Chapter 23 - Can't Let Go
Ginny had been sitting by the fire for over an hour. Her glassy eyes were fixed on the papers she had in her hand. The ones that held the information about her parents and the Granger's betrayal. The very same papers that had started everything.
That day had been Daniel's funeral. She hadn't wanted to go, but Harry had insisted. So, she had sat in the last seat. The small church was crowded. Ginny knew that Hermione was probably surprised with all of the people that had come, because she didn't have many friends or family. Most of them were Draco's friends, or people who worked for her in Virginia Weasley Fashion. She even spotted Remus Lupin and Albus Dumbledore.
She had tried to remain calm. Her logical side had made a determination: Daniel had gone out of her life long ago. He was just Hermione's son. But all her resolution had vanished as soon as she saw the small white box surrounded by flowers. The tears she had successfully managed to suppress in the hospital were now trailing down her cheeks. Harry noticed this and put his arm around her shoulders. His gesture was kind and sincere, and Ginny realized that behind it wasn't her husband, but her brother's best friend, the one that had promised to take care of her.
When the funeral was over, Harry and Ginny slowly approached Hermione and Draco, who were still sitting in their front row pew. Hermione was crying, her whole body shaking, and Draco was doing his best to comfort her, although his face was full of tears, too. When they saw the Potters, they stood up immediately. Harry shook Draco's hand in a polite gesture and kissed Hermione on the cheek briefly, muttering some words Ginny couldn't hear. Hermione nodded and thanked him. She turned to look at her and for a second both women stared at each other. Finally, Hermione wrapped her arms around Ginny and they cried together for their lost son. In that moment, Ginny forgot about everything- the revenge and payback that had transformed her personality in the last few years. Hermione was her best friend again, and only that. The only person who could understand the pain she was feeling.
She had arrived at home and locked herself in the library. She was there now, trying to decide what to do. She'd been thinking that maybe it was time to finish this. She had had her revenge. Hermione had suffered a lot. She had lost her parents, her husband, her house, her son and the man she loved. Why keep going with this?
She looked again at the papers in her hand. She was going to throw them into the fire. Burn them and start all over again.
But her hand didn't move. Somehow, Ginny wasn't able to burn the papers as she wanted. She couldn't do it. But why? This day was the perfect chance to leave all the hate and grudges behind her. Her eyes stared at the dancing flames. The voice of her father, pronouncing those last words to her, sounded in her ears so clearly that for a moment, she thought he was in the room with her.
Make the traitor pay. His or her family should suffer as much as we have. Make their lives a living hell...
Had Hermione suffered as much as she deserved for what her father had done? Had the Weasley pride been recovered? Was Arthur Weasley resting in peace now?
The logic came back to her. She stood up with a new determination.
The next day, Draco and Hermione received a letter where they were being called in front of the Wizengamot for the unpayment of their debt to Mrs. Virginia Potter.
* * *
February 2004
Hermione looked at her new residence and smiled slightly. She had just finished painting the walls and everything looked very nice. It was a very small flat, with only one room, in Hogsmeade. She didn't need anything else, though. She was about to start a new life.
After the funeral, Albus Dumbledore had approached her. He had gently reminded her that his offer, the one he had mentioned in that party so long ago, still stood. He wanted her to be the Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts. Hermione had refused back then, but now she had accepted gladly. Now that Draco was out of her life, and Daniel wasn't with her anymore, she didn't have anything else to hold her back from anything that she wished to do. It was the chance she needed to start from scratch. Hogwarts was a wonderful place, and she had always wanted to teach.
Of course, she doubted she would ever be happy again. The death of her son would always be a present shadow in her heart. At least if she had Harry by her side...
She shook her head. She had to come to terms with the fact that their relationship just couldn't be. And it wasn't that they didn't love each other. No, Hermione knew that Harry loved her as much as she loved him, or he wouldn't have been so angry with her for lying to him. But why he was being so prideful, she couldn't understand. Yes, she should have told him the truth, but she had a good reason to hide it. Maybe it was for the best anyway. Harry would never leave Ginny feeling as guilty as he felt. Ginny would never let him go either, and he wouldn't start a relationship with Hermione if he couldn't give her what both of them wanted. It was too complicated. And Hermione didn't need any more complications in her life. She was 23 years old and had lived as if she was 60. She just wanted peace.
