Unofficial Portkey Archive

Chapter Four

"Mopey Moaning Myrtle"

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters. All characters are creations of Joanne K. Rowling, © 2007, to whom I am deeply indebted. I make no money from any of this. I'm just taking her world and tweaking it a bit.

Note One: A big thanks to Majerus for editing this chapter!

Note Two: Hey guys! Thanks so much for the reviews, it means a lot to me. This chapter is quite short, I'm sorry but that's the way she goes. I'm quite busy with a new job and living in a new town, but it's giving me a lot of time to write Her Story and another little fanfic I've been thinking of.

Onwards!

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Monday arrived too soon for the Gryffindor girls and before Hermione knew it, they were off to their first Sexual Education lesson. Shae shot an envious look over her shoulder at Harry and Ron, who had the afternoon off and were playing Wizard's Chess, before Fay pushed her out of the portrait hole. Hermione waved goodbye to Harry and Ron and climbed out after Parvati.

"I don't want to go to this stupid lesson," Lavender grouched. "The boys made it sound horrible."

Shae nodded, voicing her agreement as the girls made their way down to the first floor. Ron and the rest of the Gryffindor boys had done nothing but complain all weekend about how horrible and traumatizing the lesson had been, and it was making the girls a little nervous about their own lesson.

"At least Madam Pomfrey is the one teaching the lesson," Hermione pointed out. "She is a Healer after all."

"Could you imagine if it was McGonagall who was teaching the lesson?" Parvati giggled.

"Let's not," Shae groaned. "She's so old she probably forgot how everything works."

Hermione shot a glare at the redhead as the girls around her laughed.

"Don't look at me like that, Hermione," Shae defended herself, "that was funny."

As they reached the first floor, a familiar voice greeted them, making the girls stop. Lockhart was talking animatedly at the end of the corridor to an annoyed looking Madam Pomfrey, waving his arms dramatically as he spoke.

"I'm not saying you don't know what you're doing, my dear Poppy," he said, not bothering to keep his voice down. "You are the Healer of Hogwarts, after all. I'm just saying that I think I may be a bit more cultured in these matters than you are. If you've read Gadding with Ghouls, you'll recall I whipped up a nice little potion for a teenage witch who was experiencing a little bit of cramping."

"Really," Madam Pomfrey drawled, raising an eyebrow dangerously.

"Yes," Lockhart nodded eagerly. "In my travels I have come across many spells and potions that help young ladies make the transition into adulthood a little easier."

"Well, with all due respect Professor Lockhart," Madam Pomfrey snapped, "Professor Dumbledore asked me to make sure these students are properly prepared for puberty - not you. And I have been doing this lesson for years and every one of my students turned out fine."

"Well, yes, and believe me when I say I do not doubt your skill," Lockhart said hastily. "But surely the Headmaster wouldn't mind a little outside help. It is possible that over the years, things may have changed."

Hermione saw Madam Pomfrey bristle from where they were standing, her eyes narrowing into tiny slits. "What the children need to know has not changed over the years," she snapped. "These girls will be taught by me and that's final. If you want people to know your expertize on this subject than why don't you write a book on it?"

With that, Madam Pomfrey spun on her heel and stomped into the classroom, slamming the door in Lockhart's face. It was obvious Lockhart hadn't noticed the girls because he drew himself up, straightening his robes before turning around and marching down the stairs to the Entrance Hall, muttering under his breath.

"Did that just happen?" Shae asked, her eyes wide.

"It did," Parvati said, looking awed. "I don't know if I should be angry at Madam Pomfrey for being rude or proud of her."

"Proud, definitely proud," Fay said.

"What's going on?" Hermione turned to see Sally-Anne and the rest of the Hufflepuff second year girls coming down the stairs. "Why are you just standing there?"

"Professor Lockhart was just told off by Madam Pomfrey," Fay laughed.

"What?" Hannah Abbott gasped. "Why?"

