Chapter 14 - The Journal
Harry nonchalantly walked through the Fat Lady portrait and made his way to the Great Hall. It was still early, so one was in there; just a few ghosts and elves here and there. Harry went to a table on one side that had morning snacks on it. It had doughnuts, breakfast burritos, caldron cakes, granola bars, orange juice, milk, coffee, cocoa, and many other goodies. He picked up a special goblet with a coffee handle and made himself some cocoa.
He walked out of the hall, turned a corner, and almost ran through Nearly Headless Nick again.
"Oh sorry again Nick," Harry apologized. "I should be more careful."
"That's quite all right," Nick answered. "What are you doing up so early Harry?"
"Couldn't sleep," he explained.
"Why not?"
"I… just couldn't."
"Hermione?" he asked. Harry chuckled slightly.
"I knew I couldn't hide that from you," he smiled. "But it's ok really."
"Are you sure?" asked Nick, his eyes full of concern.
"Well, maybe not really sure. But I'll be fine."
"I don't know Harry," Nick added. "It's been what? About 3 months? I've been watching you and you don't seem to get any better."
"It'll take time Nick," explained Harry. He refused to let Nick feel sorry for him. "I'll be fine."
"Well, I can't judge you otherwise Harry. I just hope you know what you're doing."
"I do Nick," Harry assured. "And I'll be fine."
Nick nodded. He didn't want to argue with him because he knew he would lose.
"Where you headed now Harry?"
"Outside. I need the fresh air."
"Right Harry," Nick nodded. "I'll see you around."
***
Back in the Gryffindor common room, Hermione slowly opened her eyes. She sat up and looked surprisingly at the blanket and pillows she was lying with.
"I don't remember falling asleep with these," she said, puzzled. She shrugged it off and stood up and stretched, taking out all the morning kinks. She walked to the magical wall, said the password, and walked into the private dormitories. She got dressed and noticed that Harry's door room was open and he wasn't in it.
"Oh," she said sarcastically, "he's not here. But I wonder where he could be? NO! No Hermione! You're supposed to be mad at him, not worrying about where he could be! Ugh… He's being such a jerk!" She scoffed, not really caring anymore.
***
As Harry stood by the lake outside sipping on his goblet of cocoa, he reflected on the past few months. He examined his surroundings: the tree he was standing under, the view of the lake, and how the scenery was covered in white patches of snow; this was the exact place where he had confessed his love to Hermione. He sighed as he sipped on his cocoa again, thinking about absolutely nothing but the scenery and how he was enjoying the fresh air.
"This is going to be one heck of a last year," Harry said to himself. "I mean, Hermione and I were going out for about 2 years but, it seemed so much shorter than that! We've been broken up for about 3 months and it feels like forever! Oh well, I'm just going to have to cope with it." The snow began to fall gently again.
"Gosh I'm so bored," replied Harry, as though he answered someone's question. "Maybe I'll build a snowman or something to keep myself occupied."
***
Hermione sat in the small private common room with her arms and legs crossed. She was thinking about Harry's actions the day before.
"How dare he say that!" she exclaimed, "I'm only using logic here! I see him with another girl and he comes up with an excuse that he can't get away!? Not any human being in their right mind would believe that! Then he said not to bring my brainy bull into this!? How dare him!"
Through her enragement, her eyes did manage to catch something on the coffee table in front of her. It was a familiar looking red and gold leather bound book with a two inch spine. When she had read the small cursive writing on the cover that said "Harry Potter", she realized why it looked so familiar to her. This was the book she had given him long before they had gone out. Her intention was to let him write in it, but she never thought he'd actually use it.
Hermione picked it up and examined it with wide eyes. She remembered the security of the book and had fun trying to mess the life out of it. She laughed as she looked at the book again after torturing it for a bit; it remained good as new. An evil grin flashed her face. In her hands were probably Harry's heart's most desires and his deepest darkest secrets.
