Thank you to everyone who has reviewed so far…I appreciate your comments. I have through Chapter 7 finished for this story so far, so the updates to that point will be fairly quick. I am currently working on Chapter 8, and hope to have it finished once I get over my writer's block. Until then, here's chapter one.
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Hermione walked into her apartment on a warm and sunny Friday afternoon with relief. She hadn't felt well all day, but couldn't put a finger on why she was feeling bad. Her stomach wasn't aching and she didn't have a headache, but she was unable to concentrate on her work all day. She tried to remember if she'd ever had this feeling before. As she put her jacket over a chair in the kitchen, Hermione struggled to get a grasp of what she was feeling. She hadn't forgotten any birthdays, to make any calls at work, or anything of that sort. Her eyes caught a glimpse of the calendar on her wall as she walked into the sitting room, and that's when it hit her. It was June 20th, and Voldemort had been gone for exactly one year. But that wasn't all.
It had also been a year since she had heard anything about Harry. Hermione plopped herself onto the sofa and began to think about the last time she saw him. It was the night of their graduation, and Harry had pulled her and Ron aside outside the Entrance Hall just after the feast.
"Please forgive me for not telling you sooner, but I'm leaving tonight to find Voldemort. I have a good idea where he is, and it's time to finish this for good," Harry said. He was anxiously awaiting his best friends' responses. He'd been preparing himself for a week, and it wasn't going to be pretty.
Ron chimed in almost immediately, "We'll go with you, Harry. It can be our last adventure before we go into the 'real world.'"
"NO," Harry exclaimed, "I have to do this on my own. I've put you in danger too many times already. I couldn't live with the guilt if something happened to one of you. I still blame myself for what happened to Cedric, and I won't let that happen again."
Tension filled the air as the three friends searched for words. Ron leaned against the wall defeated. He knew there was no way to change Harry's mind. Hermione, however, wouldn't let it go that easy. "Harry, you shouldn't do this alone. Voldemort is stronger now than he's been in the past. Please tell me you won't."
Tears began to well up in her eyes. Harry noticed, and did his best to calm down his best friend. "Sorry, Mione, but my decision is final. I have to go see Dumbledore before I leave. I love you guys, I hope you know that." Harry then turned and walked away, not giving either of them a chance to say good-bye. Harry hated good-byes, and must have figured it would be easier on everyone that way.
Hermione remembered that moment as if it were yesterday. The memory brought tears to her eyes as she lay on the sofa. She recalled how defensive and hardheaded Harry had been. She always knew he was stubborn, but he had never been so defensive before. Her and Ron had parted after Harry left and decided to meet each other on the Hogwarts Express in the morning. She was in her room packing later that evening, her trunk on her bed and facing away from the door when she heard the door open.
Hermione turned around to face her door expecting to see Ron or possibly Ginny stopping by for a chat. To her surprise, Harry stood there motionless in the doorway, making Hermione's whole body go numb. "I thought you left," she said, sounding surprised he was standing before her. She was really relieved, and the thought began to circle her mind that maybe he had changed his mind.
"I made it as far as the door, but I needed to talk to you about something before I left." Harry walked into her room and set down his Invisibility Cloak on her chair. He moved her trunk to the other side of the bed and sat down, motioning for her to do the same.
Hermione recognized that this Harry was different from the one she spoke to earlier. In fact, he was in a way different from the one she had known since the age of eleven. She moved tentatively to the bed and sat down next to Harry. "I'm so glad you've changed your mind about this, Harry. I knew-"
Harry grabbed Hermione by the hand and stopped her from speaking. He looked down for a moment before his eyes settled on hers. "I'm sorry Mione, but I haven't changed my mind about Voldemort. In fact, it's why I'm here right now."
Hermione was speechless. She wondered why he came to see her in her room, when it seemed they had had the almost the same conversation a couple of hours ago. "I'm confused, Harry. If you're still leaving, why did you feel the need to come here and rub it in my face that I may never see you again," Hermione replied, beginning to become very annoyed at Harry. Her annoyance caused her to take back her hand from Harry's grasp and back away from him. She was right, she didn't know this Harry.
