Abundant Skies
Disclaimer: I am so so so sorry! I forgot to put the disclaimer in the other chapters! Well, you all know it anyway, but I will try my hardest to remember to always put the disclaimer in the future chapters! (so here it is) I don't own Harry or Hermione, or any of the other characters. Just the plot.
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Well, I hoped you guys liked what happened, eh? I know, it wasn't all that fair, because Hermione doesn't want to believe he really does have feelings for her, and whatever. I'm guessing, she just likes simple things. No complications. And, I guess she just can't understand why Harry would like her, let alone love her. I guess, she just doesn't know what he sees in her. I'm sure we've all felt that way, if not in the past, then in the future, right? (By the way, the last chapter was on a weekday, Friday, to be exact. So it's the weekend again in this chapter.)
Hope you all have a great day. Cheerios.
P.S. do you guys have any recommendations for any other fanfiction sites I could submit this, or `Wonderwall' to? Maybe, like a Harry/hermione fanfic site, or a draco/hermione site? I've been trying to submit my fic to some websites, and a lot of their email addresses aren't working. And the other sites, I guess they rejected my fic. So, if you guys know any good sites, I would love it if you could tell me. Thanks a bunch.
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Chapter Ten: Don't Explain
Hermione woke up the next day, tired. She didn't want to get up; her whole body felt stiff and so weary. She shut her eyes, rolling over to the side, wrapping the covers around her. She fell back into a sweet slumber.
It was around twelve o'clock she finally woke, but wished she felt so tired she could sleep through the rest of her life. She didn't want to go down for lunch, for that meant seeing Harry. But she could feel her stomach growling, demanding food. She groaned, staring up at the ceiling. The room was silent, for everyone had gone out. It was the weekend once again. She still remembered last night's events as clear as day. She couldn't face Harry. She knew she would just hurry away, avoiding him. She hated it that she let him kiss her. Or she let herself kiss him. She didn't know, she couldn't remember who had leaned in first. But she knew she should've done something about it. Turned away, maybe. But she knew even if she wanted to, she couldn't. She could never turn away from Harry. She felt miserable.
"Why? Why me?" She asked the bare ceiling, half expecting it to cave in and crash on her. She wished it would, to be buried underneath all the rubble and mess. Dead. At least she wouldn't have to worry about what to do when she saw Harry, what to say, or if she should see him at all. She could go back to the whole ignoring him part, even if it was terribly hard and painful to push him away all the time. It almost hurt as much as looking into those deep emerald eyes of his, seeing all his thoughts, reading his feelings so clearly that it frightened her. She didn't want to see confusion, or pain in them. She didn't want to see anything. She didn't want to know if he had meant it, or if it truly was a mistake. She was already having such a tough time trying to convince her heart that he didn't mean it. Because to her, it didn't matter. Even if he had meant it, nothing could ever happen between them. Him and her, they were just friends. Just friends. Always been, always will be. That was just how it worked. There never could be anything more. She valued their friendship very much, and she wouldn't throw it away for something she wasn't sure would last. She wanted him to be beside her all her life, whether her love for him shall fade or last. It was a matter of keeping what she had and valued. And that was Harry's companionship.
She sighed, and suddenly she started seeing swirls and spirals of what seemed like invisible string. She shut her eyes, quickly, then opened them again, to gaze at the nude ceiling. She couldn't figure out what to do, and it was worrying her. A part of her didn't want to do anything at all, except maybe just keel over and die. But she knew there had to be something.. Something she could do to avoid speaking to Harry about what had happened, or even speaking to him period. She knew he would bring it up, one way or another, so she decided the best way was just to ignore him. Again. She closed her eyes, swallowing hard, before opening them up again. She got up, her legs stiff and wobbly, and walked over to the bathroom.
Hermione hurried out the dormitories, her hair still damp, soaking the thin fabric on her shoulders. She quickly ran, hoping to make it in time so that she could at least fill herself, not asking for any more food for at least a couple more hours. She was sure Harry was going to be there, that he would be watching her.. Simple. She just wouldn't look at him, or anyone else. She would sit far away, perhaps by Lavender, for there was this odd feeling inside of her that they had come to some sort of agreement, that what she felt for Harry was something deeper and darker than something to kid or pester about. She knew Lavender had somehow understood, last night. She knew Lavender knew about her feelings for Harry. Hermione didn't need to tell her, to confirm any of it. Lavender was sharp at these things, so Hermione had noticed. She had played matchmaker at some of the lasting couples here at Hogwarts, and Hermione was fairly impressed, but wasn't going to let her try to match her and Harry up together. Things were already so complicated, so confusing. Even Hermione herself got an aching headache that seemed to split her skull in half, every time she would try to figure it all out. Maybe this was just one of the things that weren't meant to be analyzed. And maybe she should leave it at that. But she just couldn't let it go.