"Oh no I can't do that," she reasoned. "That'll definitely invade his total privacy. Besides, Harry wouldn't do the same if it were me right?" She eyed the book hungrily again. As clever and good-hearted as Hermione was, her anxiety was way too high to pass on an opportunity like this. "Well, maybe just a peek. Just one page and that's it." She took the wand out of her pocket and pointed it at the book.
"Unlockinus!" she said, unlocking the book. She heard and felt the familiar click of the book. This was probably the best think about buying this thing for Harry: she knew about all the secrets to it. Of course, she never told Harry this. She was beginning to wonder if her original intention was not to tell him or if she had forgotten completely. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she opened the book and ran through the pages, noticing that they were all blank.
"Oh, almost forgot," she said, as she turned to the first page "Markinus!" Slowly at first and gradually getting faster, the words appeared one by one, revealing the familiar writing that was Harry's. When she was certain that all the words had appeared, she fanned through the book again. She was, however, surprised that only the first chunk of pages were filled, which told her that Harry had only used the book recently.
"Wonder what persuaded him to only start now?" she asked herself. After checking the magical wall and scanning the room, just to make sure Harry or anyone else for that matter, was no where in sight, she took a deep breath, and started to read Harry's journal nervously with excitement:
Dear Journal,
There are things that happen in our lives that affect us so greatly, that it replays over and over in our heads. I especially remember how and when I admitted my true feeling to one on my best friends, Hermione Granger. I would love to write about how we came to be, but I have other issues on my mind right now.
I guess I should start with this year. It starts off with the same and normal year as before, with me, Ron, and Hermione sticking together, but like our 5th and 6th year, this one is a little different. Hermione and I have been a happy couple of about 2 years. I can't think of another time where I've ever felt that happy before. I guess going out with Hermione has been quite an experience for me; we share this one special kiss that I am very fond of (about 5 open-mouth kisses followed by me kissing her softly on the forehead and then resting mine on hers with both our eyes closed for a moment. There's something very special about that that I can't explain…) AND she's not the sweet little innocent girl that I thought she would be. You'd be surprised at the vivid things she brings on to me. A simple thing like a stare from her could drive me wild up to a point to where, I swear I'd come in my pants. We fooled around in various places in Hogwarts: in the kitchens late night, in the common room, on the steps leading to the dormitories, just beyond the doors of the Great Hall, outside by the lake, and just about every other place you could think of besides the trash bins! Sadly, we aren't allowed to have intercourse because of a curse that Hermione has cast on herself. I don't know if she really wants it, or if she's just teasing me sometimes.
We've fought a few times, like I'm sure all couples do, and we kiss and make up. Just before a meeting with Professor Dumbledore that she and I had to attend, we had a small and childish fight about immaturity. And speaking about that meeting, it was so that she and I were introduced to our own private and secret dormitories specially for Head Boy and Head Girl in the Gryffindor common room. What a nice place it is too! It was private, spacious, and well out of reach of anyone else, meaning that we had extra time to be alone It did, however, challenge me in a way; I caught myself several times almost pouncing on Hermione and taking her right then and there. It really wasn't my fault! She purposefully kept giving me glances that said, "Come here and fuck me Harry". Our lives went on completely normal, until disaster struck.
A Ravenclaw girl by the name of Serine Marshal that I knew by name, but not really by face, came up to Ron and I and wanted to talk alone. JUST TALK? That's what I thought. She was quite pretty (NO! I assure you NOT as pretty as Hermione) and seemed like a nice person. Boy was I dead wrong! When Ron left the both of us alone, she told me that she had a crush on me for like forever and asked me out on a date. I had to turn her down because I knew that Hermione would probably not like the sound of that. But Serine kept pushing it, asking me if I thought she was pretty and why I said no. She even hinted to cheat on Hermione! As if I would ever do that! Then suddenly, she backs me into a wall and I can't run. Honestly! I cannot move a muscle! As stupid and as dumb and as hard it is to believe that, it's true! I really can't explain it. It felt like I was bound in something, like I was tied up with rope. I tried and tried and resisted Serine as she was so close to forcing a kiss on me. Then, the last person I want to see at the moment, shows up.
