A Dewdrop To Infinity - Hermione
For once in my life do I not know which path I should follow. Ever since I was old enough to think about my own future, I knew where it was I wanted to go and what it would take to get there. Always has it been so. When I was eleven, my Hogwarts letter came. Since then I knew that it was absolutely essential for me to know as much as possible about this wonderful new world I was being given access to. I knew I would have to work hard. I have worked hard. And I knew I would continue to do so. I knew so much then. I knew so much.
When I was eleven, my Hogwarts letter came. When I was eleven, my whole life changed.
Have you ever had the feeling that you are being buried alive, only to realize you are the one holding the shovel? I know I have. That is how I feel every day of my life. And every day the hole is but a little bit more full. Every minute is as a clump of dirt and every hour is just another shovel-full. The end is inevitable, that is if I choose to let it happen; if I choose to let myself be buried alive.
I am trying to find some peace of mind. Closure of any kind. Yet still it hides. Yet still it hides. But what am I to do? How am I to solve a problem that I do not know the answer to? It isn't like I can just open a book, or go to the library and do research. This is a problem such as I have never faced before; a problem that has no easy solution.
I am so confused. So completely and utterly confused. Torn between two sides, but which to choose? How can I make a decision this difficult without making the wrong choice? How can I listen to my heart if I have never heard its voice? I am not experienced in these things. I have never known love. If only I knew how much heartache it could bring.
What can I do to get myself through this pain in my heart? What can I do to get myself through this ache I have felt from the start?
Why does love have to be this way? Is love not what holds the world together? Is love not the most powerful force in the universe? Is it not these things? Has my heart been playing host to something other than this force? Have I been tricked? Is love a tender thing? I think not. It's too rough, too rude, too boisterous and it pricks like a thorn.
Still I am left with this unanswered enigma. It is an enigma so great but I should think about it by day and dream about it by night! But what am I do to? What am I to do? Do I love one and forget the other, or do I love neither and forget myself? So confused am I, that by night I cry, and by day I lie.
I lied when I said my heart didn't feel that way. But with things the way they are, what would you have me say? Would you have me forsake him for you? What would you have me do? I know you well enough to know the answers to these questions. I know you well enough to see inside your heart. It isn't hard to see the longing ache present in your emerald eyes. It is there now, as I look upon you yet again.
I want to tell you everything. I desperately want to tell you that you are not alone in your thoughts. I dreadfully want to tell you to wait for me; to tell you that soon I shall be yours. I already am yours, but you do not know it yet. You are my friend, my confidant, and so much more. If it is such my luck that you should see the same in mine eyes, then so be it. I know then that you would wait for me. I pray to the gods above that it is so.
Your eyes are what drew me to you. They are but windows to your heart and there I saw all I needed to know. But why now, after I have sworn my love to another? I have made my promise in words, but in my heart it goes unfulfilled. I am his by name, but in name alone. But what's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Only for you does my heart long. You see us together and it kills you so. I know, for I see in upon your soul. It kills me too, to see you that way, but not for much longer, for my heart would turn gray.
I see you as my Romeo and I am your Juliet. It is written in the stars that we should be together, although I am not one to believe in such things. But in this instance it is my hearts that tells me so. And how could something that feels so right, be so wrong? Always have I been told to trust my instincts first and my instincts say that it is for you that I thirst. Of all the times I have been with him, never have I felt as I do when I just look into your eyes. A whole field of butterflies then decides to make games among my insides. I could drown in the placidness of them if you just gave me the chance, and it is my guess that you would such in the flutter of a heart.
Give me my Romeo and when he shall die, take him and cut him out in little stars. And he will make the face of heaven so fine that all the world will be in love with night and pay no worship to the garish sun. As my love burns through and through, you can be assured it burns for you.
I would do it now if it weren't for the smile that has taken residence upon his face. I love you both, as I have so come to realize, and that is the means to my end. I am still so confused. I will always love you both, no matter what becomes of the predicament at hand. But in my heart, in that one place that is reserved for but one person and one person alone, you shall always have the lone space. I would do it now if it weren't for the smile that has taken residence upon his face.
Like rivers of time, days pass on and on. A dewdrop to infinity, but the sun sets forever anon. A sigh to bring a feeling and unto you I forever grasp. Shackled lamentation evermore, as it has so been in the past.
It has begun to rain outside and the world weeps on my shoulders. It weeps for me and it weeps for you, but more so it weeps for him. But it can't rain all the time. The sky won't fall forever. And though the night seems long, his tears won't fall forever.
You are my Romeo and I am your Juliet. And no matter what happens from then to now, I will be here forever yet.
Some would say that it is too rash, to unadvised, to sudden, but not for the rush in my heart would I heed their warnings. It pains me to do so, but do so I must. It is my obligation to him and to us, that I find the courage inside of myself to end this dreadful charade. I do not know when it will come and I do not know what will become of it, but know this, sweet Romeo of mine: my promise be made, but my heart is thine.