A/N: Sorry to leave you all hanging with the last chapter! I hope you'll forgive me with this one.
When I said that the story would be more "intense" I meant the plot and the things that will happen. Sorry to disappoint some of you, but this is a PG-13 story and I intend to keep it that way.
Thanks to Emily, for her beta reading, and to Nitya, for her encouragement.
Chapter 17 - A Taste of Yesterday
"No."
She couldn't leave. No matter how she tried, she knew that she wouldn't be able to leave that apartment now. A force much stronger than her will and sense had taken over her.
And before Harry could say anything, she ran and wrapped her arms desperately around his neck. He hugged her tightly, letting out the breath he had been holding. Hermione caressed his cheek, looking directly into his eyes. He pressed his lips against hers, and after a brief second of hesitation, she welcomed him.
Those five years had never happened. They were again in that cold barn, struggling to save their lives, finding confort in each other. Hermione knew with that kiss that her love for him had only grown with time. She didn't want to let go; she needed to feel him close to her. She felt the salty taste of her tears in her mouth and pulled away a little. It wasn't just her tears that she had tasted. He was crying too. Tears raining down his face, his eyes sparkling with liquid joy. She could feel the hot tears coming out of her eyes too. It was useless to wipe them away. They wouldn't stop falling.
There was no need for words. They understood how the other felt. Hermione kissed him again, this time with urgency. He led her slowly to the bed without pulling away.
* * *
"You're a different person."
"From the one I was before going to the war?" he asked softly, kissing her forehead.
She lifted her head a little to look at him. His arms were around her and she had been leaning on his chest, taking in his scent, the one she had missed for so long. Outside, the sun had already set, and Hermione knew they had spent a lot of time lying in bed. She didn't care. She was too amazed and happy. She would have gladly stayed there her whole life.
"From the one you are in London," she said, tracing his lips with her finger.
"Oh, him," Harry said. "He is another person, totally dedicated to his job as Head of the Sirius Black foundation; a polite, respected and formal guy. I don't like him very much, so sometimes I leave him alone."
"And what do you do then?" she asked.
"I think about you."
She smiled and her gaze fell on his arm. The one she had noticed before. The skin was red and it wasn't soft, like the rest of his body was. She touched the arm softly and she felt him shudder. "Does it hurt?"
"No. I don't feel anything there, actually."
Hermione incorporated a little to have a better look at his face. "What happened to you?"
"In Azkaban, there was a FOS agent who wanted me to reveal some information... you probably wouldn't want to hear such an old story..."
"You'd rather not talk about it?"
"I never have..."
"You don't have to," she said quickly, afraid to bring back some terrible memories for him.
Harry stared at her for a moment, and then turned his eyes to the ceiling. He folded his arms behind his head. "Remember I told you I had gotten caught after meeting you in Madrid?" She nodded. "Well, they took me to Azkaban right away. The first month nothing happened, they just had me locked up in a cell..." His voice was expressionless and monotone. "Then, they took me to the 'special treatment' area."
"Special treatment?" she repeated. She didn't like how that sounded.
"I don't know if special treatment was supposed to be good or bad. If I had been just a regular Resistance agent, I would have probably gotten killed immediately. However, I was Harry Potter. Not only I was the Boy Who Lived, but one of the closest members to Godric Gryffindor. They asumed I knew almost every plan the Resistance had..."
He made a pause. His eyes were still fixed on the ceiling, as if what he was saying had been written there and he was just reading it.
"I had a lot of information. Not all of it, but enough to interest the very same Salazar Slytherin. That's why they couldn't kill me. I was a valuable member in the opposite band, and they even thought that they could offer Gryffindor my freedom in exchange for his withdraws. With time, they realized it was ridiculous, and they focused on making me spill what I knew. One of the Generals used this spell... It was worse than the Cruciatus Curse. He only aimed for my arm, he couldn't risk my life. He cast that curse on me every day, three hours in a row. Then, he locked me up in a steel cell 2 feet high. I had to curled myself up into a ball to fit in..."
Hermione gasped softly. She could only imagine how much he had suffered with all that those bastards had done to him. He had spent almost two years in Azkaban. She was amazed that he had made it out alive. She wouldn't have lasted more than a week for sure.
"My arm never really recovered. At least it doesn't hurt anymore," he said. Finally, his eyes started to move again, and he looked at Hermione. He realized she was crying for him and pulled her closer. "I was lucky," he said softly. "I survived. I'm here, with you again..."