I was basically caught in the act, even if I wasn't doing anything. Of course, anyone in Hermione's position would suspect that I was going to cheat. Serine played it off quite nicely. I wanted to smack that innocent look off her face! Serine left me just about as fast as Hermione had shown up, her eyes filled with rage and shock. We started fighting again. I did everything I could to tell Hermione that I wasn't cheating on her. Telling her that Serine asked me out and that I said no and I would never to anything like that. I'm surprised that she didn't ask how come that I wasn't trying to pull away and I'm glad that she didn't. How do you explain to your girlfriend that you can't pull away? Then I did the one thing that I knew would redeem myself: I made her look into my eyes. Over the past 2 years, Hermione had gotten the skill of reading them expertly. I don't know how she does it, but…she just can. I could be the best actor in the word and she would stare into my eyes and know immediately if I was lying or not. After reading my eyes, she knew that I was telling the truth and I didn't have any intention on cheating with Serine. She forgave me, we kissed and made up yet again. I couldn't have been any happier for that.
The next day, Ron couldn't get off my back about what happened between me and Serine. He asked continuously what happened up to a point to were I told him, just to shut him up. I told him everything up to where that she was feeling up on me and that I couldn't move. Of course, he made a great deal of fun to me about it, saying that why would I possibly want to move if a good looking girl was rubbing up on me. As soon as Ron had a good laugh about it, he agreed that Serine was just being a bitch. Then he told me something that I would've never expected he would say to me. He gave me this one piece of knowledge: "Cheating is whatever your boyfriend/girlfriend sees as cheating. If you think that guiltless hand-holding or a innocent kiss on the cheek to a fellow witch/wizard is harmless, and your boyfriend/girlfriend sees it as cheating, then that's cheating."
Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, it does. If one time wasn't bad enough, Serine had to go ahead and do hit on me again. She did just that: backing me into a wall and rubbing herself mercilessly into me. Once again, I tried to escape, to run away, but I had the same results: I couldn't move a muscle. She moaned and screamed my name in the hall, apparently not caring if anyone would hear. Its like she wanted someone to hear her. Then, the unthinkable happened. I regret every moment of it and I feel sick to my stomach when I am reminded of it. Serine had seduced me. I was breathing hard and meeting her rubs. I really don't know what came over me. I truly think that my body gave in before my mind could and my body told me that it was Hermione pleasuring me, when in actuality, it was Serine. I guess you could say that we were fooling around at most. I got a hard hit mentally in the head. That wasn't Hermione I was with! I was close to cheating on her! I didn't give in to Serine and I tried to pull away again. Still, Serine wouldn't give it up. Then, once again the person that spotted us, was the one person I didn't want to see: Hermione.
I don't really have to explain what happened next. Hermione runs in opposite direction, Harry sees her and tries to get to her, blah, blah, blah. Something did surprise me though. I actually broke free from Serine's grip. It felt a lot like breaking free of a curse or something and my effort seemed to be working. I think the need to get to Hermione was fueling me. It felt a lot like breaking out of a binding rope, slowly loosening until I broke free. I sprinted after Hermione, leaving Serine way behind.
I caught up with Hermione and found her outside by the lake, curled into a ball. She was whimpering nonstop. I can still hear her sobs… We went, of course, in the "talking and explaining" mode.
I tried to explain to her, saying that I wasn't my fault but she wouldn't listen or accept an explanation. She did catch me one time, and a second time really had it! She was saying that I wanted to cheat on her and I said that I would never cheat on her and it was all a big misunderstanding. She did get me stuck at one point, she asked why I didn't get away from Serine when she was all over me. If course, I didn't answer her. If I told her that I couldn't get away, she would've probably died of disbelief. We went back and forth, arguing constantly, to a point were I swear I would've slapped some sense into her. She cried when I raised my voice at her, louder than I've ever raised it before to her, or to anyone in that matter. I felt so bad ever raising my voice to her. But what can I say? It was her fault I was yelling at her. If maybe she listened, then maybe I wouldn't be yelling.
