Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart
I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back as we are.
"The Scientist" -- Coldplay.
Hermione tore away from Harry suddenly, looking at him with wide eyes and a shocked expression. She jumped away from him, stumbling as she took rapid steps backwards. The room was spinning then, and she shook her head fervently as Harry struggled to form a coherent sentence, or even speak at all. He was staring at her, too, completely at a loss for words. The silence deafened her and threatened to drown her, and she felt like she had to claw her way out of it.
"Hermione--wait!" Harry finally found words as she began running out of the shared flat. She flung the door open and stepped out into the lashings of rain, uncaring of the pellets of water attacking her as she ran. Tears began to mingle with the water, and she tasted salt in her mouth.
She could hear Harry call her repeatedly, and had a vague feeling he was running after her, but Hermione couldn't stop. She had an inexplicable surge of energy and an urge to run with it; she felt as if she needed to get away, to escape the darkness that was falling over her.
Her hair was taped to her face now, saturated with the rain. Her clothes were sticking to her, and her drenched jeans were making it difficult to run. Even though she was running and running, she felt like she was getting no closer to her destination and no further away from her problem.
Hermione found herself in a park, panting and sprinting as fast as ever. Her breath was coming quick and short, but it wasn't preventing her from keeping her legs moving. Her muscles were starting to ache, and she dropped her pace a little.
A rage bubbled in her then, and she let out a ferocious roar of frustration, and pulled on her hair a little. A loud sob emitted from her shortly afterwards, and she cupped her hand over her mouth, shaking as she fell to the ground beside the damp grass. The rain continued to pour, but she no longer cared.
Some people ran to escape the rain, or attempted to cover themselves with something, but some just walk through the rain at a normal pace, uncaring of the consequences and perhaps waiting for the numbness of the rain and cold to envelope them.
Something caught onto her hair, and Hermione paused to pull it out. She stared at the culprit, the ring on her left hand, for a moment, looking rather distant as she stared dumbly at the small diamond ring on her finger.
She closed her eyes and her face crumpled as the tears spilled forth once again. A feeling of desolation crept into her and wrapped itself around her heart, threatening to make her heart burst. Her chest ached and her head span, but she couldn't do anything except sit and cry.
It wasn't her fault; it was theirs. Hermione hadn't wanted to be placed in the situation, and she had always looked down on the girls who somehow got themselves involved in a love triangle. But she was one of those girls now, and she couldn't turn back.
Hermione never wanted to hurt anyone, least of all her best friends; the two people held dearest to her heart. She'd hurt herself before she hurt them, but it seemed like the damage was done either way. She had to choose one. How could she?
They had forced her into this situation, she thought angrily. If Hermione had her way, neither of them would show any interest in her, even if she loved one of them.
She suddenly stood and viciously tore the diamond ring from her finger and threw it as hard as she could into the distance. She stood silently then for a moment, chest heaving as she watched the ring fall and then disappear into a puddle of water.
The rain continued to fall.
"Hermione," Someone whispered brokenly, and she whipped around to find Harry staring at her with a pained expression.
"What? What can I possibly say, Harry?!"
"I-" He faltered, before throwing his arms in the air, "I don't know! Just--just tell me the truth, Hermione. Have you never wondered, what it might be like to be with someone you're actually--actually in love with?"
"I--I…am …" She whispered, but it was half-hearted.
"You're a terrible liar."
"It wasn't supposed to end like this! You were supposed to live happily with Ginny, and I with Ron!" Hermione cried, tears running down her face. "We were supposed to be one, giant, happy, Weasley family and --and it was supposed to be easy."
"No one ever said finding the happy ever after would be easy,"
"No one ever said it would be this hard!" She shot back, voice cracking.
"You're not in love with him, Hermione, and you know it! Don't throw away your happiness for settling,"
"Do you hear yourself? That's your best friend," She yelled, furious, "And you're telling me to abandon him!"
"He's done it to you!" Harry shouted before he could stop himself, and then there was a silence. The only sound heard was the thunderous rain falling all around, the splashes of water falling from objects, buildings and trees, the pelting of the torrents onto the houses and apartments.
"You--you're being awfully presumptuous, Harry Potter." Hermione spoke dangerously low, and Harry strained to hear her over the rain, "Who says I'm in love with anyone?"
He laughed humourlessly, "You're admitting that you don't love the man you're engaged to. What kind of marriage is that going to be?"
"Shut up, Harry." She screamed and then a sob escaped her again, and Harry instantly moved forward. Hermione held up a hand, halting him in his tracks, "Don--don't come closer… I hate this. I hate it because--because Ron is my best friend and he's engaged to me. And you? You can read my every thought and emotion.. Because you know what I'm going to say before I even say it! And you, you who knows me best, expects me to break it off with Ron? But what I hate most is that you waited till the day before my wedding to tell me."
"Hermione, I--"
She cut him off, shouting above his voice, "The day that a girl is supposed to look forward to! A day that is supposed to be about finding happiness with the one you love, and -- and finding that happily ever after that you read in books when you're five. I never believed in fairy tales -- but I thought, maybe, just maybe, I'll find something worth a fairytale." She paused, glancing back at the puddle in which the ring lay. Harry followed her gaze quizzically. She then shrugged one of her shoulders and spoke in a whisper, "I never found that fairytale."