She held him tightly. They would never be able to repair what the war had done to them, but, at least, she was willing to show him that he was no longer alone.
"By the way, I have something for you," Harry said. "Accio!" A shiny thing flew to his hand. "You stared at it for so long in the market, I thought you had to have it." He opened his hand for Hermione to see it what was inside.
It was the silver cross she had spent so much time admiring.
* * *
A little later, Harry suggested they could go out to have something to eat. They walked through the barely illuminated street, hand in hand. Hermione could understand why Harry had bought an apartment in Taxco. It was a small, lovely place, where no one recognized him or his scar.
They went to a small restaurant that Harry knew and they enjoyed the home-made cooking. Hermione had naver tasted Mexican food before. It was a bit spicy, as Harry had warned her, but delicious none the less.
"I'm sorry about your parents," Harry said suddenly, while Hermione was trying to eat her taco without it falling apart.
She looked at him, slightly surprised. She had imagined that, after his story of his time in Azkaban, he wouldn't want to bring up the subject of the war again.
"Thanks," she said. "I'm sorry about Ron," she added.
Harry let out a sigh and took a sip of his beer. "He died when they caught me and sent me to Azkaban," he said. "We were ambushed. Someone we trusted from the Resistance was actually a double agent for the FOS. He gave us a 'clue' and led us right to them. It wasn't very smart of me to fall for it. I had a responsibility and-"
"Harry, don't do this to yourself... please," Hermione said, grabbing his hand across the table.
He smiled slightly at her, squeezing her hand. "Ron knew about us."
"Really?" she asked, surprised.
He nodded. "He realized something was going on with me when I met him after leaving you in Vizcaya. He had a unique way of getting information out of you, so I told him. Do you know what he said? That I was some lucky bastard."
Hermione laughed. "He said that?"
"Yes. He said he knew I was going to fall for you if I met you. He was really happy for us..." He paused, playing with his food. "We made a promise. If something happened to me, Ron was going to take care of you... If something happened to him..."
"You would take care of Ginny," Hermione finished for him. "That's what you're doing Harry."
"I never planned to marry her," he said.
Hermione decided it was enough. She didn't want to talk about that now. They had to enjoy this little time they would have together. So, they made a silent pact not to talk about Draco or Ginny for the rest of the week.
* * *
People who saw them in the streets probably thought they were a couple of newlyweds on their honeymoon. In those five days, Hermione forgot all of her troubles and was truly happy, maybe for the first time in her life. The life they had in London didn't come to her mind until the last day she was supposed to spend there. Harry wanted to show her his favorite place in Taxco.
"I haven't asked you before," Harry said, when they were still in the apartment. "Why did you bring so many parchments?"
Hermione giggled. "I was supposed to work in this week. I had to design the entire new collection, but someone didn't let me."
"Design the new collection?" Harry repeated, confused. "You make the designs?"
She nodded. "They're under Ginny's name, though. She makes some corrections, she has the glamorous taste, I don't… Why?"
Harry shook his head. "It's nothing. Let's go."
* * *
Harry's favorite place turned out to be one of the mountains that surrounded the town. Hermione looked at it, not very sure.
"Are we going to climb to the top?" she asked.
Harry nodded. "You won't regret it, come on."
The path wasn't very easy to follow. Harry had to help Hermione several times.
"This isn't fair," she complained. "I'm a city girl!"
"I've made you go through worse places, haven't I?" Harry asked, smiling.
Finally, they reached the top. And as Harry had told her, it was totally worth it. She got a full view of Taxco, and the sight was simply amazing.
"Wow," she breathed, feeling the cold breeze in her face.
Harry embraced her from behind and they stared at the horizon in silence for a while. A couple of drops of water started falling, and soon enough, it was raining hard. Hermione didn't feel like apparating back to the apartment yet, so Harry and her went to a small cave that Harry knew of and sat inside, waiting for the rain to stop. Harry summoned some hot coffee.
"I love Taxco," Hermione commented after a long silence. "I wish I could stay here forever, not having to go back."
Harry's features darkened at her comment. "Hermione..." he started.
"Harry, I have to return this afternoon. I think that, if we are going to talk about the future, now it's the time."
He nodded, sighing. "I don't think I can leave Ginny," he said.
Hermione smiled sadly. "I know... This time together has been amazing, but we don't need to feel commited to each other."
Harry gazed at her for a moment, and then looked down. "Most of the time, I hate her."
"Ginny?" she asked, surprised. "I know that you aren't madly in love with her, but you have always seemed so perfect for each other. You have the same friends and like the same things, and she has always loved you, Harry..."