She slowed her rapid footsteps, as she neared the Great Hall. She stopped in front of the closed doors, taking a deep breath, her mind throbbing with so many thoughts and feelings. She opened the doors and walked in.
Almost at once everything seemed to hit her hard; the noise, the brightness of the atmosphere, the woozy feeling it gave her. Loud voices and laughter filled her ears, along with clanging silverware that made her grit her teeth. It took everything she had to keep her eyes open, to not run out and just decide to starve herself for a few more hours. She could feel a pair of piercing emerald eyes on her immediately, and she screamed at herself not to look towards his direction. She sat beside Lavender, who was sitting near the end of the Gryffindor table. Lavender smiled faintly at Hermione as she sat down beside her, her face looking pale and almost as if she had no idea what she had walked into. Hermione's hands quivered, flimsy underneath the table. They felt cold, but burning and restless as she still felt his eyes on her. Lavender looked at Hermione, as she reached over and put a muffin on her plate. Hermione looked up at Lavender appreciatively, before biting into it. Hermione felt her stomach and taste buds thank her, as she bit into it again, starving. Lavender watched Hermione, as Hermione's eyes never left her food. She knew why. Lavender looked over at Harry, and she was right. Lavender knew Hermione had felt Harry's gaze over at her…
It amazed her at how the two seemed to know each other so much.
Lavender continued watching the green eyed boy, as his eyes never left Hermione, his focus and gaze so determined and eager. Lavender's eye flickered back to Hermione, who had already finished her muffin and was pouring herself some pumpkin juice. Lavender watched her as she gulped it down, until her glass was three fourths empty. Hermione looked up at Lavender, and saw that cloudy look in her eyes. Hermione sighed.
"So you've resulted to avoiding him," Lavender said, in a serious but solemn tone. She didn't think Hermione was doing the right thing; from the way Harry looked at the brown haired girl, it seemed to be hurting him more than it was hurting her.
"It's not that easy, Lavender," Hermione said, quietly but sadly. Hermione looked down on her plate, and swallowed hard. She stared at the little morsels and crumbs left on her empty plate.
"It's the only way."
"The only way for what? It's not going to get you anywhere."
"It might."
"Really, now? Where?"
Hermione looked up, a flicker of anger in her eyes. "It's not as easy as you think, Lavender," she hissed.
"Tell me."
"I-" Hermione sighed, running a hand through her wavy tresses. "I don't know. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget about it, and move on."
"You can't force yourself to forget."
"I can try."
"Hermione.. Don't do this."
"What? What am I doing, Lavender?" She said, her voice almost breaking. "Do you want me to just, run up to him and confess everything I feel for him? Just run up and lay my heart on the line, his foot already in position to crush it under his heel? Is that what you want me to do? I don't.. I can't do that," Hermione said, her brown eyes glimmering sadly, pleading. Lavender knew Hermione was begging her to tell her what to do, to tell her what the right thing was, one simple act to make everything alright again. She couldn't.
"It already hurts, Lavender," she whispered. "This, just being in the same room, even with hundreds of people.. It hurts."
Lavender looked at her, sadly and sympathetically. Hermione collected a ragged sigh, blinking furiously. Finally, she looked up, and said goodbye to Lavender.
Lavender wanted to tell her to stay, but closed her mouth, as she just nodded at her, silently. This was one situation she knew better than to try to fix. Hermione gave her one last look, as Lavender saw sadness in her dark brown eyes. Hermione stood up, and walked towards the Great Hall's doors. Hermione felt her footsteps getting more rapid, as she neared the doors.
Harry's eyes trailed Hermione, as she stood up and started walking towards the doors. She was leaving. Harry could feel his heart beating so fast it threatened to stop, his throat became dry. She hadn't looked at him-not even once. She was angry with him. She wanted to forget it all happened. The kiss.. She hadn't wanted it. But she had kissed him back, hadn't she? He remembered the feel of her mouth massaging against his, explosions bursting and exploding inside of him, as her tongue danced with his. She had held him close, her lips and body responding to him. She had kissed him with such passion, such intensity.. She had wanted it too. He just knew it. She wouldn't have kissed him back if she didn't. She would've pushed him away. But she didn't. She had held him close, her hands caressing and searing him.
She walked out of the Great Hall's doors, and Harry bolted out of his seat. Harry could hear Ron's calls behind him, as he ran out also, following Hermione. Luckily, as he burst out of the Great Hall, Hermione was still walking, making her way through the hall. Hermione froze as she heard the doors open, and quick footsteps. She looked behind her, and saw the raven-haired boy who had managed to plague her mind every single night. Hermione could feel her footsteps become faster, her heart banging so furiously in her chest, throbbing from all the emotions and thoughts rushing back to her, from last night. Suddenly, she realized she had broken into a run, Harry's calls so close behind her. He was fast. She knew she was no match for his long legs.