Maybe someday, she and Harry would meet again. She couldn't know what would happen in the future. But it seemed that he had also decided to leave everything behind. Remus, who had helped her move, had told her that Harry had gone to the U.S. to take care of the Sirius Black Foundation offices there, and hadn't said when he was coming back to England.
Hermione couldn't help but think how Ginny must feel. She hadn't seen her or heard from her since the funeral, and that had been more than a week ago. All of her hopes that her friend was back had vanished when she and Draco had received that notification. Strangely, Draco had gone in front of the Wizengamot and paid every debt they had standing. Hermione had no idea how he had gotten the money, but he had promised it wasn't anything illegal. She didn't care. They weren't married anymore; although she had the feeling they would be able to be friends…eventually. She did care a lot about him, after all.
She sighed and started unpacking. She wasn't naive. She knew she would never get over Harry. She had tried for the last five years. Even when she had married someone else, she hadn't been able to forget about him. But she had to do something for herself. In a week, she'd be going to Hogwarts. Life was giving her a second chance and she would take it.
* * *
Ginny walked through her empty house slowly. Since Harry had gone to the United States, she had taken the habit of lurking in the hallways at night. She couldn't stand it anymore.
To her mind came the conversation she and Harry had the night he left.
"Where are you going?" she asked, when she saw him packing a suitcase.
"I have to go to the United States for a while," was his dry reply.
"When are you coming back?"
"I don't know."
"That's not a right answer to your wife, Harry."
He stared at her. "It's been a long time since I stopped considering you my wife, Gin."
His words hurt her deeply, and she took a deep breath before she could talk again. "You're leaving me, aren't you?"
He didn't answer and kept tucking clothes inside the suitcase.
"Are you going with her?" Ginny asked then. "Answer me Harry! Are you going with Hermione?"
"No," Harry said, leaving the suitcase and turning to look at her. "I'm going alone."
"And what does she think about your departure? Will she wait for you?" Ginny asked with resentment.
"Hermione and I are not together Ginny, if that's what you want to know."
"Don't tell me that... I thought that your love was strong and everlasting! But a little lie got in the way and it's over?" she asked in a sarcastic tone.
"It was not a little lie, and that's not the reason..." he trailed off. "I still love her, maybe even more than before. I'll always will. There's no other woman for me, Gin." Ginny grimaced and Harry turned away. "But I can't be with her. I can't do this to her or to you. I need to go away for a while..."
Ginny didn't want him to see her crying. She stormed out of the room and locked herself in the library. When she came out, Harry had already left.
Why had she lost everything? Why was fate punishing her? She hadn't done anything wrong. She had suffered in the unfairest of ways. Maybe she should end this now. Why keep living when there was nothing to live for anymore?
Death would have been a great solution. But it would be cowardly. A Weasley never runs away. She had grown up hearing that, over and over from both of her parents. She couldn't run away. Her father would never forgive her if she did...
* * *
The knock on the door startled Hermione. She had just started preparing breakfast. The only person who knew where she lived was Remus, and he was back in Spain. She opened the door, recognizing the creature outside as Dobby, Harry's house-elf.
"Excuse me, miss," Dobby said politely, his big eyes betraying his voice, looking scared. "Dobby is really sorry to bother you, but he didn't know what to do..."
"What is it, Dobby?" Hermione asked briskly. "Has something happened to Harry?"
Dobby shook his head. "Not to Mr. Harry Potter, sir. To Mrs. Potter..."
"Ginny? What happened, Dobby? Tell me!"
Dobby trembled with Hermione's loud voice, and he cleared his throat. "Dobby thinks that maybe Miss Hermione should see it for herself..." he suggested with a weak voice.
Hermione nodded eagerly and grabbed her cloak.
* * *
"It's been two days now," Dobby said.
Hermione stared at Ginny, fast asleep in her bed. According to Dobby, she hadn't eaten anything, and she refused to get up or see anybody. She was only sleeping because she had taken a very strong potion for it.
