Inevitable: Innuendo
She should have known to have kept her big mouth shut. After all how hard was that? Apparently it was an arduous task for her.
Did she not notice that she was after all talking to Parvati and Lavender? I mean, that should have at least set off some warning bells.
"What do you mean he rubbed your back?!?" Parvati's shrieking did wonders to her ear drums.
Both Hermione and Lavender grimaced. She tried her hardest to be concealed behind her four poster curtains. Though before she could draw them completely shut, Lavender chanted a spell that caused her to be frozen in place.
Sure, she can face Death Eaters and Dementors. But to try to get past Lavender and her gossip was near impossible.
"Aw, Hermione you should know better than to try to keep things from me." Lavender wagged her finger at an irritated Hermione.
She tried her best to glare at both girls in her position. Though the combination of doing that and being in a full body bind caused the glare to be cross-eyed.
Lavender released a string of guffaws as Parvati cackled in the background.
"Now dearest Hermione," Parvati said this with a flutter of her lashes, "you must give us the exclusive on what you meant by this parchment."
As if she could even talk right now! Did they forget she could only grunt and add a few more incoherent noises at the moment? And only to that extent.
Parvati extended a pointed finger towards her night stand. The one with the offending parchment that she fancied to tear in pieces.
As if listening to her silent evil plan, Lavender grabbed the little bugger. She watched as the blonde girl smirked in her direction.
"Don't you dare try to deny what came out of your mouth and weasel your way out of it." She winked and held that dratted paper close to her.
If only her glare could burn a hole through it! Burn!
The blue-eyed girl started to recite what the slab of tree contained, but she did not need to hear its contents. After all, she did write it.
The words flowed through her brain as the encounter or moment swirled through her mind. The way Harry used those hands of his and rubbed her in places...
Those same dratted hands inspired furious plot bunnies to rampage through her every thought. Even in potions when he flexed them and cut caterpillars. Who knew that cutting caterpillars would produce such naughty thoughts?
Thoughts that her quill exclaimed to be put in parchment. Rolls of parchment.
Thank goodness that she hid such stories, that had them in even worse compromising positions then that eventful day, under her mattress.
To be firm in her belief of where they were stationed, she wiggled, as best as she could, her bottom right on top of said place. Her body would have to prove to be a barrier to such material hidden away beneath her. Thank Merlin for gravity and Lavender's weak body bind. Also that both girls did not have X-ray vision!
But it seemed that was where her luck ended. Last night she stupidly pulled the parchment (that started all this invasion of writing notorious tales of both of them together) out. Unfortunately she forgot to put it back with her other additions.
She just wanted to relive that monumental moment again. And read the alternative ending she so carefully jotted down.
Though honestly, was it that bad to scribble down how Harry's hand journeyed south to her-
She was after all a sexual creature with sexual desires. It was only natural.
She would be denying her teenage hormones if she posed as a nun all her life. Yes, that was her argument. It only made sense...
"Oh! Parvati, it looks like someone," Lavender pointedly glanced at Hermione. Subtle, real subtle. "-has been withholding information from us."
The black haired girl plopped her body near Hermione's feet. Did they have no decency? This was her bed, and that meant private property.
She did not want their nosy arses tainting her sheets.
"Hermione, you sound horrible when you grunt." Lavender tossed her hair to the side. "It is so unladylike. I mean, next thing you know, you are going to-"
The teenage girl widened her eyes in horror as she paused in her rant. Quickly, as it was so horrible to say it out loud, she whispered, "snort."
Hermione did just that to annoy them.
Parvati rolled her eyes and inched closer to Lavender. Her eyes skimmed the writing but abruptly her eyes widened so much; Hermione mistook them as two brown saucers.
"He rubbed your belly too! Oh my gosh!"
The two girls traded looks, in a silent communication of what such an action meant. Hermione only squirmed more as the spell started to wear off.
Lavender then started tutting. "And that is not all. It appears that there is some addition to this tale. Apparently a paragraph beneath the 'rubbing belly/back' scene we have... a snippet of a first date!"
Hermione's cheeks blushed furiously. Please let them just stop at that part. Her gut wrenched in humiliation and with every ounce of determination, she broke the spell and raced to both girls.
Her hands grabbed the slick parchment greedily. Both girls only gaped at her as they watched her go on rampage.
"Now that was just rude of you Herms..."
Hermione glared at both girls. "Rude? What is rude of you both is going through my things without my consent!"
Parvati waved her hand in nonsense. "Oh please. You practically gave us permission when you said the parchment was yours."
