Abundant Skies
Chapter Six: I Know You're Listening
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Hermione felt so guilty about turning Harry down, after all, she did want to be his partner. Really badly. But if only she could tell him why she said no, the truth. She could see in his eyes that he hadn't believed her lame excuse. But she was also slightly irritated at the fact that the only reason he had asked her was because he was guilty about always pairing up with Ron. She didn't need his pity. She had done fine all those times she had worked with Lavender, or even Neville. Harry should've known better, she thought, if he really knew her.
The day went on miserably; Hermione didn't have much to say to anyone, so mostly she kept to herself. The one person she wanted to get so close to so much was the one person she had to stay away from. Life was going just great. At lunch she sat by Ron and Dean. Harry was one person away from her again, and still he managed to plague her thoughts like a virus. She would've sat farther away, maybe next to Ginny and Lavender, but Ron had insisted she sit next to him. And when she looked over to Lavender and Ginny, the seat she had her eye on had already been occupied. So, once again, she knew she was in danger of falling in Harry's gaze. She figured she would just not look up, not towards him, anyway.
She was getting angry at the fact that her little tactic, or strategy was not working at all. She questioned it, at first. How could it not work? What was wrong with it? She had analyzed everything about her situation, every little detail. What could she have possibly missed? She wanted consult someone about it, Lavender, maybe. But she had told her off earlier, saying that it wasn't any of her business. She just didn't know what to do anymore. Her plan had failed. Her feelings for him were just as strong as ever, maybe even stronger. For the first time in her life, Hermione Granger did not know what to do. And it was killing her.
Hermione stabbed at her piece of blueberry pie. She was so frustrated, so stressed about it. She wanted it to go away, she would do anything to make it just disappear. But it was still here; Harry was still always on her mind, every single minute of every day. Harry's smile and twinkling emerald eyes still made her heart stop. His voice still made everything in her melt. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE HARRY POTTER??!! A silly little crush on any other boy would've been better. ANY boy. But in her case, two things were too different. One, despite all her debates with her conscience that it was just a crush, her heart was never in it. She always lost, her heart and conscience proclaiming she loved him ever since she saw him. Hermione hated to agree, but she knew it was the truth, deep down, no matter how much she tried to cover it up, or deny it.
Two, it wasn't just any other boy. It was Harry Potter. Her best friend since first year. The boy who lived. It just wasn't fair. If she went after him, she would be risking everything. But if she didn't, she was miserable and sad. She had herself to blame for her silly little feelings.
Hermione mumbled under her breath, not aware of her little massacre on the poor piece of pie.
"Hermione? Don't you think you're being a little too harsh on the pie?" Hermione looked up, startled by the voice. It was Ron, who was looking a bit unsure, but still had a madman grin on his face.
Hermione looked down on her pie, and blushed furiously. You couldn't even tell it was a piece of pie before, if no one had told you. The blue filling was all over the plate, the crust smashed into crumbs that was beyond any repair. She knew she couldn't even eat it anymore, unless she licked her plate. She put down her fork.
"Oops," she said. Ron chuckled lightly. Hermione could feel a pair of piercing eyes on her, and resisted the urge to look up. She knew who it was. She was NOT going to look up.
"Hermione.. Are you okay? I mean, this past week you've been.. Is everything okay?" Ron asked. Hermione could feel her insides burning up, feeling feverish. Those emerald eyes were still on her.
"I'm fine," she said.
"I don't believe you."
"I'm fine."
"Oh come on, Hermione. You know I know you better than that. You don't avoid us for no reason."
"I haven't been avoiding you," she said, getting slightly irritated.
"That's bollocks. If you haven't been avoiding US, then why have you been avoiding Harry?" Hermione suddenly looked up, her eyes glittering angrily. Why was everyone bugging her about Harry lately? Why? Was she so bloody transparent that they could see right through her?!
She could feel Harry watching her, but she didn't care anymore.
"I have not been avoiding Harry," she said.