"Nothing worth having is ever easy, Hermione. No fairytale happy ending is ever had without the hardship along the way." He extended his hand to her, and Hermione glanced at it, "Please, Hermione."
She looked up into those dazzling green orbs she knew so well; in times of struggle or adversity, she looked to those eyes for comfort; in happiness and love, those eyes shone with warmth. These were the eyes of the man she trusted above all others, the friend she treasured more than anyone else.
Hermione grasped his hand, and like a flash he had pulled her into his arms. It was almost instantaneous; the desperate clutching at each other, the touching of lips and surges of electricity; the meeting of tongues and feelings of joy.
Except the line of friendship had been effectively smashed to smithereens, and there was no returning the comfortable and safe sanctions of their friendships. Neither was quite sure what the kiss meant, but neither could quite imagine returning to how things were before it, either.
But then Hermione pulled back again, much like she had earlier. "You--you can't keep doing that," She whispered, staring up at Harry. He still had his arms wrapped loosely around her waist, and hers around his neck. She let her hands fall to his chest, gently keeping him at a distance.
"But I want to," He objected feebly, whispering, too.
She swallowed thickly then, and avoided his eyes, "That was our goodbye kiss."
Harry shook his head firmly, "That was the beginning, not the end!"
"You can't do this, Harry," She sounded like she was pleading, "You can't get what you want all the time."
He wrenched away, and Hermione felt strangely empty, "I get what I want all the time? Are--are you on another fucking planet?"
Hermione flinched; she wasn't used to Harry cursing, much less at her. "No. No I am not 'on another fucking planet'. God, you--you're such a…a.. a jerk! You've kissed me not once, but twice and my wedding is tomorrow,"
Harry softened and took a step forward again, "I'm sorry, I just--"
"Whatever it is you realised it is too late." Hermione spoke, her tone final. "We could have had our chance, and we had our chance to admit our feelings -- but that chance passed. And now Ron wants to marry me and I am going to, because he makes me laugh and can make me angry all at once. Because he is my best friend and I love him. Because--because he asked me to marry him."
And then Harry was kneeling on the wet ground, looking up at Hermione with adoration and love in his eyes, "Hermione Granger, ever since I rushed into that bathroom when I was all but eleven--"
"--Harry, don't, please.." Hermione pleaded softly.
"--you've been the greatest friend I've ever known. Everything you do is to help me and you do all that with a flourish of brilliance. You're the brightest witch of our age, but you're also incredibly kind and compassionate, and you're not afraid to speak your mind, you're not scared to tell people what's wrong and right and you're never intimidated by the majority thought of others," He laughed, and then continued,
"You--you are caring and kind, sweet and brilliant and I can't imagine my life without you. You're everything I fought for, Hermione. You're all I've ever wanted in life without even realising it. I've been blind for so long, even considering how slow I am when it comes to girls. I wish I had have woken up sooner, but now will have to do."
Hermione had tears in her eyes, and was trying valiantly to hold them back, "Harry.. You--"
"I've fallen in love with you, Hermione Granger. And I don't think I could ever think of you in any other way. Will you marry me?"
She released a long cry, and then knelt down beside him, wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, "Oh, Harry…" she sighed, tears running down her face. "Why do you do this to me? W--why?"
"Because you make my heart beat like no other and fill it with such love I think it may burst. My heart always felt like there was something empty, but when you walk into a room… it--it just disappears. and when you're in my arms, my heart feels so full I sometimes think it will burst."
She was staring into his eyes for a long time, and then was pulling his face towards her. Lips met hungrily, and Hermione was the one to initiate it this time, to Harry's delight. It was nothing like the soft kisses they had shared, it was hungry and passionate; rough and demanding. "I love you, too, Harry." she confessed after they parted, and though that made Harry's heart lighten and feel like he was the luckiest person on the planet -- she didn't smile. What kept him from celebrating with joy and jumping up and down was the simple fact that she didn't smile.
He noticed that the rain had cleared, but the night was still young and the sky still black. There were no stars, only thick, grey clouds that loomed in the night sky, threatening a downpour once again.
Hermione drew him out of his thoughts as she spoke again, "I made a promise to Ron." It looked like it was physically hurting her to say it, "And I cannot break it by running off with his best friend. Our best friend," She added softly. Hermione stood and walked towards the puddle then, picking her ring out of it and slipping it back on. She gazed at it forlornly for moment, and then looked back at Harry.
She hugged a numb Harry tightly, "Goodbye, Harry." It wasn't goodbye in the sense that they would never see each other again, but it was goodbye to anything more than friendship, it was goodbye to ever exploring the side of their relationship that was so dangerous and taboo.
For Harry, it was hello to Hermione Weasley.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Harry responded, unable to prevent the bitterness seeping into his voice.
Hermione nodded and stood for a moment, "I'm sorry."
The air crackled with electricity and heat, despite the fact they were both soaked to the bone and were probably going to be deathly sick in the morning. Harry could feel his world cave in around him, he could feel his hope crushing before his eyes and his love being tucked into a secret place in his heart, never to be spoken of again.
She apparated and Harry stared at the spot she had just vacated for several moments before finally softly saying, "So am I."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Part two coming soon :P Hope you liked!
I realise it is a little OOC, or perhaps majorly, I don't know, but I hope you like it anyway!
xCNx