Hermione rolled her eyes at this logic. "Then I suppose once you say that those breasts are yours, I can have my way with them then?"
The Indian girl quickly crossed her arms across her chests. "Though it might be a disappointment for you and females everywhere to hear, I do not swing that way."
How conceited can one be?
Hermione slapped a hand on her right breast in mock mortification. "I am deeply crushed, I hope you know that as we speak the world is crying."
Lavender did not look too pleased with this display.
"We can discuss your sexual preferences later. Right now let us get back to the matter at hand."
Parvati huffed out in indignation but nodded her head.
Both girls were side by side and stared down at the bushy-haired girl. She merely blinked back in response.
"Is it true that you, Hermione-" Lavender bit her lip in concentration "-drat, I don't remember your middle name."
Parvati then sat her bottom on her nightstand and swung her feet slightly. Really, there were more appropriate places to set her buttocks on!
"Whatever" -- Lavender continued -- " it does not matter. Is it true that you wrote fan fiction of you and your best friend?"
"Ron?" Hermione blinked back innocently as if she had no idea what the girl was going on about.
"You know very well what we mean!" Parvati yelled out, irritated. She glanced at her nails in inspection while she spoke.
"Okay, so I just wrote a bit of what Harry and I have done. Is that such a crime?"
Lavender smirked once again. The girl glanced at her reflection in a slide mirror propped near a vanity. Damn, she looked good in an evil pose. She should do it more often in front of those Ravenclaw boys. Lord knew they needed more adventure in their lives.
By offering her services, she would contribute to the greater good. How incredibly unselfish of her! But that would be her mission later. Now her help was so desperately needed in this pitiful case.
"I don't recall you and him ever going on a date that ended with a kiss in the common room." Lavender's eyes glittered with a prospect. "Unless you have been sneaking out and doing more of these things."
Parvati's mouth formed into an 'oh'.
"Shut it you two." Hermione pulled her wand out in a threatening pose. She flicked it for an effect. Both girls stood still and watched the wand warily.
"But, he really rubbed your belly? Hermione that is a sign!"
Hermione quirked an eyebrow at that, thus allowing Parvati to continue her exclamation.
"I mean, first let's concentrate on the direct area. The belly is right above what?"
A few seconds passed before Lavender squealed. "By Merlin, Parvati! There is just no end to your brilliance."
Parvati smiled and nodded once again. "I know, there is no need to tell me about it!"
"What are you both on about? What does rubbing my belly mean?"
Lavender sighed in exasperation.
"Hermione you have much to learn. This is such an obvious sign! I mean it is like wearing black lingerie!"
Hermione frowned, still confused.
"What? So I own black panties and a bra." She shrugged her shoulders as she told them this.
Parvati leaned forward and suspiciously asked, "With black lace?"
Hermione inclined her head. So what if they had lace?
Both girls gasped out loud.
"Oh my," Parvati held a hand to her mouth in shock. "It seems as if we are dealing with a totally different matter now, Lav!"
Before the blonde haired girl could answer, Hermione chanted a spell that repelled both of them off her bed. She watched with some satisfaction as they landed with hard smacks on the stone floor.
She stood up on her mattress and summoned the parchment to her hand. Her eyes glinted dangerously at them both.
"If I catch wind that any of our conversation gets out, then you both would regret it!"
Lavender pursed her lips but her eyes glittered with mischief.
"Okay Hermione..." Her voice drawled out.
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The fire crackled quietly as the students bustled around the common room. Hermione would sneak glances every once in a while at the terrible duo.
They would meet her glare with a wide smile on their faces and a frantic wave of their hands.
Harry caught this as well. He wrinkled his nose in worry at the scene.
"Hermione, do you know why Lavender and Parvati are flapping their arms about like that?"
Hermione shook her head slightly. "No. Must be some new thing from Teen Witch on how to get boys," she said this distractedly.
He was inches away from her. Her eyes inspected the scene and calculated the distance. They were approximately five inches apart from being right on top of each other.
You know, that did not sound half bad...
If she just edged a little closer she could get her hand near those sweet apple bottom cheeks. The pants he had on stretched and defined his thighs very well. The sinewy muscle was very apparent when she was within spitting distance from him.
Suddenly, she felt that the room warmed up quite a bit. What in the cursed name of Merlin did the damn ickle firsties do to the fire this time?
"Hermione? Are you alright?"
Harry's hand was inching closer to her... belly. She whipped her head around to the clueless duo. They gave her a thumbs up. Parvati was jumping up and down mouthing something incoherent, but looked like 'sign'.
She rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time and muttered a 'yes' as she redirected her focus towards Harry. Which wasn't all that hard or discouraging to do. Especially since this very occasion had him wearing Quidditch pants, worn and very snug Quidditch pants to be a bit more precise.
His face was now etched into a look of exasperation as he squirmed around in the couch. Hermione had to force herself to automatically look away when she discovered a small tear near his... ahem.
"You know, I should really buy a new pair of Quidditch pants. I could have sworn I felt a rushing breeze near my-" he gestured around his ahem that Hermione had been looking at too much lately "-at practice today."
"Well it was quite chilly today, so it could have just been that," Hermione briskly said.
"Yeah, it might have been that." And so an awkward silence followed. Both were turned sideways to face each other and stared. Somehow Hermione did not dare to look away, even when her eye started twitching.
After a few minutes of continuous straight out staring, and in Hermione's case twitching, the strained moment was broken up by a loud plop of Ron's body dropping in. The couch shook and one of the cushions flopped upwards, causing Hermione to land on the floor.
She swore she heard her back crack.
"Whoops, sorry Hermione, I honestly didn't mean to do that." Ron loomed over her and looked a bit frightened as he stretched his arm out for assistance on getting up.
Hermione let out a series of grunts and looked wrathfully at the red head.
The surrounding Gryffindors inched closer as they watched in curiosity. Dean was heard smacking his hands together and cheering, "Right on! Are you guys going to have another go? I really need to get some snacks prepared for these happenings."
Even if she was not at that point of the month, this loud comment made Fire-Breathing Hermione surface just a tad.
"Dean," she said this slowly, "if you appreciate these 'happenings' so much, well I might have a go with you then. It is only proper, don't you think?"
Hermione fluttered her eyelashes as Dean gulped and dashingly rushed to the farthest corner from her. Inwardly, she cheered herself on. She still has not lost her touch.
Meanwhile, as Hermione was congratulating herself on another successful mission of scaring off potential boyfriends, Harry was positively sweating as he continued to glance at Hermione.
Ever since that day of unnecessary revelations and actions, he felt funny around her. Perhaps he always did, but now he was noticing it everyday. His stomach would flop when she exchanged a smile with him. And then something else happened in his lower regions when she skipped towards him after another winning Quidditch match and her... er, body parts, really nice round body parts, would bounce around.
Oh no, there he went at it again. What would she say when she heard that her best friend was a bloody pervert? And that quite liked when she ran around-Erk! He should stop this... sometime.
But it had to stop. Not because he wanted to, oh no, Harry Jr. would care to add that in. But he really needed to. Goodness, he couldn't look at her straight for a whole week after an incident in Herbology when she unbuttoned a few buttons of her blouse(because it was a hot day) and bent over, thus allowing a voyeuristic Harry some view of her-
Stop!
Mentally he coached and reminded himself once again that Hermione was not some piece of meat or a girl on a PlayWizard magazine that Neville tried to hide under his mattress. Harry often wondered what Neville's Gran would say when she discovered that Neville was not all that innocent anymore.
Okay, don't reminisce anymore. Gather up your famous courage and face...her.
He started to fancy having another go at some Hungarian Horntail instead of facing the prospect of asking Hermione out. But it didn't matter. He had to do it now. The Hogsmeade trip was scheduled in approximately thirty-four hours and some odd forty seconds, but who was counting?
However...what if she was already asked by someone else? Someone that braved it and would have the chance of being accepted to link his arm through hers and skip off to the sunset with her...
He would kill the bastard.
Courage. Okay, he could do this. He was Harry Potter. The Boy- Who- Lived. Winner of Witch Weekly's Charming Smile and Teen Witch's Man Veela Wizard for two years in a row. He was also right now Harry-That-Is-About-To-Piss-In-His-Pants-At-Any-Given-Moment. But that is a bit longwinded.
Breathe, you can do this.
He started to cough in his hand. Ron would understand this signal. He would know that now was the time to bugger off.
So why was the git still there? More coughs.
"Mate, care for a cough drop? I got some... somewhere." Ron dug through his cloak pockets. Harry could care less about some dreaded cough drops. He already had a pack of lemon ones from Dumbledore, thank you very much!
"Ron, don't you have someplace to be?" He stressed through tight-lipped lips.
"Er. No, not really. Why?"
His hands clenched as he continued. "Yes, you do. Because you have to do that something."
"Mate, where are you hearing these things? Making up conversations in your head again?"