"Please Hermione, give me a chance to explain. I have to tell you something important," Harry pleaded. He reached out for her hand once again, and she looked into his sparkling eyes to see how desperate he had become. "I need to make sure you understand something I said earlier. I love you, Hermione, and I mean it."
"I love you and Ron, too, Harry. The two of you are the best friends a girl could ask-"
"No, Hermione, that's not what I meant. Don't get me wrong, I love Ron, too. He's like a brother to me," began Harry. He was visibly nervous, and beads of sweat were beginning to form on his forehead. "Oh Hermione, I don't know how to explain this…"
Hermione leaned in closer to Harry to let him know he had her attention. She directed his eyes back to her, and reassured him, "Harry, this is me you're talking to. You should know that I would understand."
"You're right," Harry replied, flashing her a smile she hadn't seen in a long while. It reminded her of when they were eleven. "I don't just love you Hermione. I'm in love with you, and have been for the last two years. But I've been too afraid of all the problems it could cause to do anything about it."
Hermione's heart melted. She could see how much this was hurting Harry, but she wasn't sure to what extent. She stared into his eyes for a moment in confusion, hoping he would answer the question she couldn't form the words to.
"It's not just the friendship factor that worries me, Hermione. Voldemort has been looking for a way to get to me, and being with you would make you an immediate target, and not only as my girlfriend. You're Muggle-born, Hermione, and your family would become a target as well. And like I said earlier, I just couldn't live with myself if I put someone in danger like that."
Once again they stared at each other, neither of them knowing what to say. Then, as Harry began to stand, Hermione grabbed his hand, returning him next to her on the bed. She leaned forward and kissed him lightly, initially catching him off guard. He returned her kiss, moving his hands to her hips and pulling her closer. Hermione ran her hands through Harry's hair, messing it up more than she previously thought possible. Breathing became more of a chore as they continued, neither of them wanting to face the inevitable. Harry finally broke their kiss, setting his forehead against hers and looking deep into her chocolate eyes as both struggled to regain normal lung capacity. Finally, Harry spoke.
"Hermione," he began, but was cut off by Hermione's finger resting gently over his lips.
"Don't go. Stay tonight and then you can leave in the morning. I won't stop you." Desperation was embedded in Hermione's eyes. She may not have known this Harry, but she liked him, and didn't want him to leave.
"As much as I'd love to Hermione, I can't. I don't want to make this more painful than it already is."
"But," Hermione began. This time though, she was the one cut off by Harry's finger on her lips. He smiled gently at her, and kissed her lightly before standing and heading toward the door, not noticing the tears that had now overcome her.
Harry stopped at the door to her room and turned to face her once more, noticing her bloodshot eyes. She looked up to see him standing there, tears in his eyes as well.
"I love you, Hermione Granger, and nothing or nobody will ever change that. Ever."
As Harry disappeared from her sight, Hermione broke into tears once again. He was gone, and there was nothing she could do about it. Lying back in her bed, she whispered the words she couldn't find earlier, hoping he could somehow hear them.
"I love you too, Harry."
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It was now clear to Hermione why she felt so horrible. It had been almost three months since she'd even thought about Harry and everything that had happened over the last year, and she was feeling guilty.
She began to review what she knew about Harry's final battle with Voldemort, which was surprisingly little considering she worked at the Ministry as a member of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad. What she did know was that Harry and Voldemort dueled for three days straight. She didn't know exactly how Harry defeated Voldemort, but she learned that Harry spent a couple of days in St. Mungo's recovering from injuries. Another day was spent at Ministry headquarters answering questions, but Hermione was so busy with other work that day that she didn't even know he was there until after he left.
Since that day, not one person in the wizarding world had heard from Harry Potter. And if they had, they weren't talking. Hermione and Ron got together and wrote him a letter trying to find out where he was and if he was all right, but never received a reply. Soon, Hermione began sending weekly letters to Harry, mainly to update him on what was happening in her life. The tone of these letters changed dramatically over the months though, obviously a direct result of not receiving return letters from Harry.
By the time March came along, Hermione had had enough. She scribbled what would be her final letter to Harry.