I told her as truthfully as I could that I was sorry. To my surprise, she really didn't believe me. I went to my last resort: I asked her to look into my eyes. I watched her as her brown eyes examined my eyes carefully. Surprisingly to the millionth power, she said that she didn't see a ounce of truth in them. I couldn't believe it! There was never a time where I felt so sorry in my life! In desperation, I asked her to look again. Same examining look in her eyes… same answer I got from her. I can still feel the tears running down my face as she… called off the relationship between us. Yes, she did break up with me. If I lived, after jumping off the highest building ever, I think it wouldn't match the pain I felt after Hermione broke up with me… She told me to go…so I did… I went. It really was a lot longer than that, I just don't want to relive it. I'm sure you get the idea.
I retreated to the boys dormitories to think about what went down. I have never cried so much in my entire life. I felt like such a baby. Why didn't Hermione see the truth in my eyes? I think it was because I actually almost gave in to Serine. I probably had "guilty" written all over my eyes. To make things worse, it's two days before Hermione's birthday. Two days where we were supposed to make love. Because of a special curse Hermione cast upon herself I had to wait for 2 solid years for her 17th birthday and it had to end 2 days before I could take action. How pathetic is that?
Ron had shown up and saw me crying like a baby. Of course, he asked what was wrong and I, of course, told him. He couldn't believe it himself. But the nerve of that guy to even ask if I was joking! My eyes were blood red, I had tears running down my face, and I was sobbing like someone had died and he asked if I was joking!? Luckily, I was way to weak from crying to do anything, or else Ron might just be in the hospital wing right now. Adelle came in to join us; probably hearing my cries as well. I told her everything I told Ron. The difference was that she believed me a lot more than Ron did, accepting that I couldn't run from Serine. Ron wouldn't give it up.
I went to a last resort to prove myself. I asked Adelle to sit and I told her not to move. I walked to Ron and cast a Petrificus Totalus spell on him, making him as stiff as a board. I whispered sexual comments to Ron about Adelle and taunted him, but only so that he could hear me. I could almost feel the punches that were ready to fly because Ron was so mad. Of course he couldn't because he was petrified. It was quite funny actually…
I set Ron free and proved my point to him. "That's exactly what it felt like Ron!" He did ask, why I didn't tell Hermione that Serine cast a spell on me. It was because I had no idea what she had on me!
Ron, Adelle and I talked a little more before I told them I needed time to myself. They left and I was left alone thinking about what my future would become. Even after talking about it with friends, I still felt… incomplete. This is where the journal comes in. Hermione gave me this book in 5th year, before we went out and it lay buried in my trunk for about 2 years. I give her credit really; she seems to always know what can make you feel better. I'm glad she gave this to me and I finally have a good use for it. After writing in this, I feel so much better. I'm hoping that this is what'll keep me sane in some distressed times.
Signed,
Harry Potter
Hermione blinked a couple of times before all of the words had registered into her head. To think, Harry did just begin to use the book. She couldn't believe that Harry could write with such authority.
Many questions had been racing through her head and many of them were answered, assuming that Harry spoke the truth in the journal. So that's what their special little kiss was called to him! She did consider to herself that that certain kiss was special, but she never talked to him about it. They just… knew. Then came the flirtations with Serine. She was flattered that Harry tried with all his might to escape from her, however, she was not too pleased with him almost giving into her. It was no wonder Harry didn't answer her when she asked why he didn't get away; Harry didn't know what happened exactly either. He was just as confused as she, Ron, and Adelle were. The passage ended with Harry writing his thoughts and feelings into a journal. The first passage was very long, taking about 4 pages, from the time they went out, to the time they broke up. Why didn't Harry ever write this much on a Transfiguration essay?
Questions still remained unanswered though. Why was it that she didn't find the truth in Harry's eyes like she did countless times before? Harry wouldn't say that he was telling the truth when he really wasn't. It just isn't him…
Hermione felt really anxious after reading the first passage. She did promise herself that she was going to read one part and that was it, but the tension and mood were too high to pass on an opportunity like this. She took a deep breath, and her fingers fumbled nervously as she turned the page.
