Harry Potter was happy. He had his own flat in Notting Hill. He had his dream job, being an auror for the Ministry of Magic. He had a very active social life with many girls vying for his attention. His best friend, Ron, had just asked him to be his best man next month when he would finally marry his sweetheart, Luna. Harry was happy. Really, he was.
As he walked down the street in Soho, heading toward Charing Cross Road, he heard a familiar song. A song that proved that Harry Potter was not happy, in fact, it proved that he was miserable. It was her song. He dubbed it her song when he heard it only minutes after she left for the States.
As the notes floated through the air, teasing his ears, he couldn't help but walk toward the shop from which the music was emanating. The small muggle music store was playing an American love song from sometime in the 1980s. Harry had heard it a few times as a child when Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia would listen to the radio.
Harry wasn't sure who sang the song, all he knew was when he heard it, all he could think about was her. Hermione.
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
He could still remember the day she left like it was yesterday. Hogwarts was over and done with almost two years prior. Voldemort had been vanquished a month and a half after that. Hermione had just been offered a position at the Salem Wizarding Academy in Massachusetts. And Harry had just realized that he was falling in love with his best friend.
He had agreed to see her off at the airport. She was leaving. He didn't want her to go, but she didn't know that. He had to let her go and live her dream. She was going to teach. She was going to mold the minds of American wizarding children. He couldn't deny her that. She had stood by him for almost ten years; had supported almost every foolish thing he did; how could he not support her in this?
As they called for final boarding, he hugged her. She felt so good in his arms; it felt like she belonged there. He was in love with her, but could never say it. What if she didn't feel the same? He couldn't risk his heart being broken. But what if she did love him in return? Then she would stay and possibly regret the decision later on. She would resent him for not letting her live her dream, for not letting her go.
Harry reveled in the feel of his arms around her. He wasn't sure when he would ever get this chance again. They promised to write each other every week. He wished her good luck as he released her and she walked toward the gate. Before he knew it she was running back toward him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
"I'm going to miss you, Harry."
"I'll miss you too, 'Mione. But we'll see each other, I promise."
Hermione started to pull away from their embrace, but before she completely extracted herself from him, her lips connected with his. Harry's arms fell in shock. His eyes stared blankly at her as she walked back toward the gate. As she passed through the door, she turned around and said the words Harry longed to hear.
"I love you, Harry."
Harry stood there numbly, regurgitating her words over and over. By the time his brain actually comprehended what she had just confessed, the door to the gate was closed and the plane was taxiing away. They had written back and forth for a few months; neither one mentioning what she had said nor what Harry wanted to say. Eventually, the letters slowed to once a month and now Harry saw her neatly scripted notes maybe once in a blue moon.
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever?
Their friendship had lasted through countless trials, but one little confession followed by a lack of acknowledgement, led to its demise. She was still his friend. He still loved her. But now she had new friends and colleagues, new loves. Harry had promised her they would see each other again, so far he had broken that promise. He was afraid to see her. He wanted her to be happy with her new life, but he didn't think he could bear the pain of seeing it and knowing that he was not a part of that life.
Harry shook his head to clear his thoughts and found himself standing in front of the tiny music shop in Soho. The muggle song was still playing, teasing him, reminding him. His unruly hair and green eyes reflected in the store window back at him. He couldn't look himself in the eye. He had been so stupid that day. And now almost 3 years later, it was still just as painful.
After her plane left, Harry had stared out the window of the airport toward the place where her plane had taken off. She was gone. She said she loved him, and what did he do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. He eventually found himself sitting on a stool in a nearby pub, wallowing in self-defamation and a lot of alcohol. As he sat there nursing his sixth or seventh shot of whiskey, a song came on the jukebox. Harry absently listened to the words.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Harry knew at that moment, in the pub, that he would wait for her. If she really did love him, wouldn't she come back? The words to the song echoed in his mind, 'Whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks.' Harry knew his heart had been broken, not by Hermione, but by himself. He was the one who didn't stop her from going. He was the one who didn't say he loved her in return. He was the one who watched her walk out of his life and fly across the Atlantic Ocean to a new life, without him.
