Chapter 12 - Please, forgive me
OK, the first problem was where I would find Ron. I had spent too much time realizing how stupid I was, and Elizabeth and him weren't at the manor anymore.
Nobody seemed to realize that something was going on. When I started running to look for any of them, some people stared at me puzzled, but most of them kept talking and eating, oblivious to the disaster I had caused.
When I got too tired and realized I wasn't going to find Ron there, I took drastic measures. There was no point in apparating, because I had absolutely no idea of where they could have gone. So I did something that had worked for me sometimes before. I went to look for Pigwidgeon.
"Hi Pig," I said to the still too cheerful owl. I wrote "Hello," in a piece of parchment and tied it to its leg. "Please, take this to Ron."
The owl parted immediately. Since this magnificent birds always find their addressee, all I had to do was follow him. And that meant that I would have to fly on a broom.
"You deserve this," I said to myself, picking the first broom I found. I hate to fly. I've always been scared of heights. But it was the only way. It was a lucky thing that nowadays, brooms have invisible devices installed, in that way I could fly without worrying for Muggle security.
It was a torture. It seemed that Pig enjoyed to flight in zigzag and do abrupt drops, and since I couldn't miss him, I had to do the same. So when Pig finally reached Ron, who was sitting on a bench in Greenwich Park looking totally down, my face was literally green and I was totally dizzy.
Ron didn't look up when Pig flew right to him. His mind was totally away from his body. His eyes were staring the floor, and he wasn't even blinking. I sat next to him, trying to remain calm. He didn't seem to notice. I shook his shoulders. When I did it for the third time (rather harshly), he finally awaken. He looked at me and the sad an astonished look in his eyes went away and a furious and disappointed one replaced it. I gulped.
"What the hell are you doing here?" he said.
"Ron, please listen to me..."
"Listen to you? Why should I? You're a liar!" he yelled, standing up.
"OK, I deserve that," I said, taking a deep breath and trying hard to keep my voice steady. "But I'm your friend and..."
"Wrong. You were my friend, but not anymore!" He said through gritted teeth.
That was it. I started crying. It wasn't a loud crying though, but a silent one. Ron had never been comfortable when I cried, and he never knew what to do. That was one of those times. He looked at me, warily.
"All I ask is that you listen to what I have to say. Please. After that, you can do whatever you want about our friendship," I said, softly.
Ron didn't say anything, and I took his silence as my chance to explain.
"OK, I guess I have to start from the beginning," I said, sighing. "And that is, when you announced you were getting married to Elizabeth. I don't know what happened but, suddenly I got very jealous..." I told him everything about the way I felt, that I thought I was in love with him, that I became desperate and that was when Malfoy put that crazy idea in my head.
Ron listened in silence. When I finished, he sat down beside me.
"You thought you were in love with me?" he asked. I nodded. "But what about Harry? Aren't you with him?"
Well, if I was going to be honest, I had to tell him about that too. "Uhm... The thing is Harry is not my fiancé, Ron."
Ron looked at me, not really understanding.
"I made that up to see if I could make you jealous. Harry played along because I begged him to. It's not his fault. Please, don't get mad at him."
"Did he know about that letter you sent?"
"Of course not! All this time, Harry has been trying to convince me to stop this nonsense. I should have listened to him."
"Yes, you should have," Ron said, shaking his head. "Damn, I can't believe this."
"I'm so sorry Ron. I know I ruined everything," I said, starting to cry again. "Elizabeth and you are in love, and I tore you apart. I'm an awful person. I deserve all the horrible things in the world happen to me. You should hit me. I would even let you do the Cruciatus curse on me, but I don't want you to end up in Azkaban because of me." I gave him my wand. "Hex me. I deserve it. Turn me into a ferret, or petrify me, or..."
To my surprise, Ron started to laugh.
"I'm not going to hex you Hermione. Geez, I don't remember when was the last time you admitted you were wrong... Maybe that's because you've never had." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "You're right, though. You've done an horrible thing. But I can't really blame you. I think I would have done something worse if I were in your place. And yes, I have to recognize it's a little bit flattering to think that Miss I-always-play-by-the rules could so something like that for me."
