Chapter VII: The Dream
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"One must always maintain one's connection to the past
and yet ceaselessly pull away from it.
To remain in touch with the past requires a love of memory.
To remain in touch with the past requires a constant imaginative effort."
~Gaston Bachelard
Harry slowly turned to Ron after snapping his cell shut. "Hermione's back. Apparently she was in Neville's flat. He has no clue how she got there, but his guess is that we were at her place when her body was supposed to be dropped off and she has a copy of his keys so she was deposited there…"
"Oh."
"Yeah," Harry nodded. "Um… listen, you should go and see her-"
"No, Harry, you need-"
Harry cut him off by shaking his head. "No," he hoarsely replied. "No, you really should go. It'll make me feel better to hear how she is. Please."
"Are you sure?" Ron asked, hesitant to go.
"Yeah. They've gone to Hermione's new place. I'd really like it if you could tell me what he thinks of that IKEA catalogue."
Ron replied with a grim smile. "That wasn't funny, you know?"
"I know, but I thought I should try… make light of the situation and all. That's what all the psychiatrists seem to recommend about situations like these… thought I'd give it a go."
"It failed… miserably," Ron imparted.
Harry chuckled. "I'll be sure to give up on it then."
"Please do. I… I'll call you as soon as I can get away, Harry."
"Thanks, it really means a lot to me, mate. I know… I know that this isn't the easiest position for you-"
"No," Ron shook his head. "Don't apologize. You two are my family. You're dramatic fuckers, but you're my family. It's how it goes, you do anything for family."
"Thanks."
--
"Oh god, Hermione," Ron gasped as he ran to her bedside, completely ignoring Neville's presence.
"Ron," Hermione's brow wrinkled. "Great to see you, too, but care to explain the enthusiasm?" she giggled.
"I just… I… I know that I can laugh at you at times, and I know I'm a total berk most of the time, but… I love you, and you know that, right?"
Hermione cocked her head to the side, squinting a bit as she tried to make sense of Ron's random outburst. "Ron, what are you talking about?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. "Nothing really," he sighed as he gripped her hand. "I just… it's been a hell of a two days and I guess it just got me thinking… put things in perspective. I just wanted to be sure that you knew… that you're aware of how much you mean to me. I can be an absolute arse at times and you can be a stuck-up twit, but… but that's just us, right?"
Hermione giggled, rouging slightly at his words, but she enthusiastically nodded in reply. "Yeah… that's just us. You know, I don't understand what it is with you two, but I guess I can grow to like all of the attention. Nice change and all," she jibed.
Ron let out an exaggerated gasp. "Talk about conceited!"
"Oh shush you," Hermione ordered, laughing as she lightly slapped his arm. "Honestly though, this sudden rush of attention is a bit disconcerting. Did something happen?"
"Just a tough few days or the both of us," Neville assured her. "Nothing much to dwell over. Don't worry."
"Okay," Hermione sang, her tone doubtful. "Whatever you say…"
--
After Ron left Harry wasn't sure what to do. He didn't know what to make of the whole situation, it was too much and all at once. He'd never once considered that Hermione would do something like that, he didn't know what to make of it all. He stood in the same spot for an hour, planted to the ground. He was sure that he came off as a nutter; especially given the looks he was receiving from pedestrians. Still, he couldn't care. He was miffed.
It was with an angry and guttural growl that Harry shook his head, as he let his body fall onto the support of a wall in a deserted alleyway he'd used as an apparation point before. He chose to ignore the fact that the ministry would berate him and Ron for having been so reckless as to choose just any darkened corner to pop into in a muggle area. He couldn't so much as bring himself to give a fuck at that point… not when everything was going so fantastically wrong in his life. Everything had managed to fall apart in less than a week and the worst part was that even an absolute stranger could correctly point out that it truly had been his fault.
He was at fault; a great deal of it did lie in his hands. He'd fucked up a life he loved… he'd ruined a woman who'd meant the world to him and done everything she could for him.
She'd deserved better and he was intent upon remedying the fact. Calvin had said that she regretted it, that she still wanted him and surely that counted for something.
He was going to grow up, he was going to prove himself, and he was going to finally be someone who deserved her.
He had to. He simply had to.
His back straightened as he forced himself into a fully upright position. He was committed and resilient, he reminded himself as he determinedly walked out of the alleyway and towards a familiar townhouse. As far as he was concerned, nothing stood between him and the future he'd ensure for himself, save for the flower shop he passed along the way and stopped into for a bouquet of the ever so cheerful daisies that always put a smile on Hermione's face.
He'd get it right this time around. He could fully commit himself to bettering himself, he was positive of it. He was done with the games and toying with her heart. He wouldn't fuck up and he wouldn't give her hope for something better without being able to follow through. She deserved better and he was sure of himself now, he knew for a fact that he could be that man now.
