Chapter 24 - The End of the Road
It was the strangest situation. They were standing a few feet from each other, (Hermione had taken a few steps back in surprise when he stepped in) with their eyes locked and their mouths shut. She was dressed in her cotton pajamas, and he was wearing a heavy cloak on his shoulders.
She didn't need to ask how he knew she lived there. Remus had probably told him about her moving, and her divorce. She was also sure that Albus Dumbledore had informed him she had accepted his offer to teach at Hogwarts. No, the best question was what was he doing there? Had he come because he had found out about Ginny? Was he there to despise her, or to offer his support? Or was it something else? She wanted to ask him, but she couldn't move. She was holding her breath in expectation, waiting for him to speak. His face was unreadable, and she once again was amazed at his ability for hiding his emotions.
Having him there was something she hadn't expected. It had been only a month since they had seen each other for the last time, but she had been so sure she wouldn't see him again for a while...or not? Had she actually been keeping the hidden hope that he would come back?
He just stood there, his mouth forming a thin line. She wouldn't have been surprised if an hour had passed since he had crossed the threshold. It seemed that neither of them wanted to break the silence that had overcome Hermione's flat. She was afraid. His presence there was going to break all the stability she had managed to build in this month, she was sure of that. It didn't matter what he said or did... Her whole world would be upside down again, revolving around Harry Potter. To be fair, she wasn't sure it had ever been something different since she had met him.
Please say something, Harry. I can't stand this anymore.
Finally, Harry took a deep breath. "We have to talk," he said, slowly.
He knows. He came here to talk about my father. She didn't even budge. She wondered what he had to say about it. Had Ginny told him everything? Had she even said the truth? He would obviously want Hermione's side of the story. And what was she going to say? It wasn't her fault; she had nothing to do with it. But she would defend her father. She wasn't going to let anyone offend him anymore- Focus, Hermione. She forced herself to look him in the eye, eagerly waiting for him to continue.
Harry seemed a little disconcerted by her silence and he hesitated for a second. He looked at his feet, uncomfortable. He closed his eyes and cursed under his breath. Then, he looked at Hermione again.
"I'm an idiot."
Hermione didn't know what to think about that. There could be so many meanings to those simple words. She finally seemed to awaken from her shock. "Why?" she asked warily, not knowing what to expect.
"Because..." his words faded and he swallowed. Suddenly, he didn't look very sure of himself anymore. "Because I had this great speech prepared to say to you, and now I forgot it, and... I don't know how to say what I came to say."
"And that makes you an idiot?" Hermione asked. That was all she could say to him in a moment like that? Maybe she was an idiot, too…
"No, not just that. I'm an idiot for many other reasons. But mostly for letting you go."
Hermione's eyes widened.
"This month has been hell, in every way," Harry continued, running a hand through his hair. "It has been even worse than the time I spent in Azkaban. At least, back then I believed that, if I ever got out of there, you would be waiting for me."
Hermione tried to say something, but no sound came out of her mouth.
"I tried, Hermione," Harry said, moving a step closer. "I tried to live my life without you once and it didn't work. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought that moving to America would help me to leave everything behind, when it obviously only made everything worse. I couldn't stop thinking that I had left you when you most needed me because of some stupid, childish, egocentric reaction that I..." he took a deep breath and slowly blew it back out. "I understand why you couldn't tell me. It only shows what an honorable and loyal person you are..."
"No," Hermione interrupted in a whisper. "You were right to be angry. You have done nothing but be honest with me. You trusted me, even when it was really hard for you to confide in someone, and I should have done the same."
Harry shook his head. "I didn't back away because of that." Hermione looked at him, puzzled. "At first, I was disappointed. I wanted to be the only one you could count on, and it hurt me to know that you have been hiding something so important, that you haven't asked for my help. I know, it's incredibly selfish. When I could see beyond my own feelings, I realized I was being unfair to you... I was really embarrassed."
Hermione could hardly hide her surprise. "Then why...? Why didn't you say anything? You could have talked to me."
