I'm glad to hear that everyone is enjoying this story. It is actually the first fic I started writing, so the positive reinforcement from your peers is a good thing.
There is one more chapter after this one, and then you will be caught up. I'm currently working on a chapter, and I hope to have it done in the next couple of days so that no one will have to suffer through withdrawal.
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If it hadn't been for Harry's watch signaling midnight, he and Hermione would have spent the whole night in the backyard under the stars. As it was, Harry woke up with a smile on his face for the first time in a long while. That smile threatened to take over his entire body when he looked down and caught a glimpse of Hermione, her head nestled under his shoulder and her arm draped across his chest, sleeping peacefully. If it weren't for the slight chill in the air, he would have been perfectly content to stay that way all night.
He gently reached over and nudged Hermione in an attempt to wake her. When she stirred and looked up at him with sleepy eyes, his heart smiled.
"Hermione, it's after midnight. I think I should take you…I mean, we should go…"
She looked back at him with understanding, but couldn't help laugh at him stumbling over his words. "I know what you mean, Harry."
Once he had set the remnants of their earlier picnic in order, Harry slowly stood up and offered Hermione his hand. He pulled her up and into his embrace, where they stayed for a few moments before joining hands and walking silently into the kitchen and up the stairs. When they reached Hermione's room, she leaned up against the door and pulled Harry's hand gently to bring him closer before wrapping her arms around his neck.
"Thank you, Harry. I had a wonderful evening."
"I'm glad to hear it."
"So, are you going to tell me what's number one on the list?"
"No, but I will say that when the time comes, there will be no doubt in your mind about what number one is," he replied, a devilish smile forming on his face.
Hermione looked back at him with a devilish smile of her own. "I'm looking forward to it." Her fingers were gently running through Harry's hair, and a realization hit him as he recognized the action.
"Mione, we better end this before it gets out of hand," he said, pushing back the strong desire that had started forming in his chest. If he didn't tell her goodnight now, he was afraid he wouldn't be able to. When she nodded in agreement, he slowly eased toward her and kissed her softly before pulling back and looking at her. "Sweet dreams. I love you."
"I love you, too, Harry," she replied before opening the door to her room and disappearing to bed.
After she shut the door, Harry stood outside her door and leaned up against the opposite wall. He couldn't have possibly wished that their first day together would turn out so well. For the first time in his life, he felt like he had a future. And from where he stood, the future looked bright. The thought made him smile, and he walked into his room and fell asleep.
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The party was in full swing now, and Harry was having the time of his life. Being the host, he mingled with the various guests and checked to make sure there were plenty of refreshments. As he looked outside, he saw his parents joking with Sirius and Professor Lupin. Another area found friends from Hogwarts catching up with one another. He could see Cedric and Cho, as well as Professor Dumbledore and Hagrid, each of them enjoying themselves greatly.
Walking into the sitting room, he found Ron and Hermione sitting on the sofa. Hermione went to him as he entered the room and took his hand in hers. For a moment, they sat with Ron, chitchatting and enjoying each other's company. And that's when it happened.
His parents had returned to the house and were walking toward the front door when Harry stopped them.
"Mum! Dad! Why are you leaving so soon?"
"Sorry, son, but we have to go," his father replied.
At that same moment, other guests flocked to the foyer to leave. They were all leaving, and there was nothing he could do to change their minds. Worse yet, none of them seemed to have a good reason for leaving.
"No, you can't leave. You have to stay!" Harry yelled, but the guests continued to flee through the front door as if they didn't hear a word he said. He stood there in shock until the last person began to approach the door. "Hermione, no. You can't leave. Why is everybody leaving? NO!"
"Harry? Wake up, Harry."
With a start, Harry sat up in his bed. He was drenched with sweat, and his heart was racing. Hermione looked at him with a worried face as she sat on the edge of the bed.
"Harry, you were yelling in your sleep. Did you have a nightmare?"
He looked back at her and almost broke down into tears. She was always there for him, even after he had pushed her away. Still, he couldn't stop himself from asking the question he desperately needed her to answer. "Hermione, promise me. Promise me you'll never leave me."
Hermione could see the desperation in his eyes, and it dawned on her what kind of nightmare he was having. He was afraid of losing her, much like he had lost so many other important people in his life. She couldn't deny him the words he needed to hear, so she took him in her arms and comforted him. "I've always been here, Harry, and I always will be."
The tension that gripped Harry's body was released when he heard her answer, and he relaxed in her arms. He no longer made an attempt to hold back the tears as he sobbed onto Hermione's shoulder. All thoughts of being strong and masculine left his mind as he let her see the real Harry for the first time.
