Forlorn In Silence - Harry
If you knew her, you would know exactly how I feel. You would know exactly why I spend my days behind a veil of normality and my nights lost in worlds of perfection that lie only behind my closed eyelids. You would know how I ache. You would know how much it hurts to love someone that you know will never love you back. You would know how heartbreaking it is to see your best friend hold the girl of your dreams in his arms. If you knew her, my Juliet, you would know exactly how I feel.
They look so happy together. They always do. Amidst my sorrow, they live on in eternal happiness. And should they not? Should I forsake our friendship, the bond that holds us together, because of feelings that I secret? Should I risk all of what has kept me reasonably sound because of a mere desire? It is an eternal paradox, that I should covet what pains me so. And shall I ever overcome it? That is only for time to decide.
Sometimes I feel so alone. So agonizingly alone. Left to myself inside a dream world created by my sanguine imagination; it is the only thing that keeps me from drowning in a surge of my own emotions. If it weren't for my dreams, those revoltingly beautiful windows into my subconscious mind, I would have nothing to retreat to. I would have no escape from my own thoughts.
Why do you insist on tormenting me so? Can you not see the pain I feel when you moisten your lips; lips meant for him? Can you not see the pain lashed down inside of me every time you put on the perfume that he loves? Your perfection kills me and it is an agonizingly slow death. But still you torment me, pretending not to see the adoration on my face. It is hard not to see the ache that lingers in my eyes every time I look at you. It is there now, as it always is.
My fallen star; I ache to hold you in my arms.
I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could let everything go; every emotion, every feeling, every tear. I wish you could feel the same way I do. I wish I could tell you that you could never be anything less than the most beautiful creature, inside and out, that my tired eyes have ever gazed upon. I wish for a lot of things, but they never come to pass. Only at night are my prayers answered. Only behind my eyes can I see things as I so desperately want them to be.
Some times I feel like Romeo and you, you are my Juliet. Like him I yearn to be the glove that is granted permission to linger upon your glowing cheeks. O how happy a glove would I be! Even to rest there for a moment I would be content, for that moment would be filled with every emotion that has bottled up inside of my fading shell. I would treasure such a gift, for its meaning encompasses that which I could not put into terms. I am no poet and it would take one of great skill to capture your perfection in simple words.
O good Apothecary, where are you for me now? Where art thou for me in these darkest of times, when all of my hope seems lost? I thirst for your sweet potion to set me free.
The night is bleak and cold outside of my window. Winter has fallen upon the land, depriving it of the warmth it needs to sustain life. Thus the vast expanses are barren and desolate, an embodiment of what lies inside of me. I am forlorn in silence, as the long nights are. Idle in darkness I sit, while you wander amongst dreams. Will winter ever come to a close; is it as endless as it seems?
Unanswered questions left idle. As a forgotten book in the basement of a forgotten library, they are left to gather dust. Dust and age. Time has forgotten us as it is accustomed to doing; running on in rivers of grief, callous to the ones left behind. I am like a stone in the path of that atrocious river, and little by little I am worn away to nothingness. A single snowflake falls to the earth in a torrent of serenity. A lone flower in winter is how I will forever be. But still I wait.
An angel's embrace; you touched my soul in ways that transcend common words. I wait for you in hopelessness, but you are bound to another. I wait for you, my Juliet. I will wait for you as the sun rises. I will wait for you as the seasons change. I will wait for you as time runs its vile course. I will wait for you in my dreams, where you and I are always together.
If you knew her, you would know exactly how I feel. You would know exactly why I spend my days behind a veil of normality and my nights lost in worlds of perfection that lie only behind my closed eyelids. You would know how I ache. You would know how much it hurts to love someone that you know will never love you back. You would know how heartbreaking it is to see your best friend hold the girl of your dreams in his arms. If you knew her, my Juliet, you would know exactly how I feel.
The Gods above must tire of my voice, for I spend every waking minute praying for a change. Praying for an end to this pain I feel inside. Wishing and hoping to the above that one day you would yearn for me as I yearn for you. That it would be my hand enclosed in yours as we walk. That it would be my bed that you long for in your most intimate of thoughts. That it would be my arms enfolding you as we sit alone, enjoying the warmth, comfort and safety that we provide each other. It is in these things that I place my hope, among an infinite amount of others.
If I could wish for anything; the land, the sea and the heavens above; it would be useless, for all I would want is you, my Juliet. That is who you are, and who you will forever be. For all of eternity and longer, you will always remain my Juliet.
Silent above, the stars shine. And they will be there still, until you are mine. Mine to covet and mine to hold. Mine to let my love enfold. How I long to feel your breath upon my face. How I long to savor your taste. How I long to explore the secrets of your being and to finally grasp what I have been so seeking.
I wish I could write the great book of life as I see fit. But I know I can't. Everything cannot be as I want it. I cannot have everything I so desire. And because of this, I cannot have you. But still I endure. And I shall do so, until it is my time to depart.
I still have my dreams and they are still as sweet as the smell of your hair upon your neck. I shall never lose these, for they are all I have right now. They are my reminder of what the future could hold. They are my reminder of what true happiness really is.
Everything I lay eyes upon reminds me of you. The rich, earthen brown of a newly planted garden reminds me of the beauty of your eyes. A gently falling leaf the auburn of your hair. The rays of a summer's sun on my neck the feel of your skin. A sky-painting sunset the crimson of your lips.
Maybe things will change. Maybe one morning the day's birth will truly hail the coming of a new dawn. Maybe the Gods above will finally smile down on me. Maybe I will be able to see my dreams come true through open eyes. Maybe things will change. But that is only for time to decide.
I love you with all of my being, and I will do so, forevermore. And no matter how things turn out, I will always be here for you, my Juliet.
I love you.