"Mr. Harry Potter made Dobby promise he would take care of Mrs. Potter," Dobby explained in a whisper. "Dobby didn't know what to do."
"Did you send a letter to Harry?" Hermione asked.
"Mr. Harry Potter did not leave his address, miss. So Dobby sent Hedwig to see if she can find him."
"Well done, Dobby," Hermione said. "I'll take care of this now, don't worry."
Dobby bowed and went to the kitchen. Hermione sat on a chair in Ginny's bedroom, staring worriedly at her former best friend. She was obviously depressed by Harry's departure. After all, Harry was the only thing that Ginny had, considering all of her brothers lived far away from England... Hermione didn't have anyone either, but she had always been stronger than Ginny. Maybe it was the way that they dealt with their emotions that made the difference.
How had they come to this? They used to be so happy and carefree! Hermione could hardly believe that once, the only worries Ginny and she had was if they'd ever find their true love. They used to have really long conversations in Beauxbatons before going to sleep, describing the man of their dreams...
Now that she thought about it, Ginny always described Harry. Her friend had been in love with him probably since she had met him. Hermione had teased her many times about her excess of adoration towards her brother's friend. Then why had she forgotten about all that when she had met him? She could have saved a lot of pain from everyone if she had stayed away from Harry in the first place. Maybe she would have been able to fall in love with Draco or any other guy. Maybe Harry and Ginny would have been able to be happy together.
But Hermione wasn't one to think about the 'what ifs'. And even after all she had been through, she knew she would never regret falling in love with Harry Potter and accepting his love in return, even if it had been for such short moments. She had been truly happy those times that he had held her in his arms, and remembering his few moments with her was the only thing that comforted her nowadays.
Still, she wished she hadn't lost Ginny's friendship in the process. But how could they remain friends when they were in love with the same man? Ginny had the right to be angry at her. She had betrayed her trust and had gotten involved with her husband. It didn't matter that she, Hermione, had had Harry first. Fate, or whatever it was, had made sure to separate them.
Ginny stirred slightly, and Hermione was hit by another thought. Ginny had only known about her relationship with Harry that horrible night in her house. But her strange attitude towards her had started a long time before that... Was she trying to hurt Draco at that time? But why? She couldn't think of a reason why Ginny would hate Draco to the point of overlooking their friendship to make his life miserable.
No, Hermione was sure that Ginny had always been aiming towards her. The reason was something that she couldn't even start to figure out.
* * *
Another day passed. Ginny still hadn't woken up. Hermione had checked the ingredients of the potion she had brewed. It was very strong, indeed, but there was no reason to worry... yet.
She had stayed by her side all night. She hadn't even returned to her flat. No matter what had happened between them, Hermione would not leave Ginny alone through this.
Hermione went to the library to look for a book to read while she waited for Ginny to wake up. She picked a couple that looked interesting, and was about to go back to Ginny's room when her eyes caught sight of a bunch of parchments scattered on the floor, next to the desk that had belonged to Harry.
Being the tidy person she was, Hermione went to pick them up to leave them on the desk. She would have just left them there…if she hadn't spotted the FOS emblem at the top of one of the pages. Thinking that maybe they had to do something with Harry, she grabbed them and read the first lines.
Section: 7
Case: Minister Salazar Slytherin's murder attempt, in October 1998.
Suspect: Arthur and Molly Weasley.
State: Closed.
"We had knowledge that the suspect's neighbor, Albert H. Granger, a muggle, had befriended Weasley. He was a
direct witness of the murder attempt that Weasley, with the help of his wife, perpetrated in the month of October, in
1998. We took Mr. Granger's wife, Susan, on November 1998, for "interrogation". Just as we had expected,
Albert Granger arrived an hour later, asking for his wife. We explained the situation to him, and, at first, he refused
to cooperate. Then, we threatened the life of his wife, a muggle, and his daughter, a mudblood. After a lot of
pressure, he confessed what he knew, with the condition of a signed oath that his daughter would never be harmed by the
FOS...