***
Harry had just finished building his snowman. There was nothing too special about it, just an ordinary snowman, complete with black rocks for eyes, an "Accio"ed carrot for a nose, and an old winter hat. He built him right in the notorious spot that Harry had come to know as.
"There," he sighed, as if he just had the roughest game of Quidditch, "done." He sat down next to the snowman and looked out into the frozen lake.
"Ahhh, it's such a beautiful morning isn't it?" said Harry, in a way of expecting the snowman to answer. "Wonder how the giant squid is doing in that frozen lake?"
***
Hermione looked at a new passage in Harry's journal. It was much shorter than the first, but her curiosity was greater than when she read the first one. She made no hesitation to read:
Dear Journal,
I had a talk with Hermione. (Surprising isn't it?) I thought it would be way longer than a few hours after she broke up with me. Of course, I wasn't complaining. The sooner I talked to her, the sooner that I may have a chance of feeling better right?
Out of all the places to take me, she had to take me to the spot where she dumped me. That made the sickness in my stomach come back. As if it would be like a total effect on me or something. We both agreed that it was going to be different, now that we weren't going out any more. And we both agreed that we could never forget all that happened between us. So, we concluded that we were going to be friends again. The platonic relationship we probably had since Ron and I saved her from that troll. I have no problem with that. It's just going to be hard you know, no more kisses, probably not as much hugs, no fooling around, no more staying up late, no more late night kissing sessions, the list goes on and on. But it's not going to be exactly the same…
As things were going good and smoothly, Hermione had to mess everything up. She assumed that I left her for Serine. What'd I tell her about assuming!? It makes an ass out of you and me! And it sure as hell did! Even when I told her directly that I didn't have any feelings at all toward Serine, she still doubted me! I hated being insulted like that from her.
If that was bad, Adelle had to make me feel worse. She asked me if I really did love Hermione and not to just see what was she like in bed! Ok, first off, who waits 2 years to have someone in bed? Some sicko would have already left to find someone else that's easier. Second, she saw how I was with her in school. If I paid as much attention in class as much as I did to Hermione… then I'd be a genius! I had never been so insulted before in my life! However, Adelle and I did clear her question about my faithfulness to Hermione, so there's no bad vibes between us.
Signed,
Harry Potter
Tears had slowly rolled down Hermione's face as she read this passage. First, she had to read and relive one of the hardest ordeals in her life. It wasn't that she didn't love Harry anymore, it was that she thought Harry didn't love her. From what she was reading, she was dead wrong. Second, she felt bad and stupid for assuming that Harry had left her for Serine. Her hands did seem to have a mind of its own as they turned the page and onto the next passage.
Dear Journal,
Well… the day is finally here: Hermione's birthday. I know it sounds like that I'm not excited, but really I am. You're probably thinking I hate this day because today was the day we were supposed to have sex. Ina way, you're right. But I don't want that to get to me. Today is the day that Hermione was born, for if about 9 months ago her mother and father didn't conceive, I wouldn't know the sweet and admirable Hermione that I know today (I'll have to thank Mr. and Mrs. Granger one day…)
Yesterday at breakfast, a Hufflepuff girl came up to us and asked Hermione if we were still going out. I was really anxious to hear her answer, even though I knew what the answer was. I was stunned by the look on Hermione's face when she was asked, like she didn't want to say the truth to her. More so, she hesitated to answer. I don't blame her though, I wouldn't want to answer something like that in front of Hermione either.
I saw Hermione wide awake this morning and I went ahead and gave her the gift. No, not the gift that I was supposed to give her, instead I gave her un-melting chocolates and a rose. Nothing too big, but I hope it still showed that I care. From the look on her face, she loved it and gave me a kiss on the cheek in return (a friendly one I might add). It felt so good to receive it because it was the first time in a long time that I felt the softness of her lips. Looks like I'll be saving the gift for that special someone if she comes along on day. But I seriously doubt that.