"I know," he said. "But Daniel had just died," he said softly, and her eyes showed a painful expression, "and then the funeral came. I saw you with Draco... You two needed each other in that moment. You were Daniel's parents, after all. When I saw him sitting beside you, I felt like an outsider, and thought that maybe you two would find a way to work things out, to save your marriage. After all, he would pay your debts, and you would have a chance to start over. I didn't want to get in the middle. I couldn't stand the thought of hurting you and-"
"You thought that I wanted to stay with Draco?" Hermione cut him off. If she hadn't been so nervous, she would have laughed at the stupid idea. "Harry...you should know better than anyone that my marriage was doomed to end. How could I have stayed with someone I didn't love? Especially after meeting you again!" She rubbed her forehead. "There was no reason for us to stay together."
"I know that now," he said, after a pause. "And frankly, I'm relieved."
"Why, because now I'm free again?" she asked, her voice recovering some of the sarcasm that had made her famous before this whole nightmare started. "What about you? Are you free?"
Harry didn't answer, and another long silence filled the room. Hermione started pacing. Why was she acting like that? Wasn't she happy that Harry was there, apparently trying to recover their relationship? Yes, she was. But she was also terrified to give her heart to him again, just to be shattered into pieces for the millionth time. No matter what, there was always something that broke them apart, and she was tired of it.
"I came here today because I've had enough," Harry spoke again, and she forced herself to look him in the eyes. "I won't pretend anymore that I'm tough, and that it's the best for everyone if we stay apart. I don't care anymore! I don't care about Ginny, or Draco... I just want to be with you. I know I can't offer you a marriage, but if you are willing to accept me, I can promise that I'll never leave you again."
Hermione felt a lump in her throat that was making it really hard to swallow. Looking into his eyes, she could feel every one of his emotions. She knew he was being honest. But still...
"Harry," she said, slowly walking towards the living room. He followed her with his gaze. "I... I don't know if I can do this. We've made so many mistakes! We've hurt so many people, including ourselves..."
"We've hurt them, and us, because we have been stupid enough to believe that we could make it by ourselves!" He walked towards her and took her hands in his. Hermione's eyes were teary and she tried to avoid Harry's eyes. "Look at me," he asked in a soft whisper. She did, and it was then when she knew that resistance was futile. "I know we've gone the wrong way, but there has always been one thing that hasn't changed, no matter what," Harry said, still holding her close. "And that is my love for you. And this time I won't let anything or anyone to get in the way."
Hermione couldn't resist anymore. She realized she had made her mind up from the start. Instead of answering with words, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Harry let out a happy sigh and kissed her temple, then her cheek and finally her lips. For a couple of blissful seconds in Harry's arms, she was too happy to think about anything else...
But reality soon called her to attention, and even when she could have well stayed like that forever, she knew that, as perfect as their reunion seemed, there was much that needed to be taken care of. There was still one thing that could ruin everything. So she broke the kiss and walked towards the small couch in the living room, sitting down. Harry gave her a quizzical look and followed her.
"What is it?" he asked gently, taking her hand in his. His eyes were afraid, and Hermione knew he was wondering if she had decided to reject him after all.
"You haven't seen Ginny, have you?"
Harry's expression became more cautious. "No, I came back to see you."
"You didn't receive Dobby's owl either?" she asked then, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Dobby's owl? No... Something happened?" Harry asked, concerned.
She look into his eyes and sighed. "Yes, Harry."
He nodded, inviting her to tell him. Hermione knew she had to be honest with him. She had to tell him everything she had discovered in his house. She would have to tell him that it had been her father who had betrayed the Weasleys. It would also mean he would find out that Ginny had been lying to him all this time. But she couldn't keep this from him. The only secret she ever kept had became her worst nightmare. Hopefully, Harry would be reasonable about it. She was afraid, she couldn't deny it. She knew that Arthur and Molly Weasley were like parents to Harry, and it wouldn't be easy to tell him that it had been her father who was the one that had given the crucial information to the FOS...
"Hermione," Harry said. "Come on, you know you can tell me anything."
Yes, she knew. Taking a deep breath, she started from the beginning, when she had met Ginny in Paris and she had told her about the person that had turned her father in. She then told him about the papers she had found, the vengeance Ginny had been focused on since they had moved to London, and how she had confronted her about it. When she finished, Harry stayed in silence, with his hand forming a fist, covering his mouth. He looked thoughtful. Hermione was too anxious to know what he had to say about it, but she didn't dare to ask.