"He wanted to teach the lesson," Hermione explained. She felt a pang of disappointment in her gut as she recalled Lockhart's rudeness. "Then he made a comment about Madam Pomfrey's age."

"It wasn't really a comment about her age," Shae protested weakly.

"Oh, yes it was," Fay said. "I, for one, am happy she stood up for herself."

"But Lockhart was just trying to help," Lavender pouted.

"We should head to the classroom," Hermione said, glancing at her wrist watch, "we'll be late if we stay here any longer."

Madam Pomfrey was at the front of the room when the group entered, shuffling and organizing papers on her desk. Her posture displayed her frustration as she slammed the papers down. Behind her, the words `Lesson Synopsis' was written on the blackboard.

"Come in," she beckoned, waving them over to a long table at the front of the room.

Shae groaned quietly and led the way to the front. Hermione took a seat in the middle of the table, the Gryffindors on her left and Hufflepuffs to her right. Moments later, the second year Slytherin and Ravenclaw girls entered the room and took a seat at the table behind Hermione.

Madam Pomfrey clapped her hands to get their attention. "Settle down ladies. I know this subject is embarrassing but you need to remember that it is a part of growing up and everyone goes through it."

"Madam Pomfrey," Pansy Parkinson drawled from behind Hermione, "why did we have to be separated from the boys? Wouldn't it be easier to teach this with all of us here?"

"Someone's missing Malfoy," Fay muttered under her breath. Shae choked back a laugh, earning a glare from Madam Pomfrey.

"No, Miss Parkinson, it would not be easier for everyone to be together," Madam Pomfrey said. "You will soon find out that puberty from a female's perspective is quite different than from a male's perspective. Not only do the genders grow in maturity at different rates, but I'm saving both groups from having to deal with unnecessary embarrassment. That is why I've structured your lesson differently than the boys.'"

Hermione felt Sally-Anne shift awkwardly beside her. She had a feeling there would still be a good amount of embarrassment to go around in the lesson.

"Now, for today's lesson I'll just be going over the course outline, explain what you ladies should expect for the year, when exams will be and so on." Madam Pomfrey gave the girls a stern look. "I want to make it clear that I expect you ladies to behave maturely about this subject. There will be some embarrassing moments in this lesson but I hope I can trust you ladies to not be childish about it."

Madam Pomfrey began handing out a little package to the class. Looking down at it, Hermione saw it was a detailed course outline. There were dates on when the exams were, and when certain chapters of the textbook needed to be read by. After quickly flipping through it, Hermione felt relieved to see there were no moving diagrams like the boys were talking about. Maybe it was just for their lesson.

Hermione could feel herself relaxing as the lesson went on. It wasn't nearly as bad as the boys had made it seem. She did feel a little uncomfortable when Madam Pomfrey mentioned protection and contraceptive charms would be focused on near the end of the term, but other than that, Hermione felt it was free of traumatizing information.

"For your homework next week, I want you to fill out these diagrams," Madam Pomfrey called out, waving papers above her head. "You'll find all your answers in your textbook so there is no possible way for you to not get this done."

There was silence as the handouts were distributed. The first page was of a skeleton with lines pointing to the different bones. Like everything else magical, the skeleton moved around slightly, shifting its weight from leg to leg and placing a boney hand on its hip. The next page, however, was a drawing of an unclothed female. Like with the skeleton the drawing had lines pointing to the different body parts, moved around, and didn't seem embarrassed at all for being in the nude. Hermione hesitantly flipped to the next page, immediately slamming the booklet shut once she saw the naked male.

"You are dismissed," Madam Pomfrey announced, ignoring the embarrassed gasps coming from everyone.

"Those diagrams are going to be evil," Shae moaned as they filed out of the classroom. Her face was bright red.

"We didn't get those types of diagrams back in school," Sally-Anne said to Hermione. She fanned her face with her hand. "I think I might die of embarrassment doing them."

