Disclaimer: No, I don't own a thing.
Important note: In almost every review I recieved, came the same question: what's up with Hermione? Well, I'm not going to answer that for the answer would give most of the plot but I want to warn you that Hermione will seem a bit out of character for most of the story. I know I should have warned you in the beginning, but I forgot. Thanks for the attention.
And now, the chapter...
Chapter 2: Memories Of The Last Marauder And A River Of Tears (I)
"What about if we do it on Wednesdays?" Hermione asked and Neville tapped a finger to his chin
"Yeah, that may be good. But we still have Potions on Fridays,"
"We mustn't use weekends, because we need to study on those two days," Hermione said. "So we'll do it on Wednesdays.
But if you have any kind of questions after Wednesday, you can come to me and I'll try to answer them,"
"Ok, that's a good idea," the boy answered, at the same time Ron approached the two students.
"Already talking about school?" he asked, as he sat across Hermione.
"Of course," the brown haired girl answered. "Some of us have to think about it; while others think about their other needs,"
Ron's ears turned pink.
"I don't know what you're referring too," he said.
"Maybe you don't, but I'm sure a certain blond girl knows," Hermione replied, smiling. "How have you two been?"
"Hermione, I'm not going to discuss my personal life with you," he said and Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Ok, no need to get violent," she said, before looking at Neville. "So that's settled; I tutor you on Wednesdays,"
Neville nodded, while Ron raised his eyebrow.
"Hermione, we have Perfect meetings on Wednesdays," he said. "How do you think you'll be able to teach Neville and go to
the meetings? Don't tell me you have another time-tuner,"
Hermione's cheeks turned a little pink, but she shook her head.
"Of course not," she said. "I don't want to go crazy again, like in the third year,"
"What about the third year?" Harry asked, approaching.
"Look who's late!" Ron exclaimed.
"Where have you been?" Hermione asked, at the same time.
"Er...I was helping a first year," Harry answered, as the same time that a voice in his head screamed: 'liar'. He had been writing a letter to Sirius, even if he knew he wouldn't send it.
Hermione seemed to be reading his mind, because when he sat, she put a hand over his.
"You're not alone," she said, with a small smile. "We'll always be here for you, no matter what,"
Harry gave her a small smile.
"Thanks Hermione,"
"You're welcome," the girl replied, before starting to eat.
Harry looked at his two best friends, before looking at the Slytherin table at Malfoy. Maybe Malfoy was wrong, maybe he wasn't alone.
~*~
"Who do you think will be our teacher?" Ron asked, while the three friends were walking towards the DADA classroom.
"How would I know?" Harry asked, shrugging.
"I would love if it was Lupin," Hermione said.
"I doubt he'll come," Ron said "Speaking of which, have you thought that Lupin is the..,"
"Yes," Hermione interrupted.
"He's the last marauder, if we forget about Wormtail," Harry said, and both his friends looked at him. "Don't look surprised, and you can speak about it if you want,"
"But Harry...," the brunnette started, but Harry interrupted her.
"It's ok Hermione, really. Maybe, this way...I don't know...maybe I can start trying to admit what I don't want to,"
"It's hard to say goodbye to those we love," a voice staid behind the three students. "But when we do it, it's the most relief we can feel,"
The three friends turned around to face none other than Remus Lupin.
"Professor!" the three exclaimed, before running to him.
"You're ok," Harry said.
"Of course I am. It'll take much more than a summer cold to put me in bed," Lupin said, with a smile.
"And, by the way you reacted, I believe you're happy to see me,"
"Very," Hermione said, with a smile.
"Yeah, we were thinking Snape was going to teach us," Ron added, and Lupin winced.
"Yeah, old Snape still scares the students," he said and everyone laughed, except Harry.
"Are you sure that you're ok?" he asked, looking to Lupin.
"Yes Harry, I'm fine. In every way," the older man answered. "But I doubt I can say the same for you,"
Harry looked at his shoes before looking up.
"I'm getting better," he replied. "With time, and with friends like mine, how can I be sad?"
"You're human Harry, and you have feelings too," Lupin stated. "It's ok to cry when you want to, is ok to scream when you want. It's ok to disappear when we can't take any more of the pressure around us," this time, both Harry and Hermione looked down, while Ron looked confused. "Now, I believe I have a class to teach," the three students looked at him, and Lupin smiled. "Lets go, before everyone starts thinking there isn't any professor to teach them,"
However when they were about to walk in, Lupin added,
"And Harry, I would like to speak with you at the end of the class; and you too, Hermione. Ron if you don't mind, could you leave us alone during the break,"
"Of course I don't mind," Ron said, while Harry and Hermione shared a confused look.