Harry,
For someone who says he loves me, you sure don't care too much about what your absence is doing to me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, hoping you're all right, and just wishing you'd at least say hello. I thought our friendship alone would be enough for you to trust me, but I guess I was wrong.
Hermione
Not even the last letter motivated Harry to respond. Hermione began to think that Harry didn't really love her. She contemplated the possibility that his confrontation with Voldemort scared him so much that he felt compelled to say things that weren't exactly true. She quickly dismissed the idea, though. Harry had always been truthful with her, and despite the tone of her last letter, she trusted him completely.
Hermione soon heard a tapping at her window and jumped in surprise. She quickly recovered and walked over to the window. It was Hedwig, the one owl that could bring her out of her sudden depression. Hedwig sat on the windowsill and handed Hermione the piece of parchment. She instantly recognized the handwriting as Harry's. She thanked her and sat back down on the sofa as she began to read the letter.
Hermione,
The last year has been very hard for me. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for not letting you know I was all right. My feelings for you remain, and I hope we can see each other soon. I recently moved into a house in Godric's Hollow, where my parents lived. I'd like for you and Ron to come visit in July, the third week if possible. Hopefully it will help you understand my absence. Send a response back with Hedwig.
Love always,
Harry
Hermione was stunned. Harry had known exactly what to say to calm her fears. She quickly grabbed the first piece of parchment she could find and replied to Harry's letter. She would go to Godric's Hollow in July with Ron. It would be just like old times. But would it, really? There would be awkwardness between her and Harry, and she was almost certain Ron would be shocked to find out the developments between his two best friends. From time to time, the feelings still shocked Hermione.
Hermione continued to sit on her sofa for what seemed like an eternity, soaking in the words from Harry's letter. My feelings for you remain, she thought. How did he know that worried me? She then realized one of the reasons she fell in love with him was that he always knew what was on her mind.
A knock on the door surprised Hermione once more, and she jumped up from the sofa wiping a lone tear from her cheek. She opened the door to find Ron standing there, standing taller than she remembered him. It had been five months though, and she hadn't been in the greatest of emotional states. Come to think of it, she wasn't now either.
"Hermione, it's good to see you," Ron said, pulling her into a hug and wearing his trademark grin.
"Good timing as always, Ron." Hermione quickly stuffed Harry's letter into her pocket and guided Ron into her sitting room. She obviously wanted to talk to him about Harry, but she didn't feel comfortable telling him about everything just yet.
"I take it you got your letter from Harry. I got mine a little while ago, and then decided to Apparate over here to talk. I'm staying at the Burrow this weekend, so it wasn't that far."
"So you're going with me to see him next month? Will your schedule with the Cannons allow it?" Hermione was determined to make sure Ron didn't suspect anything. She felt guilty about not telling him about her and Harry, but to tell the truth, she wasn't exactly sure at the moment. Her questions were a feeble attempt at normalcy, and she feared Ron wasn't buying it.
Hermione offered a seat to Ron on the couch, with her taking the chair next to it. He quickly noticed the tear soaked pillow next to him, but shrugged it off. Hermione spotted it as well, but relaxed when he didn't say anything about it. Instead, Ron sat on the edge of his seat with his hands clasped together, making her realize that he wasn't here to talk about her pillows.
"Er…Hermione, I'm going to see Harry, but not with you. I'm going to go for a couple days at the first of the month."
"Oh, so you couldn't get that week off. I suppose I could check with Harry and see if I could come then also."
"No, don't change your plans. I'm going then because I don't want to feel like a third wheel."
"Wha-what do you mean? We've been friends for eight years and you never felt this way before," Hermione questioned. She suddenly became very defensive and began to shiver. What does Ron know? She thought. She could feel her face becoming warm and red, and her eyes began to burn as a result of her earlier crying. She wasn't ready to tell him about everything, at least not yet. What she really needed was to talk to Harry and find out where they stood. Then maybe she could tell Ron everything, but now wasn't a good time.
"Hermione, who do you think you're kidding?" Ron said in a very matter of fact voice. "You love Harry, and he loves you. You've been an absolute wreck this last year not knowing where he was."
"How did you know? It's not like either one of us told you or anything."
