."
"Look, I don't want to fight," Hermione interrupted him, "I asked you to come because things were awful between us and I didn't want to leave it like that. We've been friends for so long...
"We've been more than that," Ron timidly said as he came closer and took her hand in his. Hermione looked down, "I... I'm sorry I didn't contact you when your parents died. You can't imagine how much I regret that. I was sad, with Fred, I didn't know how to act properly; and then Harry comes in yelling at me because you needed me and I wasn't there for you. I was a lousy friend, a lousy boy-
"Stop!" Hermione almost yelled as she finished that sentence in her mind. She removed her hand from his. "Look, Ron. I asked you to come here so we could patch things up, but I think that being friends is what suits us best," she said rapidly and Ron's expression told her he wasn't thinking among the same lines as she was.
"What? But, Hermione...
"I know," she mumbled and wiped the tears from her eyes. When had she begun to cry? "I thought you and I would finally be together, after everything we went through...
"We can still be together," Ron interrupted her, taking her hand again. Hermione ignored his comment and continued to talk.
"But you bailed out on me, the moment I needed you the most..." she hiccupped and continued. "I needed you, Ron, and you weren't there for me. Just like in the tent, you left us when everything seemed so dark."
"But I returned!" Ron protested.
"You did, but you left, and I don't want to rub it in your face the rest of our lives but the fact is that you left, just like you did now. I can't be with someone that leaves me every time there's a sticky situation. I need you to be strong for me and you're not. I just can't." Hermione let go of his hand. Ron looked crushed.
"Hermione, please." His plea was the saddest thing she'd ever heard, but she couldn't step down, not now when she'd made her choice.
"I'm sorry Ron; all I can offer you is my friendship. Will you take it?" she asked, her voice trembling. Ron looked at her as she'd grown two heads. Without another word, he got up and headed to the door.
"Ron!" she called after him but he slammed the door shut. Tears ran freely down her cheeks as she Disapparated from her home and Apparated back at Harry's.
"Hermione, hey! What's..." Harry didn't finish his sentence as Hermione flung her arms at him and cried into his shoulder.
"Oh Harry, it was so bad! He didn't say anything, he just left!" Hermione wailed into his shirt. Harry looked puzzled.
"What? Who? Oh..." he finally understood as he wrapped his arms around her and tried to comfort her. He'd become rather good at consoling crying girls, especially Hermione.
--
Hermione sighed and rubbed at her eyes wearily. She had been studying for her admission test for the past two weeks. September was almost coming and beginning at college just was well. She'd passed the papers a little too late but given her marks they hadn't denied her; in fact they were giving her permission to present the test almost a month after all the other people had. Hermione'd talked to McGonagall about her desire to study at a muggle college and was quite surprised when the headmistress showed her complete support. She'd arranged everything to make it look as if Hermione'd been attending to a muggle boarding school, and that along with her notes was all she needed to apply for dentistry. Her exam was the next day and she if she passed they would allow her to enter the program.
Putting her pen down, Hermione looked proudly at her notes. Even if she'd begun studying so late she'd managed to review all the basics and a little more; she was almost sure she'd pass with flying colors.
She looked at the clock and noticed it was almost seven o'clock.
"Better get ready," she mumbled to herself as she got up from her chair in the study and went to her own room. She was still living at home and she hadn't decided quite yet if she'd continue to live there or if she would move somewhere else. She loved to live here, and even if her parents weren't there anymore nothing felt more like home than the house she grew up in. She could almost feel her parents around every corner, and it was a feeling that warmed her heart. Putting some fresh clothes for dinner with Harry she looked around her own room, merely sighing at all the pictures of her parents and her that hung almost everywhere.
"I hope you're proud of me tomorrow," she said to one picture where the two were smiling fondly and with that she Disapparated. She arrived at Harry's flat a moment later and looked at the clock, 6:45 p.m.
"This is odd," she said aloud as she looked around the place. Everything was pitch black, as if nobody were home.
Hermione pulled out her wand, feeling quite nervous. She walked towards the kitchen but found nothing, and then proceeded down the hall to each open door, until she reached Harry's. She was about to say something when she heard the softest sound: a muffled cry. Panicked, she barged in with all the courage that she had, ready to disarm whoever was causing Harry any pain, when she saw him sitting on the edge of his bed, his back to her. She blinked, her eyes more accustomed to the darkness now, and noticed he hadn't moved at all, but he'd surely heard her.