"It wouldn't be as bad if they just didn't move," Hermione agreed. She shuddered, remembering how body parts had moved accordingly whenever the female drawing shifted her weight.

"I think we should work on these together," Alice Tolipan, another Hufflepuff second year, piped up. "It might be less embarrassing that way."

"And we can all work on a different page so we can finish faster," Shae said, grinning.

"I don't know. How would you learn if you didn't do it yourself?" Hermione asked.

"It's a diagram, Hermione," Lavender said, rolling her eyes. "I don't think we'll be missing out on anything important."

"Let's go do it now," Sally-Anne said, tugging on Hermione's arm. "We may as well get it over with."

"I nominate Hermione for doing the male diagram," Lavender said, following them. "After all, how will you learn if you don't do it yourself?"

Hermione stopped and glared at Lavender and she skipped by, her words stinging. Parvati shot an apologetic glance and hurried after her friend.

"I hope she gets really bad acne," Shae spat, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

"Those really big, red zits," Sally-Anne added, nodding, "Right on the tip of her nose."

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Hermione was awoken early one Saturday morning by violent shaking. Groaning, she flung her arm out and it connected to whoever was shaking her. A pained cry came after, followed by a "Hermione!"

"What?" Hermione groaned, sitting up. Fay and Shae were kneeling at the end of her bed, Shae rubbing the spot where Hermione had hit her. "What are you two doing?"

"Happy birthday!"

Hermione blinked slowly, recognizing two small presents in front of her friends. "For me?" she whispered.

"Duh," Shae rolled her eyes. "You thought we'd forget your birthday?"

"Well… it's just I've never had any friends to really celebrate my birthday with," Hermione explained, wincing when she realized how pathetic that sounded.

"Well that's going to change because you have friends now," Fay said, thrusting her present into Hermione's lap. "Happy birthday, Hermione."

"Thank you," Hermione smiled. She tore at the wrapping paper and used her fingernail to slice the tape holding the box together. Inside there was a bunch of newspaper. After rifling through it, her hand brushed cool metal. She pulled it out, gasping at the ornate hand mirror in her grasp. The mirror looked like it came out of the eighteenth century, all brass and intricate designs worked into the metal.

"Fay… thank you."

"I know you're not really into girly stuff but I saw that at the antique show this summer and immediately thought of you," Fay explained. "Plus, you're a teenager now. You have to have that handy so you can look good for the boys."

"Shut up," Hermione laughed. She placed the mirror down beside her and reached over to give Fay a hug. "Thank you, I really like it."

"Mine next, mine next!" Shae exclaimed, handing her a thin package.

At first Hermione thought it was a book, but soon realized it was too light to be one. She tore the wrapping paper off of it and gasped, feeling her face heat up. Enclosed in a black picture frame was the message, `Happy birthday, Hermione. Gilderoy Lockhart.'

"Thank you!" Hermione smiled, giving Shae a hug as well. Even though she had seen a side of Lockhart she didn't like before their first Sexual Education lesson, Hermione still had a bit of a crush on the professor.

"I was thinking we could put it over there," Shae said, pointing to the heater in the middle of the dormitory.

Fay narrowed her eyes. "You just want to be able to have it as well," she accused.

"I do not!" Shae gasped. Fay raised an eyebrow and the redhead sighed. "Okay, maybe I do a tiny bit. But this is for Hermione for her birthday."

"We can put it there," Hermione laughed. "It's addressed to me so it's not like you can steal it."

"I wouldn't do that," Shae protested. Fay snorted. "I wouldn't!"

"Right," Fay said. She jumped off the bed, gathering the paper that had fallen onto the floor. "Let's get dressed so we can go to breakfast. I know Harry and Ron have something for you too, Hermione."

"They do?" Hermione's eyes widened. She felt warmth wash over her as she got out of bed and dressed for the day. She could barely put into words how touched she felt that her friends had gone through the trouble of getting her birthday presents. She smiled and ran into the bathroom to brush her teeth.