Hermione and I talked for awhile before she said the one thing that felt like a dagger pierce my heart and twist, spreading the wound unmercifully. Hermione has found solace in another man. Well, she didn't say it directly, but indirectly she did. "I think someone is hitting on me." is what she said, if I remember correctly. The look on her face was priceless, the same look I saw when I looked at her in class. She told me he was in her Arithmancy class and his name is Xavier Blake. I haven't met the guy, but if Hermione likes him, he really must be something. I tried so hard not to cry in front of her. She had gotten over me so fast; I expected it to be longer than that. This was one thing that was inevitable because it was bound to happen one day.
I told Ron about it and he couldn't believe it. He thinks that unless Hermione actually says that she likes him, then she doesn't until then. But that's just the contrast of the way we think. I go by looks and feelings, Ron goes by word and proof.
That night, Ron and I surprised her with a birthday cake. We ate it like little children. I swear, since Hermione and I were together, we hardly had time to spend, just the three of us. Looks like we may end up making up for it though.
Ron left for bed, leaving me and Hermione alone. He just won't quit, even though I think I already have. Hermione asked what I was feeling, after a few after the breakup. I told her what I told the Hufflepuff girl, "My heart is still sore, but I'll manage". I even told her that I cry myself to sleep sometimes. She told me that crying was sweet and she loves it when guys show emotion; probably what Xavier is doing to her now.
She said that she wanted to hang a bit after I told her that she better get to bed; again, probably a late night sneaking out with Xavier. The main event of the night is when she asked for a good night kiss. I thought about the deep meaning of her offer and I almost gave her a real kiss. You could say that she led me on, but instead, I kissed her on the cheek. Is it just me, or is she being obnoxious?
Signed,
Harry Potter
Hermione couldn't help but shed a few more tears from this passage. There was something about the way Harry wrote. It was like he could capture a certain moment in time and retell it perfectly.
More questions raced through Hermione's head. The "gift" Harry had given her, even though it was really sweet of him, wasn't really the gift that he intended on giving her. What was it that he was supposed to give?
It hurt her a bit that Harry assumed himself that she had a crush on Xavier. Still, it was a bit funny that he thought they did such things as late night "meetings". It also pained her to feel the suffering Harry was going through. She had looked at him everyday since the breakup and he started from a mess and gradually looked to be quite… ok. Maybe she would have to see his eyes again, just to make sure. She didn't even think about the consequences as she turned the page to the next passage:
Dear Journal,
Even though Christmas is supposed to be a time of celebration and happiness, I felt the total opposite. Ron, being the prat that he is, left me and Hermione alone for the winter holidays. I was actually considering giving Hermione the gift I was supposed to give her. Instead, I gave her some cheap gift that she probably tossed.
A few days later, I woke up because of a dream that has been bothering me for days. Someone or something kept telling me to just give the gift up to Hermione. I got dressed quickly, stuffed the black box into my robes, and hurried downstairs. I almost bumped, or rather ran through, Sir Nicholas. He said that he saw someone with Hermione outside. Immediately, my stomach lurched.
After popping though the main doors to get outside, what I saw basically confirmed my assumptions. The exact spot where I confessed my love for Hermione, a guy that I've never seen before was leaning on the tree, apparently defending himself from Hermione because she was throwing snowballs at him. He was a few inches taller than Hermione with his hair combed back. I automatically suggested that the guy Hermione was with was Xavier Blake.
I watched the two of them sadly as they threw snowballs back and forth at each other. The both of them, especially Hermione, looked very… happy. I think I never saw Hermione have that much fun since she had broke up with me. I think I feel the tears starting to build up again and I realized that now was not a good time to give a gift to Hermione. I retreated slowly, hoping that she wouldn't see me. To my luck, she did because she called my name.
She raced toward me, with her mate following close behind her. She noticed the box in my hand and asked what it was. I quickly stuffed it into my robes and stated that it was nothing. Luckily, she didn't mention about it again. She introduced me to the guy standing behind her. Like what I thought, his name was Xavier Blake and he seemed like a really nice guy. There must be something very special about the guy if Hermione's so fond of him.