Finally, Harry turned to her once again and put an arm around her shoulders, moving her closer to him. "You must have been through a lot," he said, kissing the top of her head. "I can't believe that Gin did all of that to you."
Hermione look up at him. "You're not angry?"
"Yes, I am. With her."
"No, I mean-"
"With your father?" he finished for her. She nodded. "I don't agree with what he did, but I understand his motives. He only wanted to protect you and your mum and that was the only way he could think of... I wish he was here now so we could talk about it, though."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears and she hugged Harry. "Thank you," she whispered.
"What for? None of this is your fault, Hermione. No matter what your father did, Ginny has no right to do this to you. I'm going to see her tomorrow."
"No Harry, you don't have to..."
"Yes, I do. Besides, I have to settle something else with her."
Hermione didn't argue anymore. She was content, after all. She and Harry were together, and this time no one would be able to break them apart. She didn't care if Ginny never gave him the divorce. As long as she was with him, she had nothing to fear.
They stayed like that for a long time, in silence; only this time it wasn't an uncomfortable one. Both were too happy to express their emotions with words, and Hermione wanted to feel him near, to convince herself that this was really happening. So many things had happened between them. They had risked their lives together to run away from the FOS; they had fallen in love; they had been torn apart by that bloody war and tricked into marrying other people. They had met again, and had inevitably been dragged back to each other. Her son had died... Her best friend had decided to destroy her life. But, despite everything, she was with Harry again. I should write a novel, Hermione thought with a bittersweet feeling.
"Harry..." she said, suddenly remembering something. "How do you know Draco would pay our debts?"
"Hmmm?" he asked, coming out of his own thoughts.
"You said that now that Draco would pay our debts, we could start over. I never told Remus about that."
"Oh, that," he said, with a guilty expression. "Well, I guess there's no point in hiding it from you. I gave him the money."
"You what?"
"You heard me. There was no way he could have got that money, and Ginny's lawyers would be still all over you if he hadn't paid. I didn't want that. I wanted you to have peace."
"He never told me anything..." Hermione was amazed at Draco's attitude. She couldn't believe he had accepted money- from Harry of all people.
"I asked him not to. I'm sorry, I should have told you."
"No, it's okay." She took his hand and kissed it. "You saved me again."
Harry looked like he was going to protest, but finally decided not to, and kissed her softly. "So," he said, smiling for the first time, "do you think it would be too soon if I move in today?"
Hermione smiled as well. "Too soon? Don't you think we've waited long enough?"
* * *
Ginny was walking in the garden. She hated that house. It was so big and empty... She felt even lonelier than she was. Everything inside it seemed to be laughing at her. She was the pathetic, abandoned witch. Nothing in her life was right.
She sighed, and turned to go back inside the house. However, she only managed to walk a few steps when she saw him, coming to her. One look at him, and she realized he was a different man from the one who had lived in that same place a month ago. How could she describe it? His eyes weren't haunted and troubled anymore. There was a peaceful aura surrounding him...
"Harry?"
"Hello, Ginny," Harry said, stopping in front of her.
She fought the urge to throw herself at him. "I didn't know you were back."
"I arrived yesterday."
"Dobby told me he had written to you... I'm alright now, if that's why you are here."
"Let's take a walk," he said.
Ginny followed him, knowing that something was going on. She didn't show her concerns, though, and smiled. He wasn't saying anything, so she decided to start some conversation.
"How was the United States?"
"Okay."
"Are you going back?"
"No."
"Oh..." Does this have to do with Hermione? Are you staying here for her? "Now that I've been alone, I've been thinking a lot, you know? I wondered what would have been of my life if my mum and dad were still alive. There wouldn't have been any tortures, no La Sante, Krum or Daniel... I could have given you a child..."
"We wouldn't have got married," he interrupted, turning to look at her with a serious expression.
She looked taken aback. "Why do you say that?"
"I've been thinking too."