When she was ready, Hermione, Fay, and Shae made their way down to the common room. Harry and Ron were waiting for them by the fire. Hermione's eyes widened when she saw the large basket with a bow on the handle at Ron's feet.

"Happy birthday, Hermione!" Harry grinned, standing up once he saw her.

"Yeah, happy birthday!" Ron crowed. He picked up the basket and handed it to her. Inside the basket was an assortment of delicious looking fudge, sweets, cookies, and what looked to be a cake.

"Mum made everything in there except for the sweets," Ron said, peeking into the basket and grabbing piece of candy. "So you know it'll be good."

"Thank you, Ron," Hermione said, grinning.

"You're welcome," he replied, his ears turning pink. "But Harry was the one who came up with the idea."

"Thank you both," Hermione said, setting down the basket. It was surprisingly heavy.

"Let's not go down to the Great Hall and eat here," Shae suggested, staring at the cake hungrily.

"This isn't a proper breakfast, Shae," Hermione pointed out.

"So? It's your birthday!"

"In fact," Harry added, grinning mischievously, "today is a no homework day."

"What?" Hermione gasped while Ron laughed. "We can't do that, Harry!"

"Yes we can," Fay said. "You're caught up on everything already, Hermione so it's not like you'll fall behind."

"But -"

"No buts!" Harry said, waggling his finger at Hermione. "Today we are going to sit around the fire all day, eat loads of food, and will absolutely not talk about anything school related."

Hermione stared at her friends, slowly realizing that they had planned this from the beginning. She could tell from their expressions that they were not going to let her win this one. Sighing, she shrugged and plopped down onto the sofa, "Fine."

"Don't be so happy about it, Hermione," Fay said, rolling her eyes. She and Ron pulled a table in front of the group of sofas so they could place their food on it.

"I'll get Fred and George to go down to the kitchens and get some pumpkin juice later on," Ron said, pulling the food out of the basket and placing it on the table.

"Isn't that against school rules?" Hermione asked.

"Ah, ah, ah!" Shae tutted. "No school talk."

Hermione rolled her eyes but smiled, accepting the cupcake Harry handed to her.

The morning passed by quickly. Hermione was enjoying herself immensely, although she wasn't used to all the attention on her birthday. The rest of the second years joined them by mid-morning and soon the common room was full of loud, boisterous laughter. Hermione thought Percy was going to break them up when he came down to the common room, but surprisingly he just strode out of the portrait hole without a word.

Ron managed to convince the twins to get pumpkin juice for the group, but he had to give up a block of fudge as payment. Parvati was in the middle of telling Ron off for giving away Hermione's presents when the twins returned with the pumpkin juice, placing the bar of fudge in Hermione's hand.

"Happy birthday, Hermione," Fred grinned, patting her on the shoulder.

"I hope you enjoy the fudge," George winked.

"We spent hours slaving over a hot stove making it for you."

"Fred here almost lost his ear in a fudging accident."

"Fudging accident?" Hermione asked, laughing when the twins nodded solemnly.

"It was traumatizing," Fred said, a smirk spreading on his face. "Almost as traumatizing as hearing about Ronnie boy's first wet dream."

Ron, who was taking a big gulp of pumpkin juice, spat it out all over the table as everyone roared with laughter. Hermione felt herself go a brilliant red. Madam Pomfrey had explained to the girls in their last Sexual Education lesson about the dreams boys sometimes get. Shaking her head, Hermione couldn't help but laugh the embarrassment off as Ron began swearing at his older brothers.

A flash of red hair off to the side caught Hermione's attention. Glancing over, she saw little Ginny Weasley sitting in corner alone, clutching her diary to her chest as she stared at the table. In the few weeks that they had been at Hogwarts, Hermione noticed Ginny was a little withdrawn from the rest of the first years. She felt bad for Ginny, remembering how tough it had been for her last year when she didn't have many friends.

