A/N: Standard disclaimers still apply. I apologize for not giving a warning prior to the previous chapter for all the sexual humor and references. Now, I will warn you that there will be more. Much more. Also, the rating will be upgraded eventually. The author's note that I posted before the first chapter was meant for fanfiction.net and I forgot to change it for portkey.org. My claim that the adult chapters would be posted elsewhere was actually pertaining to the fact that I would post them at portkey.org. Hope that makes sense. Enjoy the story.
…
When Ron dug through his schoolbag for his Potions book, his hand fell on a piece of rolled up scroll. He pulled it out, fully expecting it to be the lost Herbology homework he'd been looking for over the past few days. But when he unrolled it, he found that it was a message.
Ronald,
I feel awful about last night. Meet me by the lake's edge at four o' clock so I can apologize properly.
L.L.
Ron stared at the large cursive handwriting, waiting for his brain to absorb the meaning. Last night had been humiliating, and students were still pointing and laughing at him between classes. He had had to endure taunts from Draco Malfoy and his cronies. The only thing that had stopped him from turning the pointy-faced blonde into a ferret had been the thought of his sister's wrath. Ron was only afraid of three people. His mother, Ginny, and Voldemort. In that order.
So Luna Lovegood had finally come around, just as Seamus had assured him she would. So why, exactly, was his heart pounding in his ears?
Perhaps because he couldn't rightly imagine what Luna had in mind when she mentioned apologizing properly and perhaps because he had his own ideas as to how she could make it up to him.
"What does it say?" Hermione asked, looking over his shoulder and trying to catch a glimpse of the note. Ron crumpled it up in his hand before she could read it, but the damage had been done.
"I saw that! I wonder what her intentions are after such a dramatic display in the dining hall last night," Hermione mused.
"It was dramatic, was it? I thought it was the right thing to do, after that ridiculous advice that moron Seamus gave me! I think he meant to steer me wrongly, just to get back at me for that time I wrote him a fake valentine from Pansy Parkinson," Ron said, glaring daggers at Finnigan from across the library. Seamus only smiled brightly and waved, then winked at Hermione in a roguish way. Hermione blushed.
"He's not all that bad, Ron," Hermione said, looking down at her book shyly. Ron rolled his eyes in disgust.
"Don't roll your eyes at me!"
"I wasn't!"
"You were!"
"Not!"
"What are you two arguing about now?" Harry asked, sitting down next to Ron. Hermione smirked at Ron in that infuriating way she had and beat him to the punch.
"Ron received a love note from Luna Lovegood. I suppose a person's last name can really say something about their personality," she said, eyes gleaming.
"Stop that! I'm sure she doesn't want to-to do those things. Well, I'm sure she does, but not with me. Not that I'm under-confident, but-oh shut up, Hermione!" Ron exclaimed when Hermione started to laugh so hard that she snorted. The other students heard and whipped their heads around to stare at them. Harry seemed very confused by the whole display, but was able to glean a few facts.
"So Luna wants to kiss and make up, then? It's as if you two are dating," Harry said matter-of-factly, opening up his Potions book and setting to work. Ron turned red and spluttered, searching in vain for the correct response.
"You seem to be at a terrible loss for words today, Ron," Hermione said teasingly. Ron saw Harry smirk before he thought to cover his face with his Potions book.
"Ron seems to be at a loss for words a lot lately. Why, I'd venture to say it all started three days ago in Hogsmeade," Harry said. Ron had had enough and slammed his fist on the table. Dean Thomas' toothpick model of the London Bridge collapsed and the fellow Gryffindor stared in shock at the remnants.
"All of you stop your gossip and hen-pecking! There's nothing between that silly nit and I!" Ron exclaimed as he picked up his book bag and stomped away in a huff. He stopped at the door and turned back to say one last thing.
"Sorry, Dean," he said apologetically as he hurried out. Dean looked from the disaster that had been his Muggle Studies project to the library exit and back again.
Then he promptly fainted.
…
At exactly three forty-five Luna arrived at the lake. She still wore her usual school clothes but had decided to fancy things up a bit by putting on her earrings shaped like heads of cabbage. She had decided not to wear her hair in the usual braids and had opted instead to wear it loose and draping the sides of her face. Gretchen had said it was very flattering, albeit reluctantly. Gretchen had tried to talk Luna out of it up until she walked out of the dormitory. Luna didn't see why, she thought her plan was bloody brilliant. Why not exact revenge on that stupid Gryffindor git by messing with his head a bit, like he had done hers? When he trusted her enough, she could humiliate him a bit and give him a taste of what it was like to be her.
Then a new thought entered her head. What if he didn't show? What if he simply stood her up and she was left to stand out here alone, looking ridiculous? He would laugh in her face the next day and she'd go back to being silly old Luna again, invisible and unnoticed by boy and man alike. Her fears (or at least one of them) were quickly cast aside when she heard the sound of leaves crunching underfoot behind her.