"Well then, let's go in!" Lupin exclaimed, and the four of them entered the classroom.
~*~
"I'm dying inside, going under my feelings and living as me but without myself. I want scream, to cry, to break down, but I can't. I have to be strong, when I want to be weak. I want to save myself, when I want to drown. I want to be with you, when I want to be alone. I'm confused and I can't break through the ice around me. The ice that doesn't let me be me again...it doesn't let me live as me and myself. I'm fighting a lost battle and, even though I don't want to give up, I can't find the strength to continue. I want a savior, but I want to be my own savior. I want to be on your arms, but I want to be alone. I want to be the light that's inside me, but all I have is the darkness around me,"
~*~
Harry was pacing back and forth in front of the DADA classroom door; Hermione was talking with Lupin for ages, and it seemed their conversation wasn't going to end soon.
However, when he was about to knock on the door, he felt a pain in his scar and he saw a green light under the door.
Getting nervous, Harry opened the door and saw Hermione and Lupin, close to the professor's table, looking at him. Both had confused expressions etched upon their faces.
"Something wrong, Harry?" Lupin asked and Harry, after looking at both of them, shook his head.
"No, I just thought I saw something. I'm sorry, I'll just go and..,"
"No, you can stay. I already talked with Hermione," Lupin interrupted, before looking at the girl and nodding. Hermione looked at the professor for some seconds, before nodding as well and start walking towards the door.
"I'll wait for you, Harry," she said, before closing the door.
Harry trembled. Something in Hermione's voice made a shock flow through his spine, but as quickly as it came, it was gone.
"Harry?" Lupin called, and the boy looked at him. "Please, come closer,"
Slowly, Harry did as he was told and walked towards the professor.
"What did you want to tell me, professor?" he asked, and Lupin took a deep breath.
"Harry, I know what you have been doing," the professor said.
"If this is about the fact I hadn't said anything..,"
"I'm talking about the letters you send Sirius every week," Lupin interrupted gently, and Harry looked down. "I know all about them, though I haven't read them,"
"How do you know about the letters?" Harry asked.
"Hedwig had only one place to go when you asked her to deliever the letters; Grimmauld Place. Normally, when she couldn't find Sirius, she would stay waiting for him until someone would say Sirius wasn't there. I was the one to say that to her and, in no time, she understood that Sirius would never receive your letters. That's why she must have started to look confused every time you asked her to deliver the letters,"
"You've read the letters?" Harry asked, narrowing his eyes.
"No, I would never do that," Lupin said, as he shook his head. "It's none of my business what you wrote to Sirius, but one thing I'm worried about is the fact you're not letting Sirius rest,"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, annoyed. "I'm preoccupied with my godfather!"
"Harry, Sirius' gone and that's something you must accept. I had to accept it too, and I know what you are feeling,"
"No, you don't!" Harry exclaimed. "You don't know a thing about what I'm feeling. I lost my parents, many lives were lost because of Voldemort, and now I lost Sirius. I can't take it anymore! I can't take more promises that will never happen. I can't take more words for granted, if I know I'll always be alone. Sirius was the only one that made me dream when I was at the Dursleys, because I believed that, one day, he would show up and take me away from that place. But now he's gone, and I don't have anyone else!"
"That's not true, Harry," Lupin said. "You have friends,"
"I don't care a damn about my friends right now, because none of them know what I'm feeling!" Harry exclaimed. "None of them lost their parents; none of them saw Cedric die in front of them, none of them saw their godfather die because of them!"
"And that's a reason for you not to share your feelings with them?" Lupin asked. "You're wrong Harry, very wrong. Friends are the best thing you can have on your life, and it's with friends so loyal like Ron and Hermione, that you can share these difficult times. Believe me when I say that the only thing that's stopping you from being honest with them is the fact that you can't understand Sirius is gone. That your godfather is gone,"
"How can I let Sirius g if he was the one that made me believe I had a family?" Harry asked, getting angry. "He was the one who told me about my parents, what happened to them...I can't let him go!"
"You can, you're just scared of doing it," Lupin corrected. "And you have a family. A family that loves you more than you'll ever know. And, about Ron and Hermione, they would help you. They would help you pass through all this; they would help you try to understand the real meaning of the prophecy. You know they would,"
"But I don't want to involve them!" Harry exclaimed. "I don't want anymore deaths!"