If he could paint a neon sign on his chest with the words 'Ron, bugger off now so I can embarrass myself in a bit with Hermione' he felt Ron would still blink and ask why.
"Ron," he plastered a fake smile, "remember what I told you about two weeks ago? That I might just do something and ask someone something?"
Hermione frowned at this exchange. "What is it with all these 'somethings' and 'someones'? Are you guys keeping something from me?"
"Harry I can barely recall what I ate yesterday, you expect me to go back and...oh!" Ron's eyes widened as Harry started to feel that this night and his purpose was a lost cause.
"Er, yeah I just remembered I had to, uh, I, er-" Ron frantically glanced around the common room. "-had an appointment with Parvati and Lavender on discussing Teen Witch Weekly's September edition!"
With that, Ron rushed to the aforementioned people.
Thus leaving him with an irritated Hermione. She had her arms crossed across her chest, which made her breasts bunch together and-damn puberty!
"What is going on Harry? You better tell me."
He then looked down as he fidgeted under Hermione's inquiring stare. Why had he never noticed the intricate patterns found in the Gryffindor carpet before? They were so fascinating!
"Harry! Answer me, damn it!"
He really wanted to. But somehow, quite coincidentally, he lost the ability to speak. Hermione, don't you understand?
He would want to speak to her for hours and hours of his time, not because he already does, but because it is his desire. Although he could only stare down at his hands as he inspects what a short lifeline he has. Maybe Trelawney was right about it...
"Harry, if you do not look up and tell me this second, I will get that wand of yours and gouge your eyes with it," Hermione growled.
She was such a sweet tempered girl.
"Well, I just wanted to er, ask you something."
This was going much better than those few times with Cho. At least he paused after every other word.
An inquisitive look marked her features. "Yes, what is it?" She said this much more calmly and less aggressive as she was a few seconds ago.
"If you wanted to, er, possibly... go with me to Hogsmeade."
There, it was out now. The cat was out of the bag, as a Muggle might say. She would know what that meant. After all she was a Muggleborn. Okay, quit rambling nonsensical things.
"But...Harry, I always go to Hogsmeade with you," she replied puzzled.
Oh come on Hermione! Of all days to be clueless! Honestly, God was probably doing this on purpose. Or maybe Voldemort was exacting his revenge from hell.
Payback is a bitch, probably what Voldemort would say to him as his reply. Sure.
"I meant-" inhale, exhale, "-if you wanted to go with just me and you. Not with Ron, because that would defeat the purpose, (He gave out a quivering laugh. Har-Har his arse.) But on a date."
He wrung his fingers around. They would not stop shaking and now they were getting sweaty...oh bother.
"Oh! Oh," she squeaked out. A silly grin made its way across her face. He was almost relieved when she nodded. But that was before her smile turned into a frown. Uh oh.
"Wait...You mean to tell me that Ron already knew about this? That you told him and possibly others that you were going to ask me out?"
Er, was that a bad thing? He just told them because he needed advice on how to approach her. He nodded his head, hesitantly.
"About how many people know?"
Uh. Quite a few? Possibly Seamus, Dean, Neville, and they might have told their girlfriends. Which in turn could make them reveal the information to those giggly girls and... Wow, talk about the six degrees of separation! No wonder news spread so quickly around Hogwarts; it was impossible not to.
"You mean to tell me that I might be the last to know?!?"
If she put it that way...
"You gigantic dolt! I can't believe that you waited and asked me this when the Hogsmeade trip is in two days and-"
"-Actually it is in thirty four hours," he kindly interjected.
Hermione looked ruffled as she threw her hands up in the air. Then she stomped her way up to the girl's dormitory as she muttered 'Harry' and 'prat' every once in a while.
He sat there still not sure on whether to be worried or not. As he pondered these confusing emotions the terrible duo took an ottoman from a couple of second years ( "Hey, we were using that!" "Sod off kid, we have important matters to attend to.") and set it across from a bewildered Harry.
"Harry," Lavender began, "sweet, lovable Harry. We couldn't help but hear such colossal and awfully good news of you and our lovely Hermione going out on a date."
Lavender always had a thing for adjectives.
"Well, I am not sure on the good part but awful? Possibly."
Parvati made a disbelieving noise. She shoved Lavender off the plush pouffe. Really, the girl was hogging it!
"Look Harry," Parvati interrupted, "given your experience on these kinds of circumstances, we thought we would offer our gracious help, to actually make the first date work."
Harry tried not to look green as the encounter of his date with Cho swirled through his memory.
"How are you so sure your advice will help? I mean no offense, but Hermione and you two are really quite different and have different tastes."