"So you forgive me?" I asked.
He smiled. I was so amazed that he took that little time to forgive me, that I hugged him. He sighed again and the sad expression came back to his eyes.
"Too bad that Liz will never forgive me," he said.
"Of course she will, Ron. You don't think I'll leave things like this, do you? I'm going to talk to her, and I'll explain everything."
"I already tried," he said, defeated, "But she didn't listen to me."
"Don't worry," I said, standing up. "Just tell me where she is."
"She's at the manor," Ron said, after a while.
"At the manor? But I checked everywhere, and I didn't find her!"
"She's at our secret place," Ron explained. "Inside a big tree, in the west part of the garden."
I was about to leave, when Ron called my name. I turned around.
"Did you came here, flying?" He asked, staring in awe at the broom I had left there.
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The tree that Ron had told me about was, in fact, pretty big. It was hollow in the inside, and you could've fit at least five people in there. Elizabeth was sitting there. When I stepped inside, she almost killed me with her glare, but she didn't say anything at all.
"Elizabeth," I called her quietly. "We need to talk."
She stood up and confronted me. "There's no need to. I know all I have to know," she said.
"No, you don't," I said, shaking my head "This is a horrible mistake, I..."
"A mistake? Is it a mistake that you were kissing my fiancé?" she interrupted me.
"Not exactly," I said, lowering my head. "But it's not Ron's fault. I kissed him, he didn't kiss me back."
Elizabeth let out a sad laugh. "Listen, Hermione Granger, I know that you think I'm stupid, but even I wouldn't fall for that."
"I don't think you're stupid."
"Of course you do! I noticed right away. Or do you think I fell for that crap that you wanted to be my friend? You've always thought that I'm stupid and shallow. And the saddest thing is that I tried, so hard, to gain your trust and your appreciation. I thought that if you were so important to Ron, you should became an important person to me too." She started pacing back and forward. I listened in silence. "But no, that wasn't enough for miss perfection!"
I started feeling horrible again. Elizabeth stop pacing and looked at me in the eyes.
"Why did you do it?" she asked finally.
I wasn't sure what she was asking about. Was she talking about the kiss, the letter... I didn't even know if Ron had told her about the letter.
"Maybe you were right after all. I'm an idiot," she said, leaning against the tree and sighing.
"You're not the idiot, Elizabeth, I am. I messed everything up just because I was jealous of you. All this is not your fault, it's not Ron's, it's mine. I mistook my friendship with Ron for love, and I thought that I was doing the best thing for everyone by stopping this wedding. And just now I've realized how wrong I've been. I've been thinking that you're not right for him, when it's obvious that you're the best thing that has ever happened to him."
Elizabeth stared at me. She seemed to be debating if she could believe me or not.
"The thing is, Elizabeth, that Ron loves you. He loves you so much, that not even my evilness could split you apart. And I know that you love him too. And that's why you have to go on with this wedding, you have to make my friend happy."
Elizabeth started crying and she nodded.
"I know I haven't been the loveliest person with you," I continued. "And I'm sorry. I was so wrapped trying to hate you that I didn't realize I actually like you. So, if you still want, I would love to be your friend."
That was it. Elizabeth's usual smile appeared again and she hugged me.
"Come on, we have to find Ron," I said.
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The reconciliation between the two was mushy and I couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable. They hugged for at least ten minutes. I was ready to go and leave them there, when they stopped me.
"Wait, Herm," said Ron "Where are you going?"
"There's something else I have to take care about," I said.
"You're talking about Harry, aren't you?" said Elizabeth with her knowing smile.
Damn, why was she so intuitive? I nodded.
"What happened with Harry?" asked Ron. He wasn't following us.
"He's angry with me," I said. "And I don't know if he'll ever forgive me."
"Of course he will," said Elizabeth, immediately "He loves you. It's so obvious!"
"I don't know why I didn't realize until now," I said, sadly.
