Disclaimer: You know what, surprise, surprise, they're not mine!! And I'm completely wasting my afternoons writing this, cause I'm not getting paid for it either, so don't sue me, please, I don't have any money to give you anyways.
WARNINGS: Okay, no more referring you to the first chapter for the warnings, I just want to put it out there. THIS STORY CONTAINS CUTTING AND SUICIDE THEMES. Most scenes are very graphic and somewhat disturbing; if it's not your thing, please don't read. I'm getting tired of the reviews saying "that's so sick" or "it's a good story, but I really didn't like the whole cutting thing" and then people giving me really low ratings because of it. It's there, and it's not pretty, you've been warned.
Author's notes: I want to give a big thank you to all my reviewers. This is my first fic I wrote, and I'm really trying to make it something that people will want to read, you know. For those of you who expressed concerns about the cutting, it is here to stay, it's a major theme in this story, and it probably will always remain just as graphic. Unfortunately (or fortunately, how ever you want to look at it), I write from experience, so it's hard for me not to describe it the way I do. And after being through it myself in my past, and now working with so many others in the same situation, I just really see it as something that the OotP and post-OotP Harry has the characteristics for. But don't worry, there's going to be smut and romance abound as well, just as soon as I get it written. I'm not sure how long it's going to be between updates, probably not really regular, I work full time and go to school full time, so I write when I feel the inspiration (usually at 3 a.m. the day of a big test or something). Thanks all, and Blessed Be.
***New Beginnings***
Hermione broke down. She was very close to hysterics. Meanwhile, Lupin felt all his instincts from the first war kick in. He grabbed on to Hermione and turned her around with her back to Harry. Holding her shoulders tightly in his hands, he spoke to her firmly, almost harshly.
"Hermione, look at me! Focus, now! This is not the time to panic. I need you to go back to your room and Floo Albus and Poppy, tell them just what you told me; that there's been an emergency with Harry and that we need their assistance. Do Not tell them he is hurt, and you Must remain calm. We don't know what has happened here, and we don't know who's monitoring the Floo network!"
Hermione was still frozen, even if she was no longer hysterical. She was going into shock.
"Hermione, go, NOW!" Lupin roared. At hearing Lupin's voice so intense, she snapped into action. Within seconds, Albus and Poppy were in with Lupin and Harry. Poppy began to tend to Harry and immediately cast a stasis spell. It was then that she noticed his arms. Her rage became clearly evident in her face.
"Why was I not informed of this? This boy needed help; had I been told, he wouldn't be like this now!"
"Hold on a moment, Poppy. Why weren't you informed of what? I was unaware Harry had any physical ailments."
"Not physical, mental. See these marks, these are self inflicted injuries, and they've been here for MONTHS! This poor child has been so lost in his grief that YOU, Albus, insisted we let him cope with on his own, that he has been hurting himself to attempt to deal with the pain." Without waiting for a response, she began to levitate him to the hospital wing, with Lupin and Albus close behind.
"How extensive is the damage, Poppy?" inquired Albus.
"He's lost a lot of blood, not to mention any of the muscle damage he may have caused to his arm."
"Can he be salvaged?"
"I just don't know Albus, he's a boy, not a weapon, he's a living being, I just can't say if I can pull him through or not." She entered the hospital wing and immediately began her work. Lupin grabbed on to Dumbledore's arm and stared him straight in the eye.
"If that boy dies, Albus…"
"War causes casualties, Remus. You know this, young Harry knows this, we just have to accept what comes."
"Merlin help you, if that boy dies, I will rip you limb from limb with my bare hands, werewolf or not," Lupin hissed, and turned to enter the hospital wing.
Albus turned, but instead of heading to the hospital wing, he returned to the head girl's rooms to speak with Hermione. Upon entering, he found Hermione in the common room, just staring blankly into an empty fireplace. He sat down in a chair across from her, and studied her for a moment.'
"Have a lemon drop, my dear," he said, nearly forcing one into her hand. It was common knowledge that Albus' lemon drops were laced with a calming draught, but Hermione thought that maybe she could use a bit of a calming draught at this point.
"We have to talk, my dear," began Albus. Hermione just kind of almost laughed. If that wasn't the understatement of the century.
"How long?" asked Albus.
"How long, what? How long has he hated himself? How long has he wished he didn't have to continue? How long has he wanted to DIE?" replied Hermione, her anger beginning to stumble through the fog of emotions she was surrounded in.
"Calm down. How long has he been hurting himself like this?"
"Oh, that. Well, I guess that depends on what you classify as hurting himself. He began at the beginning of the summer just scratching himself with his nails, barely even breaking the skin. But it got progressively worse, and by a month or so into the summer, I started to notice the real marks, the ones that left those scars."
"So why didn't you owl me? You know the Order moved you and your parents there so you could help watch him. All summer this has been happening, and I never heard a word. Surely you could see that this wasn't right?"
"He's lost everything he can put his faith in. You, Sirius, and when he started dating me, he felt he'd lost Ron, too. The boy had no one. You couldn't expect me to tell you and let you come whisking in there, and take away his faith in the one person he still trusts, did you? He Trusts Me. I don't care what else there is, I won't take that from him, I won't break his heart again."
"I trusted you, Miss Granger. I trusted you enough to move you and your family this summer, I trusted you enough to allow Harry to stay with you in these rooms, even though he wasn't Head Boy, I trusted you enough to watch over him, and TELL ME what was going on!"
"Just as Harry trusted you, you bastard? Harry trusted you to tell him what was going on in his life! He knew NOTHING before he came here and all he had was the information you fed him, and then you manipulated him to your whims and desires. You only told him what you felt it was necessary for him to know. Yeah, trust is a wonderful thing, SIR!"
"MISS GRANGER! No matter what your problems with me may be, now matter what my past indiscretions, I am still the Headmaster of this school, and you will treat me as such, with RESPECT," roared Dumbledore, "I will see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning to discuss this matter further. Goodnight!" In a matter that reminded Hermione very much of Snape, he spun around and in a flurry of bellowing robes, he was gone, leaving her to wonder precisely what in the hell she had done.