At this point Lavender grinned impishly. "Oh trust me Harry. Trust me when I say we have exclusives on what Hermione desires."
Harry frowned in thought. "Alright, tell me tomorrow, I am feeling a bit drowsy..."
With that, he lifted himself upwards and walked to his dorms with his backside in full view.
Parvati opened her mouth to comment on a tear she spotted, that might as well embarrass him, but Lavender smacked her hand across her mouth.
Quietly Lavender whispered in her friend's ear, "Even though he might be Hermione's it does not mean we can't admire fine specimens... such as he. "
And so both girls let him walk on, with their eyes following his every move until he disappeared from sight.
_____________________
She should be getting use to this. Maybe this was a sign. Coincidence? No, she had one too many for it to be considered a coincidence.
"Sweetie, isn't it a bit late for you to be here?"
Hermione shook her head and rubbed her eyes.
"So we meet again, dear mirror. You should probably start getting use to these nightly visits...you want to know why?"
The mirror merely stood there. It couldn't shake its head no.
"Well don't just stand there and stare!" Hermione snarled out loud.
"I think that is quite impossible for me not to do that, dear."
Hermione leaned against the stone wall. Out of nowhere she started to chuckle. She then lifted her body against the counter and continued with her now maniacal laughter.
If the mirror was some animate object it would move to the farthest corner from this bipolar person. And she was such a sweet tempered girl in the beginning. What the hell did Hogwarts do to her?
"Someone is out to get me," Hermione slammed her fist against the counter. The mirror tried to wince for her. Gracie could only watch the teenage girl hop around while cursing to oblivion.
"Even the damn counter hates me!" Hermione sobbed as she crawled down on the floor.
"Don't be so cynical..." Gracie feared for her life when Hermione suddenly pointed her wand at her.
"No, I am optimistic, really I am. Because I can always find the damn silver lining in each dark cloud," she answered sarcastically. "But tell me mirror, what is the bright side to this? Ready to hear it?"
Gracie seriously considered telling the girl to sod off. But she simply stayed silent.
"Okay, well as you might recall some two nights ago, as I am sure you know with all the effing gossip here...Harry asked me out."
Well, how did the girl not expect her to know that? After all, they pretty much underestimated their ability to spice up the gossip columns. Lord help them if they found out about the betting column that McGonagall had going on in her office about when they were going to get together. Really, it first stunned her that McGonagall of all people would start that, although it wasn't all that surprising if one thought about it.
Gracie wondered who won...She would have to ask Violet later.
"-Anyway here I am fretting and getting everything prepared, so I won't look all that bad or have the date go down in shambles, right?"
Gracie made an encouraging noise for her to go on. Poor girl, she had to let off some steam. She knew that what happened a month ago still sent Malfoy into convulsive shivers. Poor boy, he should have never crossed Hermione's path. It was always the quiet ones.
"-Of all the days for it to happen, it started tonight! Or today, the damn day that I am going to go out with Harry! So my first thought is to go to my cabinet and swallow the potion, but guess what?"
Gracie really didn't want to know. But Hermione insisted as she started again with that disturbing laugh.
"It was gone! Poof! Out of sight!"
If the girl was someone other than Hermione, Gracie would say the girl was stashed on something. What shock did to the girl...Gracie shook her virtual head, as close as it gets.
Out of nowhere Hermione started to make her way towards the mirror. She had on a lingering sneer that made Gracie feel quite uncomfortable.
"Mirror -Gracie is it? ("Yes," piped Gracie.) Ah, you know I was always fond of you."
Oh no, this wasn't looking good for Gracie.
"A smart mirror like you always takes notice of things around here, don't you?"
Was it too late to try to switch to being a mirror in the prefects bathroom?
"What do you want dear?" Gracie tried to not sound mouse-like when she said this. Her gaze was fixed on the wand that the girl was twirling around with her thumb and index finger.
"You would know certain things, wouldn't you? Like perhaps," Hermione tapped her wand against her chin in mock deep thought. "Well I don't know let's just say, hypothetically of course, that you might know who keeps stealing my bloody potion?!?"
What did she ever do in her past life? Goodness!
"I am, as a bathroom mirror, entitled not to reveal any private information or what happens here in my presence."
Gracie started to feel relieved, but it was all out of false hope. Hermione whipped her wand around and had an odd glint in her eye when she spoke:
"Then I suppose if I do a charm that might blow you to tiny Gracies, that will be kept in private?"
Gulp. She really stuck herself in this one.
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