"You love him too, don't you? That's why you knew you weren't in love with Ron," she added.
I nodded. Ron stared at the both of us, confused.
"You love Harry? Harry loves you? But I thought you were just pretending..."
"That's what I thought too," I muttered. "But life likes to play jokes on us and my perfect plan fired against me. And now maybe I've lost him for good."
"Go and talk to him, Herm," said Ron "You're not one to give up so easily."
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And that's exactly what I did. I apparated back at our building. I had the feeling that Harry was in his apartment. I tried to apparate inside, but he had put a ward against me.
"Harry," I said knocking his door. He didn't answer "Harry, please, I need to talk to you." I knocked as hard as I could, but it was useless. "I'm not going anywhere until you open this door. Even if I have to knock all day! Open the door, please." My voice was filled with urgency. "There's something very important I need to tell you!.. I'm..."
The door opened and left me with my hand lifted, ready to knock again. But it wasn't Harry the one standing in the door frame. It was Sirius.
"Hi Hermione," he said. He smiled slightly.
"Sirius! You've come back!"
"Yeah, I wasn't going to miss Ron's wedding," he lowered his voice until it became a whisper. "Although it seems that there's no wedding anymore."
"Yes, the wedding is on," I said. Sirius' smile widened. He nodded in understanding and didn't ask anything else.
"Sirius, I need to talk to Harry."
"I know. But he doesn't want to see you," he replied. "He ordered me not to open this door." He winked at me. "Well, who cares about what he says, anyway? Come in, but don't tell him I let you. I'm going to see if it's raining in the corner."
He dissaparated, and I was left alone in Harry's living room. He wasn't there. I stayed in the same position, trying to think of what to say to him. Finally, I heard his voice, coming from the bedroom.
"Did she lef..." he froze when he saw me.
"Hey."
"What are you doing here? Where's Sirius?" he asked, frowning.
"He went to... I don't know where he went, but it doesn't matter. I need to talk to you."
"I thought I had made myself clear when I told you I didn't want to see you anymore."
"Well, you don't think I'm going to listen to you, do you?" I said, trying to lighten the mood, but Harry's expression didn't change.
"What do you want?" he asked, his arms crossed over his chest.
"You have every right to be angry with me. I totally screwed up everything. I was selfish, arrogant, unfair and... Blind." I looked at him, but he didn't make any remarks. His green eyes were cold. "And today, I finally realized that I've been wrong. I'm not in love with Ron. And I totally humiliated myself to fix what I did. I told him and Elizabeth everything, so the good news is that there will be a wedding after all."
He was still silent.
"Don't you even want to know how I found out that I wasn't in love with him?" I asked in a whisper.
"No, because I don't care, Hermione. I don't know how that conscience of yours works and I don't think I want to find out. I'm glad that your evil plan didn't work out, though. At least one of us will be able to be happy." He paused. "Is that what you came to tell me? I appreciate your concern, now please leave." He turned his back at me, obviously intending to go back to his room.
I didn't move from where I was standing. I had to ask him. I needed to know from his own mouth. "Harry, are you in love with me?" No beating around the bush, huh?
Harry stopped, with his back still at me. I waited for his answer. He turned around and his eyes looked directly at mine for a second. Then, he looked away and nodded slightly.
"Since when...?" I asked with a tiny voice.
He shrugged. "Sometime between our sixth and seventh year," he replied.
Wow, I didn't know it had been that long. Harry was avoiding my gaze.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked after a long and awkward pause.
"Because I'm a coward. I was afraid it would ruin our friendship. Besides, it was too obvious that you've never returned my feelings," he spoke calmly.
I sighed. "You've been wrong, Harry, because I... I love you too," I said, and I could felt my hands sweaty.
Harry looked at me for a moment and his expression changed. His mouth opened slightly and his eyes twinkled, but it only lasted a second. He frowned again.
"Oh, I see what this is about," he said. His voice was shaking a little. "You want me to keep pretending I'm you fiancé at the wedding, so you won't make a fool of yourself, huh?"
I widened my eyes in surprise. "Of course not!"