He wasn't going to disappoint her, not again.
He was poised, assured, ready… and at her doorstep.
He licked his lips as he looked up, taking in the sight before him. He smiled a bit as he noticed that though the place hadn't been personal before at all, Hermione had promptly taken steps to remedy that. Now there were flowerbeds hanging off windowsills, filled with lavender and all sorts of colors and shapes he'd never be able to name.
It was stunning. It was a small change, but a pivotal one… one that surely signified a huge one inside the house, too.
She'd made a home for herself… and it was a home without him.
There was something terrible about that cognizance. It wasn't the fact that she'd made a home for herself, per say, but that it was so complete without him. She wasn't falling apart at the seams… she didn't notice anything missing.
She was whole.
She could be complete without him.
She didn't need him anymore.
She didn't love him like he did her. She gave up on him.
He was sure that he'd never been more mature in his life than in that moment when he put the bouquet down by her door and walked away. He'd never done right by her before, not really… but he was prepared to do so this time around. He wouldn't take her for granted again.
This time around would be different, he swore by that fact.
--
Three months later.
"I don't know what to make of it all, Nev," Hermione admitted as laid back on her bed with Neville by her side, staring at the ceiling.
"Make of what?"
Hermione shrugged, splaying her left hand across her forehead and lightly massaging it. "You're going to think I'm crazy," she warned.
"Regardless, if I do, it won't be because of this alone," he winked, lightly bumping his head against hers.
Hermione giggled a bit, but the respite was short lived and a frown soon marred her face again. "I don't know, Neville… I'm just so confused."
"What are you confused about? Aren't you supposed to be bloody brilliant or something? I thought you knew everything," he drawled, cocking a brow her way.
"Yeah… I wish," she murmured.
"Just say it," he told her. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
"I feel like something's missing and I can't understand why," she admitted. "I mean… look at me, Neville. I have an amazing house, my career's going better than I ever could have imagined… I have great friends…"
"And?"
"And I'm not happy… I feel discontent."
Neville heaved a heavy breath as he turned towards Hermione, lying on his side so he could properly look at her. "Why?" he simply asked.
"I don't know… and that scares me. Somehow I just… I don't feel happy. Even though I know I should, it's always like something's missing and I can't pinpoint it… and I hate that!" Hermione rambled, scowling.
"Come on, Hermione, maybe you're just setting your standards a bit too high," he teased with an easy chuckle.
"But it's not like that. It's… it's more than that. I don't really have an ideal set up in my head, and if I did, I've achieved everything I wanted by this age. I never expected to find the love of my life by twenty-three or anything," she promised. "I'm not like that… I'm pragmatic to a fault, you know that!"
"Yeah… I do," Neville nodded, his hand reaching for hers before comfortingly squeezing it.
"Something's missing, Nev. I just… I know this sounds ridiculous and so unlike me to say, but I feel it. I feel like there's something right in front of me that I'm totally ignoring. It doesn't make any sense, but I've never felt this way before, not until lately… these past few months," she confessed, shaking her head as her brow wrinkled. "I don't know what to do anymore."
"Maybe it's nothing."
"No," Hermione adamantly shook her head. "No, it's not," she hoarsely promised. "I'm not really the sort of person to be intuitive and all, but I… I can just feel it. It's as if it's right in front of me, but I can't see it, Nev. I can't, for the life of me, figure out what it is that I'm missing. I've… I've felt like this for months now and nothing's changing. I feel like I'm in a rut… and I've never really had that problem before."
"Maybe you just need a boyfriend."
Hermione wrinkled her nose. "No thanks, after the date I had Friday I'm considering just going off men for a while…"
"Sorry about that," Neville blushed, ducking his head a bit as he let out a soft laugh. "I had no idea he'd try to grope you five minutes into it… he always seemed like a decent enough bloke."
"It was my fault for letting you set me up with someone. Don't worry about it, honestly," Hermione waved him off. "Come on, let's go downstairs so I can make us some lunch. My stomach's beginning to protest," she grinned as she shopped off of the bed. "How do you feel about bacon?"
"I just might have to marry you for that."
Hermione laughed. "I doubt your girlfriend would take too kindly to that… and I think the wizarding community may skin me alive for being a home wrecker."
"Well… we could argue that our love knew no bounds," he offered as he slung an arm around her shoulders.
"True… but I'd prefer not to have to deal with the society pages so I'm afraid we'll have to learn to reign in our desires."
"Have to tell you, Granger, that wasn't the kindest way to shoot down a guy."
"I'll try to be better next time…"
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Author's Note: I am super excited about this fic and any opinions/thoughts/complaints!
Also, yet again, many thanks sent to the best beta ever, SEARCY!
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