"Oh right. So you just haven't felt like talking to him because you didn't feel like it? Did you just run out of things to talk about? How about in Hagrid's class, when you turned him down because you wanted to be Lavender's partner? That's such a dimwit excuse, Hermione."
Hermione stood up, fuming. "Don't expect someone, especially me, to say yes to an offer that was just made out of guilt and pity," she hissed. "And, I am not a dimwit, Ron. Try looking at yourself before saying I'm the one who's stupid," and she grabbed her book bag and strode out of the hall.
Harry stood up and called after her, but she had already gone. He turned to Ron, equally angry.
"Who told you about that," he asked, his voice strained and hard.
"Lavender," Ron answered. "She said she knows there's something up with Hermione."
"Next time, mind your own business," Harry snapped. "Don't stick up for me if you're only trying to hurt or get her to tell the truth." Harry got up from his chair and followed after Hermione, leaving Ron irritated and annoyed.
"I was only trying to bloody help," he muttered under his breath. "They've both gone mad. They're perfect for each other."
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Harry ran through the corridors, looking for Hermione. He took the stair steps two at a time, eager to find her. He was confused at what she had said; "Don't expect someone, especially me, to say yes at an offer that was just made out of guilt and pity." Did she think he only asked her was because he had always paired up with Ron? Harry groaned, as he slowed down, panting.
Maybe that was why she was angry with him. But she had been avoiding him even before that. What else did he do? Harry ran towards the portrait, and said the password, before running in. Harry quickly scanned the common room; she wasn't there. He ran up towards the girl's dormitories, and caught his breath. She had to be in there. He needed to talk to her.
He knocked on the door.
"Hermione?" he said. " Hermione, please open the door." He heard rustling inside, and he knew she was in there. There was silence.
"Hermione, please. I know you're in there. I need to talk to you." Silence. Harry sighed, putting down his hand. He decided to just say it right then and there, because in some strange way, he knew she was listening. Hermione was never the kind of person who plugged her ears with her fingers or put a pillow over her head to try and ignore a person. She had to be listening.
"Hermione.. I'm sorry about what Ron said. I didn't tell him about when I asked you in Hagrid's class, but.. I have noticed that you.. Well, you haven't been.. We haven't been.. Well, like old times. Have we really run out of things to talk about, Hermione? Because I know I haven't. I think you've been avoiding me, always trying to hurry our conversations and sitting anywhere else but beside me. If I've done something to hurt you, please tell me, Hermione.. Because whatever it was, I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I'll never mean to." He sighed. "I hope.. Well, I hope you accept my apology, and.." He smiled faintly.
"You were wrong, you know. About what you said when I asked you to be my partner. I didn't ask you because I felt guilty of all those times I never hesitated to partner up with Ron. It wasn't out of pity either. I asked you because I wanted to be your partner. I wanted to be with you. I'm sorry if it seemed that it was out of guilt, or anything else besides my true purpose." He paused, trying to collect all his thoughts. Something told him to just confess, right then and there, the whole reason that he had asked her. To tell her that he loved her. But he didn't. Not like this.
"Goodnight, Hermione," he said, and turned to head down to his own dormitories.
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Hermione was sitting straight up on her bed, staring at the door, unwavering and never blinking. She heard his footsteps go down the stairs. A faint smile spread across her face, her heart beating fast and hard, and her stomach releasing its warm, bubbly substance, along with the butterflies. She sighed, her smile getting wider. Part of her wanted to go run after him, and just kiss him. But the other part just wanted to lay here and just.. Appreciate this moment. Appreciate Harry. She used to be angry with him, but she just couldn't anymore. His words, everything. They were perfect.
She collapsed, her back against the soft covers of her bed. She stared up at the ceiling, and smiled.
She felt her heart beat faster and harder as she remembered the measly six-worded sentence he had said. Even when he had meant it in the `friendly' way, something deep inside of her wished that he didn't mean it only in that way. She sighed again, the words ringing through her head.
"I wanted to be with you.."