"I don't understand-"
"I think you know what I'm saying, Gin." Her face was expressionless, and Harry sighed in frustration. "You told me that I had led the FOS to Arthur and Molly. You've lied to me about everything, even about them! You've been playing with me, making me feel guilty..." he stopped walking. "You made me believe I had killed the only people who had been like parents to me."
Putting it that way, she had done something horrible. She always knew it wasn't right to lie to Harry, but she always felt it was the only way to keep him for herself, to make him happy. She looked down, not able to stand the hurt look in his eyes.
"She told you," she accused.
"Yes, she did."
"So you've been with her..."
"Yes. I am with her."
Ginny felt a rush of anger. "What a heroic man, the father of your little girlfriend was, huh?"
"A lot of people gave in to the FOS."
"You didn't. Neither did my father."
"I didn't come to talk about that."
"I really want to know what you think about your dear Hermione now," Ginny insisted.
"This has nothing to do with her! I can't believe what you've been doing all this time. It's not her fault, Ginny, how can you punish her for something in which she has no responsibility?"
"My father asked me to make the traitor's family pay. It's a matter of honor. I gave my word to him."
"You know that Arthur would have never asked you something like that," Harry said, looking at her with pity.
"But he did!" she exclaimed.
"I don't believe you. He was a fair man. He wouldn't have wanted you to ruin your life for a meaningless revenge."
"Meaningless? You think that restoring my family's honor is meaningless?"
"You are making no sense at all! The only way you could destroy your family's honor is by doing what you have!"
"How can you do this to me?" she said, so softly he barely heard her. She was too close to lose her control.
"You have done this to yourself," Harry said. "Listen, I won't let you hurt Hermione anymore. I don't care what you do to me, but if you dare to make her suffer, you'll know who I am."
He spoke calm and quietly, but Ginny knew he was being serious. She had never been afraid of him before. Of his reactions, maybe, but of him...
"She betrayed your friends and destroyed my life," she protested, with her best arrogant tone. He gave her an exasperated look. Ginny bit her lip. "Your dear Mrs. Malfoy hasn't suffered as half as much as I have."
"She's not Mrs. Malfoy anymore."
"I see. She's divorced now, huh? Too bad that I'm not as docile as Draco. I will never gi-"
"I don't care," he cut her off. "That won't stop us this time."
"You do know that I won't let you be happy with her, don't you?" she asked, her eyes narrowed.
Harry shook his head. "You are crazy."
She smirked. There was nothing more to say, and Harry left the house.
* * *
September 2004
Hermione had forgotten what it was like to wake happy in the mornings, feel grateful for the things she received, and keep that good feeling when she went to bed at night. But these five months had been more than enough to bring her back to life. Part of that happiness was because of her new job at Hogwarts. She absolutely adored teaching, her students, the castle, and the teacher's staff. But of course, the main reason was Harry. Having him by her side was enough to be strong enough to face the world. Sure, sometimes she felt a little scared of Ginny. She hadn't seen or heard of her in a long time, but she thought about her often.
She and Harry had moved to another flat in Hogsmeade. It was a little bigger than Hermione's, and she loved it, because it was their place. Albus Dumbledore had given Hermione permission to leave Hogwarts everyday, once her teaching schedule was over. He had been very supportive of their relationship. "I've never seen Harry this happy," he told her once. Even Draco had dropped by once, and seemed fine with their relationship. He was dating someone else, an older woman who was conveniently rich.
Harry had told her - quite reluctantly - about his conversation with Ginny. Hermione felt really sorry for her ex-friend. There was no day when she didn't wonder how she was feeling, and if she could, she would have gone to her house. It didn't matter what Ginny had done to her, Hermione wasn't angry at her anymore.
If she was able to leave the past behind, why couldn't Ginny?
Harry had left three days ago. He had to go to the office in the United States. He had named someone to take care of the Foundation's business there, but he still needed to supervise what was being done. He had quit his other job, in the Weasley's joke shop. After what had happened with Ginny, he didn't feel comfortable working there. Fred and George had protested, saying that he was still their friend, no matter what. But Harry had made his choice.