Hermione had to read those lines four times to take in what they were screaming to her. Now she
understood everyting. Why her parents were so sure she wouldn't be harmed by the Slytherin regime; why they got so
angry when she tried to find out the Weasley's whereabouts; why the FOS had signed that contract about not harming
her as long as she stayed in France. That had finally killed her parents...
And Ginny's attitude. Her father was the traitor she always talked about. He was responsible for the Weasley's capture...
She shook her head, shaking. No, she couldn't blame her dad. He was just a muggle. There was no way for him to understand what was going on. He must have been so scared when they threatened to hurt her and her mum... Hermione knew her dad was a very noble man, but he would always put his family above everything.
She sat down on a couch, squeezing the parchment in a fist. Ginny had told her so many times about how much she hated the person that had turned her father in... She wondered when Ginny had found out who did it. Had she contacted her in London knowing this? Was everything a perfectly deliberated plan to take revenge destroying her life? She couldn't think that Ginny would do that. After all, Hermione had nothing to do with it... If her father had made a mistake, it wasn't her fault...
"Miss?" she heard Dobby's voice outside. "Mrs. Potter is awake..."
Hermione didn't answer. She couldn't face Ginny now. She just couldn't...
* * *
Dobby had told her that Hermione was there. Ginny couldn't understand why she was taking all that trouble after what had happened. But if she thought it would do anything to stop her from going on with her revenge, she was very mistaken.
Ginny still didn't have the strength to get out of the bed. She still didn't want to eat... She knew she was having a breakdown, but she wouldn't let Hermione take advantage of it. She waited for Hermione sitting in her bed, with her red head in a bun and an expressionless face.
Why was Hermione taking so long to come and check on her? After all, she was there for her, wasn't she? What was she doing? Looking for something that would tell her where Harry was now? Maybe that was the real reason why she was there...
The door opened slowly and Hermione stepped in the room. She had obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and the look on her face reminded Ginny of the time she had seen her at Daniel's funeral. That memory made her feel a flash of sympathy, and she did her best to bury that feeling.
"Hermione," she said, in a flat voice.
"Ginny."
Hermione's voice surprised Ginny. Knowing her, she had expected she would be relieved that she was alright and would start asking million questions, trying to make sure she could help in anything. But the look she was giving her was nothing like that. Actually, if Ginny had looked at herself in a mirror, she could have said that Hermione's look was exactly the very same she was giving her.
"Are you feeling better?" Hermione asked, not in her usual caring voice.
"Yes. It was very kind of you to come here, but in case you don't know already, my husband is out of the country."
"I didn't come to see him. I came to see you. Dobby was worried about you."
"Well, I am fine. You can leave now. Your presence is not wanted here," Ginny said, starting to feel a little irritated with Hermione's look.
Hermione didn't move. She stared at Ginny for a really long time.
"What?" the red headed asked finally.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"You heard me. I asked why you didn't tell me," Hermione repeated slowly.
"If I knew what you were talking about, maybe I could answer," Ginny said, puzzled.
Hermione threw something at her, the objects landing on her bedspread. It took her one second to realize it was the parchments...
"Ho..- Where did you get this?" she asked, grabbing them protectively.
"They were in the library."
"It's a hobby of yours to get your nose in other people's things?" Ginny asked. Why was she panicking?
"They were scattered on the floor," Hermione answered.
Ginny couldn't believe she was so stupid. She had left those papers there the night she had almost burnt them. She had been so careless! But how was she going to imagine that Hermione would go to her house?
"All this time you've been having your payback on my expense, right?" Hermione asked when Ginny didn't make any comments.
Ginny didn't answer, but her silence was enough for Hermione. "I can't believe you," she muttered. "You've been destroying my life on purpose since you contacted me in London, haven't you?"
"What do you think?" Ginny asked in return. "Would I have any other reasons to put up with you all this time?" It was a lie, and she knew it. She would have loved to be able to be friends with her...
Hermione let out a deep sigh and shook her head.
"So... What do you think about your daddy now?" Ginny asked then.
Hermione frowned. "He was scared. He was afraid for my mum and me. You can't blame him, Ginny."
"Don't you think that my father was afraid for my mum and me too, when we were in La Sante? Still, he didn't betray anyone..." Ginny said.