Grabbing a couple cupcakes, Hermione got up from the sofa and made her way over to the girl.

"Here," Hermione said, handing Ginny a cupcake.

"Thanks," Ginny said shyly, taking the pastry from her. "Happy birthday, Hermione."

"Thank you. Do you want to join us?" Hermione asked, jerking her head to the group.

Ginny's eyes went to where Harry was sitting and then back to Hermione. When she realized she had been caught, Ginny went redder than her hair and shook her head violently. "I'm alright, thanks," she squeaked, getting up. "I'm just going to write in my diary then head to the library."

Hermione watched as Ginny practically ran up to the girls' dormitory and sighed, going back to the table. When everyone had had their fill of food, Hermione and Harry packed everything back into the basket. She quickly went up to her dormitory to put it away and came back to everyone separating to do their own thing.

When it was just Hermione, Harry, and Ron, Ron sat up and looked around before leaning in and whispering, "Did Harry tell you about the voices?"

"Voices?" Hermione frowned. Harry glared at Ron. "No, what voices?"

"I heard a voice when I had detention with Lockhart," Harry began quietly, glancing around the room warily. "It kept saying it wanted to rip something… to kill it."

"What?" Hermione gasped. "What was it?"

"I don't know," Harry said, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "I asked Lockhart if he heard anything but he said he didn't hear a thing."

"Are you sure it said it wanted to… kill something?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded. "I'm positive. And I know there was no one else in the room with us, the door would've opened if someone was invisible. Do you think someone Disapparated?"

"You can't Apparate or Disapparate in Hogwarts, Harry," Hermione said instantly.

"And there's a sound when someone Disapparates," Ron said, shaking his head. "You would've heard it if they did."

"Which they can't," Hermione added.

"Thank you, Hermione," Ron said, rolling his eyes.

"Maybe you were just tired," Hermione said, ignoring Ron. "You said your detention went late, maybe you imagined it."

"Maybe," Harry said slowly, although Hermione could tell he didn't believe it.

"Have you heard it again?" she asked. "The voices?"

"No."

"Well, that's good," Hermione said clapping her hands together. "I am positive you were just tired and your mind played a trick on you. Maybe because of what happened last year you're imagining this?"

"Yes, because what I want is to have another year like that," Harry said, rolling his eyes.

"I just don't think something is going around the castle wanting to kill people for the second year in a row," Hermione said idly.

"What do you say to a game of Wizard's Chess?" Ron asked, changing the subject. Harry nodded and the boys got up to grab their set.

"So how is Ginny settling in with Hogwarts?" Hermione asked once the game had begun.

"Alright I suppose," Ron said, keeping his eyes trained on the chessboard. "She's spending a lot of her time writing in her new diary." He looked up and grinned. "I bet I can guess who she's writing about."

Harry groaned, rolling his eyes. "Don't start," he pleaded.

"Leave Harry alone, Ron," Hermione defended, trying to hide her smile. "So she fancies Harry a little bit."

"A little?" Ron laughed. "Please, she's probably already planning their wedding as we speak."

Harry glared at Ron, taking one of his broken chess pieces and aiming it at his head. Ron dodged it easily, laughing.

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Hermione fell into an easy routine after the first month had passed. It could just be because Hermione had friends at the start of the year, but she was finding the lessons a lot easier and more enjoyable than she had last year. Now that she was into the swing of things, Hermione wanted to talk to Harry about running into him and his family the summer before their first year of Hogwarts. She tried to find a time when it was just her and Harry, not wanting to make it a big thing that they had met before school. Harry, however, hardly had any time to himself. It seemed every other night he had to go to Quidditch practice and when there wasn't any practice, he had mounds of homework to catch up on.

To make matters worse, the weather had been nothing but constant rain for the past two weeks. The drafty windows and cold from the outside made it easy to get sick. Ginny was one of the many students who had come down with a cold and had to go see Madam Pomfrey. Seeing how miserable the sick students looked, Hermione was extremely glad her immune system was in top notch.