That night, Hermione was washing the dishes after having a quick dinner all by herself. The apartment felt empty without Harry, and she chuckled thinking how used she had got to live with him. Suddenly, she felt sick. A nausea came over her and she had to run to the bathroom. She felt dizzy. Not again, she thought. This had been happening to her all week.
A realization washed over her. She couldn't be... pregnant? She felt a strange mixture of concern and excitement. She sat in the bathroom floor, trying to think of the symptoms. When she went to bed, an hour later, she was sure she was going to have a child.
Next day, her suspicions were confirmed. She went to the school's nurse, and she told her, smiling, that she was going to be a mother. Hermione cried happily. She had always wanted to have a big family... And after Daniel's death, she had thought she wouldn't be able to. But now she was carrying Harry's child inside her, and that was the best gift life had ever given her.
When she arrived in her apartment that night, she dashed towards the fireplace, to floo Harry and tell him the big news. She contacted the hotel and while she was waiting, another thought overwhelmed her. What if Harry didn't want a child yet? No, she knew he wanted to be a father, he had told her that. She remembered the time when Ginny had told him she was pregnant. But that was different. He was married to her. Maybe he hadn't expected this to happen so soon. They had been careless. She wouldn't be able to deal with Harry's reaction if it wasn't as happy as hers.
"Hermione?"
She jumped to see his face staring at her worriedly in the fireplace.
"Umm, yes, how are you?"
"I'm alright. And you?" he asked, eyeing her.
Hermione swallowed. Maybe it would be better to tell him when he came back. Yes, she definitely wanted to tell him when she had him in front of her... entirely. "I'm okay," she said, smiling faintly. "When are you coming back?"
"I'm not sure, I have to finish something here. Maybe at the end of the week."
Hermione nodded. Would she be able to wait until then?
"Are you sure you're okay?" Harry asked. "You sound strange."
"I'm just tired, Harry, don't worry."
Harry lifted an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything.
* * *
The next evening, she was having a cup of tea in the kitchen, when she heard the front door opening. Startled, she grabbed her wand and walked slowly out of the kitchen. Harry was there, soaking wet from the hard rain outside, hanging up his cloak.
"Harry?" she asked surprised. "What are you doing here? I thought you said you'd be coming-"
"What did you want to tell me yesterday?"
"Eeeeh..." What was wrong with her? Just tell him!
"Please tell me, I know something big is going on. Did Ginny do something to you? Is this about Draco?" he pleaded, giving her his famous piercing stare.
"No," she said, laughing softly. "It's nothing like that. I needed to tell you that... Well, I... Bugger, I'll just say it: Harry, I'm pregnant."
Harry's jaw dropped. "Pre-pregnant?"
"I'm sure. I don't know how you feel about this, but I'm really happy. I'll understand if you think it's too soon, but there's nothing we can do about it now. I was scared to tell you, because we have never discussed this and..."
"Hermione, stop," he said. She looked at his face and his green eyes were shining with tears. "This is the best news I've ever received."
* * *
October 2004
Curious. It was curious how she felt. She had thought that she would be in a numb state ever since she saw Harry leaving that afternoon, after their heated discussion. She had expected another depression, this time too deep to even have the strength to grieve.
But there she was, working in her office. She had retaken all of her activities in "Virginia Weasley Fashion". Working helped her to ease her mind, clear her thoughts and be able to wake up each morning.
In those months, Harry's words had haunted her without mercy. "You know that Arthur would have never asked you something like that. He was a fair man. He wouldn't have wanted you to ruin your life for a meaningless revenge.The only way you could destroy your family's honor is by doing what you have!"
She tried to think about something else. She went to the sewing room, where the dressmakers were working on the new designs. Before she stepped into the room, she heard two of the women there whispering. She recognized them as two of the dressmakers that used to work with Hermione when she was still at the company.
"How many months?"
"Two, I think. She was really happy when she told me."
"They look so cute together. I'm really sorry they can't get married. Hermione has suffered so much already. And I'm sure that Mr. Potter is a lot better than that Malfoy."
"Yes, but at least now they'll have the baby..."
Ginny's heart skipped a beat. Baby? Hermione was pregnant? She locked herself in her office. She felt miserable. She had never been able to give Harry a son. And even that, Hermione had accomplished. She had won, again.