He grabbed her arm, and twisted her around, holding her by her shoulders to prevent her from trying to run away. Hermione tried to struggle in his grasp, trying to get free, but his grip tightened and she winced. Hermione looked away, but he raised one hand and tilted her chin up, to look up into his eyes. Hermione felt pain, anger, confusion, sadness and guilt rush back to her, as she stared into his dark, cloudy green eyes. He loosened his grip on her arms, as she felt her heart folding, breaking, crumbling into ruins. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. Harry's eyes told her everything she wanted to know, everything that pained her to know. She looked away, tears stinging her eyes. Harry's breaths became shallow, as she felt it on her skin, scarring her, making her skin tingle.
She couldn't look up anymore. She couldn't look up to meet his gaze. It hurt too much.
It was killing her, just being this close to him, not being able to come closer or turn and run away. She could feel her knees buckle, her limbs weakening, her world spinning and swirling into blotted colors. Her hands felt cold, her body quivering, from the sudden warmth he gave her, standing so close. She felt feverish, burning up, but the blood rushing through her veins felt as if they had turned into solid ice. The air pierced through her skin, freezing. His fingers, soft hands smoldered her skin, searing and opening old wounds that hadn't even started to heal. His touch sent flashbacks of their accidental kiss, and she could feel herself breaking down.
"Hermione.." He whispered. Hermione felt as if her shield had been shattered, pieces falling, the sound of breaking glass echoing in her ears. Couldn't he see she was hurt? Couldn't he see that he was the last person she wanted to talk to? Couldn't he see he was bringing so much pain upon her that she just felt like falling on her knees and crying until there wasn't a single tear left? Couldn't he see that?? He couldn't.
Hermione made a choking strangled sound, as she turned away, his hand on her chin left in the air. Harry looked at her, his eyes pleading, full of sadness and perhaps maybe even regret. He couldn't bear to see her like this. But he had to explain, he had to tell her. He had to tell her the kiss had meant something to him, that it wasn't accidental, or a mistake. He had wanted to kiss her, longed to feel her soft lips against his. He had to tell her he wanted to be with her. That he loved her.
"Hermione, what happened-"
"Harry, don't," she said, her voice quiet, but breaking and painful. "Just don't."
Harry stared at her, but spoke again.
"Please, Hermione.. Just please. Let me explain," he said.
"No," she whispered. "I don't want you to explain," she said. She finally looked up, her brown eyes glimmering with a sharp hint of tears, filled with hurt and sadness. Harry felt his heart break at what he saw in them.
"Don't you see, Harry?" She said, her eyes pleading at him. "We're friends. Best friends. It wasn't supposed to happen. You didn't mean it, it was just.. Spur of the moment."
"No!" He said suddenly. He grabbed her by the shoulders, as he looked into her eyes, trying to convince her with everything he had inside of him that he meant it.
"No, that's not it, Hermione," he said to her. "It wasn't a mistake. It wasn't `spur of the moment'. I meant to kiss you, I meant to-"
"No, Harry!" She said, jerking away from his grasp. "You don't understand! There can't be anything between us, ever. We're friends. Nothing more. We can't be anything more, can't you see that?"
"Why?" He cried to her, his voice pained and hurt. Hermione tried to blink back her tears, telling herself she would not cry in front of him. Not in front of Harry. His eyes searched hers, earnest. "Why can't there be anything between us?"
"Because," Hermione said," because there just can't. The kiss meant nothing, to you and me. It was just a mistake, Harry," she said, her voice sounding unconvincing even to her own ears. She sighed, as it came out in short, ragged breaths.
"Harry.. Look around you. There are so many other girls, pretty and smart. So many other girls who would love to be with you, who deserve to be with you. So many girls who are so much better."
Hermione looked at him, her tears fighting to get out.
"Hermione," he whispered. Don't be afraid."
"I'm not afraid."
"You're running away. People only run away because they're afraid."
"I'm not afraid."
"Do you love me?" Hermione felt her heart stop, her knees threatening to give away. She swallowed hard, trying to extinguish the sudden dryness of her throat.
"Do you love me, Hermione?" He asked again. She didn't answer. She couldn't. She just couldn't.
"You're running away because you're afraid. Of change. Of risk."
"I'm not running away. You can't run away from something that was never meant to happen," she choked out. "It was just a mistake. That's all it was."
"How do you know?"
Hermione stayed silent, as she backed away. Harry watched her, screaming at his legs to move, but it seemed as if they were rooted to the ground. Hermione looked back up at him, one last time, before turning away and walking down the corridor, Harry watching her retreating back.
Her words rang in his ears, echoing and filling his soul, hammering everything inside of him down, into ruins.
"I just do."
He sighed, running a hand through his untamed, jet black hair, watching her until she disappeared, not a mere trace left. He took one last look down the empty corridor, before turning and heading back to the Great Hall.