Unofficial Portkey Archive

While Harry and Ginny had started the month of September with open minds and open hearts, they both realized rather quickly that the strange distance that had grown between them during was there to stay, a distance that was characterized by too many awkward moments, hidden thoughts, and empty embraces.

Before the War, Harry relished the time he'd spent with Ginny as an escape from the difficulties in his life, especially the parts of his life he felt he had no control over, the parts of his life he felt he had never chosen.

During those moments with Ginny, Harry felt like he could just be himself- just Harry- but things were different now.

The War helped Harry realize that the challenges and tragedies he'd faced, however horrible, had made him a better person, and had contributed to who "just Harry" had become.

Harry knew that his past- the good and the plethora of bad- was inextricably linked to him, and he was starting to learn that the darkness in his past planted the seeds of so many good things.

Even more, Harry was starting to understand that the darkness of his past helped him become who he was today… and most of all, he was beginning to learn that he was okay with that.

Harry knew that part of the problem between Ginny and himself was that he couldn't be the person he'd been during his sixth year at Hogwarts.

He didn't want to be the person he used to be because that meant avoiding, escaping, and denying, and he knew that avoiding, escaping, and denying under these circumstances meant forgetting.

Harry didn't want to forget.

In any case, Harry, feeling that he owed Ginny more time, did avoid analyzing and discussing the distance and awkwardness that had grown between them for as long as possible.

Ginny however, (not one to be afraid of facing this type of emotionally-leaden obstacle head-on) could no longer bear the awkward niceties, as much as she truly cared for Harry and appreciated his kindness.

On a day in late September, when afternoon breezes had transformed from warm to crisp and the nights from comfortable to cool, Harry was startled when Ginny halted mid-flight, a Quaffle the color of faded rust under one arm, on one of their daily Quidditch practice sessions.

Harry was frightened not because he nearly careened into her on his own broomstick, but because he feared how Ginny would react to the conversation he rather suddenly realized was imminent. In all honesty, he was afraid Ginny would be angry with him.

Although Harry knew why Ginny had abruptly halted her course back to the Burrow, he was still surprised when she said, very calmly and a bit matter-of-fact, "Harry, this isn't working, is it?"

"I know you're too polite to bring it up, but I also know that you feel it- or don't feel it any more, too."

Harry sighed, looking down and wishing that his relationship with Ginny could be as smooth as the polished wood of his broomstick's handle. "I'm so sorry Ginny… I really don't know what happened with us."

"I do… or I think I do."

Harry looked up at Ginny then. Even though he no longer felt the same way he once had when he looked at her, Harry still thought Ginny was pretty, especially now, her red hair shining in the light of the afternoon sun, her eyes bright and clear even during a conversation like this.

"I'm not who I was before the War, and neither are you. The people who we are now don't think, or feel, or want the same things as the people we used to be."

Harry nodded, showing Ginny that he agreed. Ginny had made it clear that it was her dream to become a professional Quidditch player (preferably for the Holyhead Harpies), which meant at least a year of grueling daily practices, weeks of tryouts, and hopefully, a whole lot of luck.

Harry respected and admired Ginny's goals, but he wasn't sure if her goals of excitement, risk, and spotlight coincided in any way with his own hopes for the future… even if he had yet to nail down any goals beyond the hope of one day having a family of his own.

But Harry knew- and now he knew that Ginny knew too- that it was so much more than future goals.

"Maybe we could have made it work if we had changed together like George and Angelina, but… we didn't change together, Harry."

Again, Harry nodded in agreement. Harry and Ginny had been through so much, but they had been through so much apart. It had been a refuge once… for both of them. But now it just felt wrong.

Listening to Ginny's concise, almost practiced words helped Harry realize that Ginny had also likely been consumed by thoughts of the growing distance between them. Somehow, it made him feel better to know that he wasn't alone in his feelings.

"Isn't this sort of like we are giving up though? What if we try to talk to each other more about what we both went through, and how we feel now? Maybe that would help-" Harry started.

Ginny shook her head.

"First of all, it's not giving up if there's nothing left to give up in the first place. I wish it were as simple as talking it through or working it out, but it's almost like we both have amnesia, and we are trying to fix something we don't remember anything about… and I guess, the more time we spend together, the less we remember- and we only grow apart more."

Ginny smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry Ginny-"

"No, Harry. There is nothing to be sorry about. It's good that we tried, don't get me wrong, but it's even better that we figured this out now, before we make promises that neither of us really want to keep."

Harry nodded. "You know I'll always love you though, right?"

Since the end of the War, Harry had made a point to start telling the people he cared about that he loved them more often; he'd told Ron, Mrs. Weasley, and now Ginny.

Ginny smiled and blushed. Harry was instantly reminded of a much younger Ginny, in her pajamas in the Weasleys' kitchen, unable to make a sound in Harry's presence.

"I know, and I'll always love you too. And it's not like we're never going to see each other. I mean, you live with me, so… now I guess I just don't have to worry as much when I fly faster than you, or when I use "unbecoming" manners at the dinner table," Ginny mocked.

Harry laughed, thinking of Mrs. Weasley's dinnertime reprimands, of which she had no shortage for all of her children, and how they never failed to be ignored… or joked about.

"Like you worry about those things-"

"Last one home has degnoming duty!" Ginny interrupted, speeding off with full force toward the Burrow.

Harry only smirked and shook his head. He would always admire Ginny's humor, open-mindedness, and fiery spirit, and he found comfort in knowing that she would never stop caring for him, but Harry felt lighter knowing that their attempts at rebuilding a romantic relationship were over.

As Harry turned toward the direction of the Burrow and spotted the zig-zagged bricks of the house's smokey chimney in the distance, he gulped nervously, suddenly realizing that Mrs. Weasley would eventually become privy to this new development.

Harry was looking forward to that as much as he was looking forward to facing another blast-ended skrewt.

***

In this chapter, I tried my best to represent Ginny and Ginny and Harry's relationship as best as I could. I hope it came through.

I hope you like it! Please feel free to leave a comment!

Next chapter: Ron and Hermione return, Luna! pays a visit, Harry solves a problem or two with some help.

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