Strangely, she excused Xavier to talk to me privately. I thought about what it would be because it must be important if she had to excuse her boyfriend. On the contrary, it wasn't that important at all. She asked if I was dating Serine. As if! As if I would date someone like that! She admitted that there was probably something with Xavier that she hadn't felt yet. If my heart could break anymore, it shattered beyond repair. More so, she asked if I ever cheated on her, thinking that I would come out with the "truth" since it's been awhile since we broke up. Of course, that's what I told her, the truth. I didn't cheat on her. She, on the other hand, took it as a mere lie, saying that it was hard to believe and with all this bogus bullcrap about how it wasn't logical. Of all times, she had to go ahead and bring her brain into all this. If she doesn't want to believe me, she doesn't have to. I know that I told the truth, and that fits fine with me… God, I was so pissed that I turned my back on her and stormed out, wishing her and Xavier a happy life…
Signed,
Harry Potter
Hermione slammed the book shut. Her breathing was sharp and tense. Just reading the last couple of sentences really got her temper up.
"Damn you Harry!" she gritted through her teeth. "Why do you insult me like that? Is it because you like it? Or is it because your mind is too occupied dating Serine?" Hermione flinched at her last sentence, feeling that it was not… right. She opened Harry's journal and reread the last paragraph until she came up to, "As if! As if I would date someone like that! She admitted that there was probably something with Xavier that she hadn't felt yet. If my heart could break anymore, it shattered beyond repair. More so, she asked if I ever cheated on her, thinking that I would come out with the "truth" since it's been awhile since we broke up. Of course, that's what I told her, the truth. I didn't cheat on her."
Hermione felt tears build up n her eyes. Harry had been telling the truth to her all along, she was just too stupid to see it. Harry wasn't going out with Serine and he didn't cheat on her when they were dating. She sniffled, wiped her eyes and casually went on to the next passage. Hermione noticed that this passage continued from the last one, as if Harry wasn't at all done with it. Hermione wondered why.
Journal,
Sorry, I was so racked up with being angry at Hermione that I didn't get a chance to write this piece of information down.
Guess who I bumped into as I walked away from Hermione? That's right: Serine. I old her to stay away from me because I was already pissed and I didn't want her to be a homicide victim. She asked if I was pissed because of Hermione. I responded with a yes. Astonishingly, there was no sexual tension, no flirting, no "Serine" stuff. I kept my guard up even more.
To another astounding revelation, Serine apologized for what she had done to me before. She said that she was really sorry and the funny thing about it was, she really looked it. She told me that I was about the most faithful and most loyal to any girl she had ever come across and because if that, she respected me even more. Most guys that she went after who already had girlfriends, didn't even think about what they were doing and got in bed with Serine immediately; I quote her on that.
Then she told me the one thing that was basically bothering me since forever. She told me she cast a resisting spell on me. As unbelievable as that sounded to meat the time, it made sense. I felt "tied" down to her and it did feel like some sort of "magical" force was behind it. The thing that got to her was that I was so in love with Hermione, so faithful to her, that it was the only thing that could break the spell. Serine explained that the thing that made it so special was that the spell could be used without a wand… kind of. You cast the spell on yourself and whoever you touch, the spell starts to take place.
Even though I half forgave her, I made it clear that I never wanted that to happen ever again. Why she ever wanted to break me and Hermione up or whatever her reason was, I may never find out. She offered me a hug and of course, I was skeptical. The hug was innocent though, just a friendly and "I'm sorry, hope you forgive me" hug. Probably a final way of saying she was telling the truth.
I need to be getting to bed. I really don't want to think about Hermione right now. Maybe a good night sleep will get my mind off her.
Signed,
Harry Potter
Hermione read and reread the passage over and over again, feeling joy and happiness fill her heart. It was so long since she felt so happy, that she almost forgot what it felt like. She found out everything she needed to know: Harry wasn't cheating on her when they were going out and she knew why Harry didn't back away from Serine. It wasn't his fault! He was under the influence of magic.