"I guess I've always known really. I had a suspicion towards the end of fifth year that you were interested in someone else, but couldn't prove anything. That's why I came up with that lame reason to break up with you. I figured you wouldn't admit to it, and I just wanted you to be happy. And if you think about it Hermione, all we did was argue anyway."
Hermione's mouth now hung open with shock. She enjoyed the time she spent dating Ron, but in the end they really were just friends. The spark wasn't there, not like she felt when she was with Harry.
"So you figured me out, Ron, but what about Harry? He can be cryptic at times, you know." Hermione was very interested to find out how Ron knew about Harry felt about her. True, Harry could be cryptic, but him and Ron shared almost everything.
"Hermione, for being the top of our class, it sure is taking you a long time to figure this out. We shared a dorm room for seven years. Remember those dreams he's always having? They weren't always bad. And he had a tendency to talk in his sleep, too. I remember your name being said many times, especially during the last term of our seventh year."
Ron continued after a brief pause that found Hermione's mouth open even further, if that was possible.
"And our last night at Hogwarts, he came and saw you after the three of us talked. His trunk was still in our room when I got back up to our room, so I knew he hadn't been back from Dumbledore's office yet. I was on the floor packing my shoes into my trunk when I heard him come in and grab his Invisibility Cloak. When he left the door open I tried to find out where he was going, and then I saw your door open seemingly by itself. That's when all the evidence fell into place. And you were absolutely dreadful the next morning on the train. You sat in our compartment with your finger on your lips for the whole ride. I haven't said anything until now because I wasn't sure how you would take it. I didn't want you to think I was prying."
Ron's sincerity touched Hermione. She reached into her pocket and pulled out the letter Harry sent her. She didn't show it to him, but she didn't have to. A tear began to run down her cheek as she looked at Ron and decided to tell him everything. Well, almost everything.
"I love him so much, Ron, but what hurts the most is that I couldn't even say it to his face when I had the chance. Harry poured his heart out to me about everything-why he never told me before-and all I could do was sit there and cry. And you're right, I have been miserable this year, and he's the reason. I just wish he knew that."
Ron moved from his seat to the chair where Hermione was sitting. Her crying was full now, and Ron simply leaned in front of her and took her hand for support. He'd never seen her this way before. Hermione was always the rock of strength in their friendship, and Ron wasn't sure what he should do to comfort her. Slowly he pulled her into a hug, and let her cry onto his shoulder for a few minutes before he pulled her away.
"You've been given a second chance, Hermione. Go spend time with him in Godric's Hollow. I'm sure he has a good reason for staying away. And now that You-Know-Who is gone, there shouldn't be anything standing in your way."
Hermione got a small smile on her face before she hugged Ron again, this time thanking him for his support. As they pulled apart and Ron began to leave, he stopped and put his hands on her shoulders, speaking as softly as he knew how.
"The two of you are perfect together, you know, and Harry's got to be the luckiest guy in the world. Don't let him get away."
"Thanks, Ron. I don't know what I would do without you," Hermione said as she wiped the tears from her eyes and pulled her hair out of her face. She followed Ron to the door to show him out, thankful she had a best friend like him. She had so much more she wanted to ask him, but figured now wasn't the right time. Hermione contemplated that Ron might still have some feelings for her, but didn't want to address that right now.
Hermione opened the door for Ron as he walked out of her apartment. Before leaving, he looked at her once more, smiled, and put his hand up to her cheek.
"Don't worry Hermione, everything will work out. Why don't you come to my Quidditch match tomorrow? Mum, Dad, and Ginny will be there, too. Then we can talk some more, if you're up to it."
"Sounds like fun. It would be good for me to get some fresh air."
"Good. I'll have your name put on the pass list and let Mum and Dad know you're coming. Ginny will be hysterical. She really missed having you around this year."
Thanks for everything, Ron. I'll see you tomorrow."
Hermione closed the door and returned to the sofa and her tear-soaked pillow. In three weeks, she would be spending a week alone with Harry. She wondered if it would be awkward. Yes, it would be awkward. She trusted and loved him unconditionally, but wondered if her feelings were mutual. If they were to have any future together, they had to be.