He seemed to be relaxing as Hermione's fingers gently stroked his hair, and she could feel that his heart was returning to its normal pace. Slowly she pulled him away and looked at him with concerned eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No, but I promise to tell you all about it in the morning. Thank you for being here," he replied, and he moved away from her embrace and lay back down in his bed. Without preamble, Hermione laid down next to him and pulled up the blankets, a movement that didn't go unnoticed to Harry. "Mione, I don't…I mean, you don't have to…I'll be fine."
Hermione propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him; her mind was made up. "Maybe, but I'm not going to leave you, especially when you need me. I'm tired, and you're tired, so quit making excuses and let's get some sleep." Harry gazed back at her in disbelief, but she merely laid her head on the pillow and got comfortable.
Once Harry had gotten over the initial shock of Hermione being in his bed, he rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. He was desperately afraid of the feelings that might overcome him if she was the last thing he saw before going back to sleep. But as he stared into the darkness, it became apparent to him that sleep was nowhere in his near future. His thoughts drifted back and forth between Hermione and the dream that had scared him beyond belief. He'd had the dream many times before, but tonight was the first time that Hermione didn't make it out of the door; she had woken him before that could happen.
Harry continued to toss and turn as the night turned into morning, and he could tell that he wasn't the only one. He felt horrible that he was keeping Hermione awake, especially when she had made such a heartfelt gesture to stay with him. Just as he was getting ready to get up to go downstairs and read, he felt Hermione roll over and put her arm around his chest. Harry let out a deep sigh almost immediately, and put his hand on top of hers, where it would remain until he woke up hours later.
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When Hermione woke up the next morning, she was unaware of where she was. She vaguely remembered having her arm around Harry, but it felt too much like a dream for it to be real. She was almost certain in her fogged state that she would open her eyes to find herself in her own flat and in her own bed, but that wasn't what she found. Instead, she found herself in a four-poster that was decidedly not her own, but one she recognized as being Harry's.
Slowly it all came back to her: Harry screaming, her comforting him, and her insisting on staying with him. She even remembered wrapping her arm around him when he couldn't seem to relax. He had fallen asleep a few moments later, and she had followed close behind. When her eyes finally opened, she realized that Harry was no longer in bed with her. Eventually she sat up in the bed and tried wipe the remnants of sleep from her eyes, all the while wondering where Harry was.
"Good morning, sleepyhead." Harry had come into the bedroom from his private bathroom. He was wearing a pair of shorts and was carrying his shirt in his hands. Hermione was instantly wide-awake.
"Good morning. How are you feeling?" she asked as Harry pulled on his T-shirt and crossed the room to sit next to her on the bed.
"Much better," Harry began. He had taken her hand and was looking her in the eye. "Listen, thanks for staying with me last night. I'm sorry if I kept you awake all night."
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Harry." She looked down briefly before looking back up at him. She wasn't quite sure how to bring up what she wanted to ask him. "That wasn't the first time you'd had that nightmare, was it?"
He didn't need to say anything; his silence was enough.
"How long, Harry?"
"Since a week before we left Hogwarts." At this revelation, Hermione's eyes became very wide and her face strained. Harry thought for sure that she was going to yell at him for keeping that secret bottled up inside him for so long, but when she relaxed a minute later, he breathed a sigh of relief.
A moment of awkward silence followed. Hermione looked like she was formulating a question in her head, and Harry could do nothing but wait. He always thought that he could tell what Hermione was thinking, but right now, he seriously doubted it.
"Why do you do it?"
Harry did a double take; he wasn't expecting a question like that. "Do what?"
"You've always been a great friend, Harry. You listen to other people's problems and try to help them work it out. But when it comes to your own problems, you shoulder the burden alone. It never crosses your mind that we are here for you just as much as you're here for us. Why do you do it, Harry? Why do you go it alone when you know that you don't have to?" Hermione spoke these words with a small amount of desperation in her voice. She was suddenly gripped by the need to know the answer to the questions she'd asked. As she waited for him to answer, she became aware that she was holding her breath almost as if her life couldn't go on until he answered.
"Why?" he asked, looking down to their hands. Hermione nodded as he brought his head back up to her eyes. "I guess I thought that you and Ron would be better off if I wasn't running to you every time I had a little nightmare or dilemma. My mind told me that if I kept it to myself that it would be easier for you when I was gone." Harry's eyes darted away upon completion of the last sentence. Oh shit, here we go, he thought.
"'When you were gone?' What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Harry stood from the bed at Hermione's question, sensing her anger. He nervously ran his fingers through his hair as he paced around the room.
"It's complicated."
"I like stories."
"I don't know where to begin."
"Try the beginning. It usually works the best."
The beginning. Harry supposed that was the best place to begin. He stopped pacing and looked at Hermione for a moment. She was completely serious, but there was something in her eyes that told him that she would understand anything he told her. The days of holding back were gone. He'd made a promise to her: no more secrets. It was now or never.
"I guess the beginning would be when Voldemort killed my parents and tried to kill me. He was acting out because of a prophecy that was made that stated that a baby born at the end of the seventh month would have the ability to vanquish the Dark Lord. It also stated that the baby would be born to those who thrice defied him."