"What's this all about, Looney?" he greeted none too pleasantly. He had a scowl on his face and his coppery red hair was rumpled and sticking up in the air. Not exactly a pleasant sight to kick off the start of Luna's plans, but she'd have to be brave. With a deep breath, she conjured up the most charming smile she could imagine. Ronald's scowl was replaced with a wide-eyed look of surprise. He blushed (Luna had never seen a boy blush as much as he did) and fidgeted.
"Well?" he prompted. Luna tucked her hair behind her ears, feeling self-conscious now and wanting to stall.
"I wanted to apologize for my awful behavior last night. Won't you forgive me?" she asked in a way she could only hope was convincing.
"You brought me all the way out here just to say that? Couldn't you have just tucked another note into my schoolbooks, you crazy nit?" he practically shouted. It was just as Luna had feared. In the face of his overwhelming anger, Luna dropped her façade and let her emotions get the better of her.
"Why do you h-h-hate me?" she wailed, her voice shaking from the effort of holding in her sobs. She heard him heave an exasperated sigh.
"Bloody hell!" he exclaimed. Luna couldn't help herself and continued to simper and sob. She saw Ronald grit his teeth with frustration or annoyance, she couldn't tell which. When she thought more about how badly she had messed up her plan after only ten minutes, she wailed harder.
"There, there. Uh-turn that frown upside down," he managed, patting her shoulder once very awkwardly. Luna's sobs quieted after a few moments and she rubbed her eyes so she could see through the blur of them. Ronald produced a very wrinkled and dingy looking handkerchief from his threadbare pockets. Luna took it and wiped her cheeks and leaky nose dry. Ronald took the sopping mess back without a word of complaint and shoved it into his book bag.
"Now what's this rubbish about my hating you?" he said, after he was sure her well of tears was exhausted. He looked quite traumatized by her display, which surprised Luna very much. He had a little sister, after all. Luna had already sabotaged all of her plans so she decided honesty was the best policy.
"You always whisper about me and call me crazy and then you were so nice to me and everything and I started to trust you and think you might not be like the other boys and that you might actually be nice to me but then you made fun of me again and started whispering about me to all of your friends!" she shot off all in one breath. Ronald shook his head, overwhelmed by her emotions and the wealth of information.
"What? I've been minding my own business this whole time. I only ever made fun of you because that's what everybody else does!" Ronald defended, but seemed to catch his skewed logic mid-sentence, for he faltered toward the end. Looking embarrassed, he fiddled with the strap of his book bag. Luna felt her anger grow deep in her chest.
"Ronald Weasley, you are the most immature, insensitive prick I've ever had the displeasure of meeting and I've met quite a few! You only care about being Harry Potter's right-hand man and making up for all of your insecurities by being boastful and trying to be popular. If you took a moment away from kissing everyone's arse you may realize that you're a big joke around here. Everyone sees how pathetic you can be except you!" she attacked him with every ounce of bitterness and anger she had built up the past week and over the years of being abused by other students. She invested all of her negative energy in him and laid out everything she had heard whispered in classrooms and corners for him to see. His eyes were wide with shock but Luna didn't stick around for his response.
She left him by the lake, staring into the water and looking thoughtful.
…
"She said what?" Hermione asked again, disbelieving. Ron sighed, having told her the story thrice now. For such a smart girl, she was unusually slow today. Ron had wanted to hide under his covers when he finally made it back to the Gryffindor tower and never emerge again. Painfully humiliated, he was a wreck. Nothing he had said that day had been the right thing. He seemed to mess everything up and wanted to curl up somewhere safe and never speak to anyone again.
In other words, he wanted his mum.
And now, every belief he had had about his popularity and his magnetism was proved false. Very few people liked him and many even resented him. This was news to him and now he had to come to terms with the fact that he was just a big idiot that everyone laughed at.
"She said I was an arse-kisser and that I'm a joke around here. How many times must I repeat myself?" he asked, sick and tired of it all. Hermione looked at him with pity and that dealt a huge blow to his pride.. again. He imagined his pride was sitting somewhere inside him, taking its last gasping breaths before death. He could tell by the look on her face that everything Luna had told him had had much truth to it, for Hermione denied none of it.
"Why didn't any of you tell me?" he asked her, sounding defeated. Hermione looked away.
"Oh, Ron. We didn't think it would do any good to tell you the awful things they were saying. Harry and I both knew they weren't true," she explained, placing a warm hand on his own for comfort. Ron pulled his hand away and tucked it underneath his arm. He retreated back into his thoughts and ignored everything else Hermione said after that.
Luna had looked very lovely, even when she had been yelling at him. Her face had been flushed with anger, her eyes wide but no longer vacant-looking. They had had the look in them that he remembered from his first dream of her. He had never been the object of a woman's scorn before (except perhaps Ginny's, but that didn't count in his mind's eye) and the feeling was entirely new to him. And so was the fact that he had just referred to Looney Lovegood as a woman in his thoughts. He had always thought of her as a girl, a crazy one at that.
Now she was starting to make sense.
Ron knew he had to give up his hard-headedness and fix things. His mother would send him a Howler everyday if she heard about the mess he'd gotten himself into. He could hear her now. Just apologize to the poor dear.
Bah.