"Then, I'm your consolation prize, is that it? Since Ron picked Elizabeth over you, you're moving to the next best thing."
"What are you saying, Harry?" I asked, shaking my head violently. "It's not that at all!"
But Harry didn't seem to be listening to me. He took two steps towards me. His cheeks were red with anger. "How dare you!?" he said, his voice raising. It have been a long time since I had seen him so angry. "What the hell do you think I am? How can you play with my feelings like this?"
"Harry..." I whispered, trying to explain myself.
"So that's it. You finally stopped being so thick and dense and realized that your friend, the pathetic and pitiful Harry Potter, was in love with you. And since you can't stand to be alone, to lose at something, you come here and tell me that you love me too."
"I'm telling you the truth. I'm in love with you," I repeated, starting to get desperate.
He shook his head. "The truth? I didn't know that word was in your vocabulary."
I knew that when Harry was mad, he could be even crueler than Ron.
"You don't have to be mean, Harry. I admit I made a huge mistake, and I'm paying for it," I said, my voice raising too. "I was too stupid and selfish to understand what was happening to you, and to me, but now I've understand! You've made me understand!"
Harry shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. "Are you trying to say that you've just realized that you're in love with me?" I nodded. A sarcastic smile appeared in his face. "Right, and that was after or before you kissed Ron?" I opened my mouth to answer, but he cut me off. "How stupid do you think I am? I've seen you crawling after Ron this whole week and you want me to believe that, all of the sudden you fell in love with me?" He was almost yelling, and he had totally lost his temper.
I could felt hot tears falling down my cheeks. "I didn't fall in love with you all of the sudden!" I yelled back. "I think I've loved you for a long time, but I was too stubborn to admit it to myself!"
Harry groaned and walked towards the window. I approached to him slowly.
"I'm so sorry," I whispered.
"I'm sorry too," Harry said, turning to look at me, and I saw the sadness in his eyes.
"What do you mean?" I asked quietly.
"I mean that I'm sick and tired of this, Hermione. I've had enough for a lifetime! I can't see you anymore," he said, raising his voice again.
"But..."
"It hurts me to be with you like this. God, it even hurts me to look at you, for Merlin's sake. I'll never move on if I keep being your friend."
"But I don't want to be your friend!" I yelled, now crying my heart out. "Have you heard what I've told you! I love you! As in I'm in love with you! I want to be with you!"
Harry's eyes blurred. His hands and voice were shaking and my crying wasn't helping. He backed away, as far as possible from me.
"Maybe you're telling the truth," he said, slowly. "Maybe you do think you love me. But what'll happen next week Herm? If you forgot your love for Ron this fast, what will happen to me?"
"It's different Harry! I was blinded! I was jealous! I've never loved Ron, and even when I thought I did I didn't feel like I feel for you!" I was trying desperately to make him understand.
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to keep doing this," he said, avoiding my gaze once again. "I told you, I don't want to see you again."
"You won't be able to avoid me forever, we're neighbors," I whispered.
"I'll move."
"But you love this building," I argued.
"What I loved about this building, was living next to you, Hermione. But not anymore... Not anymore."
"So that's it? You're going to throw away all these years just because you're too proud to forgive me?"
"Proud? If I were proud, I wouldn't have done all the things I've done for you!" Harry sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Hermione, please, leave."
I was too shocked to move.
"I've just told you that I love you, Harry. I've never said that to anyone. Not even to Ron."
"And what were you expecting? That I would hug you, and kiss you and ask you to marry me? That everything would be OK, after all that has happened?" he said, yelling again. I didn't answer, because that was what I had kinda expected. I felt so stupid. Harry stared at me one more time "Go away," he repeated.
And I did.
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A/N: I hope you liked it, and I apologize to the ones that maybe will think that this chapter was too mushy, buy it fits what I intend in this fic. I'm trying hard to redeem poor Hermione after all I did to her the past chapters (and she's one of my favorite characters in the book!)
So, you just have to wait to chapter 13. . . Yes, Ron and Elizabeth's wedding!
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