"Harry, I have lost my parents, my friends and my best friend," Lupin said, his voice still calm. "It's hard, I know. I know it's hard letting go so many promises, so many memories, but Sirius would want to see you happy, not locked in your world. Sirius would like for you to look up and say: 'I know you're with me, even if I can't see you'. But you have one other thing that many don't have; you have friends that are always with you, for the better and for the worse. Ron can be a child sometimes, but he will always be with you and Hermione? She would go to Hell and back, and she would go again for you, if it was needed. Don't let go of them just because you're scared of the future, or because you're scared of letting your memories go. It's natural to be scared,"
Harry looked at Lupin, biting his lip.
"You're right," he whispered. "And I promise I'll do my best,"
Lupin gave him a small smile.
"I believe you will, and Harry? It's ok to cry sometimes,"
Harry nodded.
"Thanks professor, bye,"
"Bye Harry and don't forget, friends are the most precious treasure anyone can have,"
Harry nodded once again, before closing the door behind him.
When he was all alone, Lupin sank on his chair and some tears started to fall.
"Life can be unfair," he whispered. "But friends are always there, for us,"
~*~
Harry closed the door and saw Hermione leaning against the wall, with her arms crossed in front of her chest, and with her eyes tearing.
"Hermione, are you ok?" he asked, concerned. Hermione shook her head. "What happened?" Harry pressed and Hermione took a deep breath.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, still looking at the floor. "I'm sorry if I'm not a good friend, and I'm sorry if I haven't given enough proof for you to trust me,"
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked as confused as he was concerned. "Were you listening,
behind the door?"
Hermione shook her head, again.
"I heard you yelling," she answered "And I'm sorry for not being a good friend,"
"Hey, I didn't mean to say what I said," Harry said but when he was about to hug her, Hermione step away and looked at him, with red eyes.
"But you said it, and you meant it," she answered. "I...I know I didn't send any letters this holidays, even though I said we were going to met sooner, but...I just couldn't send anything,"
"Hermione, I didn't mean to say that. I was just mad, because Lupin was making me talk about Sirius and I
didn't want to," Harry replied, trying to ease his friend's troubles. He felt really guilty at the moment
for her hearing him say that. "I could never say I don't want your friendship, because I do,"
"Then, why don't you trust me?" Hermione asked, pressing her arms against her chest. "Why do you
push me away when I want to help you?"
"Because I'm too scared of losing you, or Ron,"
Hermione closed her eyes and let her arms fall to her sides.
"I'm scared too," she said. "But we can't live in fear, or we won't live at all. I know you're scared of losing us, but I'm scared of losing you too, or Ron or anyone close to me,"
"I know," Harry said, taking a step towards the girl. "And I'm sorry if I hurt you, in some way; I didn't mean it,"
Hermione looked right into his eyes, before coming closer to him and giving him a hug.
Suddenly Harry felt like a jolt of peace, hope and love had entered him, and he put his arms around Hermione, literally crushing her to him. However, he was hugging her in the gentlest way he could.
"I know that, Harry, I know," Hermione whispered, against his ear. "You're a great friend; I just hope you'll realize that soon," she stepped back. "It's better if we get going, we have History of Magic,"
Harry smiled, when he felt Hermione grabbing his hand.
Squeezing it, he said:
"Lets go. We're Perfects, so we have to be an example,"
However, when they started walking, Harry failed to see the flash of sadness in Hermione's eyes.
~*~
"See ya in Transfiguration," Hermione said, waving.
"I bet you're regretting not taking Divination," Ron said but Hermione shook her head.
"I'm not going to answer that," she replied. "See ya, later," With a smile, the girl started walking down the hall before disappearing around the corner.
Ron shook his head.
"I'm positive, she's regretting it,"
"I don't know," Harry started. "She really doesn't like Divination, whatever is with Trelawney or Firenze. Besides, she said Arthimancy was one of her favorite subjects,"
"And what's a subject that Hermione doesn't like?" Ron asked looking at his friend as if saying 'answer that'.
Harry shrugged.
"Ok, maybe she regrets it, but she always said Divination was a waste of time,"
"Either way, I know she regrets it," Ron said, determined, but Harry only shrugged.
When they entered the classroom, they both saw that the division had been enchanted to look like the forest and that, the ceiling, showed a brilliant and clear sky.
All the tables and chairs had disappeared and, when everyone sat on the ground, Firenze appeared.
"The stars can see everything we want to know," he stated. "But dreams can tell us, more. All we have to do is relax, and let us be guided by the magic," Harry raised his eyebrow. Hermione had said the same thing to him in the common room "Lie on the ground, close your eyes and relax. Dreams will fulfill your mind, and you'll see what your destiny has for you,"
Ron looked at Harry, while lying on the floor.