"Harry?" she asked timidly, still with her wand at the ready. She walked towards him but stopped before she got any closer. Why wasn't he looking at her?
"Hey, you're early," Harry said without turning around. Hermione frowned; something was wrong.
"Are you okay?" she said as she lowered her wand. She was afraid to come closer to him.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he responded almost automatically. Honestly, did he think she didn't know him? Hermione rounded on him and stood right in front of him; he had his face lowered to the floor.
"Harry, what's going on?" she asked a little more firmly. Still he didn't move. "Harry!" she scolded him and with her hand she raised his head. A small gasp escaped her lips. There were streaks of tears on his cheeks, and his eyes were red on the edges. "What happened?" she asked alarmed as she knelt before him and took his face between her hands.
"It's nothing," he replied weakly but Hermione looked at him sternly.
"Harry..." her voice warned him. He simply moved his face away from her hands and looked at his side.
"I'm fine," he said just above a whisper.
"No, you're not," she contradicted him, and put her hands on his thighs. "Look at me," she said softly and Harry didn't budge, "Harry, look at me," she commanded and this time he turned to her. There was sadness etched to his face and it broke her heart. Suddenly Luna's words came to her mind, a lot of people died during the war, people dear to him, and he's upset too. He was grieving as well, and he hadn't cried in all this time, or, Hermione reflected, he hadn't cried in front of her; he was trying to go through this alone.
"Oh Harry," she said and she straightened up to hug him properly. He let her hug him and he buried his face on her hair, weeping softly.
Hermione didn't say anything else, and neither did he. There was so much she wanted to tell him, that everything was going to be okay, that they'd make it through, but she didn't find her voice; instead she started to cry too. She cried for all the fallen ones, not just her parents, but all her friends that had perished during the war: Lupin, Tonks, George... and for Harry too, because she knew, deep inside of her, that a part of him had died as well, and he would never be the same again. They stood that way for a while, the two crying in each other's arms, until Hermione's knees gave away and she broke the embrace to sit next to him in bed. She hadn't so much as sat down when Harry threw his arms around her once again.
"It hurts," he mumbled against her ear. She made small circles on his back as he talked, "I miss them all, and I know it was their choice, but I still feel it was somehow my responsibility."
"You can't choose the fates of others Harry; they made their choice and it doesn't have to fall on your back."
"Why are you crying too?"
"Because they were my friends too, they were my family just as much as they were yours," she answered back.
"I should be the strong one, you need me to be strong," he said and Hermione shook her head without letting go.
"Accepting the pain only makes you stronger Harry, and letting me know about it makes you more right for me than anyone else," she said without completely understanding the meaning of her words, but she needed to say them nonetheless.
"I love you, you know that, right?" Harry said with a teary voice. Hermione nodded and kissed him on the cheek. Her heart swelled at his words. She thought he'd never said that to anybody else and the fact that he'd first said them to her made her feel the more special.
"I do, and I love you too," she replied and Harry tightened his grip on her. Oh how much he needed her at that moment and Hermione was so glad she'd arrived earlier that night. Who knows how many nights he'd felt like this and there would be no one to comfort him.
"Now, I came here for a dinner and I'm not going until I get it," she joked as she pulled away a little bit and Harry laughed. It was good to hear him laugh. Gently she took his glasses off and wiped off his eyes.
"Yes, sorry, I was in the middle of cooking when I remembered doing it at the Dursleys, and I thought, wow I was wrong at that time, because I thought that I wouldn't feel more miserable than with them at those moments but I proved myself wrong," he gave a bitter laugh and looked at her with lost eyes. "I am miserable Hermione, truly miserable."
"I am too," she admitted as she wiped away her own tears, "but I'm less miserable when I'm with you," she finished and gave him a small smile. Harry returned it.
"Me too," he said, looking at her with such tenderness that Hermione's heart skipped a bit. She ignored the feeling.
"Let's go and eat, I'm starving!" she said and Harry laughed again. They got up and made their way to the kitchen, laughing their way over there. Hermione couldn't help but feel closer to Harry than ever, and that thought alone made her night.
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