"Harry was…" she mumbled, "telling the truth the whole time… about everything. And I was being such an ass and no seeing it! I knew it was too weird to be true. Harry would never lie to me. Because of me, I shattered his heart, and his heart was innocent the whole time. I'll never forgive myself for that…" She wiped a tear from under her eye as she turned to the next entry. She noticed that this was the last one that Harry had written:
Dear Journal,
I woke up unusually early this morning because something is constantly bothering me. I'm thinking that I failed to give the gift to Hermione. Maybe there's a reason why I'm not giving it to her. I slept in the original boy's dormitories. I was still kind of upset at Hermione and there was no way that I was looking forward to come face to face with her anytime soon. Anyway, I woke up and walked down to the common room to find none other than, yes you guessed it, Hermione. Only that she was fast asleep on the couch, resting her head on the headrest. Unlike what you may be thinking, the sight of seeing her aggravated me. I thought about what she had said when I turned my back on her: "Some friend you are!". Yeah I would see how great of a friend I was…
I raced into my private dorm and pulled out pictures that I have stashed away. Most of them were of Hermione, posing in various positions and looking very pretty indeed. Still, I had a huge hate for Hermione still. I struggled to pry a candle from its holder, intending on burning the pictures with no remorse. During the struggle, 2 pictures fell out. I casually picked them up and placed them on top of the stack when I noticed the pictures I had dropped.
The first one was of Hermione and me. She was irritably leaning forcefully on me with a grin on her face. I had an irritated, yet playful look on my face and gently pushed her a bit. We both laughed together in the picture afterward. The second picture was exactly the same, only I had my arm around her and we both looked like we were blushing, more me than her, as I moved closer to her. Though we weren't giving "teeth" smiles, it looked… cute.
I went back and forth between the pictures, as if examining them carefully. I remembered exactly when these pictures were taken; in our 5th year, but way before we were going out. Then it hit me! This wasn't about romantic relationships anymore. This was about love of friendship, where no one gets left behind, when it's strictly platonic. I slapped myself in the head really hard. How could I even think of ruining or ending a relationship with Hermione! Let alone burn pictures of her. Hey, if I can't still go out with her, she at least still wants to be my friend and I wanted to throw it away because I was being selfish! How stupid can I get?
I walked back to the couch where Hermione was sleeping still. She looked so beautiful sleeping like that, but nonetheless, she looked really uncomfortable in that sleeping position. Hey, I tried being a good boyfriend to her, but that obviously didn't work out. The least I can do is be a good friend to her, right? I considered carrying her to her room, but realized that if she woke up, she would probably take it the wrong way and be even more mad at me than she probably already was. Instead, I carefully lay her on the couch and propped her feet up comfortably. I ran upstairs, grabbed a, extra pillow and blanket and tucked her into the couch. I retreated back to the private dorms and this is where I am now.
I've decided not to tell Hermione about me tucking her in. Why? For some reason, I can't answer that one, I just won't, or can't. If she asks, well… I'm still going to say that I didn't and it was probably someone else. I mean, it's not that important anyway. Speaking of not telling anything, I've also decided not to tell Hermione about the spell that Serine had cast on me. As dumb and idiotic as that may sound, I think it would be for the best. She hasn't brought it up anymore and I don't think it's a good idea that I do that as well. She may take it as some excuse I just made up to get out of it, plus, I don't have any proof except for m y word. I mean, she hasn't believed me in anything since we broke up, I don't think she'll start now just because I happen to have an alibi saying that Serine used powering magic on me. I tell Hermione, she may blow up from taking any more "lies" from me.
I made my final decision: I am going to be straight-forward friends with Hermione, even though she may not consider me as her friend. I want to go back to how it was before and I hope that she feels the same way. If we so go out again, then that's ok. If we don't, then that's ok too. If it wasn't or our friendship, we wouldn't have gone out in the first place. We may have been lovers that failed, but I have about 7 years of friendship with Hermione, and I wouldn't want to throw that away for anything.
Love you forever Hermione Granger,
Harry Potter
Hermione shut the book for the final time, tears running freely down her face.