She didn't even notice when midnight came. She couldn't force herslef to leave that room. She couldn't stop thinking about Harry. Was he happy? She wanted him to be. But not without her. She remembered his words again.
You know that Arthur would have never asked you something like that.
But he hadn't been there. He hadn't been in La Sante, with them. He hadn't heard that final conversation. Despite herself, she started to build the whole scene in her mind again, something she had been avoiding for years.
She was in that disgusting room again. Her father was in front of her...
"Someone... Someone that holds a grudge against me invented that accusation."
"You really think that? That someone accused you, and told the FOS?"
Arthur nodded. "There's no other explanation. They know too many details about my life," he sighed. "Whoever it was, that's my real enemy."
"Not Slytherin? Not the FOS?" Ginny asked quietly.
"Them, too. But this was something personal. There's nothing lower than betraying a friend."
"He or she should suffer as much as you," Ginny said, with a tone of hate in her voice that she didn't know she could use. Mr. Weasley remained silent. "And his or her family too," Ginny added. "Just like ours."
"Ginny..." Arthur muttered, and his voice went out.
It was then he made her swear. She remembered it clearly. He had asked her to restore the family's honor and make the traitor's family suffer. Then why didn't that image come to her head? Why couldn't she remember the exact words, or even the tone in her father's voice?
"Ginny..."
"Dad... As long as I live, the traitor's family will suffer. I swear it, on the Weasley's pride."
Her eyes widened. It couldn't be... No....
Why had she believed all this time that her father had asked that of her? Was her mind in such a numb state that she had made it up and then actually believed it? All these years, she had been living, only moved by that revenge. She had destroyed many lives, including hers...
She went back to her house immediately. She took all the FOS reports, and, after reading them for the last time, she burnt them. There was no point in continuing with everything she had carefully planned over the years. Harry was right. How could she actually think that her father would have asked such a thing of her?
But Hermione had taken Harry away. If Ginny wanted, she could still make her life miserable. But that would mean hurting Harry, too. And she had done enough already.
It was late, but she sat behind the desk and started to write.
* * *
"Owl post," Hermione informed, carefully lifting her tea cup off the table to give the birds some space. It was a Saturday's morning, and she was having breakfast with Harry. He always received loads of post due to his work.
Harry skimmed through what the owls had brought, and he stopped when he spotted one letter.
"What is it?" Hermione asked, noticing his face.
"It's a letter from Ginny," he said, opening it slowly, with a slight frown.
"Do you want me to leave you alone?" she asked.
"Of course not. Let's read it together," he said warily and they started to read.
"Dear Harry,
Since I talked to you for the last time, I've been going through a weird phase. I've been thinking about everything that has happened between us... Well, not just that. I've also thought about La Sante, my parents and Hermione.
Before you frown, let me tell you, it's not what you think. Actually, I think my sanity, which was lost sometime on this crazy road, has come back. I was finally able to look at things in perspective, and, for maybe the first time in my life, I understood.
I've hurt you in so many ways, that I doubt you'll ever be able to forgive me. Still, even if what I did to you was horrible, I did it because I truly love you. I know it wasn't the best way to show that to you, but in the time, I was convinced that it was the right thing to do.
There's no excuse for my actions. I could say it was the war's fault, but a lot of people suffered as much - or maybe more- than I did, and they aren't this messed up. You were right. I'm crazy. And my father never asked me that. It was an illusion, that maybe I invented for myself to let the pain go somehow. I'm so, so sorry.
Well, enough of this mushy confession. The reason why I'm writing to you is to tell you that I accept the divorce. It's the least I can do, after all. So you decide the reasons, you deal with the lawyers, I don't really care. You are free now.
I'll only ask one thing of you. If you ever find the heart to forgive me for what I've done to you, please be my friend again. I'm talking about those times when you were like another brother to me. I know it's a lot to ask, but it's what I'd really want.
I hope you are happy.
Love,
Ginny
PS: Congratulations on the baby. Please say hi to Hermione for me.
A/N: Okay, finally I caught up with what was in FFnet. No only the epilogue is left, so as soon as I have it ready I'll post it here and there.