"This sucks," Ron grumbled, dabbing his red nose with a tissue. The bell had just rung, signalling the start of lunch. Hermione, Harry, and Ron were packing up their things while Professor McGonagall called out last minute details on their essay. "I'm sick and I have to deal with Lockhart in an hour," he continued, slinging his bag over his shoulder. "Maybe I should just skip."

"You will do no such thing," Hermione snapped, shooting a glare at him. "You've been to Madam Pomfrey and she said you're well enough to go to lessons."

"But it's Lockhart," Ron whined.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and walked out of the classroom, Harry, Ron, and Shae trailing after her.

"At least he doesn't call on you to act out scenes from his books," Harry grumbled.

Since the pixie incident, their Defense Against the Dark Arts lessons consisted of dramatic readings from Lockhart's books. He often called upon Harry to help act them out, much to the dismay of Harry. Hermione had to admit she was starting to become disappointed with the lesson. She thought with everything Lockhart had been through, he'd be able to teach them the spells he used on his adventures.

"Shae, are you alright?" Harry asked suddenly.

Hermione turned to look at Shae. She had fallen a bit behind and looked extremely pale, her eyes drooping the way they do when a person is sick.

"I don't feel well," she muttered, putting a hand to her stomach.

"You look sick," Harry observed.

"You should go see Madam Pomfrey," Hermione said. "I can take you if you want."

Shae began to nod but lurched forward, her eyes widening. Slapping a hand to her mouth, she sprinted down the corridor and into the girl's bathroom. Hermione quickly ran after her, pushing the other students aside as she tried to catch up with her friend.

The sound of retching echoed loudly in the bathroom as Hermione entered it. She winced, forcing her gag reflex down. Hearing other people be sick had always triggered Hermione to get sick as well, ever since she was a little girl.

"Shae?" she asked. "Are you okay?"

"Come here to have a laugh, did you?"

Hermione jumped as a young ghost poked her head through a cubicle. The girl looked to be about Hermione's age with large rim glasses and black pigtails.

"E-excuse me?" Hermione asked, backing away from the ghost. She winced as Shae began to gag again.

"Your friend has no manners!" the ghost howled tearfully. "She didn't even consider that the toilet was being used when she barged into it and began to throw up on me!"

"But you're a ghost," Hermione pointed out. "It would've gone through you."

"Oh yes, just because I'm dead means it's perfectly fine for someone to do that!" she wailed. "You don't have to worry about mopey, moaning Myrtle's feelings. She's dead so she obviously can't feel anything!"

"I didn't say that," Hermione protested.

"Hermione?" The door opened and Fay poked her head in, looking worried. "Harry said Shae was sick and you went after her."

"Oh great," the ghost, Myrtle, moaned, "another person to remind me that I'm dead! What are you going to do? Throw wads of toilet paper at me to see if they stick?"

Fay stared at Myrtle with a dumbfounded expression. "Why would I do that?" she asked. "I don't care about whether you're dead or not. My friend's sick so I came to check on her."

"Oh of course, no one cares for Myrtle!"

Myrtle let out a hysterical wail and zoomed up into the air, disappearing behind a cubicle with a loud splash. Moments later, water shot up from one of the toilets, soaking both Hermione and Shae.

"Sick!" Shae screeched. She flung the door to the cubicle open and stumbled out, white as a sheet.

"Let's get her to Madam Pomfrey," Hermione said, ignoring the way her skin was tingling. It may have been clean water that she was splashed with, but it still came from a toilet. Hermione and Fay each grabbed an arm and helped Shae stumble her way out of the bathroom.

"I am never going into that bathroom again," Fay promised.

Hermione nodded, ignoring Myrtle's wailing as they half carried, half dragged Shae down the corridor to the Hospital Wing.

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End Note: And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed! I'll see you next time!

Kelci

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