"This week I couldn't help to think that my life could have been like this," he said, ignoring her comment.
"I think about that too, but what's the point?" she sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "I have a life already. There's Danny... He adores Draco, and he's a great father. I have never been in love with him, but I like him. Everyone likes him. He's nice and funny..." she trailed off. Harry didn't look very pleased to hear her talk about her husband. "I can't abandon him... I can't make Danny abandon him."
Another long silence followed. The sound of the rain echoed inside the cave. Harry and Hermione were sitting a few feet apart. They were staring at each other, each of them expecting that the other would talk next.
"When I married Ginny, I wasn't very well," Harry said then. "I had come out of Azkaban not too long ago, and I had just found out that you had married another guy. Let's just say I wasn't in my five senses. Remus tried to convince me that I was making a mistake, that I was ruining my life for good. But I didn't have any life left, Hermione. You were my life, and you were gone. And I wanted to take care of Ginny. It was my fault all of that had happened to her-"
"It wasn't your fault, Harry!" Hermione interrupted him. "I know that you feel responsible for what happened to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, but it's not your fault the FOS found out about their activities."
"Yes, it is my fault; I led them to Arthur and Molly."
"No, you didn't! You honestly believe that?"
"I have proof," he said, his voice not raising in contrast with Hermione's.
"And who gave them to you? Ginny?"
Harry took another sip of his coffee. "She's trying to make me feel guilty, of course. But she couldn't be lying with something like that. She told me they had asked Arthur about me in La Sante. They were looking for me, and that's why they took them away."
Hermione swallowed. That wasn't what Ginny had told her. She had said someone had betrayed her father and had revealed about his activities to the FOS agents.
"That's not it-"
"Hermione, I don't want to argue about this," he said. "I'm just trying to explain to you why I have such mixed feelings for Ginny. Why, despite everything, I can't leave her."
"She's always been complicated," Hermione said, lowering her voice.
"You're telling me about it! Everything she has lived through has turned her into a very sick woman." With a violent movement, he stood up and walked towards the entrance of the cave. For a second, Hermione thought he was going to go out, but he just stood there, his back turned to her. "She was never pregnant."
Hermione blinked, trying to understand his words. "Yes she was."
Harry turned around. "No. She lies about everything: the pregnancy, her work as a designer... She thinks I don't realize it." He sat again, leaning against the cave wall. "A child would have made this situation a little more bearable... When she had the miscarriage, I blamed myself. If I had been there, maybe she wouldn't have had that accident. But then, I started to suspect. So I visited Severus Snape, a healer she had once gone to. He was very surprised that Ginny had been expecting a baby. He told me Ginny couldn't conceive."
He felt silent. Hermione bit her lip. That wasn't true. Ginny could conceive. She had a son already. She wanted to tell Harry that, to stand up for her friend in some impulsive act of loyalty. But she couldn't. If Harry found out that Daniel was Ginny's child, she would take him away from her, and Hermione couldn't bear that.
"It wasn't my intention to trouble you with my problems," Harry said, and Hermione realized he had sat by her side.
She smiled at him, but then her eyes filled with tears. Harry slowly wiped them away. "I love you. From the instant I met you, and no matter what happens and how much time goes on, I won't be ever able to forget you."
She realized it was the first time he told her he loved her since they had met again. Even though they had silently showed their feelings for each other remained, they hadn't said it out loud. "I love you," she said, hugging him tightly. He kissed her gently on the lips.
They stayed like that until it stopped raining and they had to go back. Hand in hand they walked towards the apartment, knowing that both of them were doomed to a loveless marriage and a life apart from each other.
* * *
Hermione went back to England first. She had said goodbye to Harry in Mexico. They - well, she - had decided it would be better not to see each other again. It would only make things more painful. They loved each other too much to have a furtive relationship. That would only hurt them more. She replayed their last conversation in her head before entering in her house.
"What is going to happen in London?" Harry had asked when she was packing her suitcase.
"I want to see you..."
"But?" he asked.
"I wouldn't be able to hide it. And we both agreed we can't end our marriages."
Harry looked devastated, but his voice didn't change. "Do you want me to make you change your mind?"
She shook her head and started to cry again. "I wish we were different people," she sobbed in his chest.
"I know," he said, and kissed her.
One last, final kiss.
* * *
A/N: You didn't think it would be that easy, did you? And yes, I realize this is a little Soap Opera-ish, but it's a drama after all.