Hermione didn't answer.
"Of course, you justify your father. You come from a family that has no idea what honor is. You don't betray your friends, Hermione! Your father was scum, worse than the FOS-"
"He was just a human being! He was set up!" Hermione said, anger boiling inside of her.
"OK then, let's build a monument for him!"
"I'm not saying that. I know that what he did caused you a lot of pain-"
"Pain?" Ginny yelled, getting out of the bed. "Pain? Are you bloody kidding me, Hermione? Pain doesn't even start to cover it!! He destroyed my life! He killed my parents!"
"He didn't! It was the FOS! It was Slytherin, my dad was only-"
"This is disgusting! How can you defend what he did?"
"I'm not-"
"You can't imagine how many times I've hated myself for giving to you my dad's grandchild. To you! Granger's daughter!" Ginny hissed. "If I had known back then, I could have never accepted..."
Hermione's eyes filled with tears. "I'm so sorry, Ginny," she muttered sincerely.
"You being sorry won't bring my parents back!" Ginny yelled. All her composure, the one she had worked so hard to build in these past years was being lost. She was letting out all the anger she felt inside. "I hope your father is rotting in hell, where he deserves to be!"
"That's enough!" Hermione said, angry again.
"No, it's not enough. Nothing that I say or do is ever enough!" Ginny retorted. She and Hermione were on opposite sides of the bedroom. It was a good thing that none of them had their wands on them, or they probably would have hexed each other. "He was a bloody worm, with not the slightest hint of honor-"
"Are you going to talk about honor?" Hermione yelled back. "How dare you! All this time, you've been letting Harry believe that it was his fault that your parents were caught... You have encouraged him to think that, to make him stay by your side!"
"That's none of your damn business! He's my husband," Ginny said. She actually didn't know what to say to that. Hermione's words were so true, that they had really reached her, but she would never admit it.
"God, Gin, how could you have done that to him?" Hermione asked. From the look in her eyes, Ginny could tell she had actually just realized everything she had been doing since she had married Harry.
Ginny remained silent. She sat down on the edge of the bed, shaking. Hermione was right. How could she have done something like that to Harry? It was the only way, her mind answered. It was the only way she could have Harry by her side. She would have done much more than that to keep him with her. She turned to look at Hermione with fury in her eyes. Why? She had done so much to win Harry's love... But he still loved Hermione...
"I guess that now you want me to give up on him to pay for my sins, don't you?" she said. "Give him to you."
"Give him to me?" Hermione asked and let out a sarcastic laugh. "He's a person, not a bloody object. I feel so sorry for you, Ginny, I really do. You have never been able to give love to anyone..."
Yes I have. I loved my father, I loved Daniel and I loved Harry... And you took them all away from me.
"How amusing! Here we are, once again, with Hermione, the shrink, analizing my personality," Ginny sneered.
"I don't think anyone can analyze such a twisted personality," was Hermione's response, before she stormed out of the room and that house, not wanting to ever come back.
"Don't think I will stop this, Hermione! Not ever! You deserve to suffer as much as we did!!" Ginny screamed at the top of her lungs, but only her own echo could be heard.
* * *
March, 2004
In just a couple of months she'd be at Hogwarts, Hermione kept repeating to herself. All her resolution to leave everything behind her had been shattered after finding those documents. She couldn't believe that Ginny had actually the mission to ruin her life.
She just wanted to forget she knew her. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. Almost as hard as not thinking about Harry. It was almost a routine to Hermione to think about him every minute of the day. Now, she couldn't stop wondering what would he say if he knew all of this... Would he be angry at Ginny? Or maybe he would despise Hermione's dad too... Maybe he would even hate her, just like Ginny...
She was trying to get some sleep - something she hadn't been able to achieve since she had come back from Ginny's house - when she heard a knock on her door. She checked the clock on her night table. It was 2 in the morning. Alarmed, she rushed to open it. Maybe it was Dobby again...
She froze on the spot when she saw who was. A face she hadn't expected to see in a long time... A face staring at her with an unreadable expression. A face she loved more than life itself.
Before she could even say anything, Harry Potter entered in her apartment and closed the door behind him.
* * *