"I think I'm going to sleep," he said.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Harry told him. "Firenze may notice, and he'll take points,"
"Doubt it," Ron replied, nonchalantly. "But you're right; I'll give it a try,"
Harry made a small smile, before looking at the sky and closing his eyes. He could hear Firenze talking, but his voice was disappearing as Harry fell asleep.
`"Harry...Harry..," a voice started. "Please, do it...admit in your heart that he's gone...admit with all of you that the promise from the past, can't be achieved. Admit you'll be scared; admit what you don't want to admit,"
Harry put his hands over his ears.
"I'm not going to listen to you!" he exclaimed, closing his eyes. "I won't!"
"Then you'll have to say goodbye,"
Without understanding what the voice meant, Harry opened his eyes and jumped backwards, in surprise. In front of him was an eye; an enormous green-emerald eye that had some 'clouds' of black that were always moving.
It was like the green was the sky, and the black the clouds. The eye was beautiful, but Harry couldn't help but ask himself what it was.
"What's this?" he asked, but the eye only blinked.
"This is the eye of the Torch," the voice answered but now, on contrary of the other times, the voice seemed oddly familiar. "And you're the one who'll give to it, the true color. Believe and free your heart, and the Torch will became the Torch of Hope; deny and close your heart, and the Torch will became the Torch of Darkness,"
"Do you...are you saying that...this eye...is depending on me?" Harry asked, confused and looking at the eye.
"No, but the person who cares for it is,"
"What do you mean?" Harry asked again and the eye disappeared.
However, when the eye faded, an image...a blur appeared. Harry couldn't see it clearly, but he heard a scream. Not a normal scream, but a scream of pure agony and pain. The scream held so much suffering, that Harry put his hands over his ears and tried to block out the sound. However, it only seemed to get higher and higher so Harry had to hear it. When everything went into silence, Harry lowered his hands and looked around; all around him was darkness.
"What was that?" he asked.
"The voice of the one," the voice answered. "Look for the one, and you'll be able to achieve the Torch. Open your heart, and you'll be able to see the truth,"
"Harry..," a voice called, and Harry opened his eyes. "Are you all right?" Ron asked. He looked pale and scared. "You scared the hell out of me,"
"Why?" Harry asked confused; not seeing the scared look everyone was giving to him. Well, everyone except Firenze, who was looking at Harry suspiciously.
"You were screaming," Ron answered. "And your scar...it was glowing,"
"My scar can't glow, Ron," Harry said, but Ron shook his head.
"It was glowing. It was all green and black,"
"Green and black?" Harry repeated and Ron nodded.
"Mr. Potter," Firenze started and the young student looked at him. "What did you see?"
"Hum..," Harry looked at Ron, and then at Firenze. "I...hum...I can't remember,"
"Are you sure your dream has disappeared?" Firenze pressed. "Are you sure you're not trying to hide your fears?"
"Potter doesn't have fears," Malfoy said, with a sneer. "He can't have fears. After all, he is the famous Harry Potter,"
"Shut up, Malfoy!" Ron exclaimed, before looking at Harry. Harry was starting to pale and he was shaking a bit. "Are you sure you don't want to go, and see Madam Pomfrey?"
Harry shook his head.
"I'm fine," he answered. "Really,"
Harry was glad that the class was over so he didn't have to answer any questions. He got up to leave the
classroom, but when he was about to step away, Firenze touched his arm.
"Secrets can be held, but they can also be discovered," he stated, looking directly into Harry's eyes.
"You are a very important person in the destiny, but other people also have to fulfill the prophecy. Look for
them, seek for the truth and accept the past. You'll see everything will work out well,"
"Hmm...thanks," Harry answered, before backing away from Firenze.
"What did he mean by that?" Ron asked confused, but Harry only shrugged.
"Don't have a clue," he answered. 'But I will have one.' he thought, while he and Ron met Hermione and started walking towards Transfiguration.
~*~
"Two paths to choose: one belongs to the green; the other belongs to the black. One belongs to hope, the other belongs to darkness. One belongs to love, the other belongs to hate. I want to choose well, I want to feel exactly how I felt when I was in your arms: loved, cared... I want to choose the good path, but your choice is what will guide me. I need your choice, to know what to do. I need you to look in my eyes, and tell me what's in your heart, because I can't see it...I can't feel it...I don't know what's inside your soul, anymore. Guide me, that's what I beg for; guide me for the path of light, but also guide my heart, since I have to know what you want for me to fulfill it. I want to guide you, but now I need you to be guiding me. I know you need me, but now it's me who needs you. Will you hear my screams and hear me, or will you pretend not to hear my pleas and let me choose the wrong path and die?"
To Be Continued...
A/N: So? What do you have to say? Will you review? Please?