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now.
The song still echoed through Soho, but Harry's mind was a million miles away. Hermione had always been there, he expected her to be there forever. He never thought she would really go away. His memories of their days as 'The Trio' flooded his mind. Hermione, Ron and Harry. They were a team, inseparable. Now, Ron was getting married and Hermione was teaching in the States and Harry was here, waiting for her to come home.
He fought the urge to cry in public. No one wants to see The-Man-Who-Defeated-the-Dark-Lord crying. He would never live it down. The Daily Prophet would have a field day trying to solve the mystery of why the great Harry Potter was sitting in Muggle London crying.
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Harry wondered if Hermione was thinking about him. Did she ever think about him? Did she even miss him? She said so in her letters and Hermione was not one to lie. But was she just saying to be polite, or was it true? He had spent three long years thinking this way. He knew by now she probably had a boyfriend. She was too beautiful and charming to be without one.
Harry, himself had had quite a few lady friends, although it was never more than a short fling or one-night stand. It was never love. Harry had given Hermione his heart, even though she didn't realize it. No one else would ever be loved by Harry Potter the way he loved her.
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
As Harry looked back at his reflection in the shop window, he looked into his own eyes. He had to tell her what he felt. He was going crazy without her. He needed her. Without Hermione, Harry did not feel like Harry. Three years of pain was long enough.
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you
As the final chorus rang out of the shop, Harry started walking toward Charing Cross Road once more. Once entering The Leaky Cauldron, he took a seat at the bar, asked Tom for a firewhiskey, a piece of parchment and a quill.
Tom smiled knowingly. He had been a bartender almost too long and could read the emotions of almost every patron that walked through his door. Over the past few years he had watched as Mr. Potter slid into a miserable, pitiful existence. Noticing the burning determination in the young man's eyes, Tom knew that Harry Potter was finally going to fix whatever caused him so much pain.
After downing the contents of his glass, Harry started to write what he should have said three years ago.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My Dearest Hermione -
I have been keeping something from you, that I can't hold back any longer. I have kept this in for the last three years. I know I should have said this a long time ago, but…
I love you, too.
I always have. You stole my heart when we were sixteen and have held it captive since then. I miss you and pray that I will see you again someday. I know it is probably too late, but I needed to tell you how I felt, even if its just to heal the ache in my heart.
I heard a song today that always reminds me of you. It's an American muggle song from when we were kids. I think the words of the song can express more than my ramblings are able to…
Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain
If I see you next to never
How can we say forever
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now
Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you.
I don't want you to feel bad about this, this is not your fault. I messed up. I should have said this many times before. I love you, Hermione Granger. I am sorry for never saying it. I am sorry if it's too late now. I just wanted you to know.
I will understand if you wish not to respond. I pray someday you will forgive me for any pain I may have caused you. I hope that someday I will be able to forgive myself for letting you go.
Love Always,
Harry
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Harry threw a few sickles on the bar and thanked Tom for the drink, parchment and quill. He went out the back door and through the secret doorway to Diagon Alley. He remembered all the fun times he, Ron and Hermione had here when getting ready for school. He sighed as he passed Flourish & Blotts, Hermione's favorite store. He smiled as he passed the Magical Menagerie, where Hermione bought Crookshanks before their third year. His memories of Hermione were killing him, making his eyes burn and his heart ache. He needed to do this. He had to send it. She had to know.
Finally, Harry made his way to the Owlery. He tied the parchment to an owl, paid a couple galleons and watched as the bird flew off into the sunset toward America, toward Hermione. If he had any fears, it was too late now. All he could do was wait. But he was used to doing just that, staying right here… waiting.
*
TBC - This was a plot bunny that attacked me in the car on the way to work one day. I heard the song and knew I had to write this. I am not sure how long this will be, but I will tell you this is not the end.