"You?"
"Yeah, but that wasn't all. The prophecy also said that, well, in a nutshell it said that I either had to kill Voldemort, or he would kill me. I think the actual words were 'and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives.'" Harry paused briefly before sitting down in one of the chairs across the room. He put his head in his hands and continued, his voice barely audible. "I thought for sure that I would be the one to die."
Hermione was speechless. She had always known that Harry's self-esteem was borderline non-existent, but had dismissed the idea after she saw him so determined to finish off Voldemort. She knew now that what she saw wasn't determination, but instead resignation. When she finally glanced over at Harry, she became aware of how difficult this was for him to talk about. Hermione stood from the bed and crossed the room to stand in front of Harry. When he looked up, she lowered herself onto his lap and embraced him. His head fell onto her shoulder, and she could soon feel the wetness from his tears.
When Harry looked up at her many minutes later, her heart stopped for a brief moment.
"I'm so sorry," he began. "I'm sorry for keeping everything from you, and for thinking that you wouldn't understand. I'm sorry for springing my feelings on you before I left and for being too scared to come back when it was over. I never thought that I would live to see my eighteenth birthday, let alone be sitting here with you right now. I wanted to stay with you that night more than you'll ever know, but I didn't want to start something I wasn't sure I would be able to finish. I know how much it must have hurt you, so I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
Hermione's eyes never left Harry's as he was speaking to her. His brilliant green eyes were glistening with tears, and Hermione lifted her hand to run her fingers through his inky black hair, his body relaxing under her touch.
"I love you anyway, Harry. I loved you even when I knew you were hiding part of yourself from me, and I love you now for trusting me with this piece of you. But am I right in saying that we haven't even scratched the surface?" Harry nodded the affirmative sheepishly. He had started to speak when she cut him off. "Don't worry about it. We've got plenty of time, and I've put you through enough already this morning. You're not alone in this, Harry. We'll get through it together."
Harry smiled back at Hermione for the first time since he walked out of the bathroom earlier that morning. The darkness that had clouded his eyes earlier was gone, and was replaced by a healthy glow. "I knew there was a good reason for loving you," he said, bringing her lips down to his in a kiss. They were becoming more comfortable doing this now, so when Harry slowly traced his tongue along her lips, she granted him access with a soft moan.
When they came up for breath, Hermione gave Harry another quick kiss and stood up, helping him up along the way. "I'm going to take a shower. Do you have any plans for us today?" she asked as Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and hers snaked around his neck.
"Not really, but I do have one thing I need to do. I've been putting it off since I moved in, and I finally feel like I'm strong enough to handle it."
"Do you need me to go with you?" she asked, slightly curious as to what he needed to do.
"Are you kidding? You're my strength, Mione. I need you there for support."
"I'm always here for support, Harry. Don't you ever forget that."
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After Hermione had taken a shower and they had gotten a bite to eat, Harry led them out of the house and down the sidewalks of Godric's Hollow. It was a wonderful July day, and it was definitely a good day for a walk. They walked along hand in hand, silently taking in the Sunday breeze. Not a word was spoken as they took a left turn here, and a right turn there, but Hermione couldn't help but wonder what Harry was up to. Whatever it was they were doing, it was important to Harry, so she walked next to him in silence.
As they approached a large arch made out of iron, she felt Harry growing tense. The closer they got to the arch, Hermione began to fear what it was they were doing. She noticed that the arch was in fact an entrance to a cemetery, and when she looked over to Harry for some kind of sign, he simply squeezed her hand.
They entered the cemetery and began to walk down the pathway. Harry didn't exactly know where it was, but Sirius had once told him there was a big marker with the name "Potter" on it, and that it was along the main path. He wasn't sure why he felt he had to do this, but a voice somewhere in his head was telling him that he needed it if he wanted closure. He tried to go just after he had moved in, but only made it as far as the entrance before turning back. But now he had Hermione by his side, and he felt like he had the strength to face anything in his path.
When he found the marker, just as it was described to him, he unconsciously dropped Hermione's hand. Her suspicions were right; they were at his parents' grave. She watched silently as Harry stood there, his body rigid. He slowly dropped down to his knees in front of the headstone and ran his hands over the letters that spelled their names.
Somehow, Harry had set himself down on the ground and had drawn his knees up to his chest. Hermione stood a safe distance behind. If he needed her she was there, but she sensed that right now he needed a moment to himself. She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Harry speaking in between cries.
"They died so I could live, Hermione, and that didn't mean anything to me. I almost let them die in vain."
It was a statement that didn't require a response. How does one respond to that, anyway? Without a thought, Hermione came up behind him and straddled his body with her legs and wrapping her arms around his waist. It seemed like she was doing so little